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WARNING: I made a very weak attempt at a sex scene. It isn’t really graphic but…well…defiantly a sex scene. And there an implied sex scene in the beginning that I dodged with a song XD so be prepared. So enjoy!

Thanks for the wait…sorry for the delay.

“I’ve never seen snow…”

His calm voice broke my sleep deprived induced trance and I followed his everlasting gaze to the frosted window. I moved closer to him as a weak attempt to savor the bit of warmth in between our bodies as my fingers flutter against his cold cheek.

“It isn’t that amazing, “ I murmur, “ Snow is snow, and it gets in the way of every life.”

He sighs, his deep green eyes returning to my blue ones, locking us in a calm stare. We cut school for this- just laying in his bed together as the crystal write flakes engulf us in our own lonely heaven.

“I leave tomorrow.”

“Fuck California, stay here.”

He laughs sadly, “God knows I want to.”

I press my lips against his, letting my idle hand travel inside his shirt, feeling every inch of flesh. I push him on his back so I was hovering over him, never allowing my lips to leave his. I felt his tongue glide along my bottom lop, instantly causing my mouth to open, letting him tango with my tongue for a few minutes because I move my mouth his jaw line. He pressed his hips against the hardness throbbing my pants, causing me to moan in his ear, despite my weak attempt to act all macho.

My hand (which was mis behaving…bad hand!) danced to the fly of his jeans, slowly unzipping one of the obstacles when a cold hand clasped around my wrist, halting anymore attempt to undo those awful pants. I look at him, his green eyes were a horrible mix of confusion and fright, and now having a second to think about it, I was also afraid. What am I doing?

“Sorry,” I gasped, “I got carried away.”

He shakes his head, “Shut up, I’m fine, your great…it’s just this was part of something…I was going to do later on and…”

I pressed my lips against his again, hushing his stuttering words. His surprise….it was…

Oh well then..

“Okay we’ll stop.”

I roll off his body, the beautiful hear once there grew cold and I started to wonder when was the last time I had this much self control. He flung his arms around my waist, inching closer so his head was on my shoulder.

I slowly closed my eyes trying to imagine this scene- me laying on his bed, his body so close to me I can almost make out the soft pumping of his heart. Six month ago, when Aeris and I were stile head over heals in love with each other, I would have swear on my life this scene would never happen- not after Zack, not after that disaster. Call it fear, call it my own personal homophobia, I guess what I thought back then was that I wasn’t gay…

My eyes shoot open- the third time that blasted letter popped into my head. “Don’t let confusion be mistaken for love.: I pushed my gaze to focus on the sleeping red head, so oblivious to my conflicted mind and body…

Or was he?

He is as confused as I. Are we in love? Are we “just confused”? Is this pure lust?

No…I remember last year I didn’t believe a word that letter threw at me. “There is always confusion in love,” that’s what I said, “That’s what makes it last.”

Heh…but what else did he said?

I was going to hurt Aeris…

Well, someone was hurt.

Maybe Zack was right about something. I am confused…I am fuckin confused. I feel like I am only proving that damn blonde stereotype. Stupid! Stupid! Look at me, I get all bent out of shape over a stupid letter my stupid ex boyfriend sent me a year ago.

Issues Cloud…SERIOUS issues.

I need a smoke bad. But my slight attempt to sneak away from my boyfriend half awakens Reno, his green eyes tainted with the red blood of sleep.

“Where are you going?” He asked for the sake of asking; he eased himself back on the pillow, looking as if he was read for another cat nap.

“I am just dieing for a cigarette.”

“You got any cigarettes?”

I dramatically slap my pockets, and realize that thief stole them yet again. “Cid,” I hiss under my breath; the urge to strangle the cop’s son was rising rather quickly.

“You need a God damn alarm on your cigs yo.” He reaches over to his night table and throws me a full pack of Marlboros (Oh God my favorite!) “Since my moms out, you can smoke in my room…just remind me to spray that fruity scented shit so she doesn’t have a heart attack.”

His green eyes slowly drift closed, and in a second he was a memory to the conscious world. I sit on his bed, watching his chest slowly rise and fall with every intake and exhale- and I think this was the first time I was able to acknowledge he was real (and I don’t mean just physically.) I am going to allow him to catch me this time; being caught in his web maybe fun, exciting, everything I never felt before with a guy. Maybe finally I can stop being so EMO….

Yeah…cause you EMO people suck! (Just Kidding, Emo kids just have insane hormones that are messing up their brain activity. Insert the “More You know” logo.)

I lean over and place a gentle kiss on his forehead, “I love you, Reno.”

“Ilove…ishbfuckiggs.” Well isn’t that an attractive response! I am going to assume that means, “I love you too Cloud, and I am your slave for life.” Hehe, oh the things I could do to him right now…

Yes I am horny…you got a problem with that?

I put the cigarette out (Meh a waste) and wrap my arms around his small waist, pulling his as close as I could. He stirs, a single green eye opening and laying its longing gaze on me. “God forbid you aren’t touching me,” he laughs, pulling his body into a sitting position.

“Sorry, you are just so irresistible,” I retort sarcastically.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

A devilish little smirk dared to form on my face, as a sexy possible retort flashed in my head over…and over…and over again. I’m horny get over it. So, I leaned in closer, feeling his confused eyes on me as I place my lips against his. “I want you, bet you didn’t know that smart ass.”

He smiled against my lips, “Damn, you got me there Strife.”

Our lips crashed together again, tongues darting out to play each other as our hands touched each others skin desperate for the feel of naked flesh. I yanked his “Taking Back Sunday” shirt off, almost ripping it, and tossed it into some unknown abyss. He pulls me down on the bed with him, pulling away to gasp for breath, “You want this? Are you sure?”

“Reno…I have never been more sure about anything in my fuckin life…”

“Good…because I can’t turn back now even if I want to.”

I smiled down at him, “Same here.”

-

-

OH…my….fuckin’….God…

Did I just have sex with a guy? No No, did I just have sex with a guy, and was one TOP?

Well if I was a compulsive liar (which I have been accused of.), I would have said “Of course not! We just had a hard workout naked!” Yes, see brilliant lie right? So brilliant even I am fooled by my own genius. But this isn’t a lie…no this is real…this entire thing happened. No I am not regretting it, per say, I am just shocked I did it. I mean, it just seemed so weird that I would throw away all self control and logic out the window just to share one special and alien moment with this boy that I have been dating for only four months. It took me close to a year to get the courage to make love to Aeris, and we all know where that got me a few months later. I could spend a good three hours trying to figure out why I did this…but lets think about it; does it matter why?

He laid his head on my chest and linked our fingers together, keeping us connected. I ran my fingers threw his semi wet hair, our breathing reaching a normal pace but feeling of our passion still ran wild inside us. I would do it again in a heart beat, I know he would to, and that’s what made this moment so special…

We both want this forever…

-

I kissed him goodbye with my eyes because his mother was watching us like a hawk watching her enemies. I saw the hatred and curiosity in her metallic gray eyes as she gently rocked her son, Reeve, in the rocking chair. I could tell all attempts for us to convince Ellen Sinclair that I was straight was all in vain…and I don’t think the hickies on my neck helped.

“Your mother doesn’t like me,” I whisper half way out of his house. A smile danced across his face as he leans into me, and in a soft voice responded…

“I couldn’t care less.”

“I’ll call you later..” And it took every bone of self control in my body not to touch his face and kiss him one last time…but I didn’t want to ignite the rage in his mothers soft eyes.

I began the short, yet long, walk home, the snow still gently falling from the dark, foreshadowing clouds. The whole block was blanketed with a soft powdery glow, giving a false sense of innocence to the corrupted block. It was the physically form of the mask that we all wore in this hell hole. I can’t wait to escape from this place; I want to get as far as I possibly can from my family, from the destiny thrown at me for living in this dingy habitant called Staten Island (famous for our wonderful dump!). Where could I go is the question…I don’t really like many places. I am never really happy in any one place. I am sure I will hate Florida because it is to hot, Canada because it too cold, California because it is too hazy, England because it is to wet, or Chicago because it is too windy…

But I will always love the uniqueness and beauty of New York City…Manhattan mostly. The bright lights, tall buildings that make you feel so small, the strange people that grace the tiny, narrow sidewalks and streets. I guess I was always destined to live there in my own little apartment, high up in heaven and away from the sins of man, writing my stories about theories of humanity and hated with magical characters who make you forget that I am basically ranting about how much I hate life here (every great American writers is like this so shut up). I could do that…

I look back at the snow covering the dirty street…hiding the muck and stench that is just waiting to capture someone…and I think to myself, “Is that me?” I am just as guilty as everyone else, and my mask is so beautiful that it lies even to me.

I make it to my over decorated house (complete with rainbow lights…little do they know tee hee) when my frosted eyes lay upon the mighty form of Barret sitting on my stoup, and a mysterious little snow angel making a snow man on my front yard.

“ ‘Bout time you got home,” his gruff voice called out to me, “We’ve been waiting for sometime…no one is home.”

“Typical.” I take a seat next to him on my stairs, “Why are you here? South Beach is a long ass bus ride to this shit place.”

“I really need your help.” His voice was soft, something Barret wasn’t, and serious. I knew he wouldn’t have came here unless he needed me desperately; he is to proud to ask for help.

“Okay but,” I nod my hair over to the caramel colored princess in the puffy pink snow attire (still desperately trying to roll snow into a big enough ball for the middle part of her snow man), “whose she?”

Barret sighed loudly, catching the little girls attention. She abandoned her task and sloppily ran towards Barret, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Daddy daddy, what’s wrong?”

My eyes go wide as she utters those words, in her beautiful girly voice. Barret, a father? The thought never crossed my mind in the few months that I have know him- I mean I have been to his house, I met his dog, but I never saw any evidence a girl, let alone a three year old girl, lived there.

I watch as he reassures his daughter that he is okay, and beckon her to finish up her little creation. I was numb of all hearing, but all I could see was the love he had for her…the true fatherly love. Now I realized why he swallowed his pride and came here- he needs something for her.

“I’ll do anything to help you Barret.”

He looks as if he wants to smile, but I doubt whatever pride he has left won’t allow him to, so in regular Barret form he tells me everything. “I was stupidly in love with a girl of your class…”

“Fuck classes we are all people Barrett,” I just had to interrupt…I fuckin hate being reminded that I am rich.

“Maybe to you and me, but not the people that surrounds us. Anyway, her name was Jesse, she was beautiful, smart, funny…but white and rich. She didn’t care, and neither did I. We were some modern version of Romeo and Juliet…and it was horrible. If she was with me in the slums and projects, I had to hear from the idiots ‘Hey nice white girl, care to share her?’ or if I was with her in the Garden of Eden, her friends and peers would look at me as if I was some kind of walking disease. But when we were alone it was wonderful every minute.

“Then she got pregnant. We were both young…fourteen. She didn’t want to abort despite her parents demands. They took her away from me. The moved away to evade the ‘shame’. I never got to see my baby girl until October. That’s when I found out everything- Jesse died while giving birth, and Marlene’s immune system is fucked up and she has a hard time fighting off illness, but that wasn’t why they gave her to me. No…the gave her to me because she was, ‘too black.’”

He pauses, staring at the angel trying to catch snow in her mouth, smiling as the little flakes tickled her tongue. “I hate doing this, you know that…” His voice was distant, lost in some other realm. I wanted to see what he saw, what he was thinking. Barret was a mystery even now when he seemed to open up the curtains that darken his life. He must’ve felt guilty about Jesse, that’s why he is doing everything in his power to make Marlene happy.

“How much you need?” Money, despite my whole “anti money” campaign I know some people need it…badly. Sadly, money is the end all and be all of human society, we are people of greed, lust, and wrath. Oh yeah, we are totally not going to hell. BUT despite that, I know Barret wouldn’t be asking, unless he needed it.

“Her hospital bills drain both mine and my mother’s paycheck…so I have nothing to give her for Christmas. I just want enough to get her this Barbie house she has been asking for. She even wrote a note to Santa Clause to get it for her so I wouldn’t have to pay for it…the house is about sixty I think, that’s enough.”

“Fuckin 60?” I hissed, “I’ll give you five hundred, and you damn well like it.”

The expression on his normally stone face…was…fuckin…priceless! Eyes wide, jaw down to the floor, the mixed expression of hope and “you are fuckin insane Strife.” He looked like a deranged cartoon character! Haha…where is my camera when I need it.

“Fi…five hundred! I can’t pay that back!”

“Who said you had to? Merry fuckin Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and all that jazz.”

“Dude, that’s a shitload of money.”

Uh, not when you have close to ten thousand dollars in the bank...hey I could buy a house and move out of this hell hole. I am now intrigued….

“I have more money than I know what to do with; it just sits in a dirty ass Staten Island Bank waiting to be used. So why not do some good with it? Plus I mean, do you see how expensive shit is now…give her a nice Christmas.”

Barret’s face remains still- confused on whether or not to cry, smile, or both, but I know him…he won’t do either. But I have to admit, the staring is starting to freak me out…do something! Give me some signs of life!

“Thanks man,” he said coolly, the doubt still lingering in his face, “ You’re cool, I knew I liked you for a reason.”

He slapped my back…heeeve….and knocked the wind out of me. Damn him and his muscles…why can’t I be that strong? All I can do is fancy sword tricks…how’s that going to help me in a fight? Hmm? It’s not, exactly! Cause who the hell uses swords?

“Anytime,” I smile weakly, rubbing the growing bruise on my back.

“Daddy daddy!” The soft voice of the angel shattered our moment, and we turned to look at her creation. A sloppy snow man with rocks for eyes and a mouth, and fallen branches for arms, stood very heroically on my font lawn…laughing at the passer-bys. Marlene seemed proud of her snowman, “His name is Sonny!”

“Why Sonny?” I ask. The little girl laughs and looks at her father…

“Sonny is my middle name,” Barret sighed rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “Yeah…I wanted to keep that a secret, but Marlene seems to like it.”

“Sonny like the sun!” She squeals, jumping up and down like a freakin’ maniac. Did she has happy pills for breakfast or something? Jesus Christ she is more hyper than the time Reno decided to eat twenty pixy sticks….

Cut to…

“LETS GO STREAKING?”

“LETS NOT!”

Oh yeah, that was an interesting night…now all of Staten Island knows how big my wang is. Anyway! Back to the scene- Marlene running around the snowman singing “Jingle Bells,” on the top of her little lungs. Barret smiled approvingly…when most father in this neighborhood would have dragged their child in, and proceed to beat the living crap out of them. Yes, happiness isn’t allowed here, didn’t you get the memo?

“I like seeing her happy, usually she sits in her room drawing pictures. She looks happy, but I can tell…she feels alone without her mother; and lets face it…I feel alone without her to.”

His huge body arose from my stoop, towering over me while his eyes linger on his daughter. “We better get going.”

I nod and whip out the check book I never use, scribbling the necessary information.

Payment in the Order to: Barret Wallace for the sum of: Five hundred dollars and zero cents. Note: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Or Happy Holidays for all you left winged atheist (get a job!).

“Now, are you sure this is a gift? I don’t want to end up on Judge Judy three months from now for not paying you.”

“Yeah sure, “ I laugh, earning a weird look from Barret. Oh yeah…I never laugh…shit.

“Did you get laid or something?”

I laugh against, trying oh so hard to hide the nervous tone that was trying to creep into my voice. Yeah, I don’t quite want to give my friends any sick ideas of me- not to mention, I mean, I don’t want to tell them I got laid by a dude. I can’t even believe it myself. Plus I know what they would say”

Vincent would walk away and mumble something along the lines of, “Good for you.”

Barrett would give me a weird look and try to get the image of me with a guy out of his head.

Cid would yell and scream about STDs and Aids, ask if I used a condom, and ask God why! OH WHY! Because he is a drama queen like that.

And dear innocent little Tifa…she would…well…she would ask to join. Oh now that’s sick!

But my greatest fear would be if they were homophobic about it-Cid would be the best candidate for that-and I don’t think emotionally I am ready to face that rejection from the only people who probably get me. So I will just lock myself in this little closet for now. Oooh spooky.

“No, I’m not- Uhh I man, I didn’t get laid you crazy person.”

“Right,” he sounded like he didn’t believe me, but that glint in his eye told me he wouldn’t press the issue- yeah that’s right keep thinking it’s a girl…yes…excellent mwahaha!

No I am not crazy…

STOP JUDGING ME!

“Okay, let’s go Marlene.”

The little angel ran to her father, clutching his hand as if her life depended on it, and smiles at me as if she had any knowledge of my good deed.

“What’s your name?” she asked loudly as if she was so tiny her voice wouldn’t reach me.

“Cloud Strife.”

“I’m Marlene Wallace! Are you daddy’s friend?”

Yes I am. Do you still have your doggie.” Demon dog I should say! I still have the scar dammit.

“Yeah! He is the bestest.”

I narrow my eyes at Barret, who was trying to suppress the laughter that threaten to explode. “Yeah red SURE is nice.”

“Red is nice!” Barret chuckled, “He just don’t like you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I rolled my eyes dramatically.

“Well, though I love this quality time we share,” he adds a nice SLAP to my back…ow now that’s going to bruise, “We have to catch the bus.”

“you can’t take her on a bus,” I shout…like a drama queen, oh god my gayness is hitting a new level, “It’s fucking freezing.”

Barret shrugged sadly, “can’t afford a car.:

The thought of the little girl trudging in the heavy snow for twenty minutes after the bus drops them off, actually tugged at my heart and made me brain dead for a second.

“I have a friend that can drive you!” And that friend? Reno, yes see, this is what happens when you have a conscience-makes you stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

“Oh really?” He seems a little to intrigue for my liking.

“Yeah, I’ll just call him…” and the stupidity continues!

Reno, to my surprise, didn’t object to being chauffeur for the day. I tried to come up with a good explanation to why a Shinra dog was going to help me out; “friends?” how could I say that to Barret’s face when he knew and sympathized with Vincent. Not to mention he on a few occasions got into fights with Rude, and has grown to dispise the boy and anyone associated with him. What would Vincent think? Vincent who was brutally tortured by Hojo as his “friends” watch on without batting an eye. What would he think if he knew I was playing Russian roulette with Reno- “Top Class Turk.”

And lets not get into what I will have to deal with when Cid finds out…I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

But alas, this is the only option I had…really it was…

Reno pulled up in his black BMW. I glance at Barret who was flashing me a confused look…this was going to prove to be a most interesting car ride. Reno got out of the car and beckoned me over…

“Strife,” he whispers so only he and I could hear, “why are you risking everything?”

I swallowed hard, avoiding my boyfriends judging green eyes, “I couldn’t honestly let the little girl walk home in this cold.”

“I see,” his eyes secretly traveled to the Marlene throwing a snow ball at her, currently, aggressive looking father. “Well I guess I should have guess under all that shit, you are a softy.”

“Babe look, he doesn’t know we are going out-”

“That’s not what I am worried about,” his eyes smack mine, piercing into me…lecturing me without words but with the thoughts that seemed to travel through the barriers I so expertly placed around my mine…

“This is about fuckin’ Shinra, right?”

“You could say that…I am risking our well being going out with you. If I mess up just once, and they know about you…trust me they will come try to hurt you to hurt me. That’s what the did to Tseng…”

He stops and looks away, tears stinging his eyes and begging for release. “I just don’t want to risk any more lives that’s all.”

“I know,” despite all logic, I grab hand, linking our fingers together, “but you don’t have to worry about that…”

He looks down at his worn out converse sneakers, a long sigh escapes his perfect lips. “But I do have to worry…”

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught our attention. The sound wasn’t unwelcome, for if this conversation had gone on any longer I would have destroyed any secrecy in my relationship with Reno. My eyes dance to the form of Barret, checking out Reno’s car. “He’s our ride?” His voice was lace with an alien malice, as his eyes shot daggers at the red head.

I nodded grimly, the dread of the car ride started to over power me, and I really REALLY didn’t want to be in the middle of the inevitable awkward conversation. I untangled my fingers from my boyfriends, walking to Barret. He ushered his daughter into the car, her little eyes lit up with curiosity and “what’s that’s” flooding the car. I glance at Reno who offered me a brief, sympathetic smile before getting in the car, leaving Barret and I to exchange pre-ride words.

“Shinra?”

“Yes…”

“What about Vincent?”

His eyes burned into my sound, torturing me for the pure pleasure of doing so. I wanted to say, “I don’t care,” just to shut him up- but I would be lying. I did care about Vincent’s objections to this union, but I also knew…if he knew Reno and what we shared…he would understand.

He would wouldn’t he?

“I know,” I sigh, “Renos different though.”

“What do you mean?” He crosses his hulking arms across his chest, a perplexed look forever tattooed to his face.

“I…uhh…I…” I scratch the back of my neck nervously. My plan to NOT BE TO OBVIOUS, clearly wasn’t going as plan, and every second out here was another clue to my secret.

“Cloud, “ his voice changes dramatically, from an aggressive lion to the mew of a cat, “You’re in over your head.”

He followed his daughter into the car, leaving me to decode the meaning of his last line, “You’re in over your head.” I know that. I was treading on a very thin line between safety and utter destruction. Maybe that was the beauty of my relationship with the red head- the constant threat of the world finding out our dirty little secret. The dark beauty of having no one understand you, but one person, could be the most dangerous high (and we humans love danger.).

But…

I look over at Barret buckling his daughter safely into the care, all concern of our previous conversation gone with the wind.

Did he know?

Did he care?

Should I stop wondering and get my frozen ass in the car?

Yeah lets do that.

-

The harsh words that threaten to fall from Barret’s mouth was kept at bay by the open brown orbs of his daughter. However, his eyes were not bound by the same lock, and frequently shot venom in Reno’s direction.

Oh shit…

Don’t three year olds need naps?

I secretly glanced at the back of the car, to lay eyes upon the soon to be passed out Marlene. Her eyes grew heavy and unwillingly tried to close- and every inch to precious lids close, the larger the smirk on her fathers lips grew.

Her eyes closed…

That’s it…

“So, Reno, ruin anyone’s life this week?”

The sweet boy in question let out a long sigh, looking towards me for a second with a look of both pity and confliction. I knew this was my fault- this unwarranted interrogation could have been completely avoided if I had the balls to steal my parents car- but…when Barret wanted to say something, he was going to say it.

“Barret, chill,” was my weak attempt at getting him to stop.

“Just let the boy answer- it’s an honest question.”

We weren’t even half way to our destination…this is going to get ugly.

-

Reno answered every question with a hint a poison laced in his cool words. Barret as relentless, going as far as asking Reno if he got off at the suicide notes of the victims they so coldly take advantage of, and took every venomous answer shot back at him with some kind of sick pride. But despite this ruthless attack on my boyfriend, part of me understood he needed to get all this shit off his chest before he internally (or externally) exploded all over the damn place. I never knew why Barret hated Shinra as much as me did, except for the fact he hated what they did to Vincent- though from the way he was acting, it HAD to be something much more personal.

“We’re here,” Barret paused his stabs at Reno’s conscience to point to the big brown buildings of the South Beach Projects. “It was a pleasure, thank you so much.”

I couldn’t help but cringe at the words he spat at my boyfriend- it was like stabbing him with a cork on the sharp tip. Barret scooped up his daughter and exited the car, giving me a final, and genuine, “thank you,” before becoming a memory in the back seat of the car. Reno and I sat there for a awhile, watching the prime example of “Anti Shinra” walk into one of the large, ominous, brick buildings- his little daughter innocently sleeping in the protection of his arms.

“I know why he hate us.”

I turn to the owner of the sweet voice-Reno-who was looking at his dull finger nails, “We told his girls parents she was pregnant…by him.”

“Why would you do that?” I asked coolly.

“I don’t know, I was in California at the time. Tseng just mentioned it casually…well…not exactly casually more like, ‘Those mother fuckers have gone to far with this shit now. Where do they fuckin get off telling people’s secrets like that. How they fuck did they even know!’ Yeah he wasn’t too happy; I think it was cause someone could easily do that with him…tell his parents he was gay and I was his boyfriend. Guess he felt that chicks pain.”

I sat back in my seat, sighing loudly as some sort of sorry rebuttal. This explained A LOT. His aggression towards Reno, his hatred for Shinra, his sympathizing with Vincent…even though he only heard of this story a few months ago. Why didn’t I figure this out before? Oh well because…well it wasn’t that obvious…sue me! Sue.Me! Okay don’t I have no money…

Oh wait I do…

Okay sorry, I’ll shut up now.

“Way to defend me, back there,” he said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes but didn’t respond- I didn’t want to fight with him…I was still to high from when he and I…a hem…and I didn’t want to ruin it, no I loved feeling this…love.

I linked my fingers with his, “Reno…” I looked into his eyes, his beautiful green eyes, “I fuckin love you baby.”

I watched the shy smile start to spread across his face, a pink blush gracing his perfect cheeks…oh he looked like a little school girl talking to his school yard crush. Damn, didn’t think I had this affect on men. He looked adorable- with a glint in his eyes that mimic my words and forgave me for anything I did that hurt him…if we weren’t in a really bad part of Staten Island, I would so take him right here….right NOW.

“I love you to Strife…” Then his shy smile morphed into a very sneaky smirk…that caused that fear in the pit of my stomach to jump to my throat-he was thinking up something bad, “So, just remember that…after I make you do this…”

He slammed on the gas like a fuckin crazy person, causing us to zoom down a really nasty and crowded part of Staten Island- Hylan Blv, at god damn rush hour. Dammit, I’m going to die! That means I’m going to hell and have pineapples shoved up my ass for all eternity- well…it’s not like that would have been the first thing shoved up my ass! Ha ha! Yeah I’m here all night. So I don’t know what’s worse, going to hell, or finding out why my boyfriend had that sadistic look on his pleasant face- that sadistic look that had, ‘Make Cloud suffer,’ attached to it…

“Okay crazy lady,” I finally managed to speak after the initial shock of pulling 80 down Hylan settled in, “Where are we going?”

“Okay, you remember that bet we made…well you are holding up your end of the bargain.”

I raised a blonde eyebrow, “Come again?”

“Oh Jesus fuckin Christ! You remember, that bet we made, who can hold their alcohol the longest- you lost!”

The determined look on my boyfriends face caused all attempts to reason with him fly out the window- I was going to get my mother fuckin tongue pierced. Okay Okay, yes I admit, I could easily argue my way out of this- that or I could kick him in the nuts and run away…but I need those. Part of me always wanted to get a piercing…just to piss my mother off even more, but I didn’t have the time nor the energy to drive to New Jersey to get it done.

“Fine, whatever,” I mock huffed, relaxing into the…ooohhhh leather, seat.

“Okay, you have your fake ID right?”

“Of course.”

“Goody! This is going to be fun!”

-

Oh…my…fuckin…God.

Is that a needle? Or is that a torturing device! That’s, that’s going into my tongue. Okay, I don’t care how much I hate my mother, this isn’t worth it.

“Fuck this!” I tried getting up, but my surprisingly strong boyfriend pushed me back on the chair.

“Strify, you have to do this…it’s either the tongue or the wang.” He laughed his evil laugh, taking no pity on me for my fear of REALLY BIG THINGS BY MY MOUTH.

“I hate you…” I hissed, only making him laugh harder.

“Sure you do.”

I look over at my executioner, a fat man with a goatee and different shades of red dyed into his hair. His harms were covered into a mess of tattoos and piercing marred his eyebrows, lips, and nose. He looked evil, piercing yellowish eyes looked apathetically at the large instrument that will soon be in my tongue, but then would dance over to me and laugh at my fear.

“Calm down boy,” he said gruffly, “It only hurts for a second. Ever cut yourself? I know some of you rocker kids do.”

“No, can’t say I have…” I spat out aggressively, finding my balls that seemed to have escaped before.

“Okay there rich boy, it’s something like that. It only hurts for a second…so I don’t want to see any tears,” he looked towards Reno, “You, hold your boyfriends hand.”

Reno and I exchanged worried glances, “We aren’t gay.” It felt dirty hearing that fall from our mouths in unison, but it was a necessary evil…and hopefully a short lived one (if I ever get the strength to come out of the closet.). The man laughed at us, a loud obnoxious laugh that makes you want to smack someone, and returned to his instruments of torture. We weren’t fooling anyone, that’s what he was thinking. Maybe he was right. I looked over at my boyfriend, who lacked an extremely worried expression, and coolly said, “What’s keeping you in?”

“Shinra…what’s keeping you in?”

His eyes softly burned into mine, and I could only offer him an arrogant smile, “Myself.”

I linked my fingers with his, preparing myself for the upcoming pain that was either going to make me stronger physically, or make me cry like a little girl whose dolly just broke. The fat man rolled next to me, thongs in one hand, and a smile plastered on his face. He was going to enjoy this to much…

“Now don’t worry princess…it’s like dieing, it only hurts for a second.

-

It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, maybe it was because my boyfriend kept whispering very very dirty things in my ear as the whole process was going on. They say the brain can only focus on one source of pain at the time…and it choose the pain between my legs over the pain in my tongue. Yeah, so you could imagine how hard it was the walk out of there, wobbling like an idiot and the fat, evil, man laughing as I did so. I could barely talk, the tongue was swollen…but that was normal, though it didn’t help every time I tried to say something, Reno would laugh like a maniac.

I leaned my head against the passenger window, watching the cloud in the sky threaten New York with snow that will never fall, the cold glass massaging the migraine that came from this whole ordeal. The sweet voice of Jewel filled the car (yes very weird soundtrack to be listening to, but we are both too lazy to change the station.), and I could hear Reno humming along to the soft lyrics….

“Reno,” I found myself saying..

“Hehe, yeah baby…”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Are you IN love with me?”

There was a long pause in the car, the song ended as well as his beautiful humming. I waited for him to say no, I waited for him to say “shut up strife,” I waited for him to say every possibly negative answer in the book. I waited for him to break my heart, I had been waiting for that for a long time. It’s natural for us to expect the worse, and I went about my day with that stick poking in the back of my head. That today would be the last day we held hands, this would be the last day…

Of the rest of my life…

If that makes any sense.

I knew it was stupid to be so in love with something, especially so quickly, but I don’t know…we clicked…we were so perfect in our imperfection. I was setting myself up for destruction. Oh GOODY! I love internally killing myself!

“That’s a stupid question,” he laughed, “Of course I am in love with you Strife. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have slept with you. Are you in love with me?”

“Of course…” I laughed nervously. Well I wasn’t expecting that…but still, made me love him even more.

“Dude, like, sex is a big deal, I don’t just slept with every mofo. I don’t care what Vincent’s fuckin research said. Homey don’t play that.”

I laughed harder and more genuine, a kind of release washed over me blocking out the naughty voices in my head for a second. Everything seemed okay right now, so…seemingly perfect…

Me with a swollen tongue, my boyfriend erratically driving, and now listening to “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Yeah…perfect.

-

I hovered over him, drenched in my own sweat, using every muscle I knew my body had just to keep myself from collapsing on him- I don’t know why it was taking me so long this time, but I could barely even finish what I started. My lips lingered on his, catching every breath that escaped his mouth. Then he dug his fingers into my hips, whimpering as he did so, in an attempt to tell me to keep going. I closed my eyes and searched for the strength to finish this…so I could heard the prize of hearing my name escape from his lips.

I thrust into him, hitting his prostate, causing him to gasp my name…but that wasn’t good enough. I needed him to scream my name…so I pushed myself into him again, and again, finding some unknown strength that laid in my to perform this.

“C…Cloud…” he moaned. I could feel him shaking below me…he was almost there. So I put all my strength into one final push, one final attempt to finish this, and grunt made my final thrust. I was weak, and came inside him first, his name tumbling from my mouth, echoing in my quiet room. I collapsed on top of him, feeling his release as I did so…

Hearing him scream my name was the best sound ever.

I rolled off him, laying on my back out of breath, hair clinging desperately to my sweaty face. “Fuckin A Cloud, for only your second time doing this you’re pretty damn good.” He scooted next to me, his arm flung across my chest, and his head delicately placed at the crook of my next. I kissed his wet forehead, allowing an “I love you,” escape as I did so.

I looked over at the clock Aeris gave me last Christmas…3 am.

“What about the party you demanded I go to?”

“Fuck the party, this is the fuckin party.”

I couldn’t help but against his forehead as he linked our hands together. He was so beautiful…this is a dream…this type of love is something people make millions off of. This illusion that was as real as snow on the ground…

“When you wake up I’ll be gone…on a plane to California.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Open your present.”

I took the wrapped box off my night table, laying it on my chest…looking for the will to fight off sleep and open the damn thing. I took a breath and unwrapped the Snow man wrapping paper, lifting up the black cover when I discarded the paper. I stared in disbelief at the object that stared back at me. A beautiful silver Rolex, with crystals around the face of the watch, catching the moonlight and sending rainbows around the dark room. I looked a little closer, in the middle of the numbers said: “I meant every word I said…”

-

I felt him untangle himself from me, and yet I didn’t wake up to say good bye…my body wouldn’t allow me the pleasure. He ran his fingers through my hair, mumbling an “I love you so much,” in my ear. I could feel the sadness flood the once happy room as he walked out of that door, and left me alone to face this holiday.

But the words on my new watch rang in my head over and over again…

“I meant every word I said…”

That is how I will survive this week and a half with out him…

Then the door to my room flung open and the vicious words of my mother further chased out any bit of passion left in the cold fortress, “Cloud get your ass up!” My eyes flung open as she slammed the door, shaking every thing in my room as if it was an earthquake. I checked my watched, it was one in the fuckin afternoon on Christmas eve. Dammit…this is going to be a long vacation.