The Blabster's mailbag has been overflowing since the revengeful wife wrote me concerning her husband receiving naked pictures of a woman on the internet. Here is another letter with advice for the wife.

Dear Blabsters:

I agree that placing this womans picture on the net is "not" a way to handle the situation at hand and can only see the wife confronting the husband, as the only real way to open communication and reach a solution, after all this is between the husband, wife and possibly the lady who sent a naked picture of herself (should the wife choose to confront her).

This certainly doesn't surprise me in the least with today's society of pornography on the "Net". It is hard to define what others view as outright cheating, what one person agrees is cheating, another may not. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but would say that if I found a naked picture of a woman (that my husband actually knew or chatted with on any basis) naked on his computer, I would feel a bit uneasy about that.

I also believe that some women and men tend to be very flirtatious. Does that mean they are like that in real life, I am not always so sure. All or most of us have flirted outrageously at one time or another but I am not quite sure if that can be construed as cheating or if possibly the reason some are like that is that their mates or spouses may not give them the attention they need in their relationships or quite possibly they just like being flattered but when you send a naked picture of yourself to someone, it is really crossing a line. Obviously this relationship has went beyond just a friendly, flirtatious chat and in my opinion needs to be brought out into the open by the wife.

As for all these relationships on the net, gossip tends to travel fast and I have to say that if you believe that two people simply flirting with one another makes for a hidden relationship LOL almost all of us would be having online affairs. As for those who really are, it is none of my business because obviously there is always more to a story than one knows or has any right to judge. None of us are perfect and everyone makes mistakes. A true friend is just there to help you pick the pieces up when you fall apart, help you understand and listen to your heartache.

The Net", just like in real life is an open opportunity that allows outside people to enter and influence your lives, how seriously and to what levels one takes it, lies within your own hands. Hopefully for this lady's sake, nothing has gone any further than this and that if it has, she is ready to handle the possibilities. I think many of us are just plain lonely and should be aware that others can prey on this lonliness. Know who you can really trust and be very careful. Please don't ignore your mates and spouses, listen to what they have to say, face the problems of the relationship together, spend time together as a couple and build your lives as one. Ignoring problems doesn't make them go away nor does it fix them, only pushes them into the background where they will always come back to haunt you. Be honest with yourself, sometimes that's the hardest to face.

Temptation is everywhere, it is up to you to make your relationships strong enough to withstand it and if you can't, then you need to face some real issues here and ask youself "If" you are trully where you want to be, with the person you want to be with and are indeed happy with that decision.

Love your column Blabby dearie, keep up the good work and bless you!!!

With kind regards,

Moi

March 31, 2001

Blabby,

This is in response to the woman who wanted revenge. I am no longer married but wanted to make a few points in the matter of the pictures.

When I was married, and I would go on the net. I would play acro but really didn't talk to anyone. I felt that was cheating. The only one I would talk to was my High School friend. I would look up church stuff, or fun stuff.

I think the people I see in 30'2 especially some of the married men. I am not sure if it is okay to flirt. Before I left my ex I felt he was cheating on me. And he would flirt with this girl in front of me. Although I have many friends in 30'2 guys and girls. I do enjoy flirting I am very careful with whom that is.

I think this wife has every right to be angry. But she should find out the truth as how much her husband is involved. If he didn't know about the pictures he still saved them. So I think they really need to talk this out.

One last point when I accused my husband of cheating he got really upset. But because he did this in real life he would always stay out really late, and not come home until 2:00am or later. So if her husband locks himslef in the office for hours, maybe she should make him open the door. Or put the computer in the main room. I think there is no difference in person or on the net.

One last thing, our local radio show had a topic. Which they had computer experts come and help wives see what there partners or husbands had on the computer. If she would like I can write to this station to check it out. I will email you the address if they can help. If nothing else that would give her a peace of mind. I think the husband should confess up and talk and open up to her.

I don't think revenge is good, but she should find out the truth. But she should be prepared with what she finds out. It could be more than she expected. I wish the best for her, and hope that is was some misunderstanding innocent on his part. And if not I hope she can get past all of this. Good Luck Revenge.

Very well put! I don't feel I need to add anything to this letter.

Dear Blabby

After a flood of mail in response to my reply to yesterday's letter from the wife who found indecent pictures on her husband's computer, I have posted one of the letters rebuking Blabby's reply to the wife.

March 30, 2001

Dear Blabster,

I have just read your most recently posted mail from a reader wanting revenge and I must say I am a bit disturbed, concerned with some of your reply. What bothers me is the fact that you implied at all that perhaps posting this womans picture in one of our forums might be an ok idea. I totally disagree with that.

We can all argue what is right and what is wrong. But I think that the majority of the blame here should be placed on the husband. He is the one who is married! Is the female party involved in this married? If she is not and lets say even if she is, it's her choice to have sent these pictures to someone and if she is ok with that then that's her decision. Granted, more than likely she felt this was someone she could trust and from what we read, we find out that he was not trust worthy, seeing as to how he had forwarded these pictures to another friend.

But I think in this situation it is the husbands responsibility to not have accepted the pictures, asked for them, got involved. It could have been any number of women and who is to say this is the only womans pictures this man has received, perhaps they are just the ones he kept, or that he doesn't surf porno sites all night long locked away in his office. The problem lies with him.

This isn't the only case of this going on. I have been playing acro for a long time and have seen and heard many things. Yes, most of the acro players in the 30's rooms are a great bunch of people, but they are all also human. People are visual, things turn them on, they have feelings, form relationships, they become involved with eachother in one way or the other. Some more than others. I couldn't count on my hands how many 'relationships' I have heard of, knew of that are/were going on, with single and or single to married players, one with the other because there are just too many to count. I am sure this is not a shock to anyone.

So I don't think that suggesting it may be ok to post this womans 'compromising' pictures is the answer to anything. No, I am not putting the blame on MEN. This goes for men and women alike. We have choices and we make them and this man had made a choice and it is now coming back to haunt him now. Why embarrass this woman for something she did with someone she may have trusted?

As you suggested this is something that this wife needs to discuss with her husband. Fess up to what she found and confront him with it. Tell him she doesn't like it, she is hurt and it has to end. Then it's up to him what happens next. If things don't change and he doesn't agree, then maybe the wife needs to rethink how much he is in love with her if he isn't willing to stop doing something that obviously is disturbing to her.

I read this and just had to put in my say. But isn't that what you are here for Blabby? :) Keep up the good work! I really enjoy coming here and reading your mail and your responses. We have needed someone like you here for a long time.

Love ya Blabs,

Concerned

Thank you for writing Concerned. It's readers like you that make my job so very interesting, and I also learn from it. I do however think you took my response the wrong way. I did not at all take any of the blame off the husband and put it on the woman who sent the pictures. You are right when you said "it's her choice to have sent these pictures to someone and if she is ok with that then that's her decision." It is her decision. But you blame the husband for accepting the pictures.

Time for Blabby to play devil's advocate. What if the man did not know she planned to send these pictures? I do agree it was wrong of him to KEEP them on his computer, but what if he had no knowledge they were going to be sent? In that instance, he is innocent. I also agree that it was wrong of him to send this picture to friends of his. I question too whether or not the pictures he had were ACTUALLY the woman the wife talked about. Could be that maybe it was some sort of joke pic, sent by a friend of his. There are many questions the Blabster still needs answers to before she can give a clear-cut answer to this ailing wife.

I stand corrected in my answer that maybe, if all other solutions did not work, that it would be ok for the wife to post these pictures. While there is noone to stop her from doing so, it would probably be in bad taste to do this. (Ole Blabby has some friends that would like to see them however! Just kidding)

This should be handled from within...and possibly the wife contacting the "other woman" and letting her know what she had found and that it was not appreciated in her household. By doing so however, she might end up with more information than she bargained for. While many questions remain, the question I have for the wife is: How much heartache are you willing to endure if you come to find out the worst?

Readers...what do you think? I did hear from several of you over this. Are there too many questions left unanswered for you to formulate a definite answer as to what this wife should do? Any advice for this wife? Let Blabby know!!

The mailbag awaits, for when life looks shabby, you can ALWAYS turn to Blabby!

Sincerely,

Dear Blabby

March 29, 2001

Dear Blabby:

I am seeking your advice on how best to handle a situation that I have recently come across. I don't play acro, but my husband is a regular in the 30's(2) room. Recently, I found some pictures in my husband's computer files sent to him by a fellow acro-girl. These pics showed her in various nude positions looking quite pre-pubescent (if you catch my drift) I also discovered he forwarded these pictures to yet another acro-player.

I am so angry and I don't know who to turn to. This isn't the sort of thing you can discuss with your friends. I want revenge.

My husband has sort of befriended this girl and she knows he is married and very much in love but has chosen to ignore this and send pictures in hopes of getting his attention. He has ICQ and talks to her frequently. Now I suspect they are having cyber-sex. He locks himself in the office at night and spends hours there. I don't feel there is any chance of them meeting face to face because she lives across country but who knows?

So how do I best go about getting my point across? Should I take these nude photo's of her and post them in the forum under her acro name so everyone knows what a fool she is? Or do you have any better ideas on how to get my point across? Does exchanging of erotic pictures happen frequently in acro? Please advise.

Sincerely,

SeekingRevenge

Dear Seeking Revenge,

There are many things at work here in your letter. I hope I can be of some help. First off...IS your husband very much in love?? You say he is, yet the hours he spends locked in his office seems suspicious. Of course, in his mind it might just all seem like fun and games to him.

Indeed, it was wrong of this woman to send pictures of herself sans clothing to your husband. I'd try to keep this behind closed doors to start with...confront your husband with the pictures. Ask what the deal is. Obviously he either didn't think they were too big a deal, OR he didn't feel you'd go snooping on his computer. Otherwise, he'd have deleted them.

Even if he doesn't have anything to hide, I still think any self-respecting husband would have deleted the pictures.

So talk with your hubby. Let him know you found some things on his computer you didn't approve of and you want the whole story. If this is the first time you've ever been suspicious of him, then you probably have nothing to worry about. Still...those hours behind locked doors...

If it become clear that there is something going on with them, then I might approve of posting the pix of her on the net in the forum. I know there are several acroing men who'd love to see them!! Goodness knows noone wants to see pictures of a 60 year-old woman with sagging bosums floating around the forum, but a young supple thing? Now that's a different story!

As far as the exchanging of erotic pix occurring...ole Blabby knows nothing of the sort. Granted, the 30's 2 room is no bunch of saints. Even that halo'ed cupcake has her devilish moments. But all said, they're a pretty good group and I'd hate to think that one of our own is doing wrong by his wife by sending or receiving pictures flagrante. I'd hate to see one of our players disgraced publicly, but if you find that there IS something going on with this woman and your husband, then I say do what you feel you have to do!

Thank you for writing, and please keep me posted on the progress. Right now, there are too many intangibles for me to give you a definite answer of what to do. All of which lies with your husband. If you need my assistance again, don't hesitate to write...for whenever life looks shabby...look to Blabby!!