Wishing Heart
"If you don't know what you're missing cause you don't know where to start, follow your wishing heart. If it doesn't brush my shoulder, then it doesn't beat my heart, that's not what I want, that's not what I will start. I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart, that's not what I want."
~lisa loeb
"Do you ever wonder why girls are as strange as they are?" A fifteen-year-old Zac Hanson asked.
"Zac, hello, I am a girl!" She said. When is he going to realize it? She asked herself, kicking at a fly on her leg.
Quinn and Zac had been sitting under the shade of a tree in his backyard, just after Zac's girlfriend, Heather, cheated on him, then dumped him.
"Well, could you give me a few pointers, cause I sure as hell can't figure you guys out!" He said, throwing up his hands in exasperation.
"Well, I don't think you did anything really bad. She was just a skank." Quinn said simply. She almost took you under hostage. She thought.
"Well…She was a nice skank!" Zac defended his taste.
"Yeah, that's my point…she was a skank. No such thing, hun."
"Well…Well…it was her nature."
"What, to run around behind her perfectly good boyfriend's back, and then cheating on him with one of his best friends?" He deserves better. She thought.
"Well, yeah." He said hesitantly. "I guess you have a point. But, she could have told me she didn't want to go out with me anymore! Jeez, I wouldn't have been mad if she would have just broke it off with me, and THEN gone out with Brain, well, then I wouldn't have minded so much, but no…" he trailed off, lost in his own thoughts.
He continued. "Now, not only have I lost one hell of a hot girlfriend, I've lost my best friend."
Quinn proceeded in sharply jabbing him in the side.
"OUCH! Okay, okay, sorry. ONE of my best friends."
She settled back into her previous position, leaning back to back with him. One day, I'll come back, looking great, and I'll show Zac Hanson just how much of a girl I am. Yeah, that's right. I'll come back to Tulsa looking all hot…and he'll…have a wife and ten kids. She thought to herself with a sigh.
Quinn was a very original person. Well, she had to be, to put up with Zac as long as she did. She was terribly skinny, with cinnamon colored hair, styled in a boyish cut, barely touching her ears. She was around 5'3", and always wore baggy clothes, and always was trying to out hit, outrun, or outsmart any guy. She was always willing to give Zac a hard time, because she had always done that, except now things were different.
Even if she was a tomboy, couldn't she still admire her best friend? She had only had these feelings for a few months, and didn't really know how to deal with it. She couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was, even for a boy. He had chin length blonde hair, clear brown eyes, was nearly six feet tall, and was built up amazingly well for a 15 year old. But, until she knew how to unleash her feelings, she decided to keep them to herself. So the best way to do that, she figured, was to act like herself. That should fool him for awhile, right?
"That's what you get for having a big head." She said, nonchalantly. He'll miss me when I'm gone, she thought. Oh would he ever.
"Well, hey, Miss "I know everything". When's the last time you've had a boyfriend?
"Never, I'm happy to say." She said. If only…she thought.
"Oh, and you call ME pathetic."
"Hey, have you seen some of the brain dead mutants I go to school with? You'd be single too. Besides, I've got better things to think about."
"Like what?" He challenged.
"Oh, things." She said, trying to act casual. He apparently bought the act and was silent for a moment.
"Quinn?" He asked, breaking the silence.
"What?" She asked, turning to look at him.
"Are you a lesbian?" He asked.
"AAARRRRHHHH!!!!! That's it, Zac Hanson. I've had it with you." She screamed, and stomped out of the yard.
Zac laughed quietly used to her shows of 'affection' for him. She would be back. Oh yeah. She would be back.
"Sheesh, can you take your Midol BEFORE you come over here? God, least she didn't slap me this time." He said with a quiet laugh to himself.
Quinn, hearing this, spun on her heel, reeling around, and stomped back to him. She stood in front of him and professionally slapped him across the face, sending him reeling back onto the ground. With that, she proceeded out of the yard.
Mrs. Hanson watched from the window. She shook her head, wondering if Zac would ever learn to hold his tongue that got him in trouble with Quinn so often.
"Quinn, hey, Quinn, stop, stop, I didn't mean it, really".
She turned to glare at him. He immediately backed off, remembering to keep his distance if he ever wanted kids.
"Zac, I just can't believe you." She shouted over her shoulder. They walked in silence for a few moments.
"Is it safe for me to come up there to walk with you yet?" He called out after two blocks went by.
"Yeah, I guess, but keep a four foot distance." She said, not turning around. Zac respected this, and took note of how far away to walk.
"I'm sorry, Quinn. I really didn't mean to call you a lesbian."
"What if I was? Would you not hang out with me anymore?"
"No, no, that's fine, no, I wouldn't have any problems with it!" He shrieked so that his voice squeaked.
They walked in silence again. She turned around, causing Zac to almost fall on his face.
She glared hard at him. He gave a look of pure terror back. The six-foot boy towered above her by at least a foot, but he was petrified see what was to come next.
Her icy face then turned into a smile.
"Zac, you dork, you actually thought I was gay? No." She said with a laugh. She knocked him on the shoulder.
"ARH!" He yelled. The sun was starting to set over Tulsa, and they had yet to walk home. Quinn lived three houses down and across the street from him, so they walked together. Or, more like he followed her home.
She was marveling over her control, and he was fuming of his lack of. I can't even control a relationship with my best friend. God, Zac, man, what's happened? You can't even boss that little twerp around anymore.
He was mad, but then, that was always how things had been, and how things were probably going to be. When they finally reached her house, it was nearly dark, and Zac was mentally tired from arguing with Quinn.
She walked up to the door, and turned around. He stood behind her, waiting. She stood on her tiptoes, and wrapped her arms around his neck, engulfing him in a big hug. He instantly hugged back, lifting her off her feet.
"Zac?" She asked.
"Yeah?"
"What would you do without me?" She said, jumping down with a smile.
"My entire existence would no longer be." He said, laughing.
"Yeah, you got that right!" She said, slapping him on the shoulder.
"You coming over, aren't you?
"Yeah, I guess." He said.
"Ok."
"So, regular time?" He said, digging into the brick crevice of her front porch with the toe of his shoe.
"Yeah, but not after one. I'm really tired." Quinn said, opening her door.
"Okay, see ya!"
"Bye." With that, she went up to her room, and he walked into the dark toward his house. His mother would be wondering where he was, since he had even skipped dinner while he was with Quinn. Again. He sighed. Would she ever change?
Quinn stomped up the steps, passing the doors of her brothers. The first door to the left was the bathroom, and then there was Kenny and Kevin's room, the twins, who were eleven. Next were Ethan and Andy's room. Ethan was a 20, and Kevin was 18. Across the hall were Derek and Alex's room, and then her father's room. Derek was 16, and Alex was 13. They had a younger brother whose room was next to theirs, Eric, who was 12.
Quinn's room was at the end of the hall, and she got her own because she was the girl. She took a shower, and then walked down the dimly lit hallway. Pictures of their family were covering the walls. There were school pictures, professionally shot pictures, and just pictures that captured any special moments. The one that usually caught her eye was the picture of her mother.
She knew very little about her mother, only that she was just like Quinn, strong, loud, bossy, and very tomboyish. Her father said that they would have gotten along very well.
Her mother had died when Quinn was only five. She had never had a real mother, and that was why she depended on Mrs. Hanson so much. When her mother died, Quinn's father had decided to move the kids back to where they he and her mother had grown up, which were Tulsa, Oklahoma. He knew he couldn't raise seven kids himself, so he moved when Diana called him around the time of his wife's death. She had convinced him to move, and he had never regretted it.
Quinn walked into her room, and flopped on her bed. She got an idea, then jumped up to her closet he rummaged in her closet until she found what she was looking for. She sat back on her heels after a few minutes, and pulled out her old photo album.
She put it on her bedside table, saving it for later when Zac was there. She glanced at her clock, and saw that it was only eight thirty. She shuffled downstairs, and went straight to the kitchen. She pried open the refrigerator, and selected a soda and a cheese stick. She then went down into their spacious basement, which had since become their TV/rec. room.
She went over to the couch and flopped down, then flipped on the TV. She was debating on how to tell him something that would greatly affect them both for a long time. It wasn't an easy thing to say, no matter how she planned on wording it. Well, she'd worry about it when he came over. She contented herself with a Daria marathon for two hours, and was almost asleep, when she heard the familiar thump of a ladder being thudded against the side of the house.
Her father, Alan, just happened to be walking by his daughter's room, when he heard the thud also. It was coming from his daughter's room, and he knew she was in the basement. He looked at his watch, seeing that it was almost midnight. He instantly shamed himself for forgetting, and peeked in her room.
"Um, Zac?" He called into the dark room.
"Yeah." A struggling voice said.
"You can use the front door. That's okay." He said, smiling to himself.
"Nah, thanks, Mr. J. I'm fine."
"Okay, but the door is always an option."
"Okay, I'll remember that." He said, and continued his trek.
"Alright." Alan said, shaking his head.
Just at the moment, Quinn raced upstairs, and flipped on the light.
"Zac, the whole neighborhood knows that you climb that damn ladder every night and come into my room! Use the door!"
"Nah, I'm fine. Here to visit!" He said, throwing his arms in the air.
Quinn reached over and poked him in the stomach, causing him to topple over with a giggle. She laughed at his 'manliness' and went to sit on her bed.
"So, what do you wanna do?" He asked, sitting on the floor, leaning on the bed.
"Well, I found this earlier, and I wanted to show it to you. It's my old photo album."
"Oh, cool. Am I in it?" He asked, sitting up so he could see.
"Of course, you dork."
"Let's go through it. I wanna see how cute I was." Zac said.
"Yeah, I'm sure." Quinn said, rolling her eyes.
"Just open it!" He said, giving her a gentle shove.
She opened the cover, and looked at the first picture. It was of her and him, just sitting on the tire swing in the Hanson's back yard. She laughed when she saw it, because the picture was taken right before they both fell off in a dizzy heap on the ground. For the next two hours, they sat on her bed and looked through the old album. It contained pictures of her first day of school, where he had cried endlessly, and pictures from Hanson's first gig, and of course, lot of pictures of their families together.
After a few hours, Quinn got up and turned off her lights, and then made her way over to her desk, where she had her light up globe. She flipped it on, then went back to the bed where he was sprawled out.
"Hey Quinn?" He asked to the darkness.
"Yeah?" She said.
"Why do you never act like a girl?" He asked, afraid of the answer.
"I do." She said, taken back at such a question.
"Well, sometimes you don't. I mean, I'm like, your only friend, and I'm a guy. Don't you find that the least bit weird?" He said.
"Well, I've never thought about it before." She said
"Oh." He said.
"Do you want me to stop hanging around you?"
"No!" He said quickly, knowing he couldn't handle that. Quinn was like his security blanket. He couldn't go through at least and hour without thinking about her. They were so close. He laughed at himself for being so dependent on her.
"Oh, well, what did you mean?"
"Oh, nothing." He said quickly, not really wanting to talk about it anymore.
"Can I tell you something?" She asked.
"Yeah, anything." He said.
Here it goes, she thought.
"Well, don't take this too hard, but I'm going away. For three years."
"What? What the hell for?" He asked, alarmed.
"Well, my dad wants to send me to Michigan to keep my grandmother company. She's too old to take care of herself, and she doesn't want hired help or a nursing home. I'm going to an all girls' school. It'll be good for me. Teach me a few things." She said, trying to act like it was no big deal.
"No, Quinn, you can't go! You just can't! I need you here with me!" He said, the tears already forming in his eyes.
"It may not even be for that long! Just three years, tops! You're going to be on tour, and working on the new album, and you won't have time for me anyway!" Quinn said quietly.
"I've always made time for you!" He said, blinking wildly.
"Yeah, but it would be good. I'll come back totally different." She said, trying to remain calm.
"No, Quinn! You can't! I don't want you to change." He said, grabbing her hand, and shaking it loosely in his.
"Well, I have to. I want to go. I need to go. I'll be back. I'm leaving next week." She said, breaking the news quickly.
"Oh." He said quietly.
"It won't be that bad. I will be back. I'm always going to be in your life. You're stuck with me, Zachary. Forever."
"Yeah, forever." He said, liking the sound of it.
"Ok. Hey, it's almost two, don't you think you should be getting back?" She asked, looking at her glowing clock.
"Yeah, I guess." He said, lifting himself from her bed.
"Alright, we'll do something every day until I leave, okay?" She said.
"Okay." He said, putting his sneakers back on.
He got up, and gave her a hug, then climbed down the ladder, putting in his 'hiding spot' in the bushes.
Quinn felt terrible as she watched him walk back to his own house. She really didn't want to go, but she needed to grow up, and leaving was the only way she knew how to.
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The days before Quinn left were hell for Zachary. He was busy trying to figure out what in the hell he was going to do without his best friend.
He had other guy friends, but none of them would sit for hours on end and just talk to him. They were too busy for him anyway. He always had Taylor and Isaac. But what if that wasn't enough? Why didn't she tell me sooner? I hope she doesn't change. I don't want her too. God, I'm already a mess, and she hasn't even left yet.
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The night before Quinn was to leave, Zachary was a mess. He couldn't eat, sleep, or even read. It was too late to play his drums, so he went to her house, and lifted the ladder from the bushes, lying it against the house, quietly this time. He climbed it, the tears already starting to flow. He opened her window, knowing already that it was unlocked. He slid it up, then climbed inside, and walked over to Quinn's bed, where she was fast asleep.
He looked around her room, seeing that her posters were all up still, and everything was in place. She only took her CDs and a few other things. She said that if he ever missed her, he was welcome to go over to her house and stay in her room for as long as he liked. He already planned on doing so.
She was burrowed under her blanket, except for her head. Her brown hair was tousled and messy, but her breathing was light. Zachary just stood and looked at her for a few moments. Quinn, sensing she was being watched, opened her eyes. From the faint glow coming from the street lamp outside, she saw his outline, and lifted her head.
"Zachary, what are you doing here?" She asked quietly, still half asleep.
"Quinn, you can't leave me. Not for three years. I can't handle that. I'm going to miss you so much." He said, the tears slowly starting to slide down his face. Quinn could count on one hand the number of times she had seen him cry, so she knew he was truly sincere. She lifted up her covers, inviting him in. He slipped off his shoes and his jacket, and climbed in with her. He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled the covers up.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me." He said. "You can't go. Not now. I need you most now. You're my best friend, Quinn." He said.
"I know." She said, wanting to cancel, but she knew it was too late. "I don't know what I'm going to do either. I'll miss you too." She said, hugging him tighter.
They stayed the whole night in each other's arms, not as two awkward teenagers, but as two little kids whose worlds were being split in two.
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She had been gone for five months, and he was in agony. Michigan was too far away too call often, and she didn't have access to a computer. They had to rely on the mail for communication. He missed her more than he even thought possible. He hadn't made any new friends yet, despite the parties his brothers had taken him to. He just couldn't.
He longed for her. He wanted to hear her voice, see her trip over her own long legs, and to even watch her eat lemon after lemon with him. He had never met a single person in the world who would sit with him and eat lemon after lemon until they were sick. That was one of the million things he left.
He kept waiting for the phone to ring every three hours. He wanted to climb the ladder every night. He wanted to hear her loud voice, hear her jumping down the stairs in his front hall three at a time. He wanted to get his butt kicked at every sport and game. He wanted his best friend back.
It was now Christmas Eve, and everyone had already gone to sleep. He slipped on some jeans and a long sleeved shirt, not even bothering to pull back his hair. He slipped on his boots, and grabbed a jacket. He quietly opened his back door, cutting through the dark neighborhood, the snow softly falling all around him. The already fallen snow crunched under his feet as he put the ladder up to the side of her empty house. Her family had gone upstate to visit some friends, and they were driving back the next day to visit the Hansons. He climbed in her window, and slowly closed it. He turned on her lights, and sat in her room. He sat at her desk, and looked at her journal. She said he could read it, so he didn't feel nearly as guilty for reading it like he did when he was ten.
He flipped through various entries, until one particular one caught his eye. It had his name mentioned several times, so naturally, he stopped to read it.
May 29, 2001, 3am.
Dear Journal,
Zachary just left, and I'm sitting up because I can't sleep, or, I don't want to. I really should tell him how I feel, but I can't.
This looked juicy. Should he read it? His mind raced. Well, she had, left it for him to read, if he felt lonely. His eyes tilted downward, and he read on.
The only reason I don't is because I don't think he would let me live it down if I did. I'm scared, journal. What it slips? Can he already tell? No, he would have said something, I'm sure. I don't know what he would say if he knew that I liked him. I just don't know what to do. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon, and before he runs away with some bimbo. God, I don't stand a chance.
Later,
Quinn
Oh my. Oh my my! He thought. She likes me? Since when? She didn't stand a chance? He had no idea? Oh, now he knew why she left. She couldn't bear to watch him. Or could she? Why didn't she say anything? A million questions flew through his head.
After flipping through the pages, he found that A; she had like him since last October, and B: she was bitterly insulted every time he got a new girlfriend, and C; she wanted it to stay a secret, for fear of hurting their friendship. He had screwed up. Big time. And now, she was gone for three years. Three whole years.
He decided to keep his discovery a secret. He looked at the clock. It was time. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and dialed the number. The bill was going to be outrageous, and his mother would kill him, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to do it, and she had agreed to the idea wholeheartedly in the letter. He waited. It rang once, half a ring, before someone whipped the phone up.
"Zachary?" She said breathlessly.
"Quinn?" He said, not believing it was her. It was really her.
"It's me." She said.
They ended up talking for nearly two hours, just filing each other in on what had happened. She still had the same haircut, she still hated school, and she still missed her best friend.
"Only eight hundred and forty seven days till I come home." She said.
"I'm counting too."
"I feel so loved."
"I miss you so much it hurts. Do you still eat lemons?" He asked.
"Yeah, of course! I miss you too. I'm dying. I haven't made any friends. I made the soccer, tennis, and basketball teams though." She said, halfheartedly.
The conversation ended with her crying, and him near it. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was near five in the morning. He had better get back. He glanced around her room one more time, and climbed out the window, and put the ladder back. He stood on the back porch of his house, and looked out at the morning sky, which was still mostly black, but hints of gold and yellow were starting to appear. He swore he could feel his heart breaking, right in his chest.
He knew she would be back someday, and until that day, eight hundred and forty seven days from now to be exact, part of him would still be missing.
DO YA WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? WELL YOU CAN, IN THE UPCOMING 'VIVA ROCK STARS!' (coming 5/18) LOOK FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!
mail me @ morisstories@hotmail.com
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book two (I want you to want me)
book three (Viva Rock Stars!)
Email: morisstories@hotmail.com