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Chapter 27: This Was the First Day of my Life.

I don’t like hospitals, but I walked through the sliding double doors despite it; don’t let anyone tell you I never did anything for him then. The blinding white light hit me like a ton of bricks, and I almost fell back outside. People where hustling and bustling in white suits, checking clipboards as if they had nothing better to do, and running back and forth and up and down stairs. No, it didn’t seem normal. It seemed to be the waiting room for death. The thought itself caused me to swallow hard- he was in that maze, somewhere, waiting for me to rescue him.

My father placed a hand on my shoulder, as if to reassure me. “Come on,” he said, “Let’s ask the lady at the front desk where Reno is.”

I nodded my head, and followed him to the woman with un-ceremonial bright red lipstick staining her lips. She didn’t seem too happy to see us- probably waiting to get off duty- and rolled her dull gray eyes upon noticing our worried faces.

“Can I help you,” she mumbled.

“Can you tell us where Reno Sinclair is?” My dad said sternly, throwing her a vicious look.

She shrugged her shoulders, and began typing- that’s when I noticed her tacky long nails that looked like claws. “Reno Sinclair is in room 230, second floor. Are you his father?”

“Let’s just say I am his guardian.”

She shrugged again, “Whatever.”

My father grabbed my shoulder and guided me to the elevator. He had been unnaturally silent since he was forced to retrieve me from the police car. I…I don’t remember how I got there, I think I punched someone because they were trying to take Reno away from me- they had to take him to the hospital, but I didn’t…I didn’t want to let him go. They didn’t arrest me for punching….whoever I punched out- too many other issues on their hands- but I don’t think my dad was pleased with it anyway. He took me home first, despite my screams to follow Reno, and forced me to change…

I was covered in the blood of two different people…

I sat in front of the mirror for an hour and sobbed…

I didn’t want to wash Aeris’ blood off me...it was her…I didn’t want to let her go.

I did eventually…and mistook the blood going down the drain for my own a couple of times. Though I could tell I was bleeding from my heart.

After I was dressed, I walked downstairs only to fine two cops sitting on my couch, waiting for me to be cleaned up. They had to… “ask” me questions, but it seemed like they were just interrogating me.

“Why were you there?”

“What did you know about the accident?”

“Sephiroth called you, what was your conversation about?”

“What was your relationship with the decease?”

…Decease…like all of a sudden she didn’t have a name. She did.

“Her name was Aeris Gainsborough,” I growled.

I don’t remember what else I said to those cops; all I know is my father eventually ran them out of my house- and told them to stop harassing a poor boy grieving. Was I grieving? I don’t remember feeling sad…just knowing I had to be sad.

The elevator door open, revealing a scene much like that of the lobby. More doctors, more nurses, dressed in white and running around like chickens without heads. The other people there were dressed in black, and crying, and with questions no on had the guts to answer. “Why…”

We walked down the hall, my eyes introducing themselves to the pitiful sites of people in pain. I wondered if I looked just like them. So lost…hopeless. I wanted to know what made them so sad, and if it compared to my pain. Ha, how selfish- comparing death now.

Room 230 glared at me…I peered in and didn’t see anyone, and looked back at my father.

“Why are you so afraid?” He questioned.

I looked back into the hospital room- at the bed…the monitor, the whiteness. Whiteness.

It seemed so familiar.

“I was here before,” I answered, “I was here because of blood.”

“Blood?”

“Bloody, everywhere, and people screaming at me…”

That hand came onto my shoulder again, “Cloud, you are just remembering what happened last night.”

I shook my head and looked at my father sternly, “That happened last night? It’s been a whole twenty-four hours.”

He nodded grimly, “Yes Cloud…don’t you remember today at all?”

I didn’t bother to answer him- he already knew. I blocked out everything that happened after the cops left. Did I even want to remember? Was it that bad? Or was it so pointless I didn’t even bother to remember it. Still…how could I forget what happened only hours ago?

Another hand hit my shoulder, only on the other side of my body. I turned and saw the most beautiful green eyes shine against the bright hospital lights. Despite all that had happened, he still managed to look as gorgeous as usual- even with the obnoxious white bandaged wrapped around his head. We stayed in this locked position of awe for an eternity- no one, not even my father, daring to break this stance. Was it that long since I had seen him?

“Hey baby,” he laughed painfully, “You have to wake up…”

--

I opened my confused blue eyes once I felt Reno’s chapped lips brush against the back of my neck. The morning light attacked my bloodshot eyes causing me to groan at the unwelcome glow. I tried to focus on where I was exactly- what day it was- but my mind refused to indulge me with answers…

“Wake up,” Reno sang, “You have places to go, and me to do.”

I forced a small smile, and rolled onto my back. I was blessed with the site of his half naked form hovering over my body. We stared at each other for a couple of minutes, as if trying to grasp the fact that we were in fact. I touched his bruised cheek just to make sure he wouldn’t disappear suddenly. He winced at the sudden sting of pain, but instantly leaned against my touch, as if silently assuring me he wasn’t a dream.

“Hey sleepy head,” he murmured, “About time you woke up.”

I groaned in protest, “Where am I?”

He laughed sweetly at my confusion, “You’re in my room, which is in your house, which is in Staten Island, which is in-“

“Okay okay I get it!” I allowed the hand that was touching his cheek fall back on my bed, signaling my aggravation. “What happened? I can’t seem to remember what day it is…”

“You say that everyday…” he pouted, running his fingers through my messy blonde hair, “It’s been three days since the accident Cloud…”

I should have been surprised…but some how, I kind of knew. I guess I could just feel that sadness in my heart weigh heavier. I think it was the whole reason why I lost three days of my life…why I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried, remember the events of those days. I couldn’t even remember when Reno got back from the hospital. Because I had been waiting for this day, this horrible, horrible day, where I would dress in my finest attire, and surround myself with people who barely knew her. I would stand in line, in front of her so-called best friend, and wait to touch the closed casket.

“It’s her funeral today…” I mumbled, turning my head to stare at the door, as if waiting for someone to burst in and tell me it was all a silly joke. But no one would…

“Yeah babe,” he kissed my forehead, “It’s in an hour, you better get up so we can go.”

I didn’t want to go. But I knew Reno was going to be stubborn and force me into that funeral home- because it’s my “obligation” as her friend. I didn’t want to face her family. I didn’t want to face her friends. I knew what they said about me behind my back, and too my parent’s faces. They blamed me- not Sephiroth. No, the blamed me because I was a “faggot.” Because, if I wasn’t for my “impure” behavior, she wouldn’t have been “tainted” by me, thus never had fallen into the clutches of her real murderer. I don’t see the logic, I never saw the logic. It just looked like they were searching for any excuse to blame my homosexuality for all the problems in the neighborhood. I knew they wanted me out…they wanted my family to pack up and move away. They even went so far as stood in front of my house with candles, chanting Christian hymns in an effort to run us out. I never got the logic. I never got why…why I was being blamed by strangers for a death I didn’t have anything to do with…

I was already blaming myself enough.

Reno and I laid in the bed for a couple of minutes, before we finally got the strength to drag our asses out of bed and get in the shower. We stood in the shower, the steamy hot water pounding onto our bodies, soothing the aching wounds that covered Reno’s frail body. I wrapped my arms around my love, and in turn he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

Despite how comfortable I was, something still boiled in my stomach. Answers, I needed them, as soon as possible. I knew Sephiroth had been silent since the accident, but that didn’t mean he was finished with him mission- he was like an active volcano, just waiting for the right moment to destroy every ones lives. I needed to know why, the real reason why, he harbored all this anger towards me and the people in this neighborhood.

And there was only one person who knew…and only one person who could find out….

“Reno…” I hated asking him to do this for me, “I need you to do me a favor…”

“Mmmhmm?” He sang, snaking his arm around my neck.

“I need you to talk to Rufus…about Sephiroth.”

“About…why he is doing this to you?” His green eyes glanced at me for a moment- I guess the answer was written across my face, “Okay. I will after the funeral.”

I bit my bottom lip, “I don’t want you to go…I have to do this alone.”

Reno pulled away from me, narrowing his eyes, “What the fuck?”

“Don’t take it personally…just…I want to go by myself. While I am at the funeral, you can go to the hospital to visit Rufus.”

“I don’t-“

“Please...just do this for me.”

I could see a smile trying to force it’s way past his frown, but he kept up his “I am pissed of at you demeanor” with his arms crossed over his masculine chest, and green eyes narrowed. I smiled weakly at my boyfriend, extending my hand to touch his bruised cheek once again.

“I love you Reno Sin-“

“No…” a sneaky smiled danced along his cheek, “You probably don’t remember mister memory lapse, but call me by my real name…”

My mind raced back to the first time I ever laid eyes on him, all the butterflies that had played in my stomach. They had returned, and it was like I was looking at him for the first time.

“I love you Reno Strife…”

He placed a quick peck on my wet lips; his smile growing wider… “I love you too Cloud Strife…”

-

I once had a dream that I lived in a world where everyone looked and dressed the same. It was really weird, probably came about from watching too many episodes of the Twilight Zone. Anyway, as I sat my new car, I watched as everyone…dressed in the same black suit, and the same black dress, shuffled into the funeral home. No one spoke, just marched single file, with their hands on their lap and their heads hanging in sadness. A few stood outside and puffed nervously on cigarettes, while exchanging the same tired phrase, “It was the fags fault.”

Reno sat in the drivers side (didn’t trust myself behind the wheel) wearing his two-hundred dollar channel sunglasses for some ungodly reason. A thousand dark black clouds covered the sky, keeping the bright rays of sunlight hidden- there was no reason to wear sunglasses. I guess he was just afraid of anyone seeing the black eye Yazoo gave him.

“You gonna go,” he said, “You better get going- they are probably going to move to the church. You sure you have a ride?”

“Yeah, Cid and Tifa,” he mumbled, still watching the zombies walk into the gray funeral home. “Why, why did we have to come all the way to south beach? For this funeral home?”

“Duh,” Reno gently punched my shoulder, “The church is right down the street from here.”

“Don’t see why we had to use Holy Rosary church…”

“Because Aeris’ family are bible totting Roman Catholics, and like to make everything difficult. Now are you going to go? Or do I have to drag you out by your hair?”

I threw him a dirty look, which he only countered with a loud cackle. “Sometimes Reno,” I smiled, “You can be so-“

“So sexy right?”

I couldn’t even find the words to respond to him- he was being his normal psychotic self, and for a second I forgot I was at a funeral. But it was only for a second, and I realized what I had to endure alone- the dead eyes of my friend. I sighed and gave Reno a small kiss goodbye.

“Meet me at her house,” I said as I opened the car door, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Cloud.”

-

I stood in the purple wallpapered lobby of the funeral home, feeling completely out of place suddenly. Yes, I had grown up surrounded by these people, and yet, I felt as if I didn’t know any of them, and that they didn’t know me. All they knew about me was, I was that “faggot” who ruined the sanity of their beautiful neighborhood. I brought about a disease that would eat their morality, and destroy everything they tried to build. They were no longer secretive about it either- not anymore. They didn’t cross the street when they saw me walking on the same side of the sidewalk- no- now they just spat at me, or tripped me.

It was amazing how a school filled with so called “ignorant” people could be more accepting than high class adults.

I scanned the room with my nervous blue eyes, taking note of my neighbor’s contorted faces of disgust. I even heard someone say, “What is that fag doing here?” As if me being here was so out of the ordinary…I was her friend, her ex boyfriend…did they all ready forget that? Apparently so.

A man whom I only recognized from Christmas parties approached me, with a scowl plastered on his face. He examined me head to toe- I would have made a snide remark like “are you checking me out?” but I still had some class- and proceeded to narrow his dull brown orbs at me.

“You have a lot of balls,” he hissed.

“Actually no, I only have two balls,” I retorted- so much for class.

“Don’t get smart with me kiddo,” he growled, “Do you have any respect for the family? You think they want to see you of all people at their daughter’s funeral?”

“And what’s wrong with me? What did I do?”

He rolled his eyes, and spoke as if the answer was obvious, “You’re a homo. You and that new kid.”

“What does my sexuality have to do with paying my respects? Aeris was my friend.”

“Her parents are devout Catholics, this is a Catholic funeral home, and this is a Catholic funeral. You are committing a sin against God and this establishment. You are insulting this institution, and her parents. Please, leave.”

I noticed a few other cliché Italian guedos decided to surround me.

“Yo, Anthony, this little runt givin’ ya problems?” One of the cackled in that annoying Staten Island accent, “Ey you, fag, get the hell outta ‘ear.”

“Or what? You’ll have me sleep with the fishes?”

“No,” Anthony said, though I am sure he considered it, “We will throw you out.”

I could feel the anger rise like bile. I was tired of the hatred towards me and my family because of what I did in the privacy of my own home. I was tired of people spitting at me, cursing at me, and even physically attacking me. I suffered this, even before she died- but it was pointless to even talk about because it didn’t matter. It didn’t fucking matter because I wouldn’t have to deal with the shit much longer. But they were stopping me from saying goodbye, goodbye to the only woman I could ever say with honesty that I loved. They were treating me…they were treating me worse than the son of a bitch that murdered her in cold blood.

“I still don’t understand!” I was shouting now, “What is wrong with you people? All you people? Can’t you put you hatred aside for one fucking day? What I do in my fucking bedroom with my husband-“

A hand connected with my face, hard, sending me into a wall with a loud thud. Guess I said something that offended them.

“Husband?” Anthony shouted, “Now you dare laugh at our most sacred institution?”

“No, I don’t laugh,” I smiled, “I am not here to laugh, I am not even here to start a fight with you, I am here to say goodbye to my best friend.”

“We won’t allow you,” he spat, “you’re a sinner, and sinners aren’t welcomed here.”

My smile grew wider, more insane like, “Really? Then you better leave Anthony- I mean, because sinners aren’t allowed right?”

“What are you getting at?”

“Does, ‘thou shall not sleep thy neighbors wife mean anything to you?”

The fake tan literally drained from his face, leaving him white as a ghost. I took so much satisfaction in his sudden fear- especially when his neighbor joined in on the fun.

“Susan? Anthony you slept with Susan?” He shouted, grabbing the man in questions collar.

Everyone was suddenly too preoccupied with the new drama going on, to notice I managed to make my escape. Rubbing my bruised cheek I made my way into the room were Aeris’ body laid in a brown coffin. I walked into the room that was swarming with people who didn’t truly know her, and people who only thought they knew her. The smile I once had quickly disappeared upon witnessing the sad site I saw. People stood corners, looking at their watches as to say, “is this almost over?” Others just sat in the fold out chairs and conversed among themselves. Aeris’ father didn’t show up- apparently he was back at the house getting ready for the guest. His wife was there, drunk as usual, hanging on to her sister and sobbing uncontrollably. The coffin where Aeris’ body laid was closed…

“Closed coffin,” I heard a familiar voice announced, “Because her face was pretty messed up.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” I whispered, looking at the person that stood next to me.

I never remembered a moment were Cid was dressed in a suit- but he was for this occasion. He even decided to shave, and leave his hair free of that smelly gel. I silently thanked him for cleaning himself up for this occasion…at least someone besides me respected her…

“Where’s Tifa,” I asked.

His features softened up a bit…his eyes screaming from some sort of solution to a problem. Then he dropped the bombshell, “She is taking a home pregnancy test…she might be pregnant.”

My jaw nearly dropped, “What the- Did you use a-“

“Yes! Of course we did…but she missed her period, and she’s been acting weird. So I left her home to take care of Barret’s kid, and to take the test.”

“Shouldn’t you be there to support her?” I winced at the sudden death glare my friend threw at me.

“I support her plenty. And if I knocked ‘er up, then I will marry her. The end.”

I was about to retort with the fact that his mother and father would never let him marry her, but the priest called us all to make our final goodbyes before we headed to the church, and then the cemetery. I stood still…waiting for someone to go to the casket to say goodbye…for someone to even look at it. There was a little girl in there...but no one moved from their position, not even her sobbing mother.

Cid nudged me, “Ey, you gonna go? Say goodbye to her and crap?”

I stared at the casket for a long time, looking for the words to say to her. Then I remembered the night she died, when I held her in my arms as the pages to her soul began to fly away. I walked her take her last breath…I watched the blood pour out of her.

“I already said goodbye….”

-

I noticed how the number of people began to dwindle as we went to the church and cemetery. Not many stayed for the whole service- most just packed up and left after the Funeral home. I guess they thought showing up for five minutes was enough…they had to get back to their busy lives of sitting in front of the TV watching a football game and cursing at their children.

By the time we bad it to Aeris’ house for food and awkward conversation, there was only about twenty people- most being her family. I could feel Cid’s eyes on me, as if waiting for me to make some smart ass commentary about how people in our neighborhood are a bunch of fat selfish assholes. I didn’t give Cid what he wanted, and after a while he gave up and followed Barret to the buffet.

“Vincent,” I turned to my raven haired friend, who was staring at a picture of Aeris, “Why do they serve food at funerals?”

“I guess as a thank you,” Vincent shrugged, “Go a head, make a comment about how fat your neighbors are.”

I rolled my eyes- I guess I had become predictable, “I am going upstairs…to her room.”

“Do what you must Cloud.”

I walked up the stairs, making sure no one was watching me…it may have been disrespectful, but I suddenly missed her girly pink room. The hall way was filled with family portraits; fake smiles, and fakes happiness…I noted how fake her family was…

But as fake as they was, she was real.

I walked into the room, and gagged at the amount of pink she owned. It was the girliest room in the history of rooms, and I remember every time I walked in I would say…

“Eck, I am getting a vagina just by being here…”

To which she responded, “Good, maybe then I will have someone to go shopping with.”

And somehow we would laugh at out stupidity and proceed to lie on her obnoxiously pink bed…and allow the whole world to pass us by. Her parents would be so drunk sometimes; I would just sleep over…and hold her as her parents fought in the room next to us. She would cry in my arms and begged me to take her away…

I never rescued her. I didn’t have the drive I did when Reno laid in my arms and asked me the same thing…I don’t know why…I was just never there for her.

And yet she sacrificed her body, our love, to save me from Sephiroth….

And she died for it.

I stood in front of her white vanity…her grandmother gave it to her, she loved it. I would walk into her room sometimes and she would be there doing her makeup...I could still see her doing it. She would smile when I came in, as she applied the last bit of blush. The makeup was now scattered everywhere…opened and dried and crack- much like her now I guess.

A rough knock at the door startled me, snapping me away from my thoughts. I swung around, only to see Reno standing in the doorway, a manila folder clutched in his hand.

“Hey,” He said sadly, “Vincent said I would find you here…we have to talk Cloud.” He walked towards me, a troubled look plastered on his face.

“You talked to Rufus?” I snaked my arm around his waist, “Everything okay?”

“Cloud, he can’t walk…” He murmured sadly, “He is paralyzed from the waist down.”

“…Sorry…” What else could I say?

“The only good news is…he was very forthcoming with information…he-he even gave me the proof.”

“Would proof be needed,” I raised an eyebrow, “What’s going on?”

He refused to look into my eyes…he wiggled himself out of my embraced, and walked to the other side of the room. “You aren’t going to like this Cloud, honey, you are going to go crazy-“

“What? Just tell me…”

I could sense he didn’t really didn’t want to tell me- he wanted me to live in ignorance for the rest of my life. He was so conflicted, it was written all over his face- and I began to wonder if what I did was humane…forcing him to uncover my past.

“Cloud,” he swallowed his doubt once and for all, and finally told me the horrible news… “Cloud, Sephiroth is your brother.”

I suddenly wished, I was dreaming. I closed my eyes and tried to force myself awake, but when I opened them…everything was the same- and what Reno said…what he said…it hung in the room like a dead body. My mind raced with so many broken memories, trying to find the truth to what he said- I suddenly couldn’t remember my name….

“Your father,” Reno continued, “He had an affair with Sephiroth’s mother…she got pregnant…thus you were born.”

I shook my head, “No. No that isn’t true.” But I just knew it was for some reason. Why would anyone lie about that? That of all things? That he was my brother…and he wanted to kill me…

“I need answers…I need I need to see him,” I headed for the door, only to have Reno grab my hair.

“Wait, what the fuck?” He shouted, “He killed Aeris and now you want to see him? He could just pull out a gun and shoot you!”

“I know,” I mumbled, “I know but I need to know what’s going on. I need to know who I am-“

“You’re Cloud Strife,” He shouted, forcing me to look at him, “You are Cloud Strife! This doesn’t change you!”

I stared into his pleading green eyes, really trying to contemplate what to do now…in this situation I was suddenly thrown into. There was only one thing I could do…and I knew it would be putting me in danger. But some things you just have to find out, regardless of the risks involved- and I needed to find out who I was…so I could figure out how I became who I am.

I kissed Reno hard on the lips, “I love you so much baby,” I said breathlessly, “I do.”

“Just come back okay?” He handed me the manila folder, quickly. He wouldn’t let go of my arm though, not for a while. I pleaded with him silently to let me go…to let me do this. He tried to fight back the tears, because he knew if I saw him cry I would stay…and I just couldn’t stay- I had to find closure. I gently took his small wrist and pried him off me, and walked out of the room without another word, and without throwing him another glance.