Everyone's Dead
Barry White died last night. I'm not a particular fan of him, but....dude........it's barry friggin white. He's a big dude who made it in the recording industry, and you gotta give him props for that. His voice is probably what was playing when you were concieved. I know it's what me and your mom were listening to last night. Shnoogans. Buddy Hackett died too.......which is sad. I was just thinking the other day what the hell happened to buddy hackett. Damn.......next thing you'll tell me is Cathrine Hepburn died too.....

Quick and Cheap joke........kinda like you like your women I hear.

Joe Smith, same old joe from the joke below, had a dream. In fact it was the night after his milk man died. He wasn't a particularly religious man, but in this dream, he found himself walking on clouds, bathed in golden sunlight, dress in a pair of jeans and a relaxed white button down shirt. He could hear "A Whiter Shade of Pale" pumped in gently on unseen speakers. He came to a set of immaculate gates inlaid with pearls, and they openned up slowly for him. He was blinded from the light behind the gates, until his eyes adjusted. Once they did he was looking at and aging black man in comfortably tattered clothes playing a guitar sitting on a beaten up bar stool. Without looking up the man on the barstool said "Hey joe.....How do you like the place"

Joe was awestruck. He didn't know the first thing to say he opened his mouth and the first thing that came out was "Who are you?" The answer was simple "If you don't know that then maybe this isn't your stop" Joe quickly corrected "I mean what should I call you" The old man stopped for a second and after a thought he shook his head with a shrug "Whatever you want really.....I love ya all the same" Joe smiled at the thought then suddenly remembered his family "Am I --"

"Dead? No not dead. Just dreaming." He went back to his guitar " You've got a lovely daughter there Joe, and you had your balls right against the ban saw" The old man chuckled at the thought of it "I figured I'd give you a chance to make it up to you. Three questions. That's it." Joe opened his mouth with a confused look on his face "Is that one of your questions?" Asked God, not looking up at all

Joe suddenly had an idea from something he remembered in sunday school. But he had to be sure first "A million years is a really long time to me, how long is it to you?" God stopped for a second and thought "'bout a second" then he went back to his guitar. Joe smiled "A trillion dollars is a lot of money to me, what's it like to you?" God smiled without looking up "I'd say around a penny"

Joe smiled wider "Can I have a penny?"
God looked up flatly and put down the guitar "In a second" and suddenly Joe's alarm went off.