Title: Maybe.. Just Once
Pairing: Kev/Nicky, AJ/Brian
Author: Jules
Feedback: Send Here
Rating: Im'a say R... don't understand that NC-17 stuff
Disclaimer: If the first part never happened... then this part sure as hell never happened... Just something I came up with while in an elevator and ran with it...
Chapter 4~Brian~
Am I the only normal one around here? Some days I think I am. Howie's never to be found, and when we do find him, he's always on the phone, or too busy to really pay attention to what you're talking to him about. And then AJ... Something is definitely up with him. He's barely said a word to anyone about anything for the past few days. He's been avoiding Nick and Kevin like the plague. That's another thing. Nick and Kevin. Since when were Nick and Kevin, Nick and Kevin? It's always been me and Nick. Frick and Frack. What is going on there? If I didn't know better, I'd think that something serious was happening there. But I do know better. Don't I? I looked from AJ to Nick to Kevin and sighed. It really sucked being the responsible one. The dependable one. The predictable one. Me.
I kept thinking about what Kev said about going to the gay bar. For some reason I didn't think he was joking. He was trying to psych me out. Tell me the truth because I'm not expecting it. I'd automatically assume that he was joking. I know Nick has gone to them before, he'd always tell me about it when he came back. What it was like, what type of people he'd see there, how he felt so comfortable and anonymous there. It didn't matter who you were, what you were, everyone did their own thing. But Kevin? AJ? Kevin AND AJ with Nick? I was giving myself a headache just thinking about it all.
~AJ~
I can't avoid them forever. Even though I want to, I can't. I have to talk to them, have to see them. They're my best friends for crying out loud. I still can't get it out of my head, how unbelievable the whole experience was. How hot it was to feel them grinding up on me, Kevin's crotch in my ass, Nick's hard chest under my hands. Just watching them kiss was enough to fuel some pretty wet dreams. I knew that they hadn't done it to be cruel. I just don't know WHY they did do it. Did they know more than they want me to believe? I mean, I've sorta known for a while that I'm bisexual, interested in men and women but I haven't told anyone that. Haven't even hinted. It was more of the opposite actually. I worship women. I love the curves, the way they move, feel, smell, everything. But there is something strangely erotic about a man's body though too. Something I had so desperately wanted to explore, and they gave me that opportunity at the bar that night.
FUCK! I don't know what I should do. Who do I turn to? I know that if I went to Nick or Kevin they'd help me. Hell, if anyone would understand it was them, but I don't want them to think that's the only reason I'm hanging out with them. I don't want them to think... I don't know what I want them to think. All I know is that I'm going absolutely crazy here. Shit. I can see Kevin getting up from his chair and stride purposely over to where I am sitting. Shit shit shit. He's coming over here. What do I say? What do I do? I know they know I've been avoiding them...
~Kevin~
I could see the inner turmoil that AJ was fighting. He was embarrassed by what had happened the other night, but also knew he had nothing to be embarrassed about. He knew that we really didn't care. Well, it's not that we didn't care...but it wasn't a big deal. So he'd been dancing with us and got off on it. Fuck...I'd say that was on one of the top 10 erotic experiences I have ever had. But I think he thought he should be embarrassed by it. That, that was the logical reaction. Within his inner conflict I saw him look at Brian, his gaze lingering, something flashing across his eyes. That caught my attention and I sat up. I looked at Brian who had no clue the younger man was watching him. Studying him. I chuckled, getting an amused look from Nick I squeezed his thigh and stood up. This ended here. I was going to go up and have a chat with him. Now if only I knew what to say. Here goes.
I sat next to AJ and smiled at him. "Hey." He exhaled the breath he was holding and smiled nervously. "What's up bro?" He was trying not to show me that he was nervous. He looked cute when he was nervous. He bit his lip and I wondered if he knew how hot he was when he did that. Made me want to lean in and just lick the lip, take it between my own teeth. I looked over at Nick and saw him watching AJ as well. I laughed knowing that Nick was having the exact same thoughts about AJ's mouth that I was. AJ looked at me strangely and I felt him physically relax.
"You okay Bone?"
"Umm, why wouldn't I be?" I could tell he was trying to be cool about it. Act like he didn't know what I was talking about.
"Are you okay about the other night? I hope we didn't freak you out too much."
"Nah man. I just have some issues I need to deal with. It had nothing to do with you guys."
I faked a look of disappointment. "It didn't? We didn't have just a little to do with your...discomfort at the bar?" I was flirting with him and his eyes flew open, a look of shock etched on his face.
When he saw I was kidding he laughed. I was so happy to see him laugh again, it had been a while. "Fuck Train. Yeah...maybe you had a little to do with it. Nicky on the other hand..." He wiggled his eyebrows and relief washed over me. It was going to be okay. We were okay.
"You know that we're here right? If you need to talk." I reached over and touched his knee. He didn't flinch like I was expecting him to.
"Yeah. I know Kev. It's just...hard."
"Well..if you don't feel comfortable talking to both of us, I'm always here for you. To listen. It's always easier when you know that the person's gone through it before." I hope he understood that I was telling him I knew. I know and it's okay.
"Yeah Kev. I know." He smiled at me and paused. I knew he was thinking about what he wanted to say next.
"It's just...something I want to figure out on my own. At least for now."
We sat there for a few minutes, unspoken words hovering over our heads. I knew he was going to be okay. And if he wasn't...he knew where to find me.
~Nick~
He's so beautiful. So wonderfully, fantastically beautiful. I can't help but watch Kevin talk to AJ and be amazed at just what an awesome person he is. I don't know what they're talking about, but I assume it has to do with what had happened at the bar the other night. Before Kevin and I started dating, I know that they were close. AJ has been through a lot, and Kevin was always there for him. When AJ had problems with his father, Kev was there to hold him as he cried, assure him that everything was going to be okay, told him stories of what a good father is like, assuring him that no matter how shitty his own father was, he would be a better one. They talked about everything and I knew that if anyone would be able to get through to AJ, if anyone would be able to reassure AJ that everything was cool, it would be Kevin.
I sighed, smiling at how the light hit Kevin. How his hair shone giving him an almost glowing aura around him. I hope that AJ finds someone as special as Kevin, man or woman. He deserved it.
I noticed that during their conversation, AJ kept looking at Brian. At first it was nothing, and I just assumed he was too embarrassed to look Kevin in the eye, but then it became more than that. Brian would do something, and AJ's eyes would follow him across the room. Linger. Examine. I smiled and wondered if AJ himself was aware that he was watching Brian so intently. This could be interesting.
~Brian~
Why the heck is Nick watching AJ and Kevin like that? He looks as if he's in another world, another planet. And what are they talking about anyways? I noticed how uncomfortable AJ looked as Kevin approached him, but he seems okay now. Carefree even. Whatever it is it must be nothing. I think I need some water.
As I'm walking across the room I can feel a pair of eyes on me, watching me. Looking around my eyes meet AJ's and he smiles at me, causing me to smile back. I don't know if it's the lighting in the room or what, but he seems to be glowing almost. And suddenly I notice how attractive AJ is. Why doesn't he have a girlfriend I wonder. It's been a while since he's been with anyone and it doesn't make sense. He's the type of guy that you can't help but want. He's in great shape, beautiful expressive eyes, a laugh that flows through your veins making you laugh as well. What the hell am I thinking? I had to shake my head to wake myself up. I was completely losing it. I looked away quickly, hoping he didn't see what was in my eyes...my thoughts. I needed to call Leigh. It had been a few days since we'd talked and I wanted to know what she was up to. Hear her voice. Reassure myself that everything was okay, because for some reason, it didn't feel that way right now.
~Howie~
I looked at Nick who was watching Kevin look at him. Their gazes locked, love passing between them. A love they thought no one knew about. I then turned my attention on AJ, who was watching Brian pretend he didn't know AJ was watching him. And when Brian knew AJ wasn't looking, I watched him watch AJ, a look of confusion and unsure lust cross his features. And then I watched Brian pull out his cell phone.
Probably to call Leighanne, as if she could help him now. He was too far gone for her to do any good. Shaking my head I pressed the End Call button on my cell phone, thinking. I think about a lot of things. I think about how I know they think I have no idea what is going on half the time. I think about how no one ever tells me anything, and just assumes that I don't care. But most of all I think about how fucking ironic this all is. The Backstreet Boy who everyone in the free world thinks is gay, is in the proverbial closet if you will is the only one that is straight. Smiling I sit back and watched, this is going to be good!