During the sad time at the end of Year 10, I've met a guy that have many impacts in my life in the next few years... thus, some will carry on forever for the rest of my life... It was at this critical moment of my life, that I really needed someone to care for me and to lift me up from all the sadness...

Not long later, I started a relationship with this guy... We were very different people from the very start... Everyone who knows about our relationship will think that we won't last for long... possibly, 3 months the maximum... But life is like that, even I didn't expect from the start that this relationship will carried on for 5+ years... He always acted immature and wanted to play... but I am not that type, I think mature and always wanna to know about the future... I really cannot afford to play... When I started a relationship with someone, I really wanna some sort of conclusion in the end...

During the 5 years of this relationship, we have experienced many ups and downs... People come into our relationship, people go out of our relationship... I can't even remember how many times we have asked to end this relationship... but somehow, in the end, we will be together again and again... just like a cycle...

We have moments of happiness.. It was so good at the beginning of our relationship when we were so young... We live far away from each other.. Every wednesday, he will finish school early... He will catch the bus for 10 mins to Central.. Then, take an hour on the train to get to Caringbah to pick me up from the school.... Sometimes, we only get to see each other for just 45 minutes... we don't have much money to spent... Only a few cents with some sweets will make us happy...

I used to spent a lot of time making things for him... knitting different coloured scrafs, a big big puzzle with custom-made frame, the number of jars of stars, a carpet with winnie the pooh on it, painting a snoopy on a ceramic house, 20 different folded paper animals in a big box, etc.. etc... These were the good days.. So many efforts we have made just to be together..

However, as we grow up older, we have more money to spend and we have our cars to drive... but then, our relationship seems to faded away as time goes by... Although, it is easier for us to see, we don't seems to see as often... our arguments has became a weekly practice... Even though, we have our problems, I always believe that we can still work together to continue our relationship... even if we get bored, we can still get over this period...

But then, I realised one thing in life... In any kind of relationships (love, friendship, family, etc) it has to be a two way communications to get it going... No matter how hard I tried to work the relationship, he was not working together with me...

There were many times in this relationship that I feel that I am losing myself... because I really love this guy... Even though, we have our problems, I still stood strong to this relationship... I guess I am too stubborn... Always wishing that one day, he will realised how much I have done for him... and that, he will treat me better.... But the chance of this happening is close to zero... it can only happen in TV series or movies...

It has been a long long battle in this relationship... What am I fighting for?? I got no idea... Whether I really love him? Or because I got used to have him around?? Or because I hate losing??? Or because I wanna to prove the world that I can still survive this relationship??? I really don't know...

Everything must have an end... There are so many problems in this relationship that were just rolled up like a big snowball... Problems cannot be solve... and the best solution is to end this relationship and give each other a chance to meet someone better and more suitable for each other...

I've learnt that, there are things in life that is not meant to be yours... No matter how hard you tried to get it, if it is not yours, it will never be... But I have hopes... I believe that, somehow in life everything is planned for you... If you don't have it at this moment, I am sure it must be planned somewhere in your lifetime... Just that it is not the right moment for you to have it... This thinking is too optimistic?? Maybe... but why not?? It is always good to carry hopes... Just let things go natural... Don't be eager to have something... and eventually, it will come to you... and it will happen just like a click.. as I always say to my friends... JUST BE PATIENT....