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"When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the
ground from beneath your feet." I AM HIDING UNDER YOUR BED WITH A TOASTERStanislaw Lec Hey, I'm back. As if you care. And I brought friends again. This time we got some new faces stepping up as some of the old crew didn't have time to write this week. I added ONE measly Johnny Notes which is in red because I had been holding out and wishing Shane or Steve would get back to me (they didn't) so this is kinda rushed. Thanks for readin'. {The Franchise 2.5} Cliff Young: a fan that will enjoy a good product. The Silver Smarker. Zak Blak: watches wrestling for the technical mastery of the Dean Malenkos, and the storytelling of the Ric Flairs. Watches wrestling for the lengthy matches, cruiserweight action, feuds and...oh wait...nevermind. Skittles Slayer:female. A rather comely lass at that but I didn't say that. Fan of lightwieght pretty boys. Moki Roberts:THE old school smark of the world and #1 Jake the Snake fan. No rehab jokes please. And me. Angry Johnny:Chronic wrestling fan condition with no cure in sight (not even 6 months of Invasion). Together we are a ragtag collection of super powered opinions and odd senses of humor. We are...  Let's start out off with my personal definition of what we are often called. smark: noun, the halfway point between A. smart (one who believes they alone are right) and B. mark (1.one who buys everything Vince sells literally and figuratively; 2.a loyalist to a something. Examples: Lodi mark, hardcore match mark, powerbomb mark) In other words, jaded but not too bitter to stick with it. Today class, we'll be discussing Steve Williams and Dwayne Johnson. What our thoughts on them are, what we'd do with them in the future, and a dash of Wrestlemania Predictions ________________________ First up:The Rock -------------- Cliff's take The Rock is the epitome of everything that is good with Sports Entertainment. He busts his ass everytime he's in that ring, is extremely athletic, and does everything possible to entertain the fans, be they marks or smarks. He's also very humble backstage, as he jobs more than any other company's top star. He can carry a good match, surprisingly enough to most bitter smarks, as has proven with Rikishi and will be proven with Hogan at WrestleMania. Too bad the guy gets a bad rap with most bitter smarks just because he's over and has a bad Sharpshooter (SaladShooter). If they'd just shut the fuck up and realize that this guy has *IT*, then Rock would probably be orgasmed over more than Benoit because, hey...at least Rock can talk without sounding like a moron. --------------- Johnny's take Good promos. Bad moveset. Like his WM opponent he's style over substance. He can cut a hell of a promo, we all know this. But it seems like he's been phoning it in for the last year and a half. -------------- Moki's take Rock is, no denying, one of the most over persona's ever in the WWF. He took himself from a 'blue chipper' to the cocky, flamboyant character he is today. While not having the technical superiorities of a Bret Hart or Chris Benoit, he keeps the match interesting, and who's not to laugh at the sometimes abundant overselling... -------------------- Skittle's take Sure Rocky is extremely over-rated. Sure his Sharpshooter is an absolute disgrace. Sure I really hate him. But that doesn't mean that he hasn't brought the WWF viewers. He is great on the mic and is decent face. If you're more into the techinical side of wrestling, you won't like The Rock. But if your a typical fan you'll love the guy. --------------------- Zak's take Rocky makes me laugh. I can say that. The boy keeps current and making fun of Kevin Kelly is always fun to watch. But his wrestling is less than something I like really. As much sense as that makes. I honestly felt the Rock reached his zenith in good matches when he had his last run against Mankind. Of course, this was during a damn good heel run, and Foley was at the top of his game. Unlike Linkin Park....ba dum pah! Anyhoo...I've gotten very tired of Rocky. Yeah he's put more moves in his style, but remember, its not how many moves you have, its HOW YOU USE THEM. And that sloppy Scorpion Deathlock and Belly to Belly make me want pins and needles in my brain. ---------------------- Final take Apparently only Skittles and I dislike him to a great degree. And only Skittles HATES him. 1/5, nice goin Dwayne. Bad match, good interview. Unless you ask Cliff. ____________________ Next up:Austin -------------- Cliff's take Austin is the reason most of us watched the WWF again and didn't just abandon it in 1996. While as a face his matches are generic and formulaic, his work is still amazing considering his history of neck and knee injuries. I still remember the days of "Stunning" Steve in WCW, and his feud with "The Natural" Dustin Rhodes. That feud MADE Dustin go over in WCW. Remember his work with Brian Pillman as The Hollywood Blondes? Forerunners to the Edge & Christian team, by far. They were assholes, but comedic assholes, and their chemistry was matched by no other team in all of wrestling, not even in Japan or Mexico. And his feud in ECW with The Sandman? Good stuff, if not his best work. I enjoyed it. Anyways, Austin currently needs a fire under his nads, or else we'll see his 1998 matches over and over again, which I'm not too thrilled about. --------------- Johnny's take The man. His character has suffered from nonsensical booking. The WHAT shtick may have permanently damaged his rep in the views of smarks everywhere, but stick this guy with a good opponent and he can ALWAYS wrestle a *** match. See Benoit, last March. Or Perfect a few weeks back. -------------- Moki's take Austin without a doubt is probably the hardest worker today. He too was cast with a cheesefest of a gimmick, but thanks to my old school god Jake Roberts, he was given the ball and he ran with it and still hasn't dropped it. His character will never get stale, he puts on solid matches and oh yeah, that whole 'what' trend. -------------------- Skittle's take I personally like Austin. I'm kind of sick of "What?" deal but that's beside the point. He's a hard worker and a good brawler. My personal opinion is that he's a better face than heel. He's probably brought in millions JUST on t-shirt sales. I still see an abundance of Austin 3:16 shirts. --------------------- Zak's take "When you hear the glass, its your ass." Ah, how elegantly said. Of course in 2001 he damn sure proved it. We've had him back for a while and well, he sure as hell put everyone to shape. He did carry the damn WWF in 2001. But this feud with the nWo is very much so lacking. There's no fire to it. Much like the REST of the WWF, there is no HEAT. So for right now, I'm just finding it hard to be impressed with anything. To be honest you could replace Bradshaw with Austin and I don't think I'd notice now a days. It just feels like the WWF forgot how to use Austin. Not to mention they wrapped the WRONG damn leg after Hall's cinder block hit. Sheesh. ---------------------- Final take The hardest working man in showbizness. ____________________ What would you as the booker do with these two in the near future? -------------- Cliff's take I would push Rock and Austin as the WWF's best hope to conquering the nWo, *BUT* have them be mortal by every means. I'd also use an Austin job to RVD or a returning Chris Benoit, *CLEANLY*, to elevate both men. Of course, it could be a fluke-like win (meaning Austin goes for the Stunner, but Benoit German suplexes him into a quick pin, or RVD hits a 5-Star after pushing Austin off the top from a superplex attempt). In the meantime, Austin and Rock need to do battle with the nWo fiercely, but not making it so that the nWo is looked as weak. This sort of booking helps nobody, and just bores the fans. Sure, the casuals may like it, but why please the casuals when *ONE* boring worker can make them turn off the TV completely? --------------- Johnny's take Resolve the Rock/Austin issues that seem to have been buried by the writers. A year from now, WMX9 (since Austin himself ha ssadi he hasn't got long) have a career VS career match. Put Austin over clean. Have Austin cut a promo the next night announcing his retirement and that he has petitioned Commisioner Foley to reinstate Rock. -------------- Moki's take Seeing how we've seen these two in many programs, whether it be one on one for a title, as a tag team and whatnot, I'd still put them together some way. To me, Austin/Rock reminds me of Hogan/Savage back in the day. These two simply work well together. They have the chemistry of Hogan and Savage did. Austin has heelish aspects despite being a face, Rock is a damn good heel when he was one, but somehow I'd have them coincide once every so often. -------------------- Skittle's take Personally, I'm not a Rock fan. But I'd also realize that the guy brings in ALOT of money and is worthwhile to keep around. As a booker I wouldn't book a Rock/Austin match for Wrestlemania, but a HHH/Austin match. --------------------- Zak's take To book these two?? Cool. Well, I think I'd keep it the same way. Because by WM19 I could have a "Hulkamania" Hogan and a "SOB" Austin in a REAL icon match. Rock and Hollywood...I would have kept Rock off the air until the LAST SECOND before WM. Shown some vignettes of him in the hospital. Doing promos, getting jumped by the nWo again. Attacking any of Rock's friends in the WWF. Bring in Rikishi and have him be the sacrificial lamb to incense Rocky. Add something intense to this feud to really pump it up. Then when mania rolls around we have a big mystery...will Rock show up. It'll shoot up the buyrates and the interest in the PPV. As for Austin. He can be the WWF's last leg...for awhile at least. With Rocky out, HHH feuding w/Jericho...Taker and Flair going at it...all we really have is Austin. He'd take the brunt of the nWo's attacks along with ALL of the WWF. The nWo poison needs to be just that. I'd start off with Austin starting to lead the charge against the nWo...both of them keep building with new members. This feud can START at WM after he loses to Hall when Steiner does a run in. If I'm gonna have the nWo they're gonna be a THREAT. a 1996 Threat again. ---------------------- Final take Nobody want to bring Devon Storm into to feud with either? ____________________ ________________________ Who will win at Wrestlemania? ------------------ Cliff's take Depends on what match, hahaha...I'm hoping for an nWo win, Jericho retaining, Hardy Boyz tag title win and they turn on heel on Lita, Jazz retains, and RVD wins IC. Also, Kane/Angle will be good, as Angle seems to make Kane work A LOT harder than he usually does. Not that Kane's a bad worker, he's not, just he isn't that good of one. But hey, he got over by being a flamer (hahaha), so he's cool in my book. He just needs to afford a pair of boots that won't rip half-match. --------------- Johnny's take Ok... this is gonna suck since I'll be wrong but here goes. Jericho, Hall, Billy and Chuck, Jazz, Angle, RVD, Rock. -------------- Moki's take Austin vs Scott Hall-I'm damn well content seeing Hall wrestle again, he actually made it to Wrestlemania. Usual back and forth heat here, with a decent build up. I'd say it's gone slightly Austin's way here, so I'll say either it'll end in some bullshit DQ if there is DQ, if not there could be interference, thus screwing Austin of another Mania win, thus garnering much needed heat for the nWo. Winner-Scott Hall Rock vs Hulk Hogan-I'll be the first to say, I'm glad Hogan is back. Yes I'm still a Hogan mark. Now then, Hogan plows 'Rock' while in an ambulance with an 18-wheeler, hits him in the head with a hammer, and most of all, pinned Rock cleanly with the big boot and the legdrop. This match is harder to call, due to much more heat Hogan has on Rock, and Hogan's ego. I've also heard a wacked out rumour of Warrior returning, or everyone's favourite, or one of them, online punching bag Goldberg. That's obviously shit, but Rock will get the win here, whether it be clean or not. I hope I'm surprised though. Winner-Rock -------------------- Skittle's take Honestly, I think Rocky is gonna pull off the win at Wrestlemania. But I'm still rooting for Austin. --------------------- Zak's take Who will win? Well, it looks like Rock will go over Hogan and Hall will own Austin. And in my dreamworld Jericho will beat HHH to a pulp to retain with a CLEAN finish. Dammit! If "We're not funny, or remotely gay" Chuck and Billy can get a damn win clean, then Jericho NEEDS to too. ---------------------- Final take I'm pretty sure I screwed myself by picking topics that it's hard to write final takes for. ____________________ ________________________ And lastly, when history is written down, who will be remembered as the biggest legend? Why? -------------- Cliff's take Austin will be remembered as the bigger legend because of 1997, 1998, 1999, and 2001. All years where The Rock *WAS* big (aside from 1997), but Austin was the main draw for each of those years, regardless of who you ask. Austin drew in 1997 because fans liked his "fuck all" persona. He drew in 1998 because of the feud with McMahon, the working class vs. the aristocrats. He drew in 1999 because of added dimensions to the character, as well as the continuation of Austin/McMahon. And he drew in 2001 because of a *GREAT* early feud with HHH, a *GREAT* feud with Benoit and Jericho, a *GREAT* feud with Angle in the summer, and the big face turn at the end of the year. Rock, even though he WILL be a legend, is going to be Randy Savage to Steve Austin's Hulkamania. --------------- Johnny's take Austin. Because EVERY badass face has followed in his footsteps, on the path he set down. -------------- Moki's take Definitely Austin. The whole ushering of the Attitude era revolved around McMahon vs Austin and that alone makes him more memorable. As much as Rock has had an impact, years down the road it'll be Austin's name people will recall more, it's just something about him, like I said his character, which people grown accustomed to and can even relate to. -------------------- Skittle's take Austin. He is a better WRESTLER and I still believe between the two he had a bigger wave of popularity. --------------------- Zak's take Hogan. I just don't see the Rock setting the precedent like Hogan did. Of course Austin revolutionized the industry in 1998, BUT Hogan really brought the mainstream in for the first time in the 1980's. My friend Tim who hadn't watched wrestling since 1985 just last week commented that he'd watch wrestling every night it was on if "Hulkamania" came back on. Its like Optimus Prime and Hot Rod...no matter what, everyone's gonna remember Optimus. Why?? Cause he is THE autobot leader. Alright?? Same thing with Hogan. Thanks Moki, for choosing Hogan between Roack and Austin. DLOL. ---------------------- Final take Survey says:Rattlesnake. Except Zak. Christ boy when the teacher talks, listen. ____________________ ____________________ OVERALL TAKE ---------------------------- Fizzarewell from Johnny Thanks for reading. Next week we take on... the up and comers in the WWF. And I'm picking the logical WWF pushees not the smark golden boys like Kanyon. Sorry Kanyon, I know there's no one better. REMEMBER, you just read the column too HOT for [slash]! | ||
