A helicopter was flying around above Seattle
when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's
electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze,
the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and the course to
steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it,
circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter' window.
The pilot's sign said "Where am I ?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft,
drew a large sign, and held it in a building window . Their sign said
"You are in a helicopter." The pilot smiled, waved,
looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport,
and landed safetly.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the
pilot
how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT
building because they gave me a technically correct,
but completely useless answer."
Then only ten minutes into the flight, here he is again.
Consider this: However, the helicopter's plight, I mean flight, characteristics bear no
resemblance to those of an airplane.
This complex rotor system in effect is constantly attempting to beat the
air into submission! When the Helicopter Pilot climbs and securely straps
himself into this mysterious machine, he utters a few choice words of confidence
to himself.
And Guess Who is trying to control all this by attempting to create a
small Balance out of a great IMbalance?
The Helicopter Pilot.
And the whole time while he's jockeying that Monster around through the skies, he's staying assured of one fact:
<< "If nothing has gone wrong in the last few moments,IT IS ABOUT TO!" >>
HATS OFF to All Helicopter Pilots, everywhere! Good Luck!
DRINKING BUDDIES
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as
airplane mechanics in Atlanta.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were
stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. So they pour themselves a couple of glasses
of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. Then the phone rings...It's Jim. "Yeah, well there's just one thing...""What's that?"
An adaption from a story told by Harry R. Reasoner
Helicopter Pilots Are Different!
Helicopter Pilots are a Different Breed, never to be confused with airplane pilots.
An airplane is a marvelous vehicle that can easily "slip the surly bonds
of earth and dance the sky with its laughter-silvered wings".
Being a fixed-wing aircraft, a lightweight, sleek airplane WANTS to fly and does so by
utilizing a unique and very natural physical principle which involves air pressure
over and under the airplane's wings.
The airplane pilot simply climbs inside, sits down, and leaves the earth on a joyously smooth, quick flight with only
a minimal amount of care and concern: physics will keep it flying! He is
reasonably assured that this will be another comfortable and pleasurable
flight.
Except for the very latest new models,helicopters are a piece of machinery that DOES NOT WANT TO FLY!
Top-heavy and cumbersome, they carry a gigantic engine that is still too weak but
nevertheless one that drains the fuel tank at an unrealistic rate.
The helicopter's constantly-rotating (hopefully!) rotor blades, which serve
as wings, are forever trying to find more fresh air in a laborious effort
to sustain even the barest production of flight through the air.
These tend to increase his soon to be required sense of awareness
and further remind him that what he is about to do is Not Natural: To
Fly a Helicopter!
Now end all Normal processes involving Life and reality!
Occasionally, like the Bumble Bee which also generally is considered to
be a flightless creation, this seems to work...for a while!
But then all the UNnatural imbalances and forces building up in that
rotor system, compelled by Nature, attempt to gain control.
Not to forget that the Great Physical Force called Gravity which tries again and again to bring
this twirling, overweight, fuel-guzzling contraption down to a final resting
place upon the earth.
Who shakes that little control stick around, hoping desperately to be The Master of the Forces of Nature
while he is a Victim in a Box?
You guessed it:
- compiled by Ronald S. Donakowski
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can
drink jet fuel and get abuzz.
You wanna try it?"
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing.
We ought to do this more often."
"Have you farted yet?"
"No...""Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!
Mac died at the controls of a plane and went to pilot's hell,
where he found a hideous devil and three doors.
The devil was busy escorting other pilots to various "hell rooms".
I'll be right back don't go away, and he vanished.
Sneaking over to the first door, Mac peeked in and saw a cockpit
where the pilot was condemned to forever run through preflight checks.
He slammed the door and peeked into the second.
There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while a pilot
had to avoid one emergency after another.
Unable to imagine a worse fate Mac cautiously opened the third door.
He was amazed to see many beautiful,
scantily clad flight attendants answering to a captain's every whim.
He quickly returned to his place seconds before the devil reappeared.
"Okay, Mac," said the devil, "Which door will it be, number 1 or
number 2?"
"UM, I want door number 3," answered Mac.
"Sorry," said the devil.
"You can't have door number 3, that's flight attendant's hell."
A student helicopter pilot was taking his first lesson.
Instructor says to Student:
Student reply:
Instructor's horrified reply:
Student reply: |
