Dear readers,

All major papers have their own personal advice column. This wonderful piece of journalism should be no different!! This site will be at everyone's beck and call when you find yourself in need of some timely advice, be it counseling, an ear to gripe to and receive feedback from, or your own personal vendetta against your neighbor who is boinking your hubby can be aired here. Just about anything goes. At my age, and with my puritan upbringing, I'm not akin to certain sorts of language, but since Dr. Ruth is a personal idol I am quite receptive to just about anything. So email me with your questions and they will be answered in a timely manner!

April 29, 2001

Dear Blabby,

How are you? Is everything ok in your life? How do YOU feel about Acro going down?

(C)ontinuously (D)arting (Z)ephyr

P.s. Do I have an ego problem? If so, would you classify me as a small , medium. large or extra large, or extra,extra large?

P.p.s How can one have extra extra? wouldn't that just be more leftovers?

Dear Zephyr darter,

Ol' Blabby is doing all right. My rheumatism is acting up again, and the spring pollen isn't doing me much good, but other than that I'm all right.

I'm a little depressed about losing acro for awhile. I won't get to chat with my friends, but I've got enough cooking/baking to do for the church sales to keep me busy. Not to mention my 3 adorable grandchildren. I hope them folks over at flipside know what they're doing so acro can be up and running in a short time.

What do I think of your ego? From what I know of you, I'd guess medium. Most men are. And since you keep writing me, I'm startin' to think you're wanting to dip into Ol' Blabby's bloomers! Which brings me to your next question. When it comes to size dear...extra extra is NEVER called leftovers! (but from what Blabby hears, you haven't needed to worry about this problem yet).

P.S. Has that terrible fungus gone away yet?

Remember...when life looks shabby, look for Blabby!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 24, 2001

Dear Blabby,

If one could drive a car anywhere on this big blue marble we call Earth, why could one get into that car and drive North, only to eventually be going South. If one were to go, for example, East one would continue going East. The Right side of my brain thinks it is because their are only 3 true dimensions that we exist in, I.E.: Up, down and side way's however the left side of my brain says it's because of that whole North and South Pole thingy...I.E.: Once you reach that point you have changed directions etc....which side of my brain is right? I mean correct...C(onfused) D(elerious) Z(ygote)

Dear Confused egg,

Both sides of your brain are right!! Head east, you'd continue to go east forever. Head north, eventually you'd go south. And yes!! It IS because of that pole thingy!! Ol' Blabby thinks you've just got WAAAAAY too much time on your hands to be thinking this in-depth on some meaningless topic. You did fail to mention the secondary compass directions however, and I shudder to think what you may come up with for them!

When life looks shabby...look for Blabby!!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 22, 2001

Dear Blabby,

I'm sure you've never seen a question like this before, but I just HAVE to ask it. When my husband and I have sex, sometimes our dog is in the bedroom with us. Sometimes it's outside the room and looks in. We can't close the bedroom door because goodness knows what he'll get into. So my question is: Is our dog watching us have sex considered child abuse?? Who knows what is going on in the pooch's mind. Is he saying, "OMG, here we go again! What IS he doing to her??" Do you think we should put him outside when we're having sex?

What to do with the dog

Dear What to do,

You're right!! I have never seen a question like that one before. It might be wise to put the dog outside, unless it likes to dig. If your husband is anything like my Henry was, he might be outside for quite awhile. I really don't think your dog watching you is harmful to his thinking. Please just don't get him involved!!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 19, 2001

Dear Blabby,

Well, I am single, and really wanting a date. Well, I know what I really want but, we won't go into that.

I am unsure how to go about looking. I just recently joined a fitness center, but a womens one. Because well, I am not ready to work out in front of men yet. Not that I am bad off but not that good off either. I did this because now that I am single I realize I have the time now to get into shape and look good.

Here is the question, how do I know when I flirt that it is working. The only place I have a chance to flirt at is work. I don't go out to bars, because I would have to go by myself. I am just starting to get out into the social scene.

But basically how do I attract the men? I can attract the internet men but that isn't the same thing. I would love just to date, and have fun. Just unsure how to go about it.

newatdating

Maybe if any of the men readers read this they can help too.

Dear newatdating,

I'd venture to guess that many of our single readers out there are wondering the same thing, but are afraid to ask. I must admit, you've got Ol' Blabby in a bit of a pinch, being so far removed from the dating scene. I mean, let's face it...who wants a blue-haired 60'ish woman who's WAY past her prime. I too am not too "bad off" as you put it, but you can tell the Blabsters is far from her man-attracting form of her 30's.

I think you've made a HUGE step in setting a personal goal of getting in shape, AND following through with it. If you are too nervous about working out in front of men, then take a year to tone your body at your women's club, and then maybe jump into the co-ed gym. A gym is a great place to meet men. Many are willing to help out a woman with her repetitions and to help set a fitness regimen. They'd be able to look at you and tell you what exercises would help lessen those "fatty areas" you wish to rid yourself of. An aerobics class would be superb for this as well. Lots of men attend those, but you'll find more men attending in the evening than during the day. Just watch out for those "Adonises" who are more interested in their own body than yours!

I know you're an avid church-goer, but do you attend any social church functions? Spaghetti dinners and such? That's another starting point.

As far as knowing if you're flirting is working...just keep at it, but just don't overdo it. Most men enjoy flirting and compliments, but get uncomfortable if a woman overdoes it. Most men seem to want to get to know the woman, and love to find out that, though not quite helpless, the woman has a need around the home for what the male species can offer (and I don't mean in the bedroom). Men like to feel needed by their "woman." It's meeting that "special someone" that has to occur first though.

Readers...newatdating needs your help!! Any offers of suggestion are greatly appreciated as to how she can meet men. Since bars are out, any other ideas? If your a football fan new, maybe you can get out to some bars with satellite TV. Go watch some games, have a good time. Maybe you'll find some luck there.

I wish you all the luck in the world new. Thanks for writing, and remember...when life looks shabby, look for Blabby!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 18, 2001

Dear Blabby,

If this is an advice column, then why is there no where to ask for advice? Just asking. c(onfused)d(isorented)(pu)Z(zled).

Dear confused punster,

Blabby is here at your beck and call for whenever you're in need of anything. Just by writing your message will be answered promptly, as Blabby has nothing better to do with her day than watch soap operas.

There is no special link for advice...just write her and she will respond. Thanks for asking. I'm sure some other readers out there might've had the same question. Look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 17, 2001

Dear Blabby,

What odors arouse me? Ohh let me see what odors or anything doesn't arouse me. Ok, so I'm a female in constant heat or so I'm told by my mate. I don't really need odors or anything to set the mood, I'm just a let's go kinda girl.

I certainly love the smell of soft candles burning in the background and that alone sets the mood or a warm, bubbly bath with that someone special. The smell of strawberries or any berries can be very enhancing, as are various kinds of food for experimentation, bubbly champagne or a roaring fire. The fresh smell of the outside clinging to his clothing, you know the smell of the air after a rain shower. Irish spring soap or a light cologne is very appealing but lets face it, so is just that musky male scent a man has naturally.

As for the cucumbers, you mentioned, they really do nothing for me, they don't vibrate you know or the candy unless it is chocolate.

More appealing to me is "that" look a man can give you that strips you of your clothing instantly and a deep kiss that sets you on fire.

Ok blabs that's it for now, I could go on and on but you get the idea, for some it takes very little. Anymore questions, you got my email. Keep up the good work Blabs

Dear "Let's go",

Strawberries have an odor? I too was always a sucker for candles. My Henry would give me that look you speak of, with peaches N cream burning on the dresser, and I would melt. Ohhhh...and the smell of a fresh summer rain. How I loved sneaking out on the back porch at night in my nightie, and Henry would come and wrap his arms around me. His head nestled in the crook of my neck and we'd stare up at the stars. Those were always good nights.

Thanks for your input!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 14, 2001

Dear readers,

As a widowed senior, Blabby always tries to keep up on the latest trends, especially those dealing in the arts of love. I ran across this interesting piece of information and thought I'd share it with each of you.

"According to scientific tests, the odors that most commonly arouse women sexually are: pumpkin pie, lavender, cucumbers, baby powder, and Good 'n' Plenty candy."

Ol' Blabby doesn't EVEN want to know about the cucumber arousal! In my time we just grew our own and the only thing Ol' Blabby uses cucumbers for is salads and the bags under her eyes. Now I know why I see all sorts of women in the produce section...they're gearing up for when they go home to hubby! I can understand the baby powder one though, it just smells so wonderful. Makes us ladies think of a little'un cradled in our arms, head clutched close to our bosum.

So women readers...what odors arouse YOU? Any in particular that just make you want to flop down on the bed and growl "take me big boy!"?

Men, we women think we know what odors arouse you...anything baking in the oven, perfume, and the smell of your own farts, but you are welcome to write in too. Maybe us ladies really don't know what aromas turn you on.

I look forward to our reader response!

Remember...when life looks shabby, turn to Blabby!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 12, 2001

Dear Blabby,

My husband is up for a huge promotion and the outfit we were buying was the the Annual Spring Fling in which his promotion is to be announced.

Everyone who is high up in this company are "Old and Stale" and his promotion brings new life to the Upper Management. With this promotion brings lots of travelling and the Wives always accompany their husband on the trips. I don't think "Hot" is appropriate for this occasion. I would hate to be responsible for some of those dirty old men having a heart attack while staring at this young body. Also I don't want the "older wives" to think I am just a young tramp.

This company expects the wives of the upper management staff to be ambassadors for them and so I am going to change a lot in my fashion sense. Up until now, I really did not spend much time with the other wives but that is now about to change. I am expected to attend many luncheons and functions. I will have to take up a board position among the wives. All roles that I have not had to play in the past.

So again I ask this. Does this company need a fashion shake-up. Should I follow my husband's thoughts of being "HOT" or should I take the conservative route and not shake up those old ladies and men.

Seeking Comfort

As for my sex life. We can get into that another time.

Dear Seeking Comfort,

Yes, you're fashion sense is about to change in a big way. Of course, your husband's promotion means more money, so I say go for something classy. Not "hot", but not too conservative either.

I'm sure you'll be a breath of fresh air to some of the dinosaurs and their wives on the board. I don't think you should "shake things up", but maybe give 'em a little stir. Nothing wrong with showing off a fine body. I don't adhere to the old adage "if you've got it, flaunt it", but I don't think there's anything with showing it off a bit.

I'm sure our readers would love to see a picture of you in the new togs. Good luck, and if ya need help on the other, you know where to write me.

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 11, 2001

Dear Blabby,

I come to you with fashion questions.....I guess it is a matter of opinions and comfort....

While out shopping for clothes with my husband, we had several arguments over what to buy. First was the dress....... He wanted this really short number which he thought I would look hot in, but I am much more comfortable in a longer one. Then we were looking at shoes, again what he wanted was different then what I wanted. I like low pumps where as he wanted some heels. I am tall enough without the added height of heels.

Then the panties.. He wanted me to buy those lacy frilly "nothing there" panties that ride up your butt and are so uncomfortable where as I wanted to buy those great comfortable cotton briefs. So in the end there was a compromise.... Semi- comfy panties, low heels and just above the knees dress. So my question is this.....

Why do men want us to sacrifice comfort? Is it to "show off their woman" or what? I want to look good but I don't want to sacrifice comfort...

Should I dress the way my husband wants me to or should I go for what I feel comfortable in?

Signed....

Seeking Comfort

Dear Seeking Comfort,

Your questions are age-old honey!! Men feel comfortable in anything, except maybe a suit and tie. My long-lost Henry looked so handsome in a suit though. I do feel that men DO enjoy showing off "their woman." They want men to look at her, just not look at her TOO long. My opinions might be a bit old-fashioned, but Blabby is up on the latest styles.

As far as the dress and shoes go...I think you made a good choice in the just-above the knees dress. Low heels were a good choice too. No reason to kill your feet if you're pretty tall already. There is a time and place for heels. If you have nice legs, I'm sure the tall heels would accentuate those and your husband would love that.

You failed to mention if there was an occasion you were buying this apparel for. That makes a HUGE difference in what you should buy. A dressy occasion calls for heels and a dress that says "I am the best thing going in the room!" If it's just something for work, I say go for comfort. My Henry loved me in long dresses. Of course those were the style when I was a young pup, but he used to say that long dresses made him fantasize about what might be underneath. He and I both liked the ankle-long dresses...the ones that billow and allow air to come up from underneath.

As for the panties...that's a personal preference. I know I wouldn't want anyone to see my big ol' butt in some of those thong underwear thingies. Men do like their women to wear things that turn them on though. Lacy is good. It's airy and soft. Men like that.

I'm wondering about your sex life. Maybe your husband would like to see you in heels and short skirt to add some spice to your love life? The lacy panties would accompany this thought. Picture this: you're sitting at a swanky get-together. You looking dressed to kill. Your eyes meet your husband's. His hand slips under the table and begins to caress your calf. It slowly rides up your thigh where it meets some frilliness. And now you're both wondering why you didn't rent a hotel room for the night. THIS is exactly what your husband is thinking too!!

Dearie, you ought to know the male species by now! If I had my 30 year-old body in this day and age, I'd try to appease my husband a little by buying a few things that are sexy...something that calls out "take me now!" If you were out buying clothes to work in, it's better to go with something a little less low-key. I'd also take a long look at the spice in my marriage. I'm thinking that maybe things have gotten a little stale in your lovemaking and he wants to jump-start things.

I hope I've been of some help. Thank you for writing and remember...when things look shabby, turn to Blabby!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

April 6, 2001

My Dearest Blabster:

I'm writing again with some more questions about playing acrophobia, and the 30 Something's 2 environment.

1. I've noticed some grumbling in the room recently, and wonder if you had any advice on how NOT to get in that whiney/grumpy mode so many people seem to be afflicted with?

2. I've noticed that some regular folks, who are very nice generally, go through periods of acroing putting the NASTIEST acros up on the board. I don't ever complain about it, but sometimes, when friends are in the room with me, it tends to scare them off. Others lambast the smutter with complaints, which only seems to make the situation worse.

Now, I'm not talking about the Vizz kind of acros, which may have some adult content, but are witty. I'm talking about the ones where they generally get around the bot by using *'s or something. Now, I know for a fact these people are generally nice. However, that kind of acro simply doesn't belong in the clean rooms. There are adult rooms for that. Am I just a prude?

3. I would like to one day win a face off. However, every time I get into a face off, I run into players who just kick the bejeebers out of me, lol. Any advice generally on how to do a nice face off acro? You only have 20 SECONDS! That is way too short a period of time!

Also, these are the people who have kicked my ass, and as you seem to know everyone, I wondered if you and any individualized tips on how to stand a chance against them?

a. Gr8 (I don't think it's fair that geniuses get to compete)

b. Terrnado (wry sense of humor)

c. Peej (sometimes she just sits there, but when she doesn't, watch out!)

d. cupcake (her acros ALWAYS make sense)

e. Libbie (Seems nice, but sure is good)

f. phowle (humiliated me once)

g. Cake (for a Floridian, she's sure smart)

h. Doc (I thought they took an oath to do no harm)

i. WD (humiliated me twice)

j. Kaanjo (fast and good, terminated me once)

k. Burgh (know it all, but fun)

l. rayboo (always seem to be winning)

There are others, but I don't get to play as much as I want, and can't remember them off the top of my head. Anyway, thanks for listening, even if you can't help, it sure was good to have someone to ask this junk to.

Dear confuddlement,

I'm not aware of much of the grumbling/whininess that you speak of. When I am in the room everyone generally seems in a good mood. I'm not sure if that's because I sometimes play during the day when all the housewives are also watching their soap operas or what. At night, the "usual crowd" of acroers tends to also be in a good mood. Myself, my 3 grandchildren are the lights of my life. Although they tend to tire me out and I must leave the 30's 2 room by 9 or so, I am usually in a good mood. My goodness child, I hope it's not me you speak of!! All of the wonderful players you speak of always seem to be in a good mood when I see them. That terrnado player you mention is not too familiar to me, but I have seen him. Seems nice enough.

As for the nastiest acros, the only player who continuously seems to write nasty acros is Slickey, but she's a nice enough person though too. Maybe these players have a needier labido than you do?

As for being a prude, oh my goodness honey, Blabby has seen it all! 60 years on this body and nothing seems to surprise me anymore! I think if this game had been invented when I was a young pup I might have been the queen of smut. As it is, I can only just look at the acros and laugh (and wish at once what was).

I look at that Bull character and just hope he has a penchant for a wrinkled "clam." That boy can sink his putt in my hole anytime! Forgive me long-lost husband for that comment, but even a senior has needs, primal as they may be!

Yes, I do agree that those players who continually use smut for their acros should be booted out, or be re-routed to the 30's 1 room.

Now, for the all-important question: how to win a faceoff. If I knew that I'd be writing for the New York Times or USA Today. But I don't, so I'm not. I can only suggest enlarging your vocabulary, loosening up, and be as creative as you can be. Current events is always a good place to start. Witty sex acros usually sell too, as witnessed nightly by Vizz's success (The proctologist called, they found your head.)

Peej is very dangerous, as are cup, Kaan, and especially Gr8. I can't believe WD humiliated you twice! You must've been playing for quite awhile and your brain was dead for that to happen. Rayboo is a solid player. I don't see Burgh all that much anymore. He must have his sights set on a pretty young thing in another room (Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"). Phowle is very bright, and I've NEVER seen Cake in a faceoff. Must've been that night I saw Wilbur flying in front of my kitchen window after I got done gathering eggs from the chicken coop.

Stick to your guns, confuddled, and the wins will come. Watch what other players are typing to win points. Follow the crowd. ( Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film) Every night the tone is different, but all the players are human and if you can make semi-clean acros funny, you will gain points.

Good luck with finding the magic formula to winning faceoffs. When you find it, email Ole Blabby back, wont'cha?

Remember: when life looks shabby, look to Blabby!!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby