Faith Fighters For Christ

Have you seen red lately? Did you ever feel like shredding someone? Anger left to stew can be a really nasty monster that consumes the those who are extremely angry and those in their path. The general view taught in our society is, "Don't get mad; get even!" It seems like a neat slogan, but in reality it is the base of war, domestic violence, hate crimes, and broken hearts. We want peace, but yet we perpetuate hate. What a mixed up lot we are. We get upset over spilled milk, simple mistakes others have made, when others get mad about our simple mistakes, and legitimate things like a co-worker who does things to make our job harder, the dishonesty of a family member, slanderous remarks about us from another church member. Ouch! Whether it is worthwhile to be angry or not, how we handle our anger is important in our relationship with God, human relationships, and our own health.

Should Christians ever get angry? That is a concept that has been hotly debated in the church. But truthfully, yes, there are times when anger is justified. The mistreatment of others like Johnathan being upset about how his father, Saul, mistreated David (I Samuel 20:34). Sin should get out dander up. Moses got angry about the idolatry of the Israelites when they built and worshipped the golden calf (Exodus 32:19-22). Anything that would make God angry should make us angry, too.

But a good number of times we get angry about inconsequential things. Cain got a dose of "kick the dog" syndrome when his offering to God was rejected. He refused to look at the real situation and became the first murderer recorded in the Bible (Genesis 4:5-6). Saul took his anger out on David for his own sin for which God took the kingship of Israel from him. He refused to reconcile with Jonathan and David, stalking David to kill him (I Samuel 20). Many times we take our anger out on someone else for our own sinful practices. Other times it is over misunderstandings or mistakes made because of immaturity or misjudgment in a position of authority. The Israelites were angry with Moses and grumbled. Moses had never led such a group before. They also did not understand what God was doing for them. Do we not do this against religious leaders or bosses, not giving them a chance to show us what God is leading them to do, or consider the difficulty of their positions? Revenge also tends to drive us to consider things at which most reasonable people gasp. Esau was very angry at Jacob for deceiving him and their father. Jacob feared for his life when Esau decided to declare war. Many martial artists don't bat an eye at the thought of killing someone for a wrist grab. Retaliation in a defense situation isn't approved of by our legal systems yet many karate schools teach to do such.

God's Word tells us to take our problems to the offender and work them out. We need to be slow to anger. Taking the time to think through if we should even be angry or not is critical to anger management. Sometimes we can't work it out with the offender or we don't have time to think through whether it is something to be angry about. Prevention can be a good way to keep from getting our blood pressure up when someone is already hot under the collar. Keeping a calm demeanor will many times settle a confrontation. Helping the hot head think through the situation can also reduce the boiling point. By staying calm and keeping our wits about us, we can be peacemakers. If we do get angry, we need to work through it. Keeping it and allowing it to fester only creates a chain reaction.

Suggestions for keeping your cool:

1. Take a deep breath so you can get things back into perspective.
2. Think about whether it is reasonable to be angry.
3. Think about if the person confronting you is really angry with you or has something else bugging them.
4. Take an issue to the person who offended you, if it is safe.
If it is not, then talk it over with a trusted friend or pastor.

5. Let off steam in a safe setting where what you say won't get out to anyone else, especially the offender.
When the anger is diffused, then go to the person when possible considering their needs as well as your own.

6. Work for reconciliation when possible, not to win.
7. In an attack situation, realize that the attacker made a choice to attack you.
You are simply the target of his or her aggression. Life Preservation (defense) is to be used to stop the attack and get away. If you change your attitude, you are more likely to react accordingly.

8. Do your own Bible study on anger.
See how people handled it in God's Word.

9. Pinpoint your own buttons and work out better methods of dealing with those sore points.
If necessary, get help from your pastor or from good Christian self-help books. A specialized small group focusing on anger management might also be helpful.

10. Work out your aggression through physical exercise, video games, whatever helps dissipate the feeling of hurting someone.
11. Forgive them. Only God can take care of injustice properly.

copyrighted 1999 Donald and Charlaine Engelhardt all rights reserved