Justin sat in the hotel room letting the clock tick beside him as he waited. It didn't take that much work to convince their tour manager to give him the key to JC's room. Of course JC had one of his shirts that he must have and since JC was downstairs taking advantage of the buffet he pleaded for the plastic keycard that led him now to the emptiness of the room. The t-shirt he had caused a fit over was safely in his own room, where it always had been, and JC's luggage was still neatly folded how he saw it when he first entered the room.
It had been thirty minutes since he had come upstairs and had been a week since he heard JC's midnight confession. It had taken him that long to figure out how to process everything, how to watch JC with an even sharper eye now that he knew the truth. Catching JC's glances, catching JC cursing at himself during some photo shoots, catching JC biting his lip when Chris would start to insult himself. All telltale signs that hurt Justin when he realized how much JC was hurting when he thought no one was looking.
A siren interrupted Justin's thoughts and he blinked a few times before sitting up in his seat and looking out the window. The lights were faintly on inside the hotel and it created a reflection on the glass, so he stood up slowly, walking to the window. Pressing his hands up to the cold glass, he cupped his eyes, looking down on the city below. Another city, another date of their final tour before a well deserved break. A break that would enlist much more work that he couldn't wait for.
That was another talk he would have to have with the guys, one he was already practicing in the seclusion of his own room. That would wait though, first he had to talk to JC. He had been practicing his small little speech a few times, deciding to just let his own actions talk. He would do the only thing that he thought would help. He would give himself to JC, anything to make his friend feel better.
More cars were driving down the road that he was staring at and they stopped at a red light just when he heard the door opening behind him. He turned slowly, already suspecting JC watching him intently, confused.
"I was wondering why you weren't anywhere to be found," JC said slowly, before letting the door close behind him. "It's dark in here."
He turned on the light as Justin brought his hands nervously to his back pockets of his jeans. JC lowered his hand from the light switch as he looked over his room, his bags intact, his bed still pressed and made perfectly, his mini bar seemingly untouched.
"It was all you can eat waffles," JC said with a small breath of laughter when Justin didn't say anything. "You should have seen Joey. He had at least five plates worth of waffles."
Justin looked down over the floor, feeling his stomach start to turn in what he assumed was nervousness. He licked his lips slowly, as JC continued to ramble about the butter usage and syrup volcanoes that were made. Justin looked slightly distressed but it grew ignored by JC's own nervousness at finding Justin in his room alone.
"Chris was even putting bacon on his waffles," JC said with another small step into the room. Justin looked up at JC's last word, halting any other future words, and he bit his lip quickly before stepping the few steps separating them.
A small noise of surprise was made from JC before Justin sealed his lips over JC's. The kiss was quick, on Justin's part with JC's still lax from surprise. Justin's hand came up, going through JC's hair, bringing him closer and JC let his eyes close when his lips moved with Justin's in momentary bliss. He could feel Justin's tongue against his lips and he widened his lips, wanting more but was again surprised with Justin pushing back.
Their breaths were stressed and ragged as JC looked over him, with Justin looking anywhere but in his direction.
"Justin," JC breathed which seemed to snap him out of the haze he had been in.
"What?" Justin looked up to him with wide eyes that made JC want to just step forward and hug him. He made the attempt but Justin shook his head, taking a step back but to the side, as if he was afraid of any future contact. "I'm sorry JC. I have to go."
And he left, not looking behind him to see JC's face change from confusion, to hurt, to anger.
JC wanted to laugh for a moment, wondering if it was something of his own imagination but the tenderness of his lips told him otherwise. He slowly walked forward, best described as stumbling but he sat down in the seat Justin had been occupying moments before and let out a deep breath.
He wanted to cry but he found his eyes dry. He wanted to look out his window but the cold draft that always seemed to be by windows wouldn't have felt good with the iciness he felt completely inside. He swallowed thickly before deciding that hiding this feeling in a drink wouldn't be smart, considering the early morning interview the next day and he cursed at himself for being reasonable.
Reasonable was not how he would explain this night though in any future storytelling. Justin had been in his room, had kissed him, and had played with his emotions, exploited his emotions, and spit them back at him before running away. Reason was telling him that Justin couldn't do that, wouldn't even know how to be that cruel, but hurt was only pushing JC to accept anger in its place.
His jaw clenched as he let the thought fill his mind and his fingers gripped the armrests of the chair before deciding if Justin came back, he'd get a piece of his mind.
It was hours before Justin knocked softly on the door before entering. JC was lying on his stomach on the bed, watching an infomercial on television, when Justin showed the keycard on his entry. JC pushed himself up slowly, his own eyes wide now, and not looking mad like Justin suspected he might feel.
"Hi," Justin said softly and JC smiled quickly before letting it fall down with his emotions as he sat on the foot of the bed, his hands resting on his knees. Justin licked his lips as he looked down, walking to the chair on the far side of the room and taking it. He cleared his throat as he looked back to JC, knowing that his best friend, from the look he was given, was hurt more than the anger he suspected JC might have. "I'm really sorry JC."
"Why?" JC asked, quicker than he intended and he shut his eyes for a moment before opening them slowly. He wasn't going to apologize for that, he wouldn't make this easy for Justin, despite his initial feelings.
"Why am I sorry?" Justin asked and JC nodded slowly. "I know how you feel about me."
"How?" JC asked again, quickly as well but this time he made no hesitation of apology for it.
"I'm your best friend, I can just tell," Justin replied, deciding to not tell him about the nightmare. "I didn't want you feeling bad, especially when I was causing it. So I thought if I just, if we, if you, if we-"
"Justin, pick a pronoun and stick with it," JC said slowly, letting his lips falter into a smile, unable to stop himself from trying to make Justin feel more comfortable. The tension however remained in the room.
"I thought I could just give you what you wanted and we would be okay," he said slowly. "I thought having me would make this all better."
And JC blinked slowly as his friend looked back at him with wide eyes. Justin's basic equation of solving the problem was backfiring, had backfired and JC couldn't help but feel bad at the downfall of it all, despite his own feelings of hurt and anger.
"I'm sorry JC, it's just when I kissed you, it was so confusing," Justin breathed out and brought his hands up, rubbing his eyes with the flats of his hands. JC looked down for a moment before biting his lip and looking up at Justin again and clearing his throat to catch his attention.
"I'm not mad," JC breathed out from the bed. "It's okay."
"It's okay?" Justin asked and lowered his hands down quickly. Hope was filling his eyes and JC swallowed before nodding.
"It's okay."
And this time Justin smiled before standing up quickly. The steps were awkward at first, JC standing up slowly as Justin took a step forward, before taking a smaller one back. The first sign of their touches becoming less happened when Justin only smiled meekly again before sticking his hand out.
They shook hands slowly before Justin rolled his own eyes at this and took another small step, circling JC's body with his arms in a tight hug.
"I'm sorry," Justin breathed out and JC nodded against him. His own defense against hurt might be anger, but Justin's defense against confusion was always pushing away. And when Justin smiled at him before leaving the room he decided he just had to accept that.