Taylor leaned against the window of the baby room, as I naively called it. His forehead rested on the tiny lines that made a pale blue pattern on the window, his breath pounding against the window silently. His heart pounded in his chest as he looked around, which bed would soon be holding his baby? Would it be by the window, or closer toward the door? Would he be allowed to hold the baby before they put them down to rest? He gripped the window sill as he slowly pulled away from the gaze he held with the pink blanket he saw on the opposite side of the room. He thought he heard the sound of a swinging door, and as he held his breath, he opened his eyes and turned his head toward the door. The doctor was standing there, his eyes shielded from all emotions.
"Is she alright?" Taylor questioned, shoving his hands in his pockets, as he rocked on the balls of his feet to keep from ripping the hair out of his head.
"Amanda is doing good, we'd like to speak to the two of you soon, please." The doctor began to walk away, but before he could release himself from Taylor's troubled gaze, he gave a small, faded smile. "You have five minutes."
- - - -
I looked around, my eyes burning. Tears had been drowning me for nearly two hours now, and my entire body ached. I just opened my eyes, several minutes ago, and the room was practically brand new. It was shiny and bright, like my blood hadn't soaked into the floor, like my or my baby's screams weren't trapped within the walls. I could hear the faint whispering of my heart monitor, as I took a deep breath, lifting my head to gaze around better. Where did all the nurses go? What about Doctor Richards, where could he possibly be? With my baby, I hope. Probably cleaning my baby up, but doesn't that job belong to the nurses? God, my head hurts, my chest is too tight for me to even breath, my joints are weak, numb. I felt dead, almost as dead as the room I was in. Were they trying to make me crazy? The least they could of done was tell me what my baby is, did I get a boy, like Davey and Zac? Or did I get lucky and get the beautiful blonde hair, blue eye, baby girl I've always wanted?
My heart clenched, I heard the door open to my room, but I was too hazy to turn around to even look at the trespasser.
"Amanda?" Taylor whispered, slowly making his way into the room. I smiled, god did it hurt to smile, I thought to myself while I turned to look at him.
"Hi." I said, my voice cracked and dry, my throat screaming for help, as if it were on fire. "Have you seen the baby?"
"No, Doctor Richards should be bringing him in soon."
"Him? It's a boy?" I questioned, my heartbeat pulsing in my veins so strongly, I could breath in rhythm with it.
"I don't know." He stepped forward, taking my hand in his, rubbing his thumb along the back of my hand. "Mom and Dad just got here."
"Yeah? How about the kids?"
"Yep, the whole gang." He smiled, leaning down and kissing my head.
"That's great." I bit my bottom lip, hoping it would stop my body from breaking out in cold trembles. I felt weak, I could bearly close my fingers around Taylor's hand, it hurt to. "I'm so scared."
"Why? Why are you scared?" Taylor whispered, sitting down beside me, still holding tightly onto my hand.
"I hurt all over, I just feel so different, like something's missing." I admitted to him, my head falling against the hard pillow behind me. "Did you notice how quickly they cleaned the room? Nothing's left for me to think about, not even the scent of my sweat."
"I noticed."
- - - -
Isaac looked up at his father, his heart falling into his stomach. He didn't like the way he was feeling, he felt like something was wrong, something was missing, or hidden...like a secret was lingering in the world around them. "Hey Dad?" he whispered, resting his chin in his hands, his elbows digging deep into his knees.
"Yeah?"
"What do you think it taking Amanda so long? She's been in there for three hours almost, shouldn't we know something?"
"Labor can last a long time, Isaac. It took your mother nine and a half hours to get you out, don't expect this to be any different." Mr. Hanson replied solemnly, his mind focused on the memory of Isaac's birth. "I remember everything from the day you were born."
"Yeah?" Ike smiled softly, trying to get his mind off of the nurses that rushed around his family.
"Do you remember my birthday, Daddy?" Mackenzie giggled, leaving the seat beside his mother and plopping down beside his father, his legs swinging wildly, his toes no where close to touching the floor.
"Yes I do, Mackie. I remember everyone's birthday." Mr. Hanson winked at Isaac, who laughed in reply. "I'll even remember your new baby cousin's," he looked up, seeing Doctor Richards approach the family, "your cousin's birthday, as well."
"Yes Doctor?" Mrs. Hanson questioned, able to read the sorrow in the face of the man who stood in front of her. "How's Amanda? And the baby?"
"Amanda is fine, I'm on my way now to speak to her and Taylor, as a matter of fact," he paused, "I usually don't do this, you see, but because of the situation and how traumatic is may turn out to be, I think it's good you hear this from me."
"Hear what from you?" Isaac said, removing himself from the metal chair he so uncomfortably sat in for the last hour, waiting anxiously for news.
"There was a complication in Amanda's labor, the baby wasn't ready to come out, it wasn't stable enough to breath on its own. The labor had been induced because of the amount of stress Amanda had."
"But the baby is okay, right?" Isaac questioned, stepping close to his mother, who he noticed was gripping a tissue in hand, while gnawing on her bottom lip nervously.
"No, I'm sorry. The baby wasn't breathing when we managed to get to her, we tried to revive her, but nothing could bring her back. Again, I'm sorry, I wish there was something more I could of done, but there was nothing."
"It was a baby girl?" Mrs. Hanson gasped, tears forming in her tired eyes, her hands shaking as she brought her tissue up to her face.
"Yes, their baby was a girl, a slight tint of blue eyes, and a little bit of blonde hair," Doctor Richards paused, letting out a deep sigh, "I must go talk to Amanda and Taylor now, when I finish with them, I will give them the option of speaking with you right away. Again, I'm very sorry."
- -
Isaac's heart froze, his breath dissolving from between his quivering lips as he watched the Doctor walk away. "Is he serious? How can he say there was nothing they could of done? I'm sure there had to have been some way to bring her back." Tears flowed down his cheeks, a single one reached his lips as he choked on his sobs, confused as to how the very hospital who had allowed one baby to live, allowed one baby to die. What type of hospital, what type of human would let a baby die like that? What would they do if that was there child who had died, they would of did everything they could to bring that baby back, but they didn't.
With burning eyes, Isaac walked toward Davey's room, his hands shaking as he gripped the doorknob. "Guys, Zac." He called, shoving his way into the room, his blurred vision catching Zac and Davey in a fragile kiss, their baby boy still in arm.
"Ike? What's wrong? What happened?" Zac questioned, pulling away from Chase, and looking at his older brother with caution.
"Her baby is dead. They let her baby die! They let her die! How could they do that?" His world was shattering, he felt like it was his life that had just been stomped on. How could someone be so happy one second, and then fall so low the next? Why did God work that way? Why would he make him hurt so bad?
"Amanda's baby?" Davey asked, her eyes begging for Isaac to be lying.
"Yes," Ike nodded slowly, "They let her fucking baby die! She had a baby girl, you know, and they just let her die."
- - - -
I closed my eyes and yawned, even though I heard Doctor Richards walk in. He sighed when he saw me place my head back against my pillow, and I opened my eyes to look at him. He wasn't holding my baby, where could my baby be?
"Where's the baby?" I whispered, sitting up in the bed, although my body was far too weak to support me. "Doctor Richards, with all due respect, why did you take the baby away without letting me see him?"
"Is something wrong?" Taylor asked, he was to my right, still gripping my right hand tightly, as if letting it go would let the world come to shattering end.
"I apologize for making you wait so long, I had to get confirmation."
"Confirmation of what?" I questioned, my hands shaking, my body sleeping, my legs numb. Why would he walk into my room without my baby? What type of cruel joke was he playing, he can't pull that confirmation card on me. My best friend just had a baby, and he didn't use that confirmation card on Davey and Zac, he let Davey see the baby right away. What made her so special? Why did I have to wait? Why wasn't I holding my baby the way Davey was probably holding her baby right now?
"I'm so sorry, but I don't carry good news. I," Doctor Richards swallowed hard, and lowered his gaze away from mine, "I had to get confirmation on your baby. Amanda, I'm sorry, but your baby is dead."
any final thoughts?
