Dee Dee Style: November

At night I can't sleep, I sweat and burn,
Thinking 'bout death, waiting impatiently for my turn.
Sittin' in my room with my finger on the trigger,
The thoughts of suicide in my head are getting bigger.
My momma always stessing I ain't living right,
But I'm just doing my thing to get through the night.
See, every time my eyes close,
I start thinking suicidal, and not even a single soul knows.
But I can't bring myself to do the act,
Gotta stay true to my boys and especially the pack.
I sit in the monte and sometimes cry myself to sleep,
I'm falling into a depression and the shit's getting deep.
All I need is for someone to throw me a bone,
Thinking about life and taking my own.
Some might say take a chill Dee,
But fuck that shit, the whole world's out to get me.
I take my sleeve and wipe the snot off my runny nose,
If I had a gun I'd make it spray like a garden hose.
A day for me is like shooting craps,
Eating cyanide cracker jacks.
Staring up at God while I'm on the corner,
Its fucked up when your mind's playin tricks on ya.

I make a little money, I drive a big car,
Everybody knows Dee, I'm hitting the bar.
But late at night, something ain't right,
I wanna take my life and yeah maybe I might.
Is it that crooked ass case that I caught?
Or is it the thoughts of loneliness that I fought?
I don't know what it is and I'm losing all my power,
Pretty soon I might be underground pushing up flowers.
Reached under my seat, grabbed a bottle for my brothers,
Thinking bout doing it, yeah, I'm scared as a mothafucker.
Took a drink for the dog pound and all that shit.
Swig, if its going down, lets get this shit over wit,
There it goes, but not like I planned,
Went to pull the trigger, but there's no gun in my hand.
What happened next will make your ass start giggling,
I'm sitting in the monte, like jell-o straight wiggling.
I live with my boys cuz they're the only one I can trust,
We take care of eachother cuz its a must.
I keep looking over my shoulder, and peeping around corners,
My mind is playing tricks on me.

Day by day its more impossible to cope,
I feel like I'm the one that's doing dope.
Can't concentrate in school because I'm nervous.
Every sunday morning I miss service.
Praying just to end the pain,
But when I do the pain starts inside my brain
I know my boys watch my back for me,
But everyday its hard for me to stay happy.
I often drink when I drive,
Riding my white horse to suicide.
BANG and get it over with,
And then I'm worry free, but that's bull shit.
I got all my dogs to look after,
And if I die then I wont hear their laughter.
My team's always down for me,
Always come to my side when I need thee.
They help me out in this shit,
I wanna sail away and control my ship.
Sometimes I wanna get away from my mother,
If I die tell the girl that I love her.
When I leave I know I'll be lonely,
Shit, my mind's playing tricks on me.

This year Halloween fell on a weekend,
Me and Dog Pack is trick or treating.
I'm starting to hate these dreary times of year,
I wanna smoke a blunt and drink some beer.
So I go home and I cook up a burger,
Having thoughts of commiting bloody murder.
Take a knife and put it through my victim's chest,
Chucky's got me wondering if this way is the best.
He was gonna die I planned,
But this wasn't no ordinary man.
He took about 6 or 7 cuts,
Before he fell, I chopped off his fucking nuts.
Thinking 'bout ways to waste him,
Popped out an eye, drank some blood, I erased him.
Then I saw the face in the mirror,
With all the blood I couldn't see it any clearer.
Is that my face? Not sure, I can't tell,
But if it is then I'm on my way to hell.
It was dark as hell in the room,
I'm all bloody like I just came out the womb.
I'm feeling small like Santa's elf's,
The man I killed ended up to be myself.
Now I'm crying for mommy,
My mind's playing tricks on me.