Author’s Note: No copyright infringement intended on characters owned by Paramount/Pet Fly. Unfortunately, I’m not profiting with this little tale. Comments always welcome.
This story contains spoilers for the following episodes: “Remembrance”, “Sentinel, Too”, “The Sentinel by Blair Sandburg”, and “Love and Guns”
WARNING: This story involves the death of a minor character. (And the marriage of a major ;)
Jim finished with the last plate, rinsing the suds from it and setting it in the drainer. He ran the dishcloth under the spigot, squeezing the water from it before draping it over the faucet. Emptying the dishpan, he rinsed it as well and turned it upside down to dry in the sink. Glancing around the kitchen, he determined that everything appeared to be clean and in order. Which left him with nothing else to do.
He trotted up the winding staircase to look in on his father, finding that William was still sleeping soundly. Although the afternoon was unseasonably warm, Ellison pulled the blanket up over his dad, knowing that the medication he was taking often left him cold. Going back downstairs, he decided to check and see if the paper had come yet. He found it lying on the front steps and as he stooped to pick it up he decided he might as well take advantage of the good weather. Jim was about to go back in, with the intention of heading out to the veranda, but he paused when he saw an unfamiliar car pull up in front of the house.
He wasn’t expecting anyone and initially dismissed the driver as someone either lost or selling something. But as the stranger climbed out of the silver Saturn and began coming up the sidewalk between the hedges, Jim’s heart skipped a beat as he realized his visitor wasn’t a stranger at all. It had been five years since they’d seen each other, but there was no mistaking the man rapidly approaching. The wild mane of curls was gone, replaced by a short crop of dark waves that seemed both adult and boyish at the same time. But the enthusiastic, almost bouncy, gait hadn’t changed, nor had the engaging grin or the blue eyes that sparkled with warmth and intelligence. After five years Blair Sandburg had returned and was now standing in front of him, reaching out a hand.
“Hello, Jim.”
Ellison could only stare at him, speechless. Five years. God, it seemed like only yesterday, and yet a lifetime ago as well. Five years ago he’d been a cop, the finest in Cascade. He was good at his job, secure, and happy. Until all hell had broken loose. The secret of his sentinel abilities had gotten out, and two of his closest friends had almost died because of an old foe that he couldn’t apprehend. In a chaotic spiral of fear and anger and frustration he’d taken it all out on his partner, the one he’d professed to trust beyond all others, yet the one he’d turned on as soon as trouble hit.
Eventually they’d gotten through what had seemed to be a hopeless situation. Largely due to Blair’s sacrifice, denouncing everything he’d believed in and worked for in order to protect his sentinel. Simon and Megan had made full recoveries and Zeller had fallen to his death. Sandburg had been labeled a fraud and exiled from his academic world, but for the Major Crimes Unit, this just meant he had enough free time on his hands to truly become one of them. They offered him his own shield, ready to welcome him into their folds with open arms.
But ultimately, it was not the life Blair wanted for himself. He went along with it briefly, but before he even started at the Academy he thanked them all gratefully and declined the position. He told them that he loved them all and had the utmost respect for the job they did, but he couldn’t in all honesty pretend that it was for him. So instead, he found a lawyer and sued Berkshire Publishing, winning himself a rather substantial sum of money. He probably could have gotten more had they gone to court, since he had a solid case against them for releasing his work after explicit instructions against such an act. But he didn’t want the matter made public, again protecting Jim from any further media scrutiny. And once his check had come through, he’d paid off his debts, put his things in long term storage, and departed for Mexico without so much as a backward glance.
Ellison understood why he had done it, for the search for sentinels had been Blair’s lifelong passion. Rainier might have given him the boot, but the university couldn’t stop him from continuing his research on his own. Sandburg was in essence thumbing his nose at his school, proving that he didn’t need the college’s backing to pursue his dream. So, freed from monetary and time constraints, he picked up his academic life. His first stop was a return to the temple of the sentinels where they’d had the final showdown with Alex. He’d always regretted never getting more than a cursory examination of the ancient temple when they’d been there before, and he’d always longed to go and study the facility in detail. From there, he kept moving south, living with and studying various tribes and cultures as he made his way back to Peru and the Chopec.
At first, Jim had received regular letters from him in Mexico. They never went into much detail, but were mainly just to reassure ‘the gang back home’ that he was alive and doing well. But once Sandburg crossed into Central America, correspondence became sporadic. And by the time he’d descended into South America, contact had all but stopped. Not that Ellison was surprised. Weeks on end in remote jungles made it pretty hard to stay in touch. He didn’t worry much about Blair, for even though what he was doing could be dangerous, he was probably safer than when he was with the Cascade P.D., getting kidnaped and beaten and shot and even killed. And he knew that somehow, instinctively, he would know if something happened to his friend. Jim thought about Sandburg often, and missed him more than he dared to admit, even to himself. But he’d always thought that Blair’s departure had been final. He had no reason to believe that Sandburg wouldn’t come back someday, he just didn’t hold onto much hope that he would. Yet, here he was, standing before him in the flesh. Ellison finally came to his senses, grinning broadly as he ignored the outstretched hand and grabbed his friend, pulling him into a fierce hug. Blair laughed and hugged him back, the five years between them gone as if they never existed.
“It’s so good to see you,” Jim enthused, finally letting him go.
“You, too,” Sandburg told him, his eyes sparkling with happiness. “I went to the station this morning, and Simon told me I’d find you here.” The younger man sobered slightly. “I know I should have called first, but I wanted to surprise you. I hope I’m not interrupting anything...”
“Actually, Dad’s taking a nap and I was just standing here debating whether or not it’s too early for a beer,” Ellison grinned. “What do you think?”
“I’m coming from the land of the siesta,” Blair reminded him with a chuckle. “The afternoon beer is practically mandatory.”
“Come on,” Jim said, holding the front door open for him. “Let’s go out back.” He escorted his guest through the imposing house, waving in invitation to the glass doors leading out to the veranda as he detoured into the kitchen. Snatching two bottles of beer from the refrigerator, he stepped outside into the sun to find that his friend had made himself comfortable in one of the wicker chairs on the porch. Handing him his beer, Ellison eased into the seat beside him.
“How is your dad?” Sandburg inquired, taking a sip of his cold drink.
“He has good days and bad days,” Jim shrugged.
“I really admire what you’re doing,” Blair told him. “I know this can’t be easy for you.”
“No, it’s definitely not easy,” Ellison agreed. “But it wasn’t a very hard decision to make. I needed a break, so it seemed like the right thing to do.”
By the time the Alzheimer’s had been diagnosed, William was already in need of full time care and supervision. Rather than hiring someone, Jim had decided to take a leave from the force and move in with his father to help. The job, one that he had once loved and had taken pride in, had begun to wear him down. Every day he dealt with criminals and lowlifes, people that had no souls left and took joy in imposing their evil on innocents. It never stopped, and being immersed in that world day in, day out had finally gotten to be too much. The satisfaction of putting such scum behind bars wasn’t enough to override the drain on his spirit anymore. Especially once he was left to face the worst humanity had to offer without the cheerful optimism and quiet strength of his partner, who represented everything that was pure and good and decent in the world.
“Do you miss it?”
“Sometimes,” Jim answered him truthfully. “This is rather anticlimactic after living the.. What did you call it? Roller coaster life? But then other times I’m glad I don’t have to deal with all that anymore. It’s nice to have a chance to stop and smell the roses. And I figured maybe it would be an opportunity to try and reconnect with my father. You know, try and salvage some sort of relationship with him before it’s too late. Of course, on his bad days, he barely remembers who I am, so it’s fighting a losing battle.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ellison glanced over at his friend, stifling a sigh as he decided he might as well get it over with. He hated to ruin their reunion, but it was bound to come out and he figured sooner would be better than later. They’d had a pleasant five minutes, and after the argument that was bound to ensue, maybe they’d be able to continue on amicably once more.
“I don’t have my sentinel abilities anymore,” he blurted out. But his confession didn’t warrant any more reaction than slightly raised eyebrows, so he let go of some of the defensiveness he had waiting in the wings and continued, relaxing slightly. “They started to fade right after I moved in here. Didn’t seem to be any reason to try and hang onto them, so I didn’t fight it. I don’t know if they’re dormant, or gone, or what. But I haven’t sensed anything out of the ordinary for months.” Jim had been expecting that reproachful look that he knew all too well, but to his surprise, Blair was just listening, his gaze calm and accepting. “You’re not disappointed?”
“Jim, if any normal person could begin to understand what it’s like to have enhanced senses, it’s me,” Sandburg told him earnestly. “I know they could be a burden to bear at the best of times. They caused you a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. So if you decided it was time to let it go and free yourself from that, who am I to argue?”
“You’re taking this better than I thought. Or is it that you found a new ‘holy grail’ out there in your travels?” His tone was light, masking the bitterness that lay beneath. Ellison didn’t know why, but the thought of his former partner studying another sentinel started a knot of jealousy and resentment burning in his gut. He realized that he had no right to feel abandoned, as he was the one who kicked his guide to the curb in the first place. Or maybe it was that his feelings were just displaced anger at himself, for not being smart enough to hold onto the best thing that had ever come into his life.
“I’ve learned a lot of things over the past few years,” Blair was saying. “About sentinels, and life in general.” His expression changed slightly, a hint of the old exuberant eagerness creeping into his face. “Actually, I’ve learned quite a lot about sentinels. It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t have to worry about funding or deadlines or producing results for people looking over your shoulder. But I would like to talk to you about a few things, Jim. Even though you’re not online anymore, so to speak, I think you’d find some of this stuff very interesting.”
“Yeah, I want to hear all about it,” Ellison murmured distractedly, his attentions having been diverted as his friend had started gesturing. He reached out, catching Blair’s left wrist in his hand. “But first you have to explain this!”
Sandburg grinned, his eyes going to the simple gold band that encircled his finger.
“Oh, yeah. I got married.”
Jim let him go, shaking his head slightly but sporting his own grin as he recalled the series of disasters that had made up his friend’s love life.
“I don’t believe it. Mr. Casanova of Cascade actually settling down? She must really be something special.”
“She is,” Blair confirmed. “It’s Maya.”
“Maya Carasco?” Ellison demanded in disbelief.
“I ran into her in Chile about two years ago,” Sandburg confirmed with a nod. “I just turned around, and there she was on the street in Santiago. I was feeling homesick, and I was so excited to see a familiar face. She wasn’t quite as excited to see me, but I got her to agree to have dinner with me, and one thing just led to another.”
“I’m really happy for you, Blair,” Jim said quietly, but sincerely. Although his younger friend hadn’t said much about it, Ellison knew his doomed love affair with Maya had really hit him hard. So there was much validation in the fact that he had gotten another chance, and this time he had made it work.
“Here.” Sandburg shifted slightly in his chair and extracted his wallet from his back pocket. He pulled out a photo and passed it to his friend. It was a picture of Maya, looking every bit as beautiful as Jim remembered. But that wasn’t what left him speechless. It was the cherubic face of the baby with the big blue eyes that she held in her arms that took his breath away.
“You have a son?” he managed to squeak out.
“Four months old, now,” Blair replied proudly. “James Hector Sandburg. We call him Jamie.”
“James?” Jim whispered, unable to say more.
“It took a little persuading,” Sandburg chuckled. “Maya still holds a little bit of a grudge against you, I think. But, when I reminded her that you were the reason we met in the first place, she started to cave. She wanted to name him after her father, but I guess I had a little bit of a grudge against him for trying to kill me. So, we compromised.”
“I...” Ellison looked down at the picture once more, his eyes moist and his heart full and aching. “I don’t know what to say. I’m honored.” An honor he didn’t feel he deserved. “I can’t believe you would name your son after me.”
“Jim, I know I didn’t do a very good job of keeping in touch,” Blair said earnestly. “But I thought about you every day. I love you, man, and I just hope my son turns out to be half the man you are.”
“He’ll be twice the man that I am,” Jim corrected him. “If he takes after his dad the least little bit.” They smiled at each other, then Ellison hurried to change the subject before things got completely sappy. “So where are they? I’d love to meet the little guy.”
“Sorry. They’re back home in Chile.”
“So what brings you back here to Cascade without your family?”
“Well.. It’s Naomi,” Sandburg replied as his friend stood up and picked up their empty bottles.
“Yeah, how is your mom?”
Blair waited until he returned from inside the house with two more beers and accepted the one he was handed as he answered.
“She’s dead, Jim.”
“Oh God,” Ellison sighed, sinking down into his chair. “I’m so sorry, Chief.”
In spite of the sadness shining from his eyes, Sandburg smiled.
“Chief,” he echoed. “I haven’t heard that in a long time.” And he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it.
“What happened?”
“She tracked me down about six months ago,” Blair began, toying with the label on his bottle. “And she told me she was dying. No reason, she just said she was winding down and she knew her time was almost up. And she wanted to spend what was left with me.”
“Didn’t you get her to a doctor?”
“More than one,” Sandburg answered. “And completely against her will. But none of them could find anything wrong with her. Then one morning we just woke up and she was gone.”
“I’m sorry,” Jim repeated. Despite the trouble she could be, he felt sorrow over the loss of the vibrant Naomi, and his heart ached for his friend for he knew she had been the world to her son.
“It’s ok,” Blair told him. “She didn’t suffer. She went peacefully in her sleep. And she got to hold her grandson, which was all she said she wanted before she died. It was just her time, and she was ready for it.”
“That doesn’t make it any easier to bear,” Ellison murmured with the voice of experience.
“No,” Sandburg sighed. “And I miss her. But life goes on.” He was quiet for a minute, looking out over the backyard. “That’s why I’m here. Her last wish was for her ashes to be scattered across the bay here in Cascade.”
“When are you going to do it?”
“Tonight. I have an early meeting in the morning, and then I’m flying back tomorrow afternoon.”
“That soon, huh?” Jim tried not to let the disappointment show in his face. “Well, why don’t we go out and get some dinner, and then we can go out to the bay? Should be a nice night for it.”
“Yeah, sounds good,” Blair agreed with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “But since I’m only in town for one night, I get to pick the restaurant, right?”
“Oh no,” Ellison argued. “There’s a new place that opened up down by the arena.” He grinned at the pained expression that came over his friend’s face. “Don’t worry, you’ll love it. And I’m buying.”
“I do love that,” Sandburg teased.
“Where are you staying?”
“Nowhere yet,” Blair answered. “I went straight to the station when I got into town this morning, and then I came here. I was just going to grab a hotel room somewhere.”
“Not necessary,” Jim insisted, digging around in his pocket. He pulled out his keys and deftly extracted one from the ring, tossing it to his friend. “The loft’s all yours.”
“You still have it?” Sandburg exclaimed, failing to hold back his excitement. He’d lived at the loft far longer than anywhere else at any one point in his life, and he’d come to think of it as home. The first real home he’d ever had, and he’d been looking forward to seeing it almost as much as seeing his friends.
“It’s not really costing me anything to hold onto it,” Ellison shrugged. “I’d considered renting it out while I was living here, but I just never did. Guess I always thought that I’d go back to it someday.” His father’s house was spacious and quiet, but it was also austere and cold and just wasn’t home. Although the loft hadn’t really been home either, not for a long time. For when his roommate had left, he somehow managed to take all the warmth and comfort along with him.
“I appreciate this, man,” Blair said softly, squeezing the key in his palm.
“Might be a little dusty,” Jim continued. “And there’s no cable. But the electric and water are still on. I didn’t move very much here, so you should have everything you need there.”
“I think I’ll head on over there,” Sandburg decided, standing up and stretching slightly. “I want to clean up a little and change before dinner.”
“Make yourself at home,” Ellison told him, rising from his seat as well and glancing at his watch. “I’ll come by and pick you up at six.”
“I’ll be ready,” Blair promised.
Jim found he had to resist the urge to hug his friend, instead reaching down to pick up the empty bottles. They went inside the house and he walked Sandburg to the door but he turned away and shut it behind him, not wanting to watch Blair trotting down those stairs away from him. Telling himself that he was being ridiculous and that they were going to meet up again in a few hours didn’t do much to soothe the ache inside. And Ellison realized that he never knew just how much he had missed his friend until that day, when he’d come back. He didn’t even want to think about how much it would hurt when Blair left him again, heading back to his new life in South America. Trying to put it out of his mind, Jim went upstairs to check on his father, who was still sleeping peacefully. Going back downstairs, he called Steven, who fortunately agreed to come and stay with William for the evening, and then he phoned the restaurant to make a reservation. With that settled, Ellison jumped into the shower, relaxing under the hot spray and letting himself get lost in memories. Memories of a life that was filled with an energetic spark, spreading warmth and love and happiness throughout. It had been a wonderful feeling, having someone with him that he trusted implicitly, relied on to get him through the worst times of his life, and who offered unconditional support and affection, even when he didn’t deserve it. How could he ever have taken that for granted?
Ellison finally left the past behind as he turned off the water and jumped out of the shower. He couldn’t help wondering how things might have been different if he hadn’t been so stubborn and prideful five years ago. If he’d only managed to speak his heart instead of clamming up and acting aloof and indifferent. Sandburg might have stayed, and if he had, what would have happened? Would he still be a cop? Still be a sentinel? Would he be happy, instead of a world weary, cynical, semi-bitter middle aged man? But as he got dressed, Jim realized he couldn’t wish for things to be different. The pure joy on Blair’s face as he looked at the picture of the woman he loved holding his son was unmistakable. And Ellison would never want to take that away from his friend, not even to cure his own aching loneliness.
Steven arrived before too long and immediately took over the dinner preparations his brother had started. It was a “good day” for William, as he recognized both his sons and seemed fairly oriented to time and place, without any of the hostility that was popping up more and more frequently. Jim stayed to chat for a few minutes, then he bid them goodnight and left the house, taking only a light jacket with him and again appreciating the mild weather.
As promised, Sandburg was ready when he arrived at the loft. He had a few comments concerning the convertible his friend was driving, but Ellison waved away the teasing that he had sold out, insisting that the car was his father’s and pointing out that the silver Saturn outside the building was a far cry from the “classics” Blair tended to favor.
“Mine’s just a rental,” he protested, hopping in the passenger seat and fastening his belt. “You should see the jalopy I have back in Chile.”
“Let me guess,” Jim said dryly as he slid behind the wheel. “Now that you have a family, you went in for the station wagon.”
“Institutional green with wooden side panels,” Sandburg laughed. “Total classic, man.”
“Sounds more like the ‘Family Truckster’,” Ellison grinned.
“You may think you hate it, but wait til you drive it,” Blair quoted. He reached out and patted the dash gently. “But as long as we’re selling out here, let’s put the top down and see what this baby can do.”
Obligingly, Jim flipped the switch and the top of the car folded back, leaving them free to fully enjoy the balmy night air. Turning the key, the engine purred to life, and he threw it in gear and pealed out of his parking space, stepping on the gas and speeding down the street with the wind whipping into their faces. Sandburg let out a whoop, and Ellison laughed, feeling for all the world like a sixteen year old who had borrowed his old man’s car to go out cruising with his buddy.
They settled down once they reached the restaurant and surrendered the car to the valet parking attendant. The place was a bit more upscale than Blair had anticipated, but the food was better than Jim had promised. They dined leisurely, enjoying each other’s company over a bottle of wine as Sandburg kept his friend in stitches, relaying his antics over things he had done to ingratiate himself with countless native tribes, rituals he’d participated in, and initiations he’d gone through. Things had become much easier once he’d met up with Maya, as some of the language and cultural barriers had been broken. They’d worked together, the lovely young woman somewhat surprisingly throwing herself into the demanding task and proving an invaluable asset to the man who became her husband on his quest for information. But once she became pregnant, Sandburg decided to put his research on hold. They’d settled down in Chile, and Blair was glad for the break, for it provided him an opportunity to begin sifting through and organizing the mountains of data he’d tirelessly collected. He’d been so focused on gathering all the information he could, he hadn’t taken any time to process much of it. But over the past year he thoroughly examined and catalogued all his material, learning a lot in the process.
But he didn’t share much of it with his friend, although Ellison knew he was dying to. However, the volumes of data he’d gathered couldn’t be condensed into a dinner conversation, so he held back a lot of his technical findings, talking instead of lighter adventures and experiences. The only thing he brought up was that Jim’s intense desire to keep his abilities secret was not an isolated incident.
“Many of the tribes I encountered had a sentinel or a watchman,” Blair explained over desert. “But getting them to admit it was the trick. The whole community would go to great lengths to hide their sentinel from me. Even tribes that were willing to share their most sacred ceremonies and rituals blatantly denied the presence of one with special sensory abilities.”
“Why do you think that is?” Jim asked, his curiosity peaked.
“Well, in these primitive cultures, sentinels are revered,” Sandburg continued. “In some tribes they are worshiped as gods. You know, they get the best of everything. So it doesn’t have anything to do with fear of ridicule or being perceived as different, like it was with you. I think it’s more to do with protection. A lot of these tribes depend on their sentinels for survival. They are just barely scratching out a living, and if they miss a shot at some game or their enemies get the drop on them, it’s all over, man. So they guard their sentinels fiercely, because without them, they don’t survive. That’s probably why sentinels haven’t been studied or even really acknowledged before now. No researcher besides Burton could ever get any of these cultures to admit they exist.”
“So how did you manage to charm them into spilling their secret?” Ellison wondered, not surprised that his eager friend had managed to penetrate the code of silence.
“Same way I got you to agree to work with me.”
“You impersonated a doctor and then saved them from being annihilated by a garbage truck?”
“No,” Blair laughed. “I offered help. I convinced them that I had been working with a sentinel and I could teach theirs to better manage and control their abilities. I mean, they do pretty well for only having a rudimentary grasp on human anatomy and physiology, but I was able to show them a few tricks to help them focus and enhance their senses. More than that, I helped the guide or companion understand what they could do to better aid their sentinel. And then once I had their trust, they opened up and were receptive to my questions. There’s so much to this, Jim. Much, much more than I ever thought. The work we did? Tip of the iceberg, man.”
“I’ll bet.” Ellison signed the receipt that the waiter brought to him, tucking his credit card away in his wallet. “I guess it’s too bad I lost my abilities, huh?”
“Yeah, too bad,” Sandburg murmured, giving him a look. “Are you ready?”
“Well, it’s not like we’re going to camp here.”
Blair thought he picked up something in the abrupt reply. A touch of anger, derision, with which he had long since become familiar. But as he followed his friend outside to wait for the car, he realized he must have been mistaken when Jim turned to him with a soft glance.
“You know, I didn’t mean to intrude on your goodbye to your mother. It’s a private thing, and if you’d rather do this alone, I’ll understand.”
“I’ve already said my goodbyes to her,” Sandburg told him, appreciating the sentiment. “And I’ve made my peace with it. This is just the final page, closing the book for her. So you aren’t intruding on anything. And I think Naomi would like having you there for her sendoff.”
“Ok,” Ellison agreed as their car pulled up to the curb. “Let’s do it.”
They drove out to the bay and parked at an overlook. But neither one of them got out of the car, content to spend a few moments just sitting and enjoying the warm breeze, smelling the salt air and watching the full moon’s reflection wavering across the gentle waves lapping against the shore. It was a beautiful night, but it filled Jim with sadness. It was almost over. In scant hours, Blair would be leaving him again. And that thought hurt, much more than it had the first time. For he had taken his friend for granted, not realizing just how much he would miss that energetic presence in his life. But now he knew, and his pride gave way to tears stinging at his eyes as he contemplated the emptiness he’d be left with when Sandburg boarded that plane.
“I’m sorry, Chief,” he said, blinking back the moisture in his eyes.
“For what?” Blair asked, turning to him with a perplexed look.
“For letting you go,” Jim whispered. He cleared his throat, his voice stronger as he continued. “For letting you leave without ever telling you how much I wished you would stay. Not that it would have changed anything, but I should have told you that I didn’t want you to go.”
“I probably would have stayed if you had,” Sandburg murmured, looking back out over the water. “But that wouldn’t have solved anything, Jim. Things hadn’t been right between us for awhile. Naomi blamed herself for the rift between us when the media got hold of my thesis. I kept trying to tell her that she may have been the catalyst that set the blaze, but that fire was smoldering long before she came into the picture.”
“That was my fault,” Ellison admitted painfully.
“No, it wasn’t,” Blair reassured him. “Maybe some of it, but I was going through some things during that time, too. The bottom line is, we were self-destructing. And after five years, I’m still not sure why. But we needed to part ways, at least for a little while. I am sorry for the way I left. I should have given you more warning, and taken more time to make sure you’d be all right with your senses. But I’m not sorry for leaving. It was something I had to do. For both of our sakes.”
“I know,” Jim sighed. “But I just can’t help feeling that I could have done something to prevent it from ever getting to that point. I guess I’m just mad at myself for ever letting it get that far.”
“Everything happens for a reason,” Sandburg told him confidently. “Nothing in this universe happens randomly, remember? I think I needed to leave. Give us both a chance to clear our heads before we took things past the point of no return. Re-evaluate the situation, if you will. And, if I’d never left, I never would have learned all I did about sentinels.”
“What does that matter now? I’m not a sentinel anymore.”
The harsh, abrupt tone was back, and Blair narrowed his eyes as his friend got out of the car and moved to sit on the hood.
“Jim, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were fishing for me to start nagging at you for losing your powers.”
“Why would I do that?” Ellison demanded defensively.
“For an excuse to get them back,” Blair suggested gently. When his friend didn’t answer, he climbed out of the car and hopped up to sit beside him on the hood. “Jim, one of the things that these tribal sentinels all had in common was that none of them lived very long. In fact, their lifespans were about half of that of an average, healthy man.”
“So what are you telling me, that my days are numbered?”
“No,” Sandburg continued patiently. “I originally thought that maybe it was a side effect of having sentinel abilities. A shorter lifespan was just the price to pay. But the more research I did, the more I was convinced that wasn’t the case.”
“What is the case, Chief?”
“I know I said before that if any normal person could understand what it’s like to have these abilities, it would be me. But I can’t understand. Nobody can know the focus and concentration it takes just to keep all your senses under control. Even at night, man, when you’re asleep, you subconsciously still have to keep an eye on your dials. It never ends, and the stress of that has to be enormous. Add in the pressure that’s put on you to use these abilities to protect your tribe. And I know how much pressure you put on yourself, Jim. I’ve seen you beat yourself up time and again, because you think having this gift obligates you to protect and save everyone, especially those people you care about. I know how big a failure it is for you when you can’t.”
“What are you getting at, Sandburg?” Ellison demanded tightly.
“The body can’t take that much stress,” Blair explained. “And these native sentinels can’t ever stop. There isn’t any vacation in the jungle, man. They go offline, and their whole tribe could be wiped out. Without any breaks from that level of stress, they wear out a lot quicker than an average man. But you’re different, my friend. You have the freedom to take a time out. And I think that’s exactly what you’re doing now. You need time to relax and rest. And when you’re ready to pick that burden back up, your powers will come back.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah, I do,” Sandburg assured him, slapping him on the back. “If you want them to come back. And I’m assuming you do, being that you’re doing everything short of coming right out and asking me to help you get back online.”
“Some things never change, do they?” Jim grinned.
“Some things shouldn’t,” Blair replied with a fond smile. He slid off the hood of the car and retrieved the urn from the back seat. “Ready to do this?”
Ellison nodded and followed him down the steep stairs that led to the pier jutting out into the bay. Sandburg paused for a moment with his head bowed, then broke the seal on the urn and removed the lid, releasing Naomi’s remains back to the earth. Jim was quiet, saying his own farewell. They watched her ashes dancing across the wind in the moonlight, settling down in the ocean and disappearing below the water. And when it was done, Ellison silently looped an arm around his partner’s shoulders as they walked back up the embankment to the car.
“You want to call the guys and see who’s up for grabbing a drink?” he asked.
“I do,” Blair answered regretfully. “But it’s getting late, and I have that meeting first thing in the morning. We should probably just call it a night.”
Ellison nodded, disappointed but understanding. He climbed into the car and started it, glancing behind him for traffic as he pulled out of the overlook.
“What meeting is that?”
“With Rainier,” Sandburg finally told him after a moment’s hesitation. “Even factoring out the sentinel stuff, the research I’ve done has gone beyond that of any of my contemporaries. So I’m going to sit down with the chancellor and the head of the anthropology department tomorrow and see if it’s enough to entice them to take me back on.”
“Wait a minute,” Jim demanded, almost driving off the road as his friend’s words sunk in. “You mean you’re going to try and get your position with Rainier back?”
“Maybe,” Blair shrugged. “I figure it won’t hurt to talk it over. Maybe they’ll bite, and if they don’t, well, I’ve got other options to pursue. They really didn’t have a choice when they kicked me out, since I had willingly labeled myself a fraud in the world spotlight. I’m not holding anything against them. And the fact that they’ve even agreed to meet with me tells me that maybe they’re willing to let bygones be bygones, too.”
“And if they are?” Ellison asked, swallowing hard. “You’re going to move back to Cascade?”
“Yeah, if we can convince the government to let Maya back in the country. I talked with Simon about it today, and he promised to put the heat on some friends and try to call in a few favors. It might not work, but he seemed pretty optimistic.”
“The loft’s yours,” Jim told him quickly. “You can have it as long as you need, until you get settled back here and find a place of your own...”
“Whoa, Jim,” Sandburg interrupted. “That’s really nice of you, man, but don’t go jumping the gun. There’s a lot of ‘ifs’ here. First I need to find out if Rainier is willing to try and work something out...”
“Tell them, Chief.”
“Tell them what?”
“About me,” Ellison declared, his eyes fixed firmly on the road. “Tell them everything, if you want. I’ll back you up, so they’ll know you weren’t ever a fraud.”
“I appreciate that, Jim,” Blair said quietly, knowing the extent of the sacrifice that had been offered. “I’ll keep that in mind, if it comes down to it. But I think I’ll be able to keep you out of it, for the most part. What I’m bringing to the table is a much broader scope and a new understanding of some of these primitive tribes. And if they just want to dwell on you, then it isn’t worth my time. Everyone makes mistakes, and they’ll either be willing to overlook mine, as huge as it was, or they won’t. After five years, I’m hoping that they’ve moved past it, but if they want to keep dredging it up, I’ll take my work somewhere else.”
“I understand that,” Jim murmured softly. “But don’t sell out yourself to protect me. Not anymore. Do whatever you need to, as long as you can come back home.”
They pulled up in front of the building on Prospect and Ellison parked the car. Sandburg finally turned toward him and broke the awkward silence that had descended.
“Do you want to come up for awhile?”
He did, more than anything.
“I should probably get going,” Jim told him ruefully. “It’s getting late, and you have that early meeting in the morning...”
“Come inside,” Blair requested, swatting him playfully on the arm. “Tomorrow’s going to be hectic and I probably won’t get the chance to see you before I go. And I refuse to say goodbye like this. Outside the loft, in a convertible, under a full moon. It’s just way too romantic.”
Ellison chuckled and climbed out of the car, following his friend toward the building, although they made a quick detour to the store up the block for beer before continuing inside and up to the third floor. And over a few drinks and a great deal of laughing and teasing and shared memories, good and bad, the hours passed quickly. Sandburg finally convinced his friend to spend the night at the loft, although it wasn’t a very hard sell for Jim. He had been elated to learn there was a chance that Blair would be returning, for good this time. But he knew it would still be hard to let him go the following day, and even if all the ‘ifs’ fell into place, Ellison also knew that things would never be the same. Oh, there would still be fishing trips and poker games and Jags tickets, but Sandburg had a family now, and had finally chosen to take the academic path over law enforcement after walking the tightrope between the two for so long. The time for them being roommates, partners, was over, and there would be no going back. But, just for the night, things were like they used to be. Just the two of them, sharing a closeness and basking in the warmth of a bond forged through unimaginable trials and tribulations. And even though he knew Steven was going to be pissed at him, Jim couldn’t walk away from that, needing to cherish the precious moments while he had them. It was something he had done a hundred times, sitting up late in the cosy loft, downing a few beers and talking with Blair about all manner of trivial nonsense. But this time, he definitely did not take it for granted.
Neither one wanted it to end, but finally Sandburg had to call it a night. Jim stopped him from cleaning up the living room, telling him that he’d take care of it in the morning. Blair, weary from what had turned out to be a very long day, smiled gratefully and said goodnight, heading for the room that he had occupied for almost four years. But he paused in front of the French doors, turning back to look at his friend pensively.
“You know, it’s funny,” he began. “But I had never even thought of any of this until I knew I’d be coming back to Cascade. I mean, trying to get back with Rainier or even attempting to fight Maya’s immigration nightmare. They were just ideas I decided to try once I’d made the arrangements to bring my mother back here.”
“What’s funny about that?” Jim shrugged.
“Because,” Blair continued. “The last few days she was alive, Naomi talked a lot about the places she wished she could go back and visit one more time. She went on and on about her friends, and the cities and sights that she would miss.”
“And?” Ellison prodded, still not knowing where his often circumlocutious friend was heading with his story.
“And, she never once mentioned anything about Cascade.”
“Maybe because she knew it would be her final resting place,” Jim suggested, failing to see what was so astonishing.
“My mother never believed in final resting places,” Blair argued, shaking his head slightly. “She believed that once the soul was freed from it’s earthly constraints, it journeyed on. To her, the body was just a shell to house the soul while it was in this plane of existence. And once it served it’s purpose here, the body disintegrated and the soul moved on to it’s next destiny.”
“Then why would she ask you to go to the trouble of bringing her back here?”
“Honestly? I think it was her way of getting us back together,” Sandburg said softly. “She knew that I wouldn’t come back here without a reason, so she gave me one.”
“Why would she do that?” Jim murmured, his chest getting tight as he realized his friend was probably right.
“I know Naomi could be a large pain in the ass sometimes, but she really did have a good heart,” Blair told him. “She only ever wanted me to be happy. And the happiest I’ve ever been was when I was working with you. Don’t get me wrong. I love Maya and Jamie. They’re the best things that ever happened to me. But after I left Cascade... I don’t know. There was this void in me. And even getting married and having a son couldn’t fill it. It took me until today to realize that void was you. Mom always knew that, and I guess she just decided it was time for me to come back home.”
“I’m glad she did.” A total understatement, but all he could manage for the moment.
“Me, too,” Sandburg smiled. “Well, goodnight, Jim.”
“Yeah. Night, Blair.”
As the younger man disappeared into his room, shutting the doors gently behind him, Ellison wandered over to stare out of the balcony doors, drinking in the infinity of stars in the clear sky as he blew out a long breath.
“Nothing happens randomly,” he whispered. “Thank you, Naomi.”
Turning, he went up the stairs and pulled out a set of clean sheets from the linen closet. As he quickly made up his bed, he realized that things, while they would be different, wouldn’t necessarily be worse. Sure, Sandburg had a family and they wouldn’t be able to spend as much time together. But instead of looking at it like losing a friend, Jim realized he might be gaining a family as well. For it was clear that he meant as much to Blair as Blair meant to him, and even after five years apart, their relationship was still solid. Ellison grinned as he got undressed and climbed into bed, already anticipating all the trouble they could find with Sandburg, Jr., in tow. As he pulled the covers up over his body, he didn’t even give all the pending ‘ifs’ a second thought. He had no doubts everything would work out somehow, for Blair always seemed to land on his feet, and there was absolutely nothing he couldn’t talk his way out of or into when he really had his heart set on it. Sandburg would be coming home to Cascade, of that he was sure.
Jim snuggled up in the comfortable bed, but he found he couldn’t fall asleep. He kept hearing a sound, but he wasn’t sure what it was or where it was coming from. But it persisted, steady and rhythmic and somehow familiar. And then it hit him. Blair’s heartbeat, singing out to him from the room downstairs. With a smile, the sentinel rolled over and closed his eyes.
“Welcome home, Chief.”
Finis
The Sandburg Zone
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