"You ever wonder about where you'd be now if Kev had never made that phone call to you?" I grabbed a french fry, shoving it in my mouth as I posed the question to Brian sitting at the end of the bed. He looked up at me, setting his book down. "Not really. I mean, not anymore. I used to wonder awhile back. Thought about college and stuff. But if I hadn't been in the group, I probably never would have met Leigh and never would have gotten married, least to her anyway. God, I might be married to Sam!" He rolled his eyes at the last comment and grabbed a burger from the pile in the middle of the bed, biting into it. "Why? Do you still wonder?"

I shrugged, not really wanting to get into a deep conversation about it. Wadding up a burger wrapper and tossing it towards the trash can in the corner. "I dunno, I guess sometimes I still wonder. I guess I wonder more what it would be like if we just weren't a group anymore. Like if I woke up tomorrow and the Backstreet Boys were just gone…and it was just me, on my own." Brian tilted his head some watching me. I could see him trying to figure out where this was going. "You mean like solo?"

Why did I know he was going to say that?

"No, not solo. Just me, alone, nobody else. No group, no music." I watched his forehead furrow and tossed my half eaten burger back into the pile on the bed. "Forget I said anything." I sighed and stood up walking into the bathroom shutting the door. "Lock the door on your way out k." I called out through the closed door, knowing that would either piss him off or confuse him more. Or both. Right now, I didn't really care. I just wanted to be alone.

I waited in the bathroom for awhile, then hearing Brian leave I opened the door and glanced around before heading out. Brian had cleaned up all the trash from our meal, leaving the bed all neat and tidy. Just like him, the damn perfectionist. I didn't think it in a mean way, it was just Brian, and he couldn't help it. I dropped down onto the king-sized bed, sprawling out and stared at the ceiling. Something had to change for me though. I was sick of it all. Yes, I loved the music. Yes, I loved the fans and the fame…well, maybe not the fame. The fame had taken away so much from me. I thought about the things I had really missed out on. Things everyone else had, or took for granted. High school to start with. Being on a basketball team. Proms. God how many times had I thought about those things and wondered about what ifs? And why did I keep wondering and thinking about them? It was over, in my past, something I'd missed and would never get back. So deal with it already and move on right?