As I've written before, I was never that popular as a pre-teen. Well, not as a teenager either, I guess. And I didn't help my social status much by choosing to dress and accessorize in strange ways that made me stand out as an even bigger weirdo. But, I really believed being weird and interesting was better than being normal and boring!
It all started in grade school. My favorite winter hat was this green knit Snoopy hat. It fit like a regular cap, but it was LONG. It was 3 feet long and tapered to a point like a stocking cap worn to bed (eg. the Night Before Christmas - "with Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap"). One of my friends used to sneak up behind me and yank it off my head everyday at recess. Well, mostly she ended up yanking my head backwards nearly off my neck. The bobby pins in my hair would catch in the knit of my cap, making rip-offs nearly impossible.
Then as I evolved (matured wouldn't really mean much in this story), I started on ties. I found my brother's clip-on bowtie and I wore it to school one day. I thought it was cute. Most everyone else thought I was nuts. Later on I acquired a grey leather tie that I wore frequently. I was proud that I could tie it myself. Yeah, I know. Leather ties are geeky and they still are. I didn't say that all my fashion experiments were successes.
I must've been facinated with men's clothing because the next accessory I borrowed was my dad's vest. From a three piece suit that didn't fit any more. I was teased for wearing a vest in seventh grade - long before it gained its current popularity. I still have my dad's old blue wool vest 15 years later. I still wear it. I just don't get teased now.
Robin Williams popularized those rainbow-hued suspenders in the old Mork and Mindy television shows. I wasn't that bad - my suspenders were a hot neon pink. The only bad part about wearing suspenders in middle school is that people snap them on your back. Really hard. Or else they grab them and don't let go, pulling you backwards down the hallway. Although I have to admit it's worse if you're a woman wearing suspenders - ya'ever been snapped on the front? Ouch!
Even my feet were not left out of my fashion escapades. I would look for the absolutely most crazy and strange socks. They weren't too bad to wear to school because they wouldn't usually be seen under my jeans. But when phys ed period came - try playing softball wearing those polyester shorts that practically spark when you run, a cotton shirt that gets more and more see-through as its washed, and goofy socks with stripes or silver thread sewn in. It's hard to hit the ball when the opposing team is roling on the ground laughing. And again, why can older women get away with those stupid holiday socks and printed pantyhose? Due to traumatic flashbacks I've yet to wear the Christmas socks my grandmother-in-law gave me.
Earrings and bandanas. The combinations makes me envision Gypsies or bikers. Not with my particular combinations. For a while I collected airplane earrings. Any earrings shaped like airplanes I could get my hands on. I especially liked the neon pink B52's that so well matched my pink suspenders! I collected bandanas of every color and wore them everywhere. On my body, that is. Sometimes tied around my ankle (over a scrunched-down suede boot) or around my neck. Folded into a perfect strip and wrapped double around my neck like a turtle neck collar without the rest of the shirt. Bandanas worn that way were a great way to cover up hickeys, too.
When I arrived on campus for Freshman Orientation in college, I was wearing a tie-dyed tee-shirt and jams. Remember jams? All the other girls had on dresses and short skirts, and had flowing long blonde hair. Another fashion faux-pas there, with my cropped brown mop of a hairstyle. Students wondered later on if I was a lesbian because of my hair and clothes. (Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians. I just wonder how my clothes and hair seemed to make me more mistaken for one.) Some kid walked up to me that day and said, "He-e-y-y-y, so, like - do you like the De-e-a-d or something?" Uh, like, no. I just like tie-dyed t-shirts, coke-for-brains.
Not too long ago, I was working in a retail shop. Crouching down, straightening the shelves, and older woman approached me from behind. I was wearing a button-down shirt, my vest, jeans, and my short short hair. "Excuse me, sir?" wavered the older customer.
I turned around to stand up, and as I rose, she shrank and shrank until I was towering over her. I felt like the Jolly Green Giant next to this tiny woman! She must've been like 4 feet nothing and weighing about 15 pounds. I had the sudden urge to bellow out "Fee, Fie, Fo, Fum! I'm a woman, you silly old Mum!"
Even today I still like to wear clothes that appeal to me rather than any prescribed current trend or fashion. I still have an old brown cropped sweater my husband hates, as well as my chunky-heeled shoes that make me clomp too loud, suits not quite right for a "corporate" environment, and I still wear a tie now and then.
Only now I've got a better selection - my husband's ties are much nicer than anything my dad ever owned!