Title: Desert Thoughts
Series: Our Wicked Ways
Author: Aceetha/Dawn
E-Mail: shyspyke@toowicked.com
Disclaimer: This is pure fiction. Nothing in this story happened. I don't know the BSB's. If I did I wouldn't be sitting here writing this alright.
Rating: PG for now, will be NC-17
Pairing: Nick/Brian
Summary: On the way to a new show, Nick is thinking about the way he feels about Brian.
Notes: Starts out in early Spring of 2000, with the end of the second leg of the Millennium Tour in the US. I don't know all the venues and dates, so I made that up. Written from both Brian and Nick's point of view.
If I have to sit one more second on this bus I'm gonna freakin' die. We're driving somewhere in the deserts between LA and Vegas, on our way to yet another show, and yet another screaming crowd. Not that I mind, I love the fans, it's the presence of the others that take it's toll on me.Or rather, one of the others. That would be Brian. He's sitting in the chair right to my left, but I try not to look at him. So I stare out the window instead, at absolutely nothing.
But it's too boring, and I know that sooner or later I will have to look at him, so I turn. My eyes meets his at once, as if he has been staring at me. Probably wondering what I was looking out the window for.
"So, back with the living now?" he says, cheerful as ever, smiling.
"Yeah. I spaced off there didn't I" I answer, not taking my eyes away from his, not able to.
"You could say that"
Then he looks away, his head once again buried in the book he is reading. Leighanne bought it for him last week, and he is determened to read the entire thing before he meets her again, which means he has about four hours.
I pray that she is not there when we arrive, that her plane was delayed, if only for an hour, the night. Anything to have Brian to myself for a little more time.
It's been like this for the last three months now, this constant looking at Brian, trying not to let the others see. I found out when I was eighteen that I was gay, or possibly bi, either way, I have now managed to get a crush on my best friend, that would be Brian, you know the one who is going to get married in September.
I can't tell him, after all, he is straight, and besides, that would totally ruin the whole friendship. I haven't dared to tell anyone actually. I continued to date Mandy for a while, but I broke it off with her when I found out about my crush on Brian. She don't know, and I hope she never has to find out, not until I am ready to tell the world.
I know our fans will understand, or most of them anyway. But the media, critics, they will make a huge deal out of it, and I don't want that. I just want to live my life, be me.
"God you're off today man"
I turn to the voice, it's Kevin. He's standing over me and staring at me, shaking his head with a huge smile on his face.
"I guess" I answer, not quite sure what to say. Had he seen me stare at Brain? Did he know? "Well wake up, we'll be there in less than three hours, and you still need to get some new clothes on."
"Right" I say as I look down at myt outfit. Dirty sweat pants and a three day old wifebeater. Yeah, I should change. The only problem is that I have no clean clothes. I tell Kevin that, and he goes serious on me. Oh no, not another speech.
"Nick, what have I told you about this. You need to clean your clothes. You can't just wear them and then throw them somewhere. You wanted to be more independent on this tour, which means you have to wash your own clothes. Now, next time we stop......"
I'm not listening anymore. I've heard this one a hundred times before, and I am getting tired of it. I look over at Brian again, and meet his eyes. He's doing the best he can to keep from laughing, and I have to do the same. Man he is hot when he does that. For a second I have to fight the urge to lean over and kiss him. I've had to do that alot lately.
"Are you listening to me" Kevin asks. He finally got that I spaced off again, and is about to start all over again when Brian comes to my rescue, again I may add.
"Kev, he can borrow a pair of your jeans, and one of my wifebeaters. Deal?"
I smile at Brain as I get up and sneak past him, touching him a lot more than I actually have to, but I need the touch, I live and breathe off his touch.
I grab the pants Kev tells me to, and moves towards the bathroom. Brian follows, and hands me the wifebeater and smiles at me. But he's not moving. He stands there and watches me change. He has no idea how that can affect me, and have to will my cock not to move.
"When we get there I'll help you wash your clothes, alright Kid" he says, looking into my eyes again.
He doesn't have to help me, he is not supposed to actually, yet he says he will, and I say yes a little too fast. The though of spending time with him makes he happy, and aroused. I'll have to remember to wear baggy pants then.
I go back to my seat, and continues to stare out the window, now hoping we'll get there faster.
*****
He's staring out the window again, like he has been doing all day. I hate it when he does that. He always used to play around with me on the bus, beating me at Nintendo64 or Playstation, wresling til Kevin got mad at us or just talking about anything and everything.
That's stopped now, it did three months ago. One day he just started to stare out the window. I catch him staring at me at times as well. Or rather, looking my direction while he is miles away. It started right after he broke up with Mandy. I don't know what's up with him, but I want the old Nicky back, the one that would jump me if I ever called him Kid. This one doesn't care.
It scares me sometimes, but not as much as the reason why I notice all this. In the beginning it was just that I worried, but now, now it's something completely different. Something scary, something new.
I don't know when it started, but for the last few weeks I have felt a weird attraction to Nick. There are times when I have to fight off the urge to kiss him. I have no idea what that would do to our friendship, not to mention my life. I still feel some sort of love for Leighanne, heck I love her with all my heart, yet these feelings for Nick fills my head day and night. Sometimes I think I see somethting in his eyes, like if he wants to kiss me too. And the way he never looks at me when he changes anymore. Now he turns away, as if he is hiding something.
I will probably never tell him though, that is a risk I can't affoard to take. I would never dare to play with my life like that, not for anything. For all I know it could be nothing in Nick's stare, and I can ruin all we have, had and can have. I'll simply have to keep my mouth shut, and everything will be alright.