Chapter Eighteen - A morning of laughter and pain
Nikki went down the stairs 25 minutes later, dressed in a satin bright purple blouse and black pants, Victor was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.
He didn’t notice her as she stared at him and felt a tremor running through her heart, it felt so much like old times...
She approached the table carefully and Victor looked up and smiled warmly at her as she sat down and asked “Feel any better?”
Nikki reassured him “Much..”
Victor grinned “Well that’s good, that’s very good, because I waited with my breakfast for you”.
Miguel approached the table and exchanged looks with Victor, Nikki looked from one man to the other, it was obvious that the two men had conspired against her.
Nikki smiled sweetly at Miguel and said “Just Salad and maybe some orange juice for me, Miguel”.
Miguel didn’t say a thing and just handed her a full plate with Omelet, a generous dose of salad and two muffins and than handed a similar one to Victor.
Nikki’s mouth opened in dismay “You two have lost your mind, I can’t eat all that!”.
Miguel ignored her and turned to Victor “Would that be all Mr Newman?”
Nikki cried out “It better be!”
Victor tried to hide him smirk and said to Miguel “Yes, nothing more right now Miguel”
Nikki protested again “Miguel, I’m not going to eat that much, so you might as well just forget about it”
Miguel said “I think that you might, Mrs. Abbott, excuse me...” And walked away from the table.
Nikki turned to Victor and said as she shook her head “By the life of me I can’t say which one of you is worse!”
Victor said “We’re just concerned, that’s all”
Nikki said grumpily "You still won’t be able to shove all that food down my throat”
Victor turned serious and pleaded with her “Darling would you humor me please?...”
Nikki rolled her eyes at him but took the fork and eyed the omelet suspiciously as she took a bite.
She eat quietly for a while and even took a bite from the muffin before she started playing with the food on her plate.
A smile touched her lips and she raised her eye brow at Victor in a challenging voice “What, no pearls?”Victor looked at her in confusion and Nikki continued “Well, as I recall, the last time you tried to make me eat something I didn’t want to, I found pearls in my food, I just thought I better check..”
Their eyes locked as they reminisced about that moment, very early in their relationship as Victor tried to teach Nikki how to appreciate refined food...
Victor smiled at her “If it was Oysters, perhaps..”
Nikki put her hand on her mouth , fighting back nausea “Victor please, don’t mention Oysters right now...”
He laughed “You never did grew to love Oysters, Now pearls, on the other hand... ”
Nikki shrugged and laughed, Victor just looked at her and smiled “It’s good to hear your laugh again”
Nikki became silent at once as her eyes clouded with tears...
Victor said softly “I didn’t mean to make you sad...”
Nikki said sadly “How can I even laugh while my son is sitting in jail, what kind of mother I am?”
Victor put his hand on hers with a sigh “Nikki, the last thing Nicholas would ever want is for you to be this way, until Amy remembers there is nothing we can do, and you being this upset is not going to help him”
Nikki said in despair “I know, but, that’s the way I feel, and when I look around the ranch.... It’s Christmas eve today and there is no tree, and the house is no decorated, and I don’t even know if I want to decorate it...”
Victor squeezed her hand and then let go and said “I’ll be back in one moment, okay”
Before Nikki had time to react he walked out through the front door and came back a moment later, dragging a large tree after him.
Nikki stood up as she looked at the tree “When on earth did you chop THAT down?”
Victor, a little breathless as he straighten up the tree said “Last night”
Nikki asked in surprise “Last night?!, I didn’t even say we could have Christmas las...”
She glared at Victor “But you went ahead and did it anyway, right?”
Victor looked at her and said “I had a feeling you may change your mind”
Nikki sighed but said “Well, you were right...”
Victor approched her and hugged her from behind as they looked at the tree in sadness.
Nikki wanted to lean her head on his shoulder but avoided it in the last moment, pulling away...
Victor didn’t release his hold on her and turned her to him as Nikki did everything she could to avoid his gaze.
He asked her “Why do you keep doing it?”
Nikki didn’t make eye contact as she answered, her voice trembling a bit “Do what?”
Victor said “Pull away from me like that...”
Nikki looked up at him “I just don’t want... I don’t want us to make a mistake we’ll regret later”
Victor told her softly “I was just hugging you, it’s not something we haven’t done for years”
Nikki looked at him and said quietly “Victor, It’s different now, you know that”
Victor said “Because we made love, you mean”
Nikki nodded and added “And because we have major issues to work out, and because we are both vulnerable right now”
Victor wouldn’t let go of the issue “I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do”
Nikki was silent and turned her head away, unable to deal with the look in his eyes...
Victor was hurt by her uncertainty, he did not expect that kind of doubt from her “But you do, is that it?”
Nikki touched his cheek tenderly and her touch made Victor take a deep breath as he suddenly like he can’t breath... she said gently “No, no... it’s not that... I just don’t want to be hurt again, can’t you understand that?”
Victor, hurt, pulled away from her touch and approached the blazing fire. Nikki, unsure of what to do called out “Victor...”
At that moment the door opened and Cole and Vicki walked in, Cole called out “Hello... Nikki?”
Victor and Nikki turned toward the door, as Nikki quickly wiped her tears away. Victoria approached them with a smile “Good morning..”
She walked toward her father and gave him a kiss on the cheek, “What are you doing here?”
Victor said with a smile "Good morning my sweetheart", and pointed toward the tree “I just brought the tree over...”.
Victoria turned toward her mother in surprise “You mean we *are* having Christmas together?”
Nikki managed a little smile and shrugged “Yea.. Hmm.. you brother wants it so badly, and it should be... it should be that way”.
Victoria looked from her mother to her father in obviouse joy “So, does this means you two are back on speaking terms?”
Nikki exchanged looks with Victor who stood in a more remote corner of the room but wouldn’t meet her look “Yea...”
Vicki grinned "well, It's about time"
Victor and Nikki avoided eye contact and Victoria carried on...
She hugged her mother “I’m so glad, and Nicholas would be overjoyed when he calls”
Nikki nodded tearfully “I hope so... you were right, the family should be together for the holidays, despite everything that’s going on”
She sent a look over her daughter’s shoulder to Victor who stood there and looked at her, he felt a huge lump in his throat as he looked at them.
Cole added “Especially because of everything that’s going on”.
Victor asked Nikki “What time would you like me to be here?”
Nikki looked at him and tried to ask in a voice that won’t let out her true feelings in the front of Victoria “You’re leaving?”
Victor said “Yes, I have a meeting with Amy’s psychiatrist and a business meeting later...”
Nikki said quietly, disapointed “Oh, I see”
Victoria sighed as she picked on vibes from her parents, not everything was going well... but she didn't’ say anything, they *were* talking, and Christmas was on, and she didn’t want to do anything to mess with that.
Victor moved a hand through his hair “Well, I’m going to take off”
He hugged Victoria “I will see you tonight...”
Vicki smiled at her father “Yea, I will”
Nikki felt she had to say something to him, she didn’t want to let him leave like that “I’ll walk you out” She said, as Victor took his coat from the hanger.
They stepped outside and closed the door, leaving Victoria to look at them with curiosity mixed with confusion “What in god’s name is going on with them?”
She wondered, as her mother walked after her father.
As they closed the door behind them, Victor stopped, and turned to look at Nikki who stood there, her hands wrapped around herself to protect herself from the cold, cold weather.
Nikki was waiting for some sort of reaction, he didn't say a thing, Nikki said firmly “You can’t leave like that”
Victor asked her in concealed anger and hurt “Well, we couldn’t exactly continue that conversation with Victoria standing right there could we?”
Nikki lowered her head “I suppose not, but I don’t want you to walk away mad...”
Victor denied his feelings “I’m not mad”
Nikki looked at him “Then hurt”.
Victor said, with an offended expression “What do you want me to say?, I’m just not used to a cold shoulder from you”
Nikki tried to explain “Victor, I’m not giving you the cold shoulder... I don’t know what I’m doing, actually...”
She continued “Maybe you have a better grasp of where things are between us right now, but I don’t..”
she sent a hand to touch him “I don’t think that my feelings for you were ever something I denied, or did a good job in hiding, I just can’t say the same about you.."Victor lowered his eyes and she continued "..And right now, the way everything are with Nicholas, I can not risk...”
She stopped to take a deep breath as tears started to fill up her eyes “I can’t depend on you like that right now, I can’t take the chance of getting hurt...”
Victor told her in pain “Nikki, You’re not the only one whose been hurt over the years”
Nikki said “You see? This, This is exactly what I’m talking about! We have so much to deal with, History and old pain that we carry, and if we ignore it and just let ourselves get carried away with what we feel for each other... we’re just never gonna make it!”
Victor looked at her with regret, he knew she was right, he nodded “You’re right, I know you’re right...It’s just that... sometimes I need you too, you know? You’re talking about you depending on me, don’t you think it’s the same for me?”
Nikki looked up at him and asked him in an almost unheard whisper “It is?”
Victor whispered “Yes, it is... and it’s not easy on me...needing you so badly. This whole situation with Nicholas, you are the one person who understand, and...”
His voice faltered and tears stood in his eyes “You’re the one person I can come to when I feel like there nothing more I can do for him...”
Nikki looked at him softly “You have no idea how important it is to me to hear you say that.”.
Victor asked her with a fot expression “How could you have possibly not known that?”
Nikki asked him “How could I? You never told me, I don’t always read you...”
Victor couldn't help but smile“Oh really? it feels that way to me sometimes...”
Nikki smiled “Well, I don’t, you have turned the 'keep them guessing' game into an art... and sometimes even I don’t know what to think...”
She paused and said in some difficulty “I didn't mean to seem to be...unresponsive...I’m sorry, I can’t lean on you only when it's comfortable for me”
Victor said Victor said “I should have understood where you were coming from, I’m sorry too..”
Nikki bit on her lower lip as she took a step closer and wrapped him in her arms, Victor buried his face in her silky hair as they stood together like that, In the cold air for a long moment.
They only broke the hug as snow began to fall, Victor said “You better get inside, otherwise you’ll freeze, standing here without a coat”
Nikki wiped her tears away “In a moment..”
She looked at him “When will you come over tonight?”
Victor responded “Around Seven ,is that okay?”
Nikki nodded “It’s prefect..”
Victor mentioned “I will pick up Sharon, and come here... hmm.. are you going to decorate the house?”
Nikki sighed “I don’t know... I have a feeling I’ll ask Miguel to help, I’m in no mood to do it this year, I just can’t”
Victor said “I’m sure Miguel would understand”
Nikki said “I think he would too”.
Victor said “Nikki, I understand what you said, about our need to resolve some issues before getting any deeper... and you have a point, I’m just asking that you don’t shut me out like that... okay?”
Nikki nodded silently and said “I’ll try..” and tried to smile at him. Victor sent a hand to careses her cheek and said softly “I’ll see you tonight” and turned to leave...
Nikki stood there, freezing, looking after him and finally walked into the heated ranch, embracing the heat and the flames from the fire....
