It's a fact!  This online journal has now been in existence an entire week!  To celebrate, the author (in special conjunction with The English Language) has decided to open his private creation to public investors in order to better serve the needs of his many imaginary readers.  It is his hope that in this way this journal can continue to expand into the days ahead at an ever accelerating clip while reducing his own work load and spreading the (minor) risk of being sued for impersonation of a writer.
    Are you one of those with the nerve and the resources necessary to take advantage of this once-in-a-week's-time opportunity?  If so, just send me the best word you can spare!  Within days it will be incorporated into the body of a BRAND NEW entry you can see here onscreen, save as many times as you like to your hard drive, even print out and pass along to your grandchildren!
    And that's not all!  Your Word Investment will be acknowledged with an email suitable for framing and redeemable whenever you like for TWO words of at least equal letter count!  That's right!  Invest the word of your choice today and get TWO words back anytime you like!  Now what other journal guarantees to virtually DOUBLE your word investment instantly??
    AND as if that wasn't incentive enough: Each and every investor who invests before June 1 will be considered a Preferred Journal Wordholder entitled to an immediate TWO WORD DIVIDEND tendered in AAA+ English!!!  This dividend is recognized around the world as consisting of two of the sweetest words known to humanity and are sure to come in handy as you use and re-use them to your heart's content.  Although Securities and Exchange Commission regulations strictly forbid me to tell you what these two magical words are in order to prevent unscrupulous journal writers from luring good word investors to bad journals with a few cheap syllables made to appear far more valuable than they really are, nothing says that I can't give you a hint - and so I shall!  The special, incredible two word dividend is nothing less than a big, fat, juicy "T**** Y**!"  (Handy quotation marks carrying case INCLUDED!)
    So what are you waiting for?  Instead of allowing that special word you inherited from your aunt or rescued from the gutter to just sit around collecting dust in your head, why not have it start building interest for you here TODAY!  (Yes, "TODAY!" ought to be in red but I seem to have run out of  red ink.  Sorry.  With your help, it WON'T happen again!)

As Mandated By Federal Regulations 11 thru 17, The Following Data Is Hereby Offered To All Would-Be Single-Word Investors And Is Guaranteed To Be More Or Less As Accurate As A Guy Anxious To Get Back To Counting The Cars Going By  His House Can Make It:
 

Tentative Name of Journal: Your Daily Boneless Blather

Date Journal Established: 18 Iyyar, 5759 (Jewish calendar); 17 MuHarram A.H. 1420 (Islamic calendar); Vaisakha 14, Saka Era 1921 (Hindu calendar); May 4, 1999 (Effete, bourgeois, Y2K-infected calendar)

First Week's Gross Word Count: 5688

Second Week's Expected Gross Word Count: 5689

Typical Journal's Ingredients: Words, Punctuation

This Journal's Ingredients: Hand Picked Nouns, Breast Fed Verbs, Free Range Adjectives, Organically Grown Adverbs, Imported Gerunds, Name Brand Periods, Designer Commas, And Minty Fresh Typos.  (Bleu Cheese 50 cents extra.)  

Total Appraised Value (including images, spacing, annoying blinks, and the merciful ability to be abandoned at any time): $0.17 (U.S.)

Current Odds Of Its Continuing Another Week: 2:1

Continuing Odds Of Anyone Caring: 1:6,000,000,000
 

To Be Home By Dark, Click Here By Dusk

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Forward To A Brighter Future

(All Material Not An Obvious Rip-Off Of Some Other Aspect Of Western Civilization © 1999 by Dan Birtcher)