Justin checked his watch for the fifth time. Five minutes from the last time he’d looked at it. He was sitting in the same place he did every time he waited for JC, but JC still hadn’t shown up. He was a half hour late.
Justin tried to stop his mind from thinking the worst. Instead, he tried to come up with any kind of reasonable explanation behind the lateness. Maybe he’d stayed after class to talk to the professor. Maybe he was sick and hadn’t even come to school today, but hadn’t been able to get a hold of Justin to let him know. Or maybe he had called and there was a message on his machine back at Justin’s apartment.
Justin pulled his camera out of his bag, holding it up to his eyes. Maybe if he let his mind concentrate on taking pictures, he’d stop worrying so much about JC. And then maybe JC would show up.
But after forty-five minutes, JC still hadn’t shown up and Justin was back to worrying. He knew the type of things Ethan was capable of and as much as he hated to think about JC getting hurt, he knew it was reality. His mind couldn’t get past the thoughts of JC in pain, not able to get to him. As much as he didn’t want to think that, prayed that it wasn’t true, he knew it was a real possibility. But he forced himself to sit there, to take more pictures, to focus on the camera in front of him and the people around him.
After an hour, Justin couldn’t take it anymore and climbed to his feet, camera still clutched in his hands. He had to do something. He couldn’t just sit here waiting, wondering, worrying if JC was ok. He knew that going over there could be dangerous. He wasn’t worried about himself. Ethan was no match for Justin, not when he had the anger of Ethan hurting JC behind him. Justin had never seen him, but already knew that Ethan was no match for him. But he was worried about the danger it possessed for JC. He knew that Ethan was willing to hurt JC for no reason at all. If he actually had a reason, well, Justin didn’t even want to think about the possibilities. He had to come up with something. Something to say so Ethan didn’t have a clue about him and JC. But he just had to go there, had to make sure that JC was ok.
It was only a fifteen minute cab ride to JC’s house and Justin arrived with apprehension coursing through his body. He’d been here a few times before, to see JC when they knew Ethan would be out for a least a few hours. And he’d always come with a small level of apprehension. He assumed it had to do with the fact that he had no idea what he was capable of doing to the man that hurt JC if he did happen to run into him, but this was different. This wasn’t apprehension about running into Ethan. This was a fear of what had happened to JC.
The feelings of worry, the fear only got stronger as Justin drew closer to the house. Something wasn’t right. He knew it, could feel it, deep in his soul. His eyes darted around as he made his way toward the front door, mind spinning. He still wasn’t sure what he was going to say to Ethan, but he had to know, had to make sure JC was ok.
After knocking three times with still no answer, Justin turned to leave, but something stopped him. He couldn’t come this far just to leave again that quickly. Turning back, he leaned to the left, hanging slightly off the porch to peer into the window. And there before him lay his worst nightmare. JC was sprawled on his stomach, blood stains all around him. His arm was tilted at an odd angle and he appeared to be unconscious. The sight made Justin lose his balance on the porch and he tumbled off into the bushes below. His chest had tightened and his breaths were coming in short gasps. This wasn’t real. The man he loved couldn’t be laying there, unconscious, possibly dead.
Justin leapt to his feet quickly. That wasn’t an option. He wouldn’t even let himself entertain that idea. No, JC wasn’t dead. He was just unconscious. Moving quickly, he hopped back onto the porch, grabbing a chair that was sitting there. Then, without thinking about it, without even realizing what it was he was doing exactly, he swung hard, the leg crashing into the window, cracking it slightly, but not breaking it. Justin pulled back and swung again, hitting it right in the middle. The window shattered, the pieces falling to the ground in small chunks.
Using the leg of the chair, he knocked the last sharp pieces out and tossed the chair to the side. He didn’t even think about what the consequences to his actions could be. All he was worried about was JC. All that mattered was JC.
Jumping to the ground beneath the window, Justin took a deep breath, grabbed the ledge of the windowsill and jumped, pulling himself up. With a small amount of exertion, he pulled himself through the window, falling with a thud on the carpeted ground on the other side. The broke shards of glass cut into his hand, but he didn’t even notice as he got his first good look at JC’s broken and battered body. A gasp escaped his lips and he moved on hands and knees across the room until he was kneeling next to JC.
A soft hand pressed against JC’s neck told Justin that he was alive, although barely. His heart was still beating, but it was slow. Much too slow to be normal. His eyes started to water, unshed tears filling them as he leaned down, pressing a soft, gentle whisper of a kiss to JC’s forehead, next to a deep gash. It had stopped bleeding, but dried blood was caked around it and up into his hair, matting it to his head.
“I’m here, baby. Everything’s going to be ok. I’m here. You’re going to make it.” His whispered words were interrupted by a noise behind him and Justin spun around quickly.
“So, you’re the other man. The one from the picture?” Ethan was making his way down the steps. He looked like he’d just woken up. “Come to save him?” A sharp, horrible laugh escaped from Ethan’s throat. “I think you might just be too late. Too bad, he was a good fuck on occasion.” Justin rose to his full height, hands balled into fists at his sides. The anger he felt for this man standing before him was a feeling unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
He wasn’t an angry person, in general. But knowing what this man did to JC, knowing how he treated him on a daily basis, fueled an anger deep inside Justin. And seeing JC laying here, unconscious, broken, bleeding, and seeing this man, standing before him, knowing he was the cause of it, and hearing how little he really cared made something snap inside. It took every ounce of his self-control not to beat this man until he was on the ground, hurting and bleeding, just like JC was.
But he had enough common sense to know better. Ethan didn’t seem like the type of man that would just let something like that slide. Justin was sure Ethan would report him to the cops in a heartbeat. So he had to wait for Ethan to make the first move.
“So you’re the reason he’s been acting different lately.” It wasn’t a question and Justin didn’t warrant it with an answer. “He’s been distant, off in his own little world. The beatings weren’t creating the same effect as they use to. I wasn’t sure why until today. Until I saw the picture.” His voice was calm as he turned to look at JC. “Stupid of him, really. Did he think I wouldn’t find it?” He turned back to Justin, and Justin caught the flash of anger in his eyes, caught the hands clenching at his own sides. “You stole him away from me. You gave him something that only I was suppose to be able to give him.”
“I gave him love. You didn’t give him a damn thing except constant bruises and fear. Don’t even think you can compare what we gave him. You’re not worth the time he spent worrying about what you thought, wondering why you never cared. You’re not worth the time he spent doubting himself and everything he is because of the things you said to him. You’re worth shit.” Ethan was on him instantly, hands pushing Justin back against the wall. It happened so quickly that he was caught off guard for a moment, but by the time Ethan raised a fist, ready for it to connect to Justin’s face, Justin lashed out. His camera that had been wrapped around his neck struck the side of Ethan’s head with a sickening crack. Justin saw the plastic casing break, small pieces of black falling to the ground. He’d ruined his camera, his prized possession, the one he’d saved up for months to buy, but it didn’t matter. JC was way more important than any camera in the world. And getting knocked out, ending up on the ground next to him, was no way to help him.
Ethan staggered backwards slightly, shaking his head to clear the pain. But before he could regain his balance, before he could see straight again, Justin’s fist connected with his nose, sending him sprawling backwards. He stumbled and fell, a sickening crack sounding throughout the house as his head hit an end table on the way down. He landed on the soft carpet and didn’t move, eyes closed. Justin spent only a moment making sure he hadn’t killed the man before he made his way back to JC, cell phone already calling 911.
*****
The smell that was unmistakably a hospital hit his senses once again. For as often as he’d been in it in the past few days, Justin figured he should be use to that smell by now. But entering it once again, the smell hit his senses and almost made him gag. He’d spent most of his time at the hospital, going home only twice since he’d found JC laying unconscious at his house.
He was still unconscious, and although the doctors had mended his broken bones, stitched up his cuts, and had him resting comfortably in a hospital bed, there hadn’t been any change. At first, none of the doctors had been very willing to talk to Justin, preferring a family member. But once he’d explained that there was no family, they’d relented. Most of the things they’d told him were beyond his realm of understanding, but when they said words like possible brain damage, vegetated state, and might never wake up, Justin understood perfectly.
There was a real possibility, a very real fear that JC might never wake up. And that even if he did, he might not remember things. Or worse, might not be able to function properly. None of them were very sure if any of his motor skills had been damaged or if his memory was lost. The only way they said they’d be able to tell was when, if, he woke up.
But even though there was no physical response to any kind of stimulation, Justin wouldn’t leave him. Instead, he sat by his bed, holding JC’s hand in his own, and talked to him. There might not have been any kind of physical response, but he knew, he just knew that JC could hear him.
Walking into JC’s room, Justin took his usual seat beside the unconscious man, his hand automatically finding JC’s, linking their fingers together.
“I’m back. I told you I wouldn’t be gone long.” His voice was low, mere whispers filtering through the room. He talked for a long time, shared everything and nothing all at the same time with JC. It didn’t matter, really, what he was saying, as long as he kept talking. It was important to him. It was something he needed to do. Not only for JC, but for himself as well. He loved this man with all of his heart and if he stopped talking, even for a moment, he knew he’d break down. And that wasn’t something he wanted to do, not here, not now.
He’d broken down at home, the first time he’d left the hospital. As soon as he’d stepped into his apartment, the tears had come. With the doctors words, and the memories of seeing JC laying beaten and broke, covered in blood and then, later, laying in the hospital bed, pale against the stark white hospital sheets, he’d broken down, tears filling his eyes and falling down his cheeks. He’d slid down the wall, curled up, knees pulled to his chest, and let the sobs come. He’d cried for the man he loved. The man he could have lost, and still might. And he cried for himself, for the helplessness he felt in the entire situation. There was nothing more he could do to help JC. But he vowed he’d be there for him, no matter what.
But here, now, he wanted to be strong for JC. So he kept talking, the words flowing easily from his mouth. It felt like he’d shared his entire life with JC, but more words were always there at the tip of his tongue, ready to come out. He kept talking until he felt his eyes slip closed, felt the weariness from the past few days catching up to him again. He talked until he was so close to sleep he couldn’t talk anymore. And then, hand still linked with JC’s, curled up in an uncomfortable hospital chair, he let his eyes finally close and sleep take over.
*****
Justin wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep when he awoke suddenly. There was something different, something that hadn’t been there when he’d fallen asleep and he struggled against the last remnants of sleep to try and figure out what it was. He did a quick inventory. They were still alone in the room. His hand was still grasped with JC’s, fingers linked together. He was still curled up in the most uncomfortable chair he’d ever been in before. JC’s eyes were still on him, crinkled up in a soft smile. Wait, JC’s eyes on him? JC’s open eyes on him? Justin sat up quickly, the chair sliding back a few feet, almost knocking him to the ground. But he regained his balance and turned wide, blue eyes toward JC. Their eyes locked and it was only then, only when he was sure he was awake, that he let himself really believe what he was seeing. JC was awake.
“Is it, are you? Jace?”
“You’re not dreaming.” It looked painful for him to talk, the soreness evident in his eyes. Justin moved to the edge of the bed, letting soft fingers run over JC’s cheek.
“Do you remember what happened?” One side of Justin’s mind hoped that he didn’t, hoped that he’d blocked the horrible experience from his mind. But another side of him hoped that he did, hope that he remembered if for nothing more than to be able to get away from Ethan now. JC answered with a slight shake of his head, eyes still half closed, the pain evident on his face.
“How long have I been here?”
“Three days. I’ve been here with you.” JC’s soft smile made all the time spent in that uncomfortable chair worth it.
“I heard you talking to me.” He took a deep breath, gasping softly as he exhaled, the tenderness from his broken ribs taking his breath away for a moment. His grip on Justin’s hand tightened for a moment before loosening again as he relaxed. “I had to come back. It was so dark, so hard to get back. Felt like I was drowning.” As he spoke his eyes slid farther closed, his sentences coming out clipped and broken. “Needed to tell you.” His voice was so low that Justin had to bend closer to hear him. “Love you, J. So much. Needed you.”
Justin’s vision blurred as tears escaped from his eyes, getting caught in his eyelashes, sliding down over his cheeks, dripping off his chin. But he never moved to wipe them away. Instead, he kept staring intently at JC, waiting for him to get out everything he wanted to say.
“Never knew. Didn’t know it could feel so. Wonderful. Didn’t know.” He paused to take another deep breath, his chest protesting in pain. “Didn’t know I deserved someone. Like you. You showed me, J. Showed me love.” His eyes opened again and Justin could tell it was a struggle to keep them open, to keep them focused on Justin’s face. “Love you. Thank you. Needed to say goodbye.” With a final weak squeeze of Justin’s hand, barely any pressure at all, his eyes closed one more time. And then, before Justin’s very eyes, JC took his last breath, his chest falling still.
The machine in the corner that beeped out JC’s heartbeat became slower and slower, until finally the only sound that could be heard was the long, low buzz of the flat line. Justin’s heart stopped, missed a beat and then started up at double it’s normal pace as he watched the man he loved fade away before his eyes.