As the night of dance approached you could almost touch the tension between Kid and Lou. Neither one had said they were going with someone else, but the idea certainly lingered in Kid’s mind. Lou didn’t have too many options when it came to dates, but Kid knew one or two girls he could ask. He had concluded that if Lou was going to keep being a pain in the neck about one mistake, a rather mild one compared to some of the other dumb things he had said to her, he was going to treat her the same way.

The night of the dance Kid did arrive with everyone else but as soon as he walked in the door he was talking to a girl none of the riders had ever seen before. None of them seemed to take much notice either, but Rachel steered Lou clear of him in order to prevent an argument. To distract Lou’s attention she started questioning her about the blue dress she wearing.

“When did you get that dress?” Rachel asked, taking Lou by the elbow and guiding her away from Kid’s direction.

“Oh, I got it a little while ago,” Lou answered hoping to avoid the explanation about how she had come to own it. Normally she wouldn’t have minded such a question, but this particular dress was the one she had bought when she was off with Jimmy. Innocent as the action had been, Lou now felt as though she had to hide everything that had gone on that night. While nothing would have really happened between them, Lou often wondered just how far either one of them would have pushed it if the evening hadn’t been interrupted.

Before Rachel could think of anything else to talk about someone came up and asked her to dance. Lou sighed in relief and took the opportunity to slip outside quietly. Even though Kid had only spoken to the new girl briefly, it still bristled her. As soon as Rachel was well into the dance floor Lou made her exit.

She didn’t really know why she wanted to leave so badly, it would have been a fine evening. She could have danced with anyone she wanted to, but for some reason that night she was not in the mood. Of course she could blame that on the situation with the Kid, but she preferred the idea that the humidity in the air was making her tired. While blaming the Kid was the easy way out, tonight she knew it would be her own fault if things didn’t go well. Being tired was the best excuse she could come up with without having to get elaborate with herself or anyone else.

Walking outside Lou tried again to sort out her thoughts on the Kid and Teresa and Jeremiah. There had to be one solution that would fix both at once. In order for that to happen though, she would have to make up her mind as to what she wanted with the Kid. As much as she loved the boys and Teaspoon and Rachel, it was a simple decision to leave them in order to get her brother and sister back. She could find some place near Sweetwater and see them all when she wanted.

The tough question was whether she really wanted to leave the Kid permanently. She knew leaving the bunkhouse would mean she couldn’t have an “on again-off again” relationship with him. It was going to have to be consistent or not at all. There was no way she could try to raise two children and maintain a rocky relationship. While the rockiness could be part of the fun to her, having Teresa and Jeremiah would mean some major changes.

Her parents were certainly not the best role models for her to look to. They had spent most of her early memories arguing and by the time the little ones were big enough to walk and talk her father was gone. She wanted them to have a real father figure in their lives, not someone who would come around when they were on good terms. It wasn’t fair to the Kid, she knew that, but it was a choice they were going to have to make together. Either he would understand what she expected from him as far as her brother and sister were concerned, or he could leave them alone. Lou had taken care of them on her own before, this would be no different.

Of course, Lou still didn’t know whether she really wanted to spring into Teresa and Jeremiah’s lives again or if it would be better to leave things as they were for a little while longer.

She had become so engrossed in her thoughts she hadn’t been paying attention to where she was walking. Suddenly the corral fence she and Kid would go to was right at her feet. Lou was certain she had done it out of habit, but was more surprised to find that Kid was standing there. With such a serious look on his face it was obvious Kid was thinking some things out himself. At first he didn’t see her and Lou impulsively wanted to turn around before he did. Before she could decide to make her feet turn, there was a sudden urge inside her to get things squared away. Rather than actually draw attention to herself by speaking to him, she started stepping on some gravel to get his attention.

“Couldn’t stay away from here either, huh?” Kid asked making the first attempt at civil conversation the two had had in weeks.

“Nope. Force of habit I guess,” Lou said managing a quick, small smile out of embarrassment.

“Yeah. Lou, we need to talk.”

“We definitely need to talk,” Lou agreed.

“I’m sorry about what I said. It was a stupid thing. I don’t know how it came out.”

“I do. You want me to be like Samantha, you just don’t want to hurt me by saying it. I’ve done a lot of thinking the last few weeks about what I’m asking of you. If I had a choice between a girl who has to spend her entire life dressed and acting like a boy and someone like her, I’d go to Samantha too. That doesn’t mean I’m forgiving you. I’m just saying I can see why it happened.”

“That’s not it at all, Lou. You know how much I love you and what you mean to me. I don’t care about how you have to dress or act. That’s how I met you and how I fell in love with you. It doesn’t matter,” Kid said reaching out and touching her cheek, the closest they had been to each other in weeks.

“It does matter. You can say it doesn’t, but it does,” Lou replied brushing away his hand. “You’re saying it now because I’m dressed up and look like the girl you love. If it were tomorrow morning and I was dressed like I usually am, this wouldn’t be as easy for you. It’s not easy for me either. You went to Samantha because we broke up, but I’m not her and you need to understand that. To you it was an accident that you called me Samantha, but deep down you were thinking about her. You were thinking about how you wouldn’t have sneak around to spend time with her. That’s what you want.”

“So what now? Do you want us to break up again? Just because I can’t make you believe I want this to work out how it is now, you want to forget about it all?” Kid asked wondering whether there was any point in mentioning his desire to make things work.

“I know you want it to work. So do I. I want to feel like I have a normal life. We want the same thing, it’s just that I know it can’t happen now and you need it to happen now,” Lou explained to him, taking a deep breath before she began talking again. “I was going to wait to tell you this, but since we’re talking I should get it out now. I’m going to ask Teaspoon for some time off next week so I can see Teresa and Jeremiah. Maybe it will do us some good not to see each other for a while. We can finally take some time to think clearly about how serious we are about being back together.”

“Lou, you’ve got to be joking,” Kid said as his jaw dropped. “You’re just going to up and leave that easily?”

“It’s not permanent. I’ve just been thinking about them a lot lately. They need me more than I’m needed here. No one will miss me not being around for a couple of weeks, but to answer your question, yes, I could leave that easily. Teresa and Jeremiah are children, they need their sister. You don’t need me with you constantly, especially when we’re arguing. Besides, I think everyone will appreciate getting a break from us. I’m sorry Kid, I wish there was a nicer solution to this, but it’s the best thing,” Lou told him as gently as possible and then walked away, heading back to the bunkhouse.

Kid stood at the fence dumbfounded. He knew things had been going badly, but not so bad Lou felt she needed to take a break from him. In all fairness, it had been a while since she had seen her brother and sister. Still, he hadn’t thought she would ever come to the conclusion that leaving town was a good way to handle things. Of course, he also hadn’t realized she thought he was comparing her to Samantha. It never dawned on him he could be doing that. In all honesty though, he was forced to agree with her.

Kid had always wanted a conventional relationship, but accepted there were going to be difficulties because of the situation. Kid thought he had hidden those feelings from her fairly well. Apparently, he was mistaken. Aside from his slip up there had to have been other times he’d done something to make her feel that way. Maybe it was the fact that he was so grateful when she could be to Louise for a night or two that gave it away. However he looked at it, he had messed up in such a way that Lou was leaving and there was nothing he could about it.

Lou had barely made it back to the weigh station before she was crying. The whole night had been a complete disaster. She had done exactly what she needed to do, but it made her miserable. While telling the Kid the truth about how she felt had been a relief, it had only lasted a couple of seconds. The guilt of seeing him so hurt by her decision to take a vacation had settled in as soon as she looked at him.

“Why do I let him get to me like this?” Lou wondered as she buried her face in her pillow. “Love has got to be the worst emotion ever created.”

It seemed as though everything happened at once to her. First she fought with the Kid, then she ended up crying on Jimmy, next came Teresa and Jeremiah, and now the Kid wanting to patch things up when she wanted to leave. Love sure could complicate one’s life once it took over. Of course, Lou’s life was not a walk in the park to begin with, but things seemed to have gone down hill since she had gotten together with the Kid.

Rather than wait until the next week to ask for the time off, Lou headed down to Teaspoon’s office the next morning. She didn’t want to hang around Sweetwater with the Kid more hurt and angry than before. There was also a new feeling of urgency in her to get back to Teresa and Jeremiah. At least she knew they were going to greet her with open arms. Neither of them expected too much more from her other the love you get from your family. Hopefully Teaspoon would understand and simply say yes and let her leave.

“Why do you want to go so soon?” Teaspoon asked as he poured himself more coffee, “Can’t it wait until we get a replacement for you?”

“It could, but I just feel like I need to see them as soon as I can. I could wait until after my next run and then just head to Saint Jo after it was finished. That’s a couple days from now, could you find someone by then?”

“I guess I could, but it would be easier if you could wait until Thursday or Friday,” Teaspoon began, but seeing how disappointed Lou was he gave up, “I don’t know why I bother arguing with you. Yes, you can go after you do the run to Eagle Ridge.”

“Thanks Teaspoon,” Lou said over her shoulder as she left his office.

On to Chapter Five

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