The next morning, JC walked out of his hotel room, headed for the bus, just as Justin stepped out of his. JC wasn't sure what to expect, so he smiled, almost shyly, at Justin. Justin returned the smile as he pulled his door shut and lifted his bag to his shoulder.
"Are we," JC sighed. "Are we ok, Justin?"
"Yeah, of course. We're best friends, Jace. We'll always be ok."
And it was a relief, a huge weight lifted off his shoulder. But over the course of the next couple days, JC came to realize that things weren't really ok. It wasn't anything major, really. Nothing anyone else picked up on at least. Justin was still friendly, he didn't get up and walk out of the room whenever JC entered. But there was definitely something different between them, something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
There was a tenseness between them, a thickness in the air whenever they were in the same room. And it freaked JC out. They'd always been completely comfortable around each other, so to have that suddenly change scared him. He was aware of the reason behind it. Justin was confused. When he'd kissed JC, when he'd offered himself to JC just so JC wasn't hurting, something had happened that he hadn't expected. Maybe he'd felt something more. Or maybe it was simply that he'd kissed a guy for the first time in his life, and it had freaked him out a little. But whatever the reason, it was obvious he was pulling away.
And even though he knew Justin's intentions had been to help, this had only made things worse. It was one thing to want Justin but only be able to have him as a friend. It was completely another to want him and to have Justin pulling that friendship away. It hurt more than JC could admit.
It was almost a week after the night of the kiss that JC finally cornered Justin. He'd been avoiding being alone with him all week, using one of the other guys as a buffer. Any time JC had approached Justin, Chris, Joey, or Lance had been there with him, not allowing JC to say any of the things he wanted to say. But now, they'd all taken off for the free day they had. JC knew the only reason Justin was roaming around alone is because he thought JC had gone as well.
JC grabbed his arm lightly, startling him as their eyes met. This time, Justin was the first to look away.
"We need to talk."
"I told you, man. Everything's cool," Justin said, trying to get around JC. JC just sighed as he anticipated Justin's next move.
"Fine, then I need to talk, and I'd like you to listen. As my friend, J, can you do this for me?" He saw the resignation in Justin's eyes before he nodded and followed JC to his room. Once they were both inside, the door shut tightly behind them, JC turned to Justin. For a moment, all he could feel was the tension, running thickly off Justin's body. But he pushed it aside and met Justin's eyes again.
"Look, Justin, I never meant for things to happen like this. I never met to fall for you. Hell, I'm still confused myself exactly why I did. It's not like you're new to my life. I've known you forever. And I have no idea why these emotions decided to pop up now." He paused and let his gaze shift from Justin's face to his bed before continuing. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to hate me." Justin stepped toward JC at these words, hand coming to rest on JC's arm.
"I could never hate you." He sighed and sat down, rubbing a hand across his face. "I thought I could do it, you know? I thought if I gave myself to you, that you'd be happy. That's all I really wanted for you. And I already love you on so many levels, I guess I just figured this wouldn't be much of a difference."
"But it is," JC said and Justin nodded.
"It was just, I don't know, JC. I don't know what happened. But I couldn't do it. And I know I hurt you, that I'm still hurting you. More than I was before I did anything about this in the first place. And I hate that, I hate that you hurt because of me." He sighed and looked up at JC. JC could see the pain in his eyes, swirling around the deep blue orbs. It was only then that he realized Justin was hurting just as much as he was. Justin's intent had never been a malicious one. He'd never intended to hurt JC, never intended to mess with his emotions. It had been just the opposite. He'd tried to let JC show those emotions, show the feelings he felt for Justin. And in that moment, it hit him just how wonderful of a friend Justin really was. It had all just backfired horribly.
"So where does this leave us?" JC asked, sitting down next to Justin.
"I just need time." Justin couldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm just really confused. And as much as I don't want to hurt you, I just need time to figure this all out. I don't hate you for what you feel. It's not about that at all. And you're still my best friend, but I just need some time to move on from all of this." He stood up, eyes meeting JC's again. And JC could see the helplessness in them. He could see that this was hard for Justin. He could see that Justin was trying as hard as he could not to hurt JC.
But knowing that didn't make it hurt any less as the door shut behind him as Justin left the room.