~Blood Version:
Lemons and cats dont mix...it's fun though.~
|
April 23, 2004: Blood #42!
|
|
Welcome to the Return of Blood...
|
Welcome to
Blood Version 2.0...grey is me, MetalMike, red is the Narracrow/snake and Aqua,the player.
Click to warp: #41 #41.62379 #41.92014
Battle Forty-Two: I waited over
six months for a Flash movie and all I got was this lousy battle
Date: April 23, 2004
Setting: Blood Town Square
Player: Conar
NARRACROW...awakens?
...
...where's the FLASH scene? My MAKEUP CREW? The SPOTLIGHTS, the-
Shut up, Narracrow. The Flash movie was barely
in Blood at all.
NO, what I MEANT was that BLOOD VERSION now RELIES on FLASH SCENES for TOURISTS
to bring REVENUE!
...when did Mike make any female characters?
Except for that horrible "Fruit Deb" sprite Lemon found on his hard drive.
...YEAHhhhh....
So...you got money by having a pixelated sprite
flash it's pixelated chest at tourists!?
Why the hell do I have to end up with a version like THIS?
That REMINDS me!
METALMIKE is DEAD!
Why are YOU still HERE, and WHY is the VERSION RUNNING?
Because I took it over, damn crow. Well - Jack,
Ade and I did anyway. We couldn't find the formula so we decided to run Blood
and mold it to our own wishes...
THAT sounds like a BAD EXCUSE for PLOT DEVICE!
Yeah, well. I'm a webmaster of Blood now, alright?
That means I can turn you back into a lowly Murkrow if I want...
...POINT!
Well, I'm going to build my fortress right on
the town square here...
CONAR used BUILD!
CONAR lifted WEIGHTS!
CONAR increased his BUILD!
......WELL, I'm going to BUILD MY FORTRESS right
on the town square here...
You KNOW, NOBODY BATTLES HERE ANYMORE, except in FANFICS!
It makes POKEBATTLES a LESS APT NAME!
Will it make you happy if I battle!?
YES!
LEMON appeared!
I think that might be the singular most overused
character in the whole of Mike's running Blood.
LEMON sent out PSYDUCK!
...An actual pokemon?
LEMON: I don't know what on earth you're talking about, I caught a "rampaging
murderous evil hydralisk" and nicknamed it "PSYDUCK".
LEMON: Anyone can clearly see that.
I find it exceedingly irritating that Mike basically
had unlimited power in Blood when he ran it and I don't get a shred of it.
PRIMARILY because we FEARED his NIGHT JOB!
What was that?
...SOME would SAY he WORKED AS an AFRICAN SLAVE TRADER!
Right. Well, if you don't mind, I have a hammer
and I'm planning to build a fortress with it.
WITH JUST the HAMMER?
It's one of those Smash Brothers Hammers, I just
need it to threaten people into working for me.
YEAH? THOSE tend to cause UNCONTROLLABLE MUSCLE SPASMS that cause your ARMS
to MOVE in a QUESTIONABLE MANNER!
LEMON: Are you trying to signal a freight train? Because I haven't seen any
fre-
Gah, just shut up, damn you! You're distracting
me from battling the hydralisk that seems to be passively waiting for me
to send out a Pokemon.
Go, Looke!
CONAR sent out LOOKE!
Now I happen to be evil, so...
LOOKE used MASTER BALL!
The TRAINER blocked the BALL!
LEMON was CAUGHT!
...Well that wasn't really what I was going for,
but close enough.
HYDRALISK fled!
Run free, hideous mutant!
LOOKE: You know I'm not your Pokemon, right?
Yeah, I know, you're a living human being with
thoughts and feelings, now fork over the ball containing Lemon and get to
work on my fortress. I have a HAMMER.
ANOTHER aspect of those HAMMERS is that they DISAPPEAR over TIME!
LOOKE ran!
...goddamn you, Narracrow.
EXCUSE me!
YOU'RE the ONE who DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING about SUPER SMASH BROS. HAMMERS!
Yeah, well, saying I'm into video games is like
saying James is into women.
TOUCHÉ!
JOKE fizzled out with BATTLE!
View/Post Comments on Battle #42
Back to the top
Battle
#41.92014: This battle is too long. D:
Date: September 7, 2002
Setting: Old Blood - USS Microsoft
Player: Captain Gates
MORE stalling!?
METALMIKE: You shush. I need to continue updating despite slow progress
on the Flash battle.
But that battle should have been out MONTHS ago!
METALMIKE: ButStarcraft!
....Oi.
Anyway. How's the crew doing, Captain?
I don't know. I can't see them, remember?
NARRACROW facefaults!
Setting: New Blood - Field
somewhere
Player: Looke
Issss that the name of the ssssetting or ssssomething?
CONAR: Of course,
Narrasnake. Can you stop with the hissing?
Hey, you were the one that turned me from a normal robot...thing...uh...okay,
maybe I wasssn't ssso normal! You know what I mean!
LOOKE is lying on the GROUND!
Aye....my head....eh?
What's this?
ADE has wires attached to LOOKE and hooked into the QUESTION MACHINE
from BATTLE #15!?
Very, very impressive Ade.
ADE: This device has quite a lot of creative energy because of it's
early date of creation. Transferring that energy is very simply done. This
will transform Looke into something of a supersoldier, and anything from any
battle after #15 won't be able to harm him.
Um...what...uh....help....hello!?
Sounds perfect.
ADE: The only problem is..what happens if someone has the same amount
of creative energy and comes near? That could cause a huge burst of energy...with
strange effects on the entire universe...
Ah, go ahead. What have we to lose?
Um...
ADE pushes BUTTON!
....OW....Zz...Oi. Cool!
PSYCHICJACK appeared!
...
ADE:...PsychicJack was introduced in Battle #15, right?
...Oh, onion.
METALMIKE: I may not know you exist, but I'm STILL WRITING THIS BATTLE!!!!!
BLOOD version EXPLODED!
Setting: Randomized Blood(well,
moreso) - Path
Player: Kite
NARRATOR was RANDOMLY GENERATED!
...what?
..Um...why are you and Kate holding hands?
...We're not!!! Really!!!!!! X.x
mmm-hm. Kite and Kate stitting in a tree...
KATE: He was stuck ><
Never mind. What are you two doing, anyway?
We're heading for the auditions of the remake
of CrimsonKing's Doompuff Chronicles.
....what kind of world is this!?
What?
CRIMSONKING's Doompuff Chronicles?
Yes. Which reminds me...why the hell are you
here? There hasn't been a narrator in existence since CrimsonKing killed Jason
over Doompuff being trapped in the void between worlds.
....UM...
CrimsonKing labeled everything Suck but Doompuff
because he thought it ruled.
So...why are they making a remake?
Oh, the first one turned into a Geico commercial.
HOW!?
KATE: The Gekko tried out and the Director thought it was 'kawaii'
so it became Evoluman and started advertising for Geico every three seconds.
...Did you audition for the first one?
Yes, but we don't tell people about that.
KATE: Not since the accident.
I'm ripe with anticipation.
I thought I smelled something.
Setting: Auditioning Room
DIRECTOR: Okay, take your seats...
DIRECTOR:...a narrator!?
DIRECTOR's face is HIDDEN in DARKNESS!
DIRECTOR: omg a narrator kawaii ^.^
Hiding her identity is somewhat pointless, ne?
PRODUCER: Okay, begin reading from the script.
PRODUCER's face is ALSO hidden in DARKNESS!
I'm the only Man around h-
PRODUCER: Sucks.
Bu-
PRODUCER: NEXT!
Hiding his identity is just as pointless.
GEKKO drives up in SMALL RED CONVERTIBLE!
DIRECTOR: ^.^ oooo
GEKKO: I'm the only small insurance promoting creature around here
*wink*
PRODUCER: Doesn't Suck.
PRODUCER: I think I have my choice here.
Setting: Breath of Souls
Player: Air
Why?
Don't ask me, I'm blonde.
No, you're air.
Aren't blondes?
....
DEB flys by swinging GEKKO around by the arms!
GEKKO: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHWHHHHYYYYYMEEEEEEEEE
DELL GUY: Dude, you're going to Hell!
Setting: Real World - MetalMike's Room
Player: MetalMike
NARRACROW swoops in!
Hey, how'd you get here?
Did you destroy Blood?
No. I didn't even write this battle. My...uh...fish
did.
oh. Kay.
QUESTION MACHINE: The moral of the story: "No, not ready" fins the
mace.
That's "Slow and steady wins the race."
QUESTION MACHINE: According to your fish, I
blew up.
My fish is a living copy of Ditto.
QUESTION MACHINE: ...point.
View/Post
Comments on Battle #41.92014
Back to the top
Battle Forty-One Point Six Two Three Seven Nine:
Pickup Trucks taste funny
Date: August 26, 2002
Setting: USS Microsoft - Old Blood
Player: Captain Gates
METALMIKE: Due to me being LAZY, we have post-poned battle #42
for far too long. So we give you a random filler battle. Of great importance.
METALMIKE runs!
DEB appears!
DEB: Can't that loser think up his own jokes?
DEB runs after METALMIKE!
SKYLER: mmm...DMB....
CAN I SAY SOMETHING PLEASE!?
Sure.
...urrh, now I lost my cool dramatic type speak!
>=(
...Didn't the USS Microsoft fall into a canyon along with you, Jaccochion,
D-Crow and Corrosive Worm?
DEB: AND VIVI!
Well, it did. But Deb came and put a huge net
at the bottom of the canyon to save Vivi...everyone escaped but Jaccochion,
who vanished before the ship fell into the canyon. We think he took an escape
probe.
Hm...
Are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking
Narracrow?
You mean exactly how long that would take with your DRAMATIC SPEAK
STYLE?
...no.
Actually, I was thinking that if we found the
rest of our crew, this ship could be used to transfer armies into New Blood
and battle for MetalMike.
...you would DO that?
Of course. He'd have to pay me, but...
You DO realise he can MAKE gold and other metals?
Thats why I want money from him!
Ah.
Anyway, Corrosive Worm and D-Crow are locked
in mortal combat over there...
...looks like they're playing video games.
Yea, Mortal Combat. Didn't I tell you? o.O
D-Crow: !hsif ym dellik uoY
Corrosive Worm: Why does that pickle you?
Badly translated video games --;
D-Crow: !ynitsed htiw...truh teef yM
Corrosive Worm: We are, how do you say, absconding. Please go away.
Urrh. So, where do you think the crew'd be?
Why are you asking me? If I knew, I'd of got
them already.
Well, where is the canyon?
Lemme draw a map...
CAPTAIN GATES grabbed PAPER!
PAPER: I'm a LEMON, DAMMIT!
...STOP WITH THE @#$%ing BATTLE #26 JOKES :o
PAPER: But I am ;o
Not enough people read that battle, they won't get it ><
Well, I'd agree with you, if you ignore the
point that barely anyone reads Blood Ver-
We interrupt this program for a brief message from our sponsers.
Setting: Room adorned with swords and empty beer
cans
Player: Chargon
CHARGON is sharpening SWORD #45929!
REFRIDGERATOR: Oh, fsck, I'm out of beer.
You mean B33R!
FRIDGE: that. And it's all hot today and stuff.
Tomorrow it'll be hotter.
FRIDGE: Hotter?
Like yesterday.
FRIDGE: Yesterday you said you'd call B33RZ.
I'll call today.
FRIDGE: You'll call now.
DON'T TRY TO FSCKING @##$%@ @$@#$@ ASS@$@#%$ORDERME@#$@#$
FRIDGE was HORIBBLY REDUCED to a HALF CUP of DISORENTED ATOMIC MATTER!
CHARGON opens small PORTAL!
CHARGON retrieves B33R from B33R STORAGE REALITY!
Don't know why I even needed a damn refridgerator.
Hmmph.
Setting: Canyon
Player: Captain Gates
Hm...I don't see our crew anywhere.
CREW is HANGING ON THE EDGE OF CANYON for DEAR LIFE in PLAIN VIEW!
Oh yes, them. Sorry, I just kind of automatically
tune out extras by now.
Tell me about it.
CREW: A LITTLE HELP HERE!
Sorry, due to Blood Version's recent form exchange
with Verizon, you'll have to call me on my cell to get that message through...
CREW MEMBER uses one hand to dial!
And I left my cell at the ship.
CREW MEMBER falls, bounces on net, and flys back up!
You know, you don't have to trick them to doing that just because
they're extras.
What? Sure I do! They're too stupid to-
NARRACROW bashes on CREW's FINGERS!
CREW falls and bounces up!
Uh, okay, that works too ^^;
CHARGON bounced out of canyon!
...
CHARGON:How'd you find my secret canyon of b33r!?
ITS A CANYON! WE COULDNT MISS IT!
CHARGON: Yes but...where's the net from?
Deb put it there.
DEB: ^.^
Deb seems to be able to travel between versions
as easily as Vivi-Hater...
DEB: Well, all versions have portals to Dark cause of the dead thing...and
then Dark can be used to go anywhere else. You just have to know what your
doing, and have some cash to bribe the webbie.
CHARGON: 1337! Now to take over the world.
CHARGON disappeared!
DEB: foo.
SCOTTY beamed up CREW and CAPTAIN!
SHIP is ready!
BATTLE is NOT!
END!
View/Post Comments on Battle #41.62379
Back to the top
Battle
Forty-One: ...how many PsychicJacks are there again?
Date: April 23, 2002
Setting: Cold Version
Player: PsychicJack
...zzz....huh?
I'm the player again...but I'm not writing.
Must be MetalMike focusing from Blood Version again...
YOU are CORRECT!
IN BLOOD VERSION, all CHARACTERS are PREPARING for the 42nd BATTLE!
THEREFORE, we decided to FOCUS on YOU!
...whoa...whats up with the battle title? There's
only one of me.
You'll SOON SEE!
RAMAGING MURDEROUS EVIL HYDRALISK appeared!
....UM...
RMEH does not like you.
Ohhhhh crap.
PSYCHICJACK was cut into PIECES!
PEICES regenerated into INDIVIDUAL PSYCHICJACKs!
PSYCHICJACK(s) ran away!
Setting: Cold Version-River
Player: PsychicJack 1
...AAAAAHHHH!!!!
PSYCHICJACK 1 is PSYCHICJACK's devotion to WORK cut from him!
PSYCHICJACK is barely SEVEN INCHES TALL!
....must...resist....urge to....go work in
office....
ROMANCE PJ appeared!
ROMANCE PJ: unly want luv...
You're coming with me, I need someone tall
to help me out at the office...
RP: will thr be girls
I guess so...
RP:YAYAYAAYAYAAYAYAYAAY!
WORKJACK and LUVJACK ran away!
One Week Later....
Setting: Management Office
Player: Manager
BUDGET WORKER: I found a typo in the budget...seems we transfered
a job to another group but accidently forgot to give a new head count to the
other group. However, we kept the money required. Its all out of whack, and
its too late to fix.
Bah..
Setting: Cubicle
So we still pay you...but you arent allowed
to work.
LJ:...this is the happiest day of my life :)
WJ: Where are you going? I want to work! Hey! COME BACK!
Setting: Management Office
Alright, Workjack, because of your size
it may be hard to use you. You are competing with Xollo the monkey for the
last engineering job...
First test: See how much fun you can have in
this barrel.
WORKJACK climbs into BARREL!
WJ: No fair. Xollo's a monkey, he has an advantage.
Actually, that was a test of your gullibility...
One hour later....
WorkJack, you get the engineering job then...
WJ: AHAHAHAH! I WON TADA! SWEE!!!! FWAHAHA!!!!
I'm putting Xollo into management..
WJ: <bad time for the victory dance.>
A day later...
Setting: Court
Player: WorkJack
JUDGE: WorkJack has been accused of killing a coworker at the
office. How do you plead?
Not Guilty!
JUDGE: Explain your story.
I gave a temp worker some work to do, and he
just DIED.
LAWYER: Apparently you got yourself to the top position in the company
in a day by working hard. Couldnt it be that a little work for you was overworking
for him?
He was only a temp worker.
JUDGE: Case dismissed, temp workers are even less of people then
extras are. Bye!
Setting: Cold Version -
River
Player: RandomJack
Its a pleasure to meet me...hope you never
find live turtles in your soup on a night without wind.
LJ: luv ^^
JACK's EGO appeared!
The smallness compared to the overweight fraction
of a bar with mouse slides divided by the intensity of Darth_Saturn's hangover.
JACK's EGO is LARGER then the SETTING!
How cliched...
En garde. Touche! The mass velocity of Jupiter's
fourth moon is nothing compared to the aura strength of Chrono Trigger's mass
power to generate the fourteenth ending!
WORKJACK: DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOP!!!!!
JACK's EGO: PUNY MORTAL! I WILL CRUSH YOU WITH A FEW MOLECULES!
RANDOMJACK decides to STAB JACK's EGO!
JACK's EGO: Ha! Your blade merely severed two inches of body fat
and one kidney! Have at you!
GIRL from ESKIMO BOB appeared!
LJ: luvvvvvvvvvvvv
GIRL blinked twice before RUNNING!
....LJ follows!
Livejournal has a power of light directly proportionate
to the gravitational pull of Jack's ego to the sun...
JACK's EGO is so HUGE, COLD VERSION begins to REVOLVE AROUND IT instead
of the SUN!
COLD VERSION suddenly became VERY COLD!
...
..well, moreso!
now, there was a very good reason why the index
card did not bend fully around the moon...
View/Post
Comments on Battle #41
Back to the top
|
