1. Ask him why he doesn't have such a cool scar.

2. Ask him if he has any grey poupon.

3. Wake him up by singing Aretha Franklin, "I will survive..."

4. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

5. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Teach him how to spit tobacco.

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Ever?'

29. Tell him he should really try the 12-step program (baby steps) for Evil Overlords - Evil Overlords Anonymous.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.

36. Tell him you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'

51. Give him a copy of Peter's Evil Overlord List and tell him to follow it.

52. Take him to an orphanage. Watch him squirm.

53. Spend every alternate minute suggesting that he change his name to something slightly more evil, like 'Boris McMurder', 'Count Agony' or 'Gary'.

54. Show his Death Eater cronies all of those amusing pictures of him funk-dancing with Cornelius Fudge.

55. Consistently bug him with snide comments about how phoenix wands are 'wussy'.

56. Enchant all of his most sinister black robes to randomly flash the words 'Muggles Rule' in pink lettering.

57. Officially re-enchant the Dark Mark to resemble something more chipper - like a family of beavers on a cloud.

58. Force him to read Moby Dick or The Old Man and the Sea

59. Tie a pink bow around his wand. If he asks, tell him you wanted to make it look pretty.

60. Ask him if his Mother taught him any manners.

61. After realising what you just said add a little 'oops'.

62. When he mentions ' Potter' sigh and mutter 'here we go again'

63. When ever he is speaking imitate him hissing.

64. Wear your 'I'm With Stupid' T-shirt to all Death Eater meetings and make sure you stand next to Voldie

65. Ask him if he could get you Harry Potter's signature next time he fails to kill him and slinks back to his lair in defeat.

66. Tell Voldie that you are defecting to the Light side because despite the fact that Dumbledore is off his rocker and the Trio are hormonal teenagers... it is less emabaressing to be seen in public with them.

67. Point out that he is a half-blood, not a pure-blood. Repeat this everytime you feel like it. Be sure to point this out in his death-eater meetings.

68. Suggest he see a therapist.

69. Buy him a Harry Potter calender, alarm clock, blanket, game, figurine, etc.

70. Call him Harry Potter's best friend.

71. EVERY TIME HE WALKS IN A ROOM, START SINGING, "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES" OVER AND OVER AND OVER YOU GET THE POINT...

72. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN BREAK INTO "I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCOANUTS

73. Giggle whenever he talks to you

74. Hand out pamphlets to the death eaters about anger management classes

75. Suggest that the death eaters host a Tupperware party

76. Give him an invitation to your birthday party

77. Hang mistletoe all over the ceiling of death eater headquarters

78. Tell him that he needs a vacation and send him to Disney World

79. Hand out smiley face stickers

80. Yell Booooo! and throw Harry Potter collectibles at him whenever he comes up with an idea

81. In the middle of one of his speeches raise your hand and ask if you can go to the little girl or boys room

82. Give him bunny slippers

83. Put his name into a dating service. Insist that it is for his own good.

84. Ask where he got those 'smashing red contact lenses'.

85. Set up rat traps around HQ(that's one for Peter, too! )

86. Tell Voldie that if he *really* wants to complete the evil look, he needs to get himself a hook-hand.

87. Always eat garlic. And cabbages. And bleu cheese. When people start complaining about the smell, cast a significant glance at Voldemort. Be sure to roll your eyes.

88. Put a psychologist-style couch in his lair. Get him to lie down. Ask him to tell you about his mother.

89. Blink rapidly all the time.

90. When Voldemort declares nothing and no one can stop him, fake cough. Make your cough sound like "Harry Potter" or "Dumbledore"

91. When he declares that no one leaves his services, remind him of Snape and Karkaroff. Remind him that he spent 13 years living in rats and before anyone came looking for him.

92. Eat cheetoes and rub the orange gook on all his furniture.

93. When he is going over his evil plan say things like 'Yeah', 'Uh-huh' and 'And then?' After every other sentence he says.

94. When he tells you to do something ask him why about 20 times then cheerfully say 'Ok!' And then go do it.

95. Take him to see Santa at the mall. make him sit on Santa's lap and every time that Voldie says something about conquering the world or killing Harry Potter say "Now Tommy, that's not very nice "

96. Organize a bake sale to raise money for him to get a nose job.

97. Make him a "Support Harry Potter" badge and magic it onto his robes so it can't fall off.

98. Hire Muggle caterers for every Death Eater meeting.

99. Suggest several fashion designers to help redesign the Death Eater uniform, since hoods and masks are so passe.

100. Reenact all of Shakespeare's Henrys in mime.

101. Shove a dancing Dumbledore in front of his face.

102. Give him a mirror

103.After all of this - make absolutely sure to tell him that you will never leave his side ever again. Watch him commit suicide.