Justin opened the car door and stepped out, eyes scanning the area around him. Gravestones stood, tall and mighty, at evenly placed intervals all around the well manicured lawns. Leaning against the car for a minute, hands shoved in his pockets, he looked up toward the sky. A clear blue day, completely out of place for where he was right now. Sighing, he pushed away from the car, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he could do this. His eyes scanned the thick slabs of stone as he made his way across the grass, picking out names and dates here and there. He was careful not to step in front of any of the gravestones. It was just a thing he had, something about walking where someone was buried. Instead he made his was up the neat rows, between the graves.

He sighed as he saw his destination approaching, taking another deep breath to calm himself before stepping up to the gravestone. His arms slipped around JC’s waist, causing him to jump slightly before leaning back into Justin. Justin hooked his chin over JC’s shoulder and peered at the gravestone in front of them. Ethan’s name was displayed along with his date of birth and death.

“I hate him so much, for what he did to me. For who he made me for awhile.” JC’s soft voice floated through the quite afternoon, wrapping around Justin’s heart, making it ache. JC was trembling slightly. “Is that horrible to say now that the man is dead?” Justin’s arms tightened around JC and he turned his head, laying a soft kiss to JC’s neck.

“Not at all. He put you through hell. I think you have every right to feel how you do.” The news had come as a shock to both of them. Justin had been the one to find the article in the newspaper. Ethan had been killed in a car accident. He’d been driving drunk and had wrapped his car around a telephone pole. Luckily, no one else had been hurt. Justin had been hesitant to show it to JC at first. After a year away from Ethan, a year since he’d been released from the hospital, JC was doing so well. Justin saw more and more of the man JC truly was, the man he’d been before Ethan, shining through. And he was hesitant to bring up the past, to subject JC to any of the horrors of his past again. But he knew he had to. If for nothing more, that JC would know he didn’t have to fear the man anymore.

“You have no idea how hard this is, Justin. To be standing here in front of the grave of the man who almost killed me. It’s like, he’s dead and I feel like I should be a little bit sorry about that, but I can’t bring myself to be.”

“I’ll never understand what he put you through. I’ll never know how you felt, not really. But I do understand about not feeling sorry that he’s dead. You know how I felt about him.” He could feel JC’s smile against his cheek. JC’s hand found Justin’s, still wrapped around his waist, and covered it, squeezing for a moment.

“I just needed some closure. I needed to say a few things I never got to say to him before. I needed it, to be able to just let it all go, you know? Now I think I can finally move on, spend the rest of my life happy with you.” JC pulled out of Justin’s arms and turned to look at him. “I love you.” Justin ran his thumb over JC’s cheek, caressing the soft skin.

“I still can’t believe how lucky I am. Someone up there was looking out for us. I came so close to losing you. I know it hadn’t been long at that point for us, but I still don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you.” Justin let his hand wrap around JC’s neck, leaning in for a soft kiss, just lips against lips. “You really gave me quite a scare though.” JC had died. His heart had stopped. And Justin had been powerless to do a damn thing about it. He’d simply watched, seen JC’s lungs stop taking in air, heard the heart monitor flat line. And there’d been nothing he could do. He’d been in shock, immobilized in his seat as the man he loved took his last breath.

But then suddenly, the room had been filled with doctors and nurses. Justin had been pushed out of the way, forced to stand against the wall, breathing heavily, chest heaving, eyes watering as tears spilled from them. He’d watched as doctors worked quickly, watched as the man he loved, the man he’d saved, had been shocked over and over. Three times they’d had to shock him before the monitor started beeping again. It was slow, barely a heartbeat. But it had been there. And Justin had hope once again.

He’d sat by JC’s bed for four more days, watching him fade in and out of consciousness, watching him struggle for life. He’d held his hand, whispered words of love, made a promise to keep fighting for him, as long as JC didn’t give up. And JC hadn’t. He’d been strong, stronger than any of the doctors had expected. He’d finally opened his blue eyes, turned his head to train them on Justin. And he’d smiled. He’d heard the words, heard the promises. And he’d fought. Fought so he could have a life with Justin.

“You saved my life in that hospital.” Justin started shaking his head, but JC stopped him. “You did. I would have given up had you not been there. You saved me, Justin.” He paused for a moment, looking back at the gravestone. “You ready to go? My parents are expecting us soon.” Justin caught the smile that played over JC’s face at the thought of his parents. He’d finally gotten the nerve to call them about six months ago. It had taken quite a bit of convincing from Justin, but he’d finally called them. He’d expected them to be mad at him, to hate him, to never want to see him again. But when his mother had heard his tentative voice over the phone, she’d been overcome with joy.

JC had gone back to his childhood home to see his parents. They’d welcomed him back with open arms and cried right along with him as he’d recounted the years of his life after he’d left them. Justin hadn’t gone the first time, allowing JC time alone with his parents, but after they’d found out about him, found out what he’d done for their son, they’d wanted to meet him. In JC’s mother’s own words, she’d wanted to meet the man that loved their son enough to save his life.

Since then, the two of them went to their house once a week for dinner. JC was closer to them than he’d ever been and Justin was glad he had them back in his life.

“I’m ready if you are. Did you get to say everything you wanted to say?” JC nodded as he took Justin’s hand, squeezing lightly before letting go and starting back toward the car. Justin stopped and turned back toward the gravestone, eyes reading over the name etched in the thick stone once again. “I’ll never be able to forgive you for what you did to him. I just hope someone up there took mercy on your soul, even if you may not deserve it.” It was whispered quietly, under his breath. “I may be a horrible person for saying it, but I think you got what you deserved.”

“You coming, J?” With one last glace at the gravestone, Justin turned, smiling at JC before jogging to catch up.

They reached the car and Justin pulled his door open, immediately seeing his camera sitting in the consol between the driver’s seat and the passenger’s seat. The camera JC had bought him. When JC had finally woke up and was getting stronger in the hospital, he’d asked Justin to recount the events that had led up to that moment. He’d been unconscious when Justin had gotten to his house, so he had no memory of what had taken place. When Justin had told him about hitting Ethan and breaking his camera, JC had apologized over and over, knowing how much Justin’s camera meant to him. Justin had leaned forward across the bed to kiss him, promising him that breaking the camera was worth it to save JC.

Two months later, Justin had come home from class to find JC giddily dancing around the loft. His happiness had been contagious, making Justin smile immediately. JC had pulled him to the couch, making him sit down before presenting him with a wrapped present. The camera inside was an upgraded model of the one he’d owned and broken. He knew JC had spent a fortune on it and he’d been speechless, able to do nothing but pull JC down to him, holding him close and letting his lips fall open against JC’s own.

Grabbing the camera, he held it up to his face and called to JC, causing him to turn. Justin snapped the picture before JC had a chance to get ready, before he had a chance to smile, or pose, or protest, although the protests came less often now then they had when the two of them first me. JC was still his favorite subject to photograph and his favorite shots were the ones that happened before JC was aware they were happening. That was when the pictures ended up the most real. That was when the camera truly captured JC, captured who he really was.

JC just smiled as Justin pulled the camera away from his face and climbed into the car. JC followed him quickly, taking the camera from Justin’s hands and holding it up, focusing on Justin.

“Smile for the camera,” JC said, finger ready over the button.

“I only smile for you,” Justin said, smile reaching his face as the flash went off.

The End