“Can you do me a favor?” Justin asked. “Can you let me talk without saying anything? Can you let me get all of my thoughts out and then you can have your say without interruption?” JC nodded and leaned back in the couch. “Let me just start by saying I’m sorry. And not just for today, although that’s a big part of it. I said some pretty awful things today. For the record, and I’m not sure how much this will mean to you, but I didn’t mean any of it,” Justin said, letting his eyes travel across JC’s face. “I know you don’t wish you were me. I’m no better than you are, and we all know that. Hell, when it comes down to pure talent, I wish I came close to having what you have inside of you.” He moved to sit on the edge of his seat, arms resting on his knees, and gazed intently at JC.
“But it’s bigger than that, Jace. I’m sorry for this entire past year. I’ve been a huge dick all year. I feel like I failed you as a friend. I’d tell anyone who would listen that you were my best friend and then I go out and do this solo album. And when I’m truthful with myself, part of it was to spite you. I got mad when I found out you didn’t want me to do it. I let our friendship just slip away over an album, and that wasn’t fair to you. You mean so much more to me than that. And...and...I’m just...I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath and looked up, letting his eyes meet JC’s. He saw regret and sadness hidden behind those silver blue orbs and knew the emotion in his eyes matched JC’s.
“I’m sorry too, Justin. The truth is, I was happy for you. I was so happy you were getting to do this solo album. And I thought I would be ok with it. But then when you actually started on it, it hit me. I knew it would be huge. I knew you’d be huge, by yourself. I knew you’d get fame beyond anything we’d reached so far with Nsync. And the more I thought about it, I started wondering why you’d come back to us, back to the group, if you didn’t have to. If you could do it on your own. You think I was jealous, that I am jealous of the success you have. But it’s not that, not at all. I’m so proud of you, proud of everything you’ve accomplished. It’s simply knowing that you don’t need us anymore. That you don’t need me anymore. And that hurts, more than I think I was willing to let on for a long time.” JC paused for a moment, letting his words sink in.
“That’s why I started my solo album. I figured sometime soon, you’d drop the bomb, telling us you were going to stick to doing it on your own. So I thought maybe it was time for me to get a jump start on something else too.” Justin’s mouth had dropped open and he stared at JC in complete shock.
“Jace, please tell me you’re kidding me. Please tell me that’s not what you were thinking all year.” Justin knew it was true when JC’s head dropped, his chin resting lightly on his chest, his eyes averted toward the ground. Justin moved off the chair and knelt in front of JC, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. “Josh.” JC looked up at the use of his real name. Aside from his family, Justin was the only one who ever called him that. It was a sign of their friendship. He hadn’t heard that name come out of Justin’s mouth since this all started. “I’ve always needed you. I always will need you. I’ll always need this group, but you most of all. You’re friendship is part of what keeps me going on a daily basis. Even this past year, when we weren’t really speaking, I never once thought we weren’t still friends, deep down. I’ll always need you.” He pulled JC close, hugging him tightly. They held on for a few long moments, letting the past year slip away. Letting the strong bond, the friendship they shared, slip back into place.
“This album had nothing to do with gaining solo success so I could leave Nsync. Never. I love all of you guys too much. We have a bond no one can touch. I couldn’t ever give that up, especially for something as petty as solo success. I love being onstage with you guys, performing for our fans. As wonderful as the tour I’m doing right now is, there is something missing. Something that I can only get from performing with the four of you. From performing with you, Josh. I love sharing the stage with you.”
“Why’d you want to do it, Justin?”
“The truth?” Justin asked, letting his hands fall to rest lightly on JC’s knees. JC nodded. “Partially just to see if I could. It was never my intent to leave the group, but I wanted to see if I could put out an album by myself. But the main reason, the real reason, was to impress you.” JC’s say back slightly, his eyes meeting Justin’s, letting Justin’s words sink in.
“To impress me?”
“Yeah. Josh,” Justin took a deep breath before continuing. This was it, the moment of truth. He’d planned on telling him long before now, but things had gotten in the way. Now was his moment. “I love you. I’ve been in love with you for years. And I thought that, maybe, if I did this, that you’d be impressed. It was a stupid attempt at getting you to notice me. Unfortunately my plan backfired and instead of noticing me like I wanted you to, we’ve not spoken in the past year. It’s just, you have so much inside of you, so much music running through your head and so much talent to back it up. I figured if I could do an album, on my own, that maybe that might impress you. It might show you that maybe I am worthy of being with you. It might show you that maybe I am worth of your love.” He stopped and looked toward the ground. “Like I said, my stupid attempt at impressing you.”