There's a child within, locked inside of me,
There's a child within, I thought I left behind
There's a child within, and she's stirring now
There's a child within, now peeking out of me
There's a child within, and she likes to smile
There's a child within, and she's had enough
There's a child within, and now she's very near
There's a child within, oh, but she's starting to remember now
There's a child within, but now she's not so sure
There's a child within, and she needs to cry
There's a child within, and she's got to know Diana Glen (1996) ©
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Buried years ago, so that no one could see;
I shut her down to protect her, ignored her plea--
Assumed my life-long role of responsibility.
She never had that chance to be herself,
Her stolen innocence shoved on a shelf;
I did what I did because I needed to survive--
To keep her safe and stay alive.
When I became the functional and unintrusive kind--
Robot, automaton, shut down, oh, so good--
Behaving like any 'proper' female should.
My surface tranquil, unruffled, serene,
I buried my pain and stifled my scream--
A pliant puppet, others pulled my strings
And did to me unthinkable things.
And she wants to be know and heard somehow.
She won't be ignored, it's been long enough--
Although fragile still, she's also resilient and tough.
When my guard is down, she grabs the lead
And determinedly rises and murmurs her need.
She won't be shushed, I've done that much too long--
She's getting louder and she's growing strong.
And she's trying to see what she can see.
Her eyes are wide and filled with awe
Because she doesn't see what I have saw.
She's not like me, sees beauty every where;
She believes in love and that people care;
Her world has rainbows sprinkled with fairy dust
And her innocent heart is filled with trust.
And she wants to come out and play awhile;
She wants to dance and she wants to sing
And she's not afraid to explore almost anything.
She wants to twirl, piroutte across the floor,
She wants to fly and she needs to soar,
She wants to live, to finally be real
And to be allowed to feel what she needs to feel.
Of me taking care of other people's stuff.
She doesn't buy the 'caretaker's' way--
She isn't stopped by what others think or say.
She's natural, uninhibited, and curious too,
Spontaneous, innocent, vulnerable, trusting of you;
Her body's her own, no understanding of shame--
Unfortunately she and I don't see the world the same.
And she doesn't hear what I can hear.
She wants to show me what I could of been
In a world filled with love and never mean.
There's a mischievious imp and a laughing child,
And one that's tender and one that's wild--
Different aspects of the same child that is in me
And she's struggling hard to be set free.
That things weren't the same as she remember somehow--
That 'boogey-men' weren't only under her bed
And hell was a place where she lived instead.
That mommies and daddies weren't fairy-tale dreams
And very little is as it seems--
That evil and terror weren't feeling she earned
And safe was a word she never had learned.
That the world is safe for a child so pure--
That being good will make her dreams come true
And maybe 'happily ever after' is just a ruse.
That good and evil are not easily discerned
And a trusting heart can easily get burned;
That her safety may be in staying hidden now,
So I have got to change her mind, somehow.
But I've forgotten how as the years passed by.
She needs to be angry and she needs to grieve,
So it's my job now to make her believe--
That the ways I survived -- the coping mechanisms I used
Just protected me from feeling when I was abused,
But the cost was too high to keep the pain away
Because it deaden me to the beauty in life, that way.
Allowing vulnerability is really the only way to go;
That you can pick your friends, define your boundaries too,
And you continue to grow if you stay true to you;
That the are happy endings and people to trust
And an open mind is a definite must--
Together we can be the person I was meant to be
Because she really is the best part of me.
