I rolled over and looked at the clock next to my bed. 3:23 A.M. Great. I only had to be up in 5 hours for yet another interview I didn't want to go to anyway. I climbed out of bed and walked to the balcony door, opening it and stepping outside. I was so sick of hotels. I didn't even own a house anymore, I'd sold the one I'd lived in with Mandy and after that…well, yeah, I'd gotten the one for the family in Florida, but nothing for me. Why bother? I wasn't in a place long enough to call a home, so why buy a house that would eventually just sit empty.

But I wanted that. I wanted a house, more than that, I wanted someplace I could call home. Not some random no-name hotel in one city that looked like the one I'd just left. I just wanted someplace I could come home to every nite, the SAME place.

I slid down the wall into a sitting position, looking up at the sky. It was hard to see the stars. New York wasn't exactly the best place to go star gazing. I thought about all the places in the world that I had been where I could just lay back and look at the stars, without the bright lights of a city shrouding them. I found myself laughing some, realizing that I couldn't even remember the last time I had just lay down and looked at the stars. I had been all over the world and I realized that I hadn't really seen the world. I'd seen hotels and malls, stadiums and arenas of the world…but outside of that…I couldn't have told anyone really what I remembered from the places I'd been. And that saddened me more than anything. I worked, that's all I did. Everywhere I went…I worked. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, thinking about what I'd been planning for so long then before I had a chance to change my mind I stood and went back into the room, grabbing my bag I shoved in a few things and then went to work putting my plan into action.

By the time I was finished, all my bags were stacked in the middle of the bed. Everything neat and orderly. That alone would make everyone freak. Nothing in my room…hell, nothing in my life anymore, was neat or orderly, and starting tonite that was going to change. Finishing up I looked around the room and realized I was done. It was time to go. I grabbed my backpack and headed for the door. I paused for a minute as I realized what I was about to do. I knew the chaos this was going to cause, and I knew so much of it was selfish on my part. But I also knew that I couldn't think of any other way out anymore. Contracts and agreements. There was so much shit that I just couldn't deal with anymore and I didn't want to deal with anymore. I wanted a chance to be someone besides one-fifth of the Backstreet Boys. I wanted a chance to just be.

Shutting the door behind me I walked towards the elevator, watching to be sure nobody recognized me, as I headed for the front desk to check myself out. I handed the desk clerk my key, told him to keep any receipts and to not bother with the room for now, that the guys would take care of it later. He smiled and nodded. Taking a deep breath I turned and walked out the hotel doors. Hitching my backpack farther up onto my shoulder I walked down the street, thankful for a moment I was in a city like New York…because nobody took the time to look at each other. People just walked past one another without a glance. And walking down the street alone I headed for somewhere else. I had no real idea where that somewhere was, but as I turned the corner and left the hotel behind, I realized that I was leaving everything behind. My friends, family, work…everything I had ever known or cared about.

And I smiled…

And walked away.