Chapter Eight - Just Another Day

The birds were chirping at the Ranch, Nikki groaned and stretched in bed, and pulled the covers over her head, facing the world today was not something she felt like doing.

The birds didn't care, they continue to chirp, and the joyful sound stood in a sad contradiction with the sadness in Nikki’s heart.

She called the prison after Victor left and asked that her son would be called to the phone - a rude person on the other line told her that the prisoners time for phone privileges was over, and practically hung up on her - Nicholas wouldn’t see her or talk to her and she felt shut out and so very alone.

Tired, sad and exhausted she fell asleep around 9 PM into a disturbed, light sleep that was filled by dreams of her son.

She looked through the window, the sun wasn’t even out - it didn't’ even look like morning, she looked at her watch - 5 AM “Damn”

She muttered, she hoped she would be able to sleep in for a little while longer.

She lied in bed with open eyes and tried to figure out what she was going to do, she recalled the last evening conversation with Victor - she knew neither of them was ready to get into anything serious right now - definitely not while things were so unclear with Nicholas.

She was frustrated - they needed each other most right now, but couldn't be with each other because the fear of progressing to fast, too soon for all the wrong reasons.

Not to mention all of the other unfinished business, his as well as hers - There was Brad,  he phoned again last night just as Nikki headed for bed, and Miguel was perceptive enough and sensitive enough to her mood to tell Brad she was asleep.

She wondered if Miguel knew what was going on with her, he gave her that look after Jack left - he have known her for years and could usually read her very well - she blushed at the thought of Miguel knowing.

But she wasn’t worried, She could trust Miguel to be discreet.
She was angry at herself, she felt like a school girl avoiding someone’s calls.
She didn’t know what to do - she liked Brad a lot, he was a good distraction and a lot of fun at times, but she knew something was missing in their relationship - love.

She just didn’t love him the way she knew she should, but what would she say to him? Should she say anything at all? She had no idea what was going to happen with Victor - should she just dump Brad that way?

And What was she going to tell him? He thought they were together, and the thought of trying to explain to him about the other night with Victor - he would never understand and she didn't’ think she could deal with his anger right now.

But she knew she had to talk to him and soon - she can’t just keep avoiding his calls.

And there was Victor, they were an inch away from get carried away again with their passion to each other last night as well.

Every time they stood so close to each other, touching each other she wanted nothing more than to hold him in her arms and never let go.
She was at the brink of admitting how she felt toward him, if he had stayed for one more moment - she would have - and there would be no turning back - she didn't want to expose herself that way.
She wanted to have some sort of self control over the situation - and self control was never her strong suit.

She got mixed signals from him last night... when she asked him if he was sure about what is going on between them he didn't say a word.

She could sense his uncertainty and it hurt her, but she could understand his confusion as well, she wasn’t the only one hurt over the years by their relationship - she had made her share of mistakes as well, and fate stepped in and interfered with their life together over and over and over again.

But... the loving look in his eyes before he left, the tender kiss was the exact opposite of what he didn’t say, she asked him to leave because she couldn't deal with another night like the night before, so full of passion and in the end - even more questions then answers.

She sighed, she had no right to criticize Victor about his reluctance to reveal his feelings, she wasn’t doing it either, she just didn’t know if they could break out of cycle of hiding their feelings from each others.

And there were the children - mainly - Victoria, she knew that if her oldest daughter ever find out it would be a disaster, she had wanted her parents back together ever since she was 5 years old and she didn't want to let her down again should things would not work out between Victor and herself.

She knew how much the divorce hurt Victoria, and all those times they almost got back together but never did - this time the children wouldn’t know a thing until they would both be sure of their feelings.

But she didn’t know how she could hide it from her, and she needed someone to talk to that wasn’t Jack, He was great about the entire thing, although she knew it hasn’t always been easy on him - and there was something else going on with him she hasn’t been able to put her finger on and she didn’t think it was fair to burden him with her problems.

She looked at the page near the bed, Nicholas’s visitation hours were listed there, but she knew none of the family was on the list, her son was slowly shutting himself out from his family, and unless Victor will manage to use his power and influence to get in despite Nicholas’s objections she had no way to reach him.

Somehow she didn’t take comfort from the fact Sharon didn’t get to see him either, she didn’t know what to make of the girl.
She was beginning to doubt her initial feeling about Sharon, that she was a gold-digger and after the Newman money, she looked genuinely upset about Nicholas’ decision not see her, and Nikki started to wonder if she judged her too harshly.

She got up and got dressed, and headed downstairs to eat breakfast, she planned to go into town later - Christmas next week and she hadn’t bought one single gift...... “Christmas”
She thought, “What a miserable Christmas it is going to be, for all of us...”
 
 

It was 6 AM and Victor Newman was sitting in his office, looking at some papers - he has been out of the loop of what was going on for a few weeks now, After he left Nikki’s he went to talk to Amy’s psychiatrist, again - He managed to see Amy this time and she was beginning to remember who Nicholas was - it was a start - but that was not good enough, not fast enough.

He had his sources inside the prison and he heard last night that Nicholas was being harassed by other prisoner, and got beat up - he demanded the prisoner would be moved but that didn’t reassured him at all.

He was afraid something might happen to him before they would have the chance to free him and he felt helpless, his son was in danger and there was nothing he could do for him.

He would have given anything to trade places with his son right now.

He had know idea how to tell the rest of the family what had happened to Nicholas - especially not to Nikki - he knew how afraid she was for her son, and he couldn’t blame her at all.

He knew that seeing Nicholas would help her, but when he talked to his son on the phone last night, not only did he not say anything about his injury, he didn’t agree that the family would see him, especially his mother and sister.
Victor sensed that if he shows up at the prison his son would let his father to see him, but he didn’t want to take the chance of taking Nikki with him and count on Nicholas changing his mind

He never returned home last night after the visit to the psychiatrist, he went straight to the office and spent the night there, his cold apartment seemed so lonely right now, and he wanted to escape his dark thoughts.

Nikki was on his mind the entire night, he could hardly get any work done at all, he almost wished she would have asked him to stay with her before, because all the talks about making a rational decisions regarding their relationship, all his doubts, all the pain that was caused to both of them over the years, it all faded away when they stood so close together, when his lips touched hers, when his body brushed against hers - all he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and tell her how much he loves he.

That was not news to him, no matter who he was with, she was always in his heart, but sometimes it lied beneath the surface, hidden behind pain and anger...and sometimes, like now, he felt it with every fiber of his being, It didn’t happen at once, during that last year as He and Hope grew further and further apart and he turned to Nikki for support and understanding he found himself wondering how he ever let that amazing woman go.

He knew that listening to his problems with Hope wasn’t easy on her, especially after Victor Jr. Came into the world, and sometimes he felt like he was doing the wrong thing by coming to her and making it all so difficult on her - but she have known him better then anyone and she was only person he cold trust with his most inner thoughts.

He knew very well that he wouldn't react as well as she has if she had come to him to search for comfort over a problem she had within a relationship. She was able to rise above her own feelings on the issue - she was a better person in that perspective than he was - he knew he never could, the feelings of jealousy would have been too hard on him.

But he couldn’t admit it to her, for some reason he couldn’t - and that was the problem - their inability to tell each other what they really feel was what got in their way all those years, and he knew they had to work through it before they give in to their feelings.

Unless they could free themselves from the guilt of the past, from the anger of the past - they could never work out, and he knew that none of them would be able to handle a second break up.

He shook his head and tried to concentrate on the pages, It was a memo Brad Carlton issued after dealing with the McKnight acquisition, He read it once and twice and liked what he read, he was rather fond of Brad Carlton - he was a fine business man, dedicated to his work, personal affairs aside, Victor smiled to himself - he used to be that way too but he found it harder to do in those last few years.

Brad and Jack had been functioning as Victor’s right hand men in those past few months and Victor had to admit they did a fine job.

Victor doubts about Brad and Jack working together faded away, And it kind of calmed him down that Brad was working with Jack, though Victor’s relationship with Jack improved greatly over the last few months he still didn’t trust him, and he didn't’ think Brad would work behind his back the way Jack had in the past, although ever since Jack and Nikki’s divorce their differences has definitely subsided.

He looked at a picture of his family that was no his table and sighed deeply.

Suddenly he heard a voice and Jack walked into his office, He was very surprised to see Victor there “Victor”

He called “What are you doing here?”

Victor looked at him and said “It is still my office isn’t it”

Jack said “Never claimed otherwise Victor,”

He paused and studied the man in front of him, the messy clothes and the tired look “You didn’t go home tonight?”

Victor sighed and said “No, Nicholas was beaten up by a prisoner last night, I was busy trying to get him to another cell, it was very late when I finished dealing with it and I wanted to catch up on some work”

Jack was shocked “God, Does anyone else knows about it?”

Victor glanced up at him “If you are referring to Nikki, no she doesn’t, not yet anyway, I didn’t see any point of waking her in the middle of the night, she hardly slept the night before...”

He realized his error the moment he said it and continued quickly “...I would imagine” Jack did his damnest to cover up on the smile, Victor was almost... obvious... He might have caught it even if he haven’t known.

He looked at Victor and felt badly for him, He was not his favorite person but he knew he loved Nicholas very much, and it was hard for him not to sympathize with his pain, he set down “So, did you read the report about the McKnight acquisition?”

Victor looked at Jack “Yes I have, I think Bradley have done am excellent job”

Jack wrinkled his nose and looked at Victor, almost amused again “If only he knew” Jack thought.

He said out loud “It wasn’t a bad report, I would do a few things differently but..”
He stoped when he noticed Victor was not listening to a word he said, he noticed the look on his face and he knew exactly what he was thinking of, or who, he tried to see if he could get him to open up “Victor, is anything wrong?”

Victor looked at Jack tiredly and silently poured them both a drink “My son’s in jail and I can’t seem
to do nothing to free him”

Jack said “I’m sure you will Victor, Amy would remember at the end”

Victor looked at Jack surprised “And how would you know about that?”

Jack couched and said “Well, Nik told me when I saw her yesterday”

He tried very hard not to let out more, Nikki would kill him if Victor finds out Nikki told him what happened.

Victor eyes him suspiciously, he wondered if Nikki would tell what had happened to anyone, and he wasn’t thrilled by the thought o Jack knowing, but Jack’s face didn't give away a thing so Victor was not worried..

He asked Jack “How did she seem to you?, really?”

Jack told Victor “Honestly? Not very well..”

Victor nodded “I know, It’s not easy on her, on either of us”

He rubbed his eyes “I just hope and pray it would be over son, and Nicholas would be free, thing would be so much easier when that happens”

Jack curiosity got the best of him “What things?”

Victor looked at the other man, and for a second felt like telling him everything, he needed someone to talk to...other then Nikki, god knows he couldn't’ even think straight whenever he was near her, and she definitely clouded his judgment.

And if there is anyone who would understand how he feels for Nikki, Jack was it - but the thought of sharing such intimate details of his life with a person he usually didn’t even like, and hated with a passion from time to time was inconceivable to him, so he closed his mouth and said “Nothing for you to be concerned about”

Jack sighed, he knew Victor was very close to telling him, and for a second, he was relieved he didn’t - despite his marriage and great love he had for Luan, he still remembered the years of loving Nikki, and to hear a confession of love from the person who eventually ruined their marriage - he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

So he nodded and said “I hope things work out for you, I truly do”
He got up and said “I will let you go back to your work” and turned to leave.

Victor stopped him “Jack,”

Jack looked back and Victor continues “Thank you,” Jack smiled and walked out, leaving Victor in his office.

Three hours later There was a knock on the Ranch’s door, Miguel went to open it “Mr. Carlton!” He called out....