Memory

It had been three days already and still Buck lay unconscious in his cot in the basement under the church. Kathleen had spent every minute by his side, refusing to listen to Father Ballard and Mary when they told her to rest.

For the baby's sake they told her, but it didn't make any difference. She knew she couldn't rest until she knew Buck was alright. She slept restlessly beside him at night, crawling as close as she could get to his warm yet motionless body. On the fourth morning she woke from something moving beside her. Looking up she stared straight into her husband's eyes.

"Buck," she mumbled and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, where black shadows were already showing from her lack of sleep.

"How are you, darling?"

She sat up and carefully stroked his face. He looked at her for a moment and drank in the sight of his wife.

"Kathleen?"

"Yes, it's me," she smiled and carefully planted a tender kiss on his forehead.

"Father Ballard explained everything."

"What happened?" Buck asked, still not believing she was actually there with him.

"Don't you remember?" Kathleen asked and instantly felt a cold hand grip her heart.

"It's all a blur," Buck replied and fought to sit up.

Kathleen helped him lean against the headboard and propped him up with some pillows.

"Do you remember Mary? Or Father Ballard and the church?" Kathleen asked, holding her breath while Buck sank into his thoughts.

"Yeah, I think so…"

Kathleen broke out in a smile of relief, wiping some strands of hair from his face, meeting his eyes.

"God, I can't believe all this happened because of me," she said, leaning her head against his chest.

"What do you mean?" Buck asked, lifting her chin and looked into her eyes.

"The argument? We fought, remember?"

"No," Buck said, shaking his head. "I don't."

"You sure? I blamed you for some things and you left… Don't remember that at all?"

"No."

Kathleen smiled and gave him a careful kiss.

"Want me to tell you about it?"

"No."

"You sure you want to just put all this in the past?" Kathleen asked.

"Put what in the past?" Buck asked back and smiled.

"If I don't remember, then don't remind me. I want to make a fresh start."

"Yeah? Right now?"

"Right now," Buck smiled and kissed her softly.

"You're all that matters to me, I know that now."

"I missed you so much," Kathleen stated and again let her head fall against his chest.

"You know, somehow I think I missed you too. Something was missing somehow… Not just my memory, I mean!"

Kathleen giggled softly and wrapped her arms around him. They remained for a few minutes just sitting in silence, holding each other and feeling the other's presence. Buck though of the weeks he had spent in Memory, but most of all he thought of the day when he left. He knew Kathleen wanted it all undone, and having a good reason to have forgotten about it, he would forever say that was the case. Anything to start over, with the woman he truly loved.

Mary hugged him hard and took a step back, smiling brightly.

"I'll miss you, Buck," she said.

"I'll miss you too, it's been great here. You sure taught me something new," Buck smiled back.

"And what's that?"

"Flowers have personalities too," he smiled shyly and remembered the day when they kissed.

Mary blushed and looked away.

"Have you told Kathleen?" she asked.

"No, but I will. I know she'll understand. But I'm sorry it happened," he said and hoped he hadn't hurt her more than inevitably.

"I know," Mary said and turned back to him, taking him in another embrace.

"But you were right, there was someone else. You take care of her now, you hear?"

"I hear, and I will," Buck promised and smiled into her eyes one last time before turning around.

Father Ballard came toward them with Kathleen at his side, the two of them talking about something that sure brought color to Kathleen's cheeks.

"Hello, Father," Buck greeted the older man, taking his wife by the waist.

"Buck, I was hoping to catch you before you left," the Father said with a smile, stopping the couple.

"Oh, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye," Buck said and let go of his wife.

"God bless you, my child. I told you he'd fix everything," Father Ballard winked and turned quickly to the cloudy sky above them.

"I wanna thank you, Father, for taking care of me and everything."

The Father carefully shook Buck's extended hand and smiled again.

"You're always welcome to come back," he said and gave Buck a firm look.

"Yeah, maybe one day. But to tell the truth, I miss Sweetwater," Buck smiled at his wife, hugging her from the side. They talked for a few more minutes, then Buck and Kathleen had to be under way. Mary had tears in her eyes when she watched them leave, but she promised herself she wouldn't let anyone know what she felt for Buck. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her sleeve, then waved her hand over her head one more time, bidding goodbye to a gentle soul who, had the time been right, had loved her as much as she loved him.

Kathleen snuggled close to her husband underneath the covers, placing her hand on his chest, feeling the slight heaving up and down when he breathed.

He was dozing, but not asleep just yet. The room was dark around them and it was way past midnight. When she planted a kiss on his shoulder he looked up.

"Ain't you supposed to be sleepin'?" he asked drowsily.

"So are you. Nathaniel…" Kathleen snickered at first, then broke out in a heartily laughter.

"I thought it sounded okay!" Buck said in his defense, laughing too.

"I'm just so glad to have you back," Kathleen said once she calmed herself.

Buck answered by pulling her close and held her there for a long time. When he let go of her again, she was almost asleep already. Wrapping his arm around her again he smiled above her head, burying his face in her hair.

"I love you," he whispered and closed his eyes too. He felt her hand on his chest move slightly and soon she was embracing him, though probably oblivious to it already. Falling asleep a few moments later, Buck held the images of Memory in his head. In his dream he saw Mary, Father Ballard, the church and some of the townspeople. Things and persons he would probably never speak of again. Soon the dream focused on one person, who smiled at him with crystal white teeth, full pinkish lips and bright eyes to lose himself in. She told him she loved him and that she was carrying his child. This time he knew it was Kathleen.

Feedback is welcome!

Fan Fiction Main Page