Snow was begining to fall as Victor stepped out of his car, he drove slowly intentionally, trying to gather his thoughts, so many thoughts were running through his heart.

His son’s image kept reappearing before his eyes - the image of Nicholas and himself, in the mainhouse right before he was convicted.

His son’s voice echoed in his ears “I’m so scared dad”
He had remembered his promise to Nicholas “You *will* be acquitted” as the judge told him he was going to jail for 15 years... His visit to the psychiatrist earlier today... and Nikki.

“Oh Nikki...” He thought, Last night was a very strong reminder of what they once shared, the love - a love that kept them together - if even from apart despite their difference.
The passion, the overwhelming passion they felt for one another, the way they knew each other.

But how much of it was clinging to their past, to their bond - to the mutual feeling of pain and how much of it was based on the present?

He couldn’t find the answer within his tormented, aching heart... he walked quietly toward the main - house and then the soft sounds of the piano hit him, soothing and calming his pain, if only by a little bit, he slowly opened the door, not wanting to disturb Nikki.

Nikki, wearing a blue turtle neck sweater and black pants was sitting in the front of the piano, playing a sad, slow tune Victor did not recognized, he could always learn her mood by what she chose to play, and the sad tune she chose told him just how sad and depressed she was.

He watched her playing for a long time, a bit concerned from the moment she turns, there is so much that needed to be said...

Nikki suddenly hit the keys angrily, breaking the soft music in an low thunder like sound, she looked at the picture of her son that was on the piano and held it close to her heart, she lowered her head onto the piano keys, causing a strong, frightening, low growling sound as her elbows hit the lowest octave as she started to cry, her breathes coming out ragged and filled with tears.

Victor’s heart filled up with pain, to see her in so much agony, without much thought he approached her from behind and warped his arms around her, lifting her from the chair and pulling her into a tight embrace...

Nikki was startled for just a second, it took us a very short time to realize who took her in his arms.

She turned to him and buried her face in his chest, her breath mixed with muffled sobs, she cried “oh why Victor, why did it had to happen to Nicholas? To spend his life in jail that way and why won’t he let us see him, we are his family, we love him, we worry about him...”

She whimpered “Why is he putting us through that? And himself? To be without the people he cares most about?”

Victor’s agonized over her pain and his own and tightened his hold onto her, her lowered her head to kiss the back of her head and his hands fondled her hair as he whispered soothing words in her ear.

He was unable to see her in so much pain, he didn’t want to let his own pain out, he couldn’t, it was too hard and too painful.

He wanted to be there for her, he didn’t want her to worry about his as well, it was bad enough the other night.

He took a deep breath to compose himself and said, trying to convince himself as well as her “I don’t know sweetheart, I wish I did, I think that this is just too painful on him right now, you know... We symbolize his life, the life he can no longer live now that he isn’t free, it’s just too soon, he will agree to see us”

Nikki cried, looking at him “I just miss him so much Victor...I miss his laugh and voice and the way he greets me good morning... Oh Victor, it has only been a week since he got to prison after they found him guilty, I can’t...”

Her voice choked again.. Victor whispered in her ear “Shhh.. I know, I know....”

He lifted her chin to look at her, and said “You and I have to be strong, both of us, if we want to help him we have to keep our sanity and not to dwell on it, but try to help him to get the hell out of there”

Nikki’s face crumbled in despair and she said “Amy is our only hope, and she can’t say a thing...”
Victor said “We have to believe that some day she will, she got the best medical care in the world - she will pull through”

Nikki pulled away from him a bit “That if, she has the answers we are looking for”

Victor tried to sound reassuring “I truly believe that she does”

Nikki gazed into his eyes “I hope so, god, I hope so”
 

Suddenly they both become very aware of their physical closeness.
It was different this time than any other time they have been affectionate with each other, the vivid images of the other night were still floating between them, passion flared between when as they stares into each other eyes.
Victor couldn’t help his body’s reaction to her presence, and Nikki’s heart skipped a beat as she recognized the yearning look in his eyes...

Victor sent a hand to caresses Nikki’s cheek but she pulled back and walked toward the fire and just looked at him with a sad, somewhat bitter look.

He pulled his hand back and a rueful expression covered his face and he said quietly “I know you are upset with me”

Nikki shook her head “Not upset, surprised maybe, and a little disappointed”

She tried very hard to swallow the lump in her throat, she was so, sensitive and emotional these days and she didn’t want him to see how much she really was hurt.

Victor was taken aback by the offended expression on her face, that was the last thing he ever wanted to do, to hurt her.

He approached her slowly but stooped a ft. away from her and said “I know I shouldn’t have left”

Nikki fought off tears and said quietly “No, you shouldn’t have”

Victor sighed and said “This isn’t easy on me Nikki”

Nikki didn’t look at him “What do you feel it felt like for me? I woke up and you were gone”

Victor told her softly “In case you are wondering, I did go to see Amy in the morning”

Nikki nodded and said “You should have woke me”

Victor was silent, his shoulders slumped, he turned his look away from her, feeling guilty... Nikki eyed him, she could tell he wasn’t completely over what was going on with him last night.

Something in the look in his eyes, in the way he stood told her that, her sense of detachment faded away and she asked tenderly “Why didn’t you?”

Victor returned his gaze to her and said“ I don’t know...”

Nikki looked at him ”You don’t? Or just won’t tell me the reason?”
Victor fixed a steady gaze at her, and moved his eyes over her face, Nikki felt exposed under his long
stare and asked with the first sign of a smile “What?”

Victor didn’t really answered the question, and didn’t tell her how lovely he thought she looked that day, and asked her “Do you regret the other night?”

She returned his question with a question “Do you?”

Victor said with just a hint of a smile “I asked you first”

Nikki shook her head and muttered... “I... I don’t know...”

Victor stared deeply into her eyes and took a step toward her “I am sorry.... for not waking you up, and for not calling”

Nikki’s eyes filled up and she asked a direct question “Were you running from me?”

Victor’ pride answered for him “I wasn’t running away from you”

Nikki said “Oh?”

Victor knew he had to tell her something “I thought we both needed time to think, and I didn’t see any
point of waking you up”

Nikki turned her head away “Sure” and bit on her lip holding back tears.

Victor touched her chin tenderly and made her look at him, he said softy “If I have hurt you, I’m sorry, it was never my intention”

Nikki nodded “I know... I’m just so confused about it all, I never meant things to go that far, I shouldn’t have let it happen”

Victor told her “I think that we both have been through enough in this life to know that things... rarely turns out the way you plan them”

Nikki smiled “Victor Newman, accepting the unpredictability of life?”

Victor smiled as well “I accept it as a part of life...I guess, but I won’t always accept everything that it’s entails”

Nikki looked at him “You’re talking about Nicholas”

Victor told her firmly “I would never give up on our son, never”

Nikki smiled a sad smile “I know you won’t, you never could”.

They were silent for a few moments and Victor asked her “Are you sure you are okay?”

Nikki nodded “Why, don’t I look okay?”

Victor looked at her and said softly “You look as beautiful as ever”

Nikki’s heart melted “Thank you... then why did you ask?”

Victor said “Because Victoria was worried about you”

Nikki smiled “We have a very intuitive daughter”

Victor said “Too intuitive for her own good”

Nikki looked at him “Today wasn’t the easiest day for me”

Victor said “And I didn’t made it any easier on you, haven’t I?”

Nikki told him “Victor, if you are “blaming” yourself for the other night, as much as you can call it
blame - please don’t... We got carried away with pain of the moment”

Victor asked her “So is that what it was to you?”

Nikki shook her head “I don’t know what it was, there is so much going on right now - can we really be objective about it?”

Victor said “I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing one can be objective about... All know is that...”

Nikki looked at him and asked hesitatingly “What?”

Victor stood very close to her and said “Last night - there was no other place on the earth I would have rather been in than with you, you are the one person who understand all that I feel right now”

Nikki nodded and said tearfully “I feel the same way...but...”

Victor said “But what?”

Nikki told him “You left in the morning, that shows me that not everything is resolved with you, that you regretted it, or at least was unsure about what happened.

It hurt me Victor, and If you are , doubtful, or can’t handle what happened between us or doesn’t know what to make of it - I want to know, I want you to tell me, I don’t want to be in the dark about that Victor, I can’t deal with that”

Victor wished he could tell her she was wrong about that, but she was right, he was doubtful, and he was confused, and uncertain about her, his feelings toward her about everything right now so he was silent.

Nikki closed her eyes in pain, For a moment, she wished he would deny it, Actually, she wasn’t sure about the way she felt either.
Her life with Victor was filled with such joy, and love and passion - but with a lot of pain as well, and she didn't’ want to make any, any moves until she was sure of where they are heading.

Victor eyed her in pain, and his heart sank, for a moment there he asked himself why he doesn’t take her in his arms and tell her how much he loves her and wants her to be a part of his life again, but he knew he owes it to himself and to her to sort out his feelings.

He told her that “We need time to sort things out”

Nikki nodded and said “I know, it’s not going to be easy Victor”

Victor said “We will manage... we have to, we owe it to ourselves, and to our children”

Nikki, without another word sank into his arms and he wrapped her in them for a long moment, he pulled back and gazed deeply into her beautiful, blue eyes and couldn’t help but touch her forehead with his lips,

Nikki’s eyes closed and she tried to get herself to pull back, but couldn’t bring herself to, their closeness, the scent of his cologne affected her more then she wanted to admit, even to herself and she knew that he had her heart again - but was it enough this time?

Victor, with great effort pulled back and said “I should go”

Only Nikki could do was nod, Victor bent down and placed a sweet, tender, gentle kiss on her lips, prolonging the contact between their lips.

Nikki was the one who pulled back now, trying very hard to control her tears and said “Go, okay? We will talk tomorrow”

Victor nodded and said “I will try to talk to Nicholas”
Nikki said quietly “I hope you succeed in getting him to talk to us”

Victor placed another quick kiss on her forehead and turned to leave without looking back, as soon as he was out the door Nikki collapsed on the couch, tears falling from her eyes.

Outside, Victor wiped his own tears and stopped to compose himself, They both have to do a great deal of soul searching in the next few days, and with everything that’s going on with Nicholas, he just didn’t know if they were up to the task...