The 491 Sins

Bill Clinton: Aaugh! What have I done?

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The Potato is a wise and forgiving god, but He does have certain expectations of all of His followers. These are summarized in what we here at The Potato God Worship Center like to call "The 491 Sins of Mr. Lockwood."

Why 491? Who's Mr. Lockwood? You obviously haven't read "Wuthering Heights." Don't bother, it's not that great, except for its role in inspiring the Sins. You see, we read that book in 11th grade English. The episode that stuck in our minds, despite its unimportance to the rest of the story, was the part wherein the character called Mr. Lockwod dreams that he is going to hear the great preacher Jabes Branderham give his sermon, "Seventy Times Seven and the First of the Seventy-first." For Callie and the other math-impaired folks out there, that's 491. And what there were 491 of was sermons. Each sermon dealt with a different sin, building up to the heinous and unforgivable 491st sin. Our english teacher, the illustrious Dr. Gilliagan, commented on how sick and demented you would have to be to think up 491 separate sins.

At this point we had a revelation. The block on our schedule labeled "9th Period - Pre-Calculus" was actually "9th Period - Sin-writing time." So with the blessing of our Pre-Calc teacher and various interested classmates, we began to compile the 491 Sins.

At the time, we thought that the Sins were the new law code for the United African Empire that we envisioned creating in World Cultures class (aka "Plessl's fun time"). The reason for this was that Mr. Plessl went on and on about how screwed up Africa is until we decided to just conquer it and use the panacea of iron-fisted tyrranny to shut Mr. Plessl up and allow us to move on to the rest of the world.

But with Dave's revelation, we knew that the Sins were inspired by The Potato. Like God coming to Moses on Mt. Sinai, The Potato came to us in Pre-Calc.

Some of these sins may be what the ignorant refer to as "inside jokes." I will try to link explanations within the sin when I can to clarify such points as corning and The Water, Gas, or Nothing Game. If the whole list doesn't appear or all the links aren't working, don't worry. They are probably not up right now. We at the Potato God Worship Center seem to have msiplaced the original list, so reconstruction will take some time.

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