Dirty Tricks

  Ok, players, GMs, and assorted knuckleheads. This is the place to find Dirty Rotten Evil Prick-like stunts to pull, during the game. These have worked, both through my personal experiences, and first-hand accounts. Be prepared; this is about bad stuff, too. Expect humor. Buckle up. Enjoy the Ride.

1.) Surrounded by the enemy, back is to a wall, and it's looking grim? Give them the PC leader  of the group. If you're the leader, use the weakest member. Hey, it might work.

2.) The mission is a failure, and you can't face the prospect of returning to the meeting point with your employer, to face a certain death? Fake success. Forge the prize. If they catch on, put a bullet in their head. Ought to keep them wondering.

3.) Running out of ammo, and they've got bigger guns? Shoot gas tanks, hostages, store fronts, anything. Bring in the cops, fire department, anyone. Let them sort it out, while you reload.

4.) So you caught yourself a supernatural creature, and have no one to show it to, who isn't involved in a potential cover up? Here's a thought: parade it around town, in a Pope-mobile like vehicle. Good for a silver-chained Garou, or nocturnal critters like vampires. Let people touch them, beat them with sticks, whatever. Videotape it, post it on the Net, and get rich, selling the footage. No one said you had to die poor, y'know?

5.) Not a weapon in sight, and you're expecting foul-tempered company? Here's a thought. Turn the environment against them. If expecting Garou, use a bit of work to shred silverware, and sharpen some bamboo into a suitable set of spears. Fold coffee cans in half, for popping tires. Fill bottles with oil, shredded rags, and gasoline. Seal, and place near the entrances. In other words, fight dirty. REALLY DIRTY.

6.) Want to get information out the supernatural critter, and running out of ideas? Try using a cattle prod in new, and interesting ways. Failing that, try bleach. Then, a racial fear. Like a silver nitrate enema. OR a wood splinter bath (fill a tub with alcohol and shredded wood). Ouch. Yup. They'll talk. You just got to give them the urge to share, is all.

7.) No vehicle? If your playing a Streetwise  2+, try using that little bit of a criminal in all of us to carjack. Yeah, I know, it's pretty fucked up, but hey.. You *do* want a car in a hurry, right?

8.) Never underestimate the power of the armed services. But, keep in mind they are still human beings. Exploit that. Use the local National Guard outpost as a staging grounds for equipment raids. Hey, for sick fun, join, and get legitimate access.

9.) Need to hide a body in a hurry, and you don't have anything more than the clothes it's dressed in? Well, look no further. Stick it on a park bench. Make it look like a derelict. Rely on people's innate sense of "not my problem". It can go undisturbed for up to three days, in a real life city. In a World of Darkness city, I don't want to know how long it'll sit there.

10.) Arming up, and low on funds? Use two kinds of ammo. Typically, you'll find two ammunition types fill all the needs of the group; if you have three people packing Uzi's, another two have Glock 9's, and you're carrying one of the six shotguns, it looks like you can buy yourself three boxes of 50 9mm rounds, and a bandolier of 12 gauge buck and slugs.

11.) Use the same kind of weapon as the enemy, whenever possible. This makes reloading in the field one hell of a lot easier. That, and your gunfire sounds like their gunfire. Keeps them guessing. Steal anything as you move, leave nothing as you pass.

12.) Boobytrap all the dead enemy. Leave them nothing; if they have a bunker, and you're on your way out, make it go BOOM! Gives them something to think about. Be petty; be efficient.

13.) Aim for the chest; if you miss, you're hitting a limb, rendering them one-quarter of the way useless. Use dangerous ammo; homemade is bad. Buy quality goods. Like Black Talons.

14.) Remember: if they capture you alive, it is your solemn responsibility to ruin their lives. They post a single guard, snuff or cripple him. If they post two, do your best to get them at each other's throats. If they are transporting you, try to down the vehicle. Or, just render it uninhabitable. You'd be surprised how a little vomit can ruin a prisoner transfer vehicle.

15.) If they are holed up in a large building, and ain't coming out, with no movement showing any of them entering it, it's time for some real fun. Use Political Ties/Allies to cut off the water and power. Lay siege to it; go medieval.  Throw dead animals in through the windows; a little simple bioweapons warfare should keep them hopping. When you're ready to move in, make the entrance one-way. A wrecking ball and fire truck are a good combo; hole in the fifth floor, and the ladder drops you right inside the building. Then, remove the ladder.

16.) When fighting on the open road, keep your eyes open for opportunities to make the fight last as little time as possible. If they pull behind, swerve to the side, and let your car get t-boned by theirs. It'll take them off the road, and you have a good chance of living through it, if you play your cards right.

17.) If they have heavy weapons, and are firing from behind good cover, impersonate their spotter. Arrange for him to get an artillery shell for himself. Then, they send out another; repeat process, until they fight on a more level playing field.

18.) Need medical care, but can't go into a hospital? Look up local doctors' home addresses;  make your own house call. Bring supplies; ambulances are a good source. So are veterinarian supply stores. Be creative; not everything is covered by even the most generous HMO.

19.) Looking for the hard to find heavy weapon? Get drunk with a local staff supply sergeant at the local military base's watering hole. This is self-explanatory.

20.) You want a better library? Steal from your Mentor. Sure, he'll be pissed, but then give it back, once you've got Xerox copies of everything. Maybe he'll find it funny, and you can laugh about it together. Or, maybe he'll want to kill you. It's a toss-up. Feeling lucky?

21.) If you're up against the organized crime groups, consider yourself a dead man. If you're a Mage, let Paradox take you to a Paradox Realm. Those, you can escape. If Garou, stick with the Umbra for a while. If Vampire, well.. Better luck next time, sucker.

22.) If the opposition is ready for your arrival, and you know ahead of time, fuck with them. Don't go. Period. At all. Catch them as they wander off, confused as to why you didn't try to catch them with a surprise during the planned assault. Better still, get to them before they can even leave their respective homes, and beat them soundly with a blunt object.

23.) Attention S-Mart Shoppers: the one stop shopping spot for all your assault needs. Clothing, ammunition, some firearms ("S-Mart's own Winchester Repeater, Lever-Action"), camping gear, housewares, and a good place to set up shop, if you can find one with a tool shed/shop nearby. Saw down the shotguns, hand load the ammo, sharpen the wooden stakes; in short, get ready to rumble, S-Mart style.

24.) Use any job to your full advantage: if you're working as a cashier, map people's progress, financially-speaking, by the purchases. Turn the info over to the team's analyst, see what he comes up with. If your a line cook in a restaurant, poison food for your target. In short, never give the enemy a moment's rest.

25.) If you find sensitive documents, and it would damage the reputation of the supernatural target group's public image, head to Kinko's, or some other copying place. Run five thousand copies, and pay local derelicts a nickel a piece to post them around town.

26.) Want to deny access to an area, but haven't got much in the way of either funds or equipment? Use the locals. Things along the lines of "community service car washes", "outdoor auctions", and "fundraiser in the park". Hey, it's not like you're sending them out to die. It's an unplanned, but fun mundane event. Your enemies are the bad guys, and this way, everyone there will know this. Hey, you might find a new friend waiting in the wings there.

27.) Fun idea: they have a hostage from your team. Take six of their support staff, send them to them in little boxes. Pump the hostages for information (see #6 for ideas how).  If they care for the hostages, they'll negotiate. If not, well, here's hoping you don't like the one(s) they took.

28.) Found the lair to the local beasties? Call in for reinforcements. Lots of them. Use public media to your advantage. "If you think you're man enough, come to the Old Factory outside of town, for the Real Man Challenge. Five dollars off your admission fee if you bring two or more friends." They don't call 'em cannonfodder for nothing.

29.) Need to disguise yourself in hurry? Use some simple special effects gear (there is actually a recipe for synthetic flesh that uses nothing more than bubblegum, water, cotton balls, and a microwave). Look disfigured, wear bandages. Claim to be in recovery from plastic surgery.

30.) No money, and no time to wait for Resources to clear? Try your hand at robbing a store. (Pulp Fiction's opening scene is a great example) Or, for the squeamish, ask the local bank to "loan" you some. Claim it's for an auto loan, or mortgage payment.

31.) Ouch. Wounded, and not going to live much longer? Simple solution: take as many of them with you as you can (Bravos, Martyrs, and "hero types" take note). Die legendary.

32.) Fame is your friend. Bilk your fans for money, housing, equipment, and the like. Hey, your famous. Famous people get away with this kind of stuff all the time. Hey, you could even get away with murder. Theoretically.

33.) Lie detector preparation: drop acid before taking the test. That should fuck with their heads. "Where were you on the night of July 9th, 1998?" "I just ate my cat. Ask me why."

34.) Hunted in the city, with nowhere to turn for help? Go on an Outward Bound journey. Pack light, arm up, and don't look back. Chances are, they have enemies outside of the cities, too.

35.) Never underestimate the power of a hired hooker as a distraction. Nuff said.

36.) Shopping tip: when buying the team's gear, go to Mom and Pop-type stores, the ones without cameras. Use stolen credit cards, instead of your own. If they have a contact with a credit agency, you'd be screwed. Think ahead: it's worth your ass if you don't.

37.) Sniper trouble? If communications isn't a problem, call the local news company, tell them you're the sniper; make outrageous demands. Let everyone know where "you" are. If it's a difficulty, communication-wise, try setting something on fire, and throwing it away from your covered position. with luck, it'll bring in the cops and fire department once it spreads.

38.) Ball bearings; your one true friend. Good for slingshot ammo (a light, traceless weapon, if used properly), fun on stairs, great for pouring into bottles (prior to throwing them), and who could resist the look of surprise as Mr. Celerity tries his damnedest to gain footing, chasing you over a paved, smooth surface? Plus, if you pack them into a sock, they make a good sap.

39.) He's got armor or Fortitude? Don't try to punch holes through him; just his environment. Drop heavy stuff on him. Bury him alive, to be killed at your leisure. If bullets ain't going to hurt him, I bet you it'd sure fuck up his ability to function if you shoot out his gas tank.

40.) Too many of the bas guys, and the reinforcements are late? Switch uniforms. Look like them, feign injury, and walk through to their back lines. Hey, if they had brains, they'd be on your side, right?

41.) Need a good weapon, for all environments? Shotguns. Cheap to feed, easy to care for, and ammo is abundant, customizable, and almost universal. Sawed down, long arm, or "muled", they rule the battlefield. Almost totally waterproof, easily silenced (use a pineapple, with a hole drilled in the top. BLAM! Fruit salad.), and hell on wheels at point blank. (Note: "Mule": Shotgun with a barrel only 3/4" longer than the end of the shells loaded into it. Concealed easily, loud, but nasty if used at point-blank. Can put a dent in someone's head the size of a melon, making identification very difficult)

42.) Knives. If you're good, they're great. If you're not, they'll get you hurt. Good idea: buying a pair of sturdy butcher knives (those things are sharp!). Bad idea: studio steel (shops dedicated to cutlery can tell you what this means, if you don't already). Go for common; fuck exotic. If you need a silver blade, buy a set at a garage sale.

43.) Firearms: for a decent gun, for all types of players, try the .357 Magnum revolver. Small enough to be fired by small-framed characters, with a vast array of munitions. Scoped, with a flashlight under the barrel, it will lend itself to all kinds of choice lines. That, and it fits in a good sized pocket. Let the Beretta junkies go for fast firing. Slow and steady wins the race.

44.) Rifles: tough call. Automatic, or single shot? If you expect to fight mass troops, go for a battle rifle (M-16s and AK-47s). If it's urban, forest, or mountain terrain, or the enemy is sparse, try your hand at a long rifle. Like, for example, the Weatherby Mark V.

45.) Know the other guy's phobias? If it's an insect-based one, go for a buying spree at the local pet store. "Gee, mister, why do you want ten thousand crickets?" "It's for a friend." Be creative; it pays to think in disturbed ways.

46.) For all you Black Dog types: if you see one of those idiots waltzing around with their Tradition, Clan, Tribe, Breed, Auspice, or whathaveyou.... Put a fucking bullet in their head. Warn the others: advertise, and get planted. It's hard enough to keep the Veil, Rule of Shade, or Masquerade without those morons letting any Tom, Dick, and Technocrat to find.

47.) Black Dog II: never underestimate the power of a "cleaner". They literally work miracles. (note: "cleaner": Someone who cleans up all proof of a violent confrontation from an area; smart, creative, and resourceful. Think of Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction. Yes; he did all that, and never had to even get his hands dirty. Plus, he dressed snazzy)

48.) You don't always need to pack a gun. If subtlety is called for, carry a tennis ball. If you think it's a ridiculous weapon, let your friend throw it as hard as they can into your groin. Or at your car window. See the point? It even works if you bounce around a corner (yeah, the diff goes up. Deal with it.) Plus, it's concealable, cheap, and difficult to prove otherwise, legally.

49.) Black Dog III: When brawling, aim for the groin, eyes, and finger joints. Break anything that gets near you. He swings, duck and punch the groin. They sweep, leap at them, tackle-style. They brought a knife, throw your keys at their head. Rules of physical engagement? Fuck 'em. No such rules in my book. Bite. Claw. Gouge. Spit. Rake. Break bones. Fight dirty.

50.) Background music. This is as important as any other aspect of the setting: you walk into a club, play Lords of Acid. Car chase? Filter. Shootouts go great with White Zombie or Marilyn Manson. Ditto for holdups, robberies, and breaking/entries: get yourself a copy of Nine Inch Nails "Downward Spiral". Personal favorites of mine are an aquatic adventure, with They MIGHT Be Giants "Flood", a running chase across America, listening to a compilation album of Denis Leary.. Top of them all, though, goes for a Syndicate Enforcers-only  game, set in the 1950s, listening to the Cherry Poppin' Daddies, "Zoot Suit Riot".

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