Chapter Three - Dawn

A breath of light, cold wind woke Nikki up, she shivered and pulled the blanket over her head,  cuddling inside the warm bed, she stretched and groaned... not really wanting to wake up.

She lied there for a few moments, her eyes closed and then she opened them and turned around to the other side of the bed and then it hit here, Victor, Victor wasn’t there.

Confused she sat in the bed, Moving her hand through her tousled hair, pushing it away from her face and looked around - the room was empty.

She sent her hand to rub her tight neck, and pulled it right back, the movement just made her shoulder muscles twinge and hurt, she grimaced and rubbed her eyes.

It took her a second, but the entire events of the day and night before came flashing back to her and she winced in pain, Nicholas’s verdict - 15 years in prison, Victor’s arrival, their lovemaking, going to sleep together - it all came back and she felt like she has been hit in the gut- she couldn’t believe he left without as much as waking her up.

She sat there in utter shock for a few moments, jumbled thoughts running through her mind, she tightened the loose robe around her and then noticed a note under the bed, it was a few lines “Gone to an early meeting with Amy’s psychiatrist, didn't want to wake you up, Victor”.

And that was it “..Didn’t want to wake you up, Victor”, no “I’ll call later” or any reference to what happened between them the night before, like it never happened.

“He should have woken me up” she thought, “Why didn’t he?”

She looked around the room and couldn’t help but feeling a little bit better for a split second through her pain, The heater was still turned on, the window was slightly open letting a light breeze of wind blowing gently into the room, and the electric sheet was turned on, warming her up.

Tears formed in her eyes, He knew her so well, this is exactly the way she loved to sleep at night, with the heater, but with some wind blowing in.

She set and straightened the pillow behind her, leaned back and let her mind wander...
Thoughts of last night went through her mind, she felt totally miserable, they needed to have that talk today, and instead he ran away from that - from her, from what they shared laat night, the pain, the passion, the need for each other...if that wasn’t it he would have woken her up, “some things never change” she thought sadly.
She noticed there was another blanket on her.... he must put a second blanket on her sometime in the morning... it wasn’t there last night.

“Dammit” she thought angrily “Why did he leave, and why did I let myself be so weak and vulnerable to him?”.

The thought “because I needed him” was there, hanging at the back of her mind, but she didn’t let herself think that - although she knew it was true, she knew how much she wanted and needed him the night before - she knew that, and she knew how Victor felt, or at least, she thought she did.

He needed her as much as she needed him the night before, she knew that with every fiber of her being, the way he reacted to her in the shower told her how much he wanted her, too... but there was no news at that, they have always been so incredibly attracted to each other, no matter what, “What was different last night?”

She asked herself, she knew what it was... Victor's ability to admit he needed her, and acting on it.

A bitter expression crossed her face, Victor was vulnerable to her last night, he was in pain and so was she and they helped each other through it, but she knew him for far too long to think that he is going to let the situation with Nicholas continue without giving anything he has to free their son, and to come back to take control over the situation, and, more important, his own feelings.

Discussing his feelings with her was not in the game plan, not with Victor.

But she truly thought he would stay, that they have been through too much to back away from it.

She looked at the clock, it was 8:30 AM, she slept for a merely 4.5 hours, “How early was this meeting anyway?” She thought tiredly.

She sent her hand to her neck again, trying to massage it and longed Victor was there...although the tension in her neck and body was his fault to begin with.

She couldn't help but smile to herself, making love to Victor was always the best... it wasn’t just the sex itself, it was the passion, the lust, there was no other man she felt so weak in the knees to his sight like she did with Victor.
But she was angry at herself, her vulnerability to him, It wasn’t like that with any other man she was ever with, not with Jack and not with Bra...

Brad.

A huge twinge of guilt ran through her body, and made it difficult for her to breath, a third addition to the heart wrenching pain over Nicholas and the sadness and confusion about Victor.

She sank further into the bed, inside the blankets - Brad.

She was seeing him for the past 6 months, he was good to her, and he helped her forget everything that was wrong in her life.
Though they had cooled off ever since the nightmare with Nicholas began, because Victor was constantly around and he had no idea they were seeing each other... bang, another pang of guilt.

She buried her face in her hands, sank into the bed, rolled to the side and reached out to hug the pillow, she felt so confused about everything, and so alone.
She felt guilty, she cheated on Brad, and he didn’t deserved it at all.

She had no idea what to say to him the next time she would see him, he thought they had a relationship, so did she, sort of.
She was always able to make the separation of what was happening with Victor and what was happening with the other men she was seeing - she cared a lot for Brad, she loved spending time with him, But...

What she felt, and always feel for Victor was something completely different, through the last year she grew to accept it as something that will always be in her heart, just a feeling that is always - she never thought she’ll ever be in a situation vulnerable enough to act on it, further more, she never thought Victor would.

There she couldn’t even deal with the thought about it, she didn't’ want to deal with any of that at all, she simply wanted it all to go away, she hugged the pillow and let the tears run on her cheek.
 
 

At the tackroom, Victoria Nicole Newman Howard was busy getting dressed, she slept poorly the night before and cried for hours, she couldn’t believe Nicholas was going to prison.

He was her baby brother, and they had gotten so close that past year, they talked to each other, he was that friend she did not have, Cole was her husband, Ryan was a friend, but there was too much history going on between them, and she never really had any girlfriends, she could talk to Nicholas, and she knew he always admired her in some way, her spunk, business success.

He didn’t know how much she envied him, his - sort of inner peace, something she didn't recall ever having any.
Actually, he was the only one in the family that had that quality, to be satisfied with life, be good natured about the good and the bad things, naivety that the world was a good place, that everything will always be okay.

And he was the one who was in jail right now, to have his young, good heart broken, his spirit crushed, spending time away from freedom, fresh air, the people who loved him with who knows what people, to be filled with bitterness because he was sitting in prison for a crime he didn’t commit.

Victoria was sad, Cole was gone, he had an important meeting about his book this morning and though he had offered to reschedule she told him to go ahead, she needed time alone anyway.
She looked through the window toward the main-house, she felt guilty over not going to her mother last night, she couldn’t imagine how she must have felt, and she knew  her father didn’t stay long “You should have gone to check up on her, Victoria” she scolded herself.

She, at least had Cole to help her through the pain.

She walked out and headed toward the mainhouse.
 

She walked toward the mainhouse, and ran into Miguel “Hey Miguel”  She called,

“Good morning Victoria, how are you?” He replied, a bit sadly - he was too shocked of what happened to Nicholas.

Victoria managed a smile “I’ve been better, Miguel, tell me, did you see mom this morning”

Miguel said worriedly “No, No Victoria I didn’t, she turned in very late last night, she was still awake when I turned in, I was deeply concerned about her”

Victoria looked at him with another pang of guilt “She didn’t take it well didn’t she?

Miguel said “I assume not, she didn’t let her feelings show, at least not when I was in the room, but I know her very well”

Victoria sighed “Neither of us is dealing with it very well, Miguel, it’s just so unfair”

Miguel just nodded sympathetically “I’m going to take it up to her” and pointed to the trey with the coffee, orange juice and toast he held “I think she would need it”

Victoria told him “Miguel, it’s aright, I would take it up to her”

Miguel nodded and handed her the trey. Victoria climbed up the stairs to her mother’s room.
 

She knocked on the door, once and twice and didn’t hear a response, she opened the door.

Nikki was lying on the bed, curled to a ball, holding the pillow in her hands, her eyes opened, but she was a million times away.

Victoria called out softly “Mom...”

Nikki snapped out of the trance and looked at her daughter, wiped her tears quickly and sat in the bed “Oh hi honey, what are you doing here?”

Victoria showed her the trey, “I brought you something to drink, and to eat”

Nikki looked at the trey and said “oh, thank you angel, I appreciate it, but I think I don’t have much of an appetite ”

Victoria sat on the bed and said “Cole made me eat this morning, so you might as well eat to”

Nikki said her sadly “I can’t enjoy food right now, knowing what your brother is eating where he is"

Victoria looked away, tears in her and said “I know, I thought of nothing else”

She looked at her mother “Mom, I’m sorry”

Nikki asked her “Sorry for what?”

Victoria said “For not coming over last night, and let you stay here all by yourself”

Victoria's words "last night" triggered a thought  in Nikki’s mind ' Oh god....Victoria should never know”

Nikki knew what would happen should Victoria find out what had transpired between her parents the night before.
She couldn’t deal with Victoria's reaction to it, the conclusions she might make, her  joy, her  hopes - she didn’t want to let another child down.

And told Victoria “You needed to be with your husband, I understand”

Victoria said guiltily “But It was wrong, I’ m sorry, I should have come... I couldn’t”

Nikki held her daughter's hand “Why couldn’t you?”

Vicki responded sadly "I felt so miserable mom, so sad... I couldn’t deal with anyone else’s pain, I’m sorry”

Nikki smiled at her and wiped her daughter’s cheek “That’s okay, I understand, I’m fine”

Victoria looked at her and told her “Mom, you look like hell..”

Nikki let out a cry mixed with a laugh “Thank you, darling, It just helps so much”

Victoria said apolegestically “Its just that, you looked like you hardly slept”

Nikki looked at her daughter “I hardly didn’t, I kept thinking about your brother...”

Nikki choked on her tears and tried to hold it together, Victoria said, crying herself “I know... I couldn't think of anything else either, the look on Nick’s face when the judge told him he is sending him for 15 years... and the expression on Dad’s face”

Nikki shivered to the mention of Victor’s name but managed to say to her daughter |Your father took it very hard, he blames himself”

Victoria looked at her, bewildered “Dad blames himself? Why, he did everything he could have?!”

Nikki nodded and said “I know, but for your father, that's not enough, not this time”

Victoria cried “God... I just feel so helpless mom, Nick’s in jail, and there is nothing we can do”

Victoria buried her face in her hands and started to sob, Nikki’s heart filled with grief over her daughter’s pain and she pulled her to her for a tight embrace, whispering “Shhh.. oh baby”

Victoria’s arms tightened around her mother, realizing how much she wanted her to hug her all night long, she cried “I just want everything to be all right mom, I want to wake up and find out it was all a nightmare, I want Nick to be home!”

Nikki, tears tears rolling on her cheeks said “I know you do baby, so do I”

Victoria pulled back and looked at her mother and asked her “Can I get into the bed with you, like I used to?”

Nikki reached out her arms to her daughter and told her ”Come here, angel”

Victoria went into the bed and put her head in her mother’s lap, Nikki moved her fingers through her daughter beautiful hair as they both found comfort in each other’s arms....