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evan's memos
 the procrastinator's creed
entrance exam for college athletes
basic rules for driving in utah
elephant hunters
deep thoughts
death is nothing at all
poems
c. s. lewis
for those who take life too seriously
perplexing questions
useless information
the death of common sense
* Aldous Huxley *
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."
* Lillian Hellman*
"Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth."
* Adrienne E. Gusoff *
"Living in a vacuum sucks."
* W. S. Gilbert *
"When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody."
* Froude *
"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself."
* Charles Churchill *
"The best things carried to excess are wrong."
* Al McGuire *
"I think the world is run by 'C' students."
* Matt Frewer, as Dr. Mike Stratford in "Doctor, Doctor" *
Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!
* Henry David Thoreau *
"Things do not change. We change."
* Jeanine Garafalo *
“That’s right; rejection kills, disappointment only maims.”
* Charlie Brown from Peanuts by Charles Schulz *
“Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love.”
* Thich Nhat Hanh *
“If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.”
* Romans 12:20 *
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink."
* Satchel Page *
"Don't look back, something may be gaining on you."
* Arther Block *
"A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking."
* Albert Einstein *
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
* Confucious *
"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."
* Eleanor Roosevelt *
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
* Thomas Alva Edison *
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
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Whatever doesn't kill you probably needs to be larger.
There are a lot of obvious differences between George Lucas and Adolf Hitler. George Lucas wasn't the evil mastermind behind the extermination of millions of human lives, for one, and Hitler had only one testicle. However, many similarities exist, too. Hitler might have lead Germany to victory in World War 2, but for the fact the exclusive creative control he wielded resulted in the creation of myopic national policies and foolhardy battlefield tragedies -- and in the same way George Lucas scripted some mighty sloppy dialogue. In the end, the consequences of these over-indulgences are that we live in a free world and don't speak German, and I'm probably only going to see Episode 1 in the theatres two or three more times this summer. Possibly four.
Perhaps we can all learn something from Hitler's mistakes.
Wanting a person too much can hurt as much as not wanting them nearly enough.
Whoever said "there are some things money can't buy" probably wasn't rich.
People say "I'm sorry" all the time and for all kinds of reasons. It doesn't mean they'll change.
If arts courses are so easy, then why don't the people who make fun of arts students do better in them?
If you only know a few things, the world may look silly to you, but just imagine how you look to the world.
Whether you hate a sappy, obvious marketing ploy like Jar Jar Binks, or love even more insipid and obvious marketing ploy like a Pikachu, you can't tell me that if either one of the horrible things ran into your house, you wouldn't scream and try to kill it.
Personally, if I wanted obnoxiously cute things telling me how to spend my money, I'd have children.
People who lie are more popular.
When you consider that animals don't kill for pleasure, animals don't judge, they don't have shareholders, and they don't lie, you begin to understand why we're in such a hurry to eat them.
Linguists tell us that when popular culture changes the grammar and meanings of English words, it is pure snobbishness to prefer the old, "right" way of spelling and saying things. But I don't think linguists would be so keen to embrace shifts in modern English if the new word for linguists was shifted to "dorkwads."
Nobody knows the law better than criminals.
A warning label is just a cheerful way of saying that stupidity is the most lethal weapon known to man.
What kind of example does a show like "Survivor" set for our kids? All it shows them is that to get ahead in life you have to blindly follow a lot of artificial rules, you can't kill anyone, you can't eat anyone, and all you can look forward to is the vague hope that at the end someone magically hands you a cheque for a million dollars. That's the problem with kids today. No one's teaching them how to win.
For one hundred dollars you can buy sex, drugs, or murder. You can buy another human's dignity. You cannot buy shoes.
When an ad has to boast that what they're selling is legal, it's not.
The black market for human organs is growing every day. For this reason, never forget that even the dumbest and most infuriating people who wear you down on the internet have an inherent value as human beings that makes them eminently worthy of your respect and compassion -- especially when sold for parts.
Most people think they're excellent drivers. Most people also think they're fantastic in bed. Finally, most people think they're intelligent. It's because we are already so thoroughly convinced of these things that they aren't more often true.
We can afford either new schools or new prisons, and since it's no coincidence that in the absence of one, the other will always fill up, we'd better choose wisely.
Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.
I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Someone once said that a good definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Birthdays are like poison cupcakes. You can only have so many before you're dead.
Remember, if you smile, no one will suspect you.
Logic: the art of being wrong with confidence!
What better time to practice the piano than during your lesson.
Unless your parents tell you three times, they don’t really mean it.
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