After you leave me,
that's when I need you most;
That's when I want to be held by you
and cuddle up real close;
That's when my heart is really open
and the yearning is so strong;
That's when the desire aches so,
my darling, after you're gone.

Though you leave me softly,
the deafening silence roars,
As I gently and reluctantly
push you out my bedroom door.
Every fibre within me,
screams, begs for you to stay,
But you belong to someone else
and it has to be this way.

I wouldn't have chosen this scenario,
the 'other' woman me;
I've always had my set of standards,
so this just shouldn't be,
But the day we met, you smiled
and I was lost to you.
I fought my feelings, but in vain --
there was nothing I could do.

So sweet, precious, stolen moments,
are all we have, I know,
But it's more than I've ever had before
and I can't let you go.
If it's the only way I can have you,
then it's the way it has to be,
Because you've brought a need into my life
I never thought I'd see.

I can still remember my resistance melting
as you used your many charms;
I can still experience the safety I felt
within you strong, protective arms;
I can still hear your joyful laughter,
at the child in me that liked to play;
I can still see your delighted amazement,
as the aggressive tormentor had her way.

I can still marvel at the tender feelings
only you evoked from deep inside;
I can still feel how you stroked my body
and made it ignite and come alive;
I can still recall, as you held me,
the loving phrases you whispered in my ear;
I can still savour the wonder
of your many loving ways, my dear.

I watched your face with all it's tenderness
and passionas I was loving you --
The joy and anticipation reflected there,
as strangely, I knew just what to do.
You taught me it was safe to take control --
that's something that's not a familiarity;
Then you taught me to give it up, and
place myself in your loving hands, unresistingly.

I can still feel the joy of touching your body
and your's at touching mine;
I can still feel the ecstasy of the
joining of our bodies, souls and minds.
Without restraint, without conditions,
we gave our love with such delight.
How can something so wrong, my darling,
feel deliciously, oh so right?

I'm filled with joy and wonder
at the feeling that we share;
Surprised by my needs and vulnerabilities
that only you lay bare;
Overwhelmed by the passion, the craving
and the overpowering intensity;
Amazed by the the tenderness and gentleness
you have brought out in me.

Humbled by the yearning, the desire,
and yet the gentle way we cling;
Awed by the zest for life each encounter,
increasingly, seems to bring.
You reached deep inside, yes my darling,
when no man has touched before.
I hunger for your loving, insatiable,
and each time I need you more.

But after you leave, darling, oh my darling,
after you're really gone,
That's when the emptiness moves in
and my lonely, desparing, heart shuts down;
That's when the walls are erected once more,
built up to block out all the pain;
That's when I try to convince myself
that I should never see you again.

That's when I tell myself how independent,
how resolute, how determined am I,
But I know I need you so desperately --
to claim anything else is just a lie,
So that's when my life suspends,
until you return to me, and again I believe
In what exists between us, and I feel whole again
until it time for you to leave.

A strange mixture -- joy and sadness,
anticipation and resignation, ecstasy and pain
But I'd gladly go through it a thousand times,
darling, just to be with you again.
Just to hear you laugh with joy,
see your gentle eyes, watch your special smile;
Just to feel you hold me, love me,
and pretend you're mine for a little while;

Because for that time, when you return,
you push away the night;
You bring the sunshine with you --
I come alive -- you are my golden light;
So I'll wait for the next time you return,
because there's one thing that I know --
It could be worse, if you were not here,
so it's worth the pain of watching you go.

Diana Glen, (1997) ©