Author's note: This is my version of what happened during the epsiode "To Have and
to Hold".  As usual, no infringement intended.  I don't own any of 
the characters except the Malones.  Please don't sue!  (You wouldn't
get much even if you did!  lol)  Well, enough rambling...on with 
the story!

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To Have and to Hold

Dr. Mike and Sully had only been gone for a couple of hours when Andrew
got the telegram from Colleen.

Dearest Andrew,
I have missed you dearly.  It has been a long two months apart.  
I am coming home tomorrow on the 9 a.m. train.  I hope to see you there,
if you can get away from the hotel, that is.  I will see you tomorrow.
Love always, 
Colleen

It was all Andrew could do to keep from jumping up and down.  
Ever since they had confessed their love to one another, it was even 
harder to stand the time apart.  He was so excited!

Later that night, Colleen was tossing and turning in bed.  She was 
having a very difficult time falling asleep.  Two whole weeks with Andrew!
Now all she had to do was make it through tonight and tomorrow's train 
ride.  She had no idea how she would ever fall asleep.

Back in Colorado Springs, Andrew was having the same problem 
as Colleen.  He was looking forward to spending time with her.  
His mind began to drift to times they had spent together.  
He thought of the time they first met.  He had slipped and fallen 
face down in the mud outside Michaela's clinic.  She had comforted 
him by saying, "we all fall sometimes."  He had immediately 
forgotten his embarrassment.  

And then there was the time that they shared their first kiss.  
She had just agreed to work with him as a partner after she became 
a doctor.  It was so perfect, everything he had dreamt it would be.  
Andrew eventually drifted off to sleep thinking of his love.

Colleen dozed some during the train ride home.  She was so excited 
to be going home that she'd hardly slept at all.  The train seemed 
to be creeping by.  She was beginning to think that she'd never get 
to Colorado Springs.  Before she knew it, Colleen was asleep and 
dreaming of the last time she was home.  She and Andrew had gone 
on a lovely picnic.  She remembered everything--her dress, 
his suit, even the meal.  She remembered every word of the sonnet 
that he'd read to her.

Colleen woke up as the train was pulling into the station.  
Her heart began to beat faster as she realized that she was finally 
going to see Andrew.  She was almost ecstatic!

Andrew raced down the dusty road in the carriage he'd borrowed from 
the Chateau.  I can't be late, he told himself.  Colleen *sigh* is coming
home, finally.  Plus she doesn't know that Dr. Mike and Sully are gone.  
He became even more excited as the train came into view.

Colleen was one of the last people off of the train.  But it did not 
take her long to find her love.

"Andrew!" Colleen exclaimed.  When she saw him, she dropped her bags 
and ran into Andrew's (surprisingly) open arms.

A number of things were running through Andrew's head at once. . .
*I've missed her so much!*
*This is almost improper. . .but wait, this is Colorado 
Springs, not Boston!*

Colleen was indeed surprised at his boldness, due to his Boston 
upbringing.  She was also a bit surprised that Preston had 
let him come.  She was just happy to be home, so she pushed 
these thoughts out of her mind.  She also decided that she didn't 
care what other's thought--she was going to hug whomever she wanted, 
thank-you-very-much!

Both had a huge goofy grin on their faces when they separated.  
They joined hands and began to walk to the carriage.

After Andrew had explained that her adoptive parents were 
out of town, Colleen decided to spend the day with Andrew.  
They didn't get enough time together anyway.

The next day, Colleen woke up refreshed.  After breakfast, 
she saddled up and went to the hotel.  She had decided to help 
out at Andrew's clinic, since she was going to be his partner soon.

Around lunchtime, Andrew decided to go to Graces to get a picnic lunch.
It had been a slow day, and he was sure that any "life-threatening" 
colds could wait until after lunch.

Just after Andrew left, Colleen heard a desperate cry for help.  
She hurried outside to see a woman crumpled over an middle-aged man.  
She ran up to them, asking what was wrong.  

"My husband just collapsed," the woman said.

"What is your name," Colleen asked as she began to examine the man.

"I'm Maggie Malone, and this is my husband, Chris."

Colleen continued with the examination, coming to realize 
that Mr. Malone's appendix was incredibly swollen.

"Maggie, I believe that Chris needs an operation," Colleen explained.

"I don't care what he needs, just please help him!"

Colleen more or less ordered some of the bystanders to get him 
into the clinic.  She began to go over the upcoming appendectomy 
in her head.  She began to doubt her abilities, since she had never 
had to perform one on her own.  She sent for Andrew, but this man 
needed immediate help.  She would have to begin on her own.

Colleen's heart rate immediately increased as she picked up 
the scalpel.  When she found the appendix, she gasped.  It was nearly 
twice the normal size.  She had just began to prepare for the
removal when Andrew rushed in.  

"Oh, my goodness," Andrew exclaimed.

Colleen began to explain that she had no choice but to 
operate immediately.  Mr. Malone had a fever, and she could 
not wait for him to get back.  

Andrew was washing up when he heard Colleen gasp.

"I think I was too late,"  Colleen said.

"What?"

"I think the appendix ruptured.  Here, come look."

"I'm afraid you're right.  Oh, no!  He's stopped breathing," 
Andrew exclaimed.

After nearly 10 minutes of trying to revive Mr. Malone, 
Colleen and Andrew walked out onto the porch to deliver the bad news.  
Mrs. Malone was devastated.  She finally calmed down about 20 minutes 
later.

Colleen and Andrew went back into the clinic.  Colleen fell to the 
floor in tears almost as soon as the door closed.  Andrew rushed to 
his love, but failed to be any comfort.  He suddenly realized that 
Colleen had probably never lost a patient.

All he could do was hold her and try to comfort her.  
He had no idea how to help her, though.  He had never seen her like this.
She had always been one of the strongest people he knew.  

Colleen had never felt so horrible.  She had killed that man.  
But what she didn't know was that the man would have died without 
the operation and that in reality she did nothing wrong.  
If only Andrew could make her see that.

Nearly 3 hours had passed and Colleen was still upset.  
Andrew still had no idea what to do.  He waited for someone to 
come to the clinic for medical attention (or basically attention 
of any kind) and sent them for Preston.  

Preston finally arrived, obviously very aggravated.  
When he walked in and saw Colleen lying on the ground with Andrew 
beside her, he became a little worried.  Andrew took Preston outside 
for a very brief explanation.

"I'm sure you heard, but Colleen and I lost a patient during 
surgery today."

"Yes.  What happened?  This seemed to frighten some guests."

"Preston, is that all you ever think about?!?  Colleen is very distraught.
I don't believe that she has ever lost a patient.  And for your 
information, the patient would have died without the appendectomy. 
We just did not get to him in time.  The appendix burst before we 
could remove it."

"I'm sorry.  I had no idea."

"That's all right.  But I do need some time off.  Colleen, 
as I said, is very upset.  Dr. Mike and Sully are out of town, 
and I need to take care of her.  Please alert the patients that 
the clinic is temporarily closed."

"For how long?!?!?!?"

"I don't know.  At least until Michaela and Sully return."

"Well how long will THAT be?"

"I don't know.  But I really must get back to her.  
Could you please have some food sent over?"

"I guess, if I must.  But this really is not good for business."

"Ya know what Preston?  I don't care if it is good for business or not.  
Right now my friend needs me and that is more important to me than 
this job.  Can we please discuss this more tomorrow?  I'm exhausted.  
I promise that I will reopen my clinic as soon as I can.  Okay?"

"We'll discuss this tomorrow."

"All right."

Andrew rushed back into the clinic almost before Preston 
had turned around.  She was still crying, but seemed to be 
calming down a little.  This made Andrew feel a little better, 
but it still tore him apart to have to watch her hurting so much.

The food arrived soon after and the two ate in silence.  
It was all Colleen could do to eat anything.  She had never felt 
so badly in her life.  She was on the verge of quitting college 
and giving up her dream of becoming a doctor.  She felt that she 
had no other choice.

Preston came back about 2 hours later informing Andrew that 
he had taken the liberty of reserving a hotel room for each of them.  
He also apologized for his behavior earlier.  Andrew forgave him, 
too tired to do otherwise.  Then he began to try and get Colleen 
to her room.

30 minutes later, Andrew finally sat down on his bed.  
He sighed with relief that the night was finally over.  
He had no idea how he was going to help Colleen, but he knew that he 
would find a way.  But first he needed sleep. . .

Just across the hall, Colleen was tossing and turning.  
She was having a nightmare.  Mr. Malone was alive.  But how was it 
possible?  She and Andrew had been unable to save him.  
She saw Mr. Malone reaching for her.  And that's when she screamed.  

Andrew was awoken out of a deep sleep by Colleen's scream.  
He rushed into her room, amazed at his speed.  She was in tears, 
obviously petrified.

"It was so real," she managed to get out between sobs.

"Shhh, everything is gonna be just fine.  Shhh.  I'm here.  
I won't let anything hurt you," Andrew said quietly.  

He was sitting on the bed, just holding her.  
He had no idea what to do or say, but he hoped that him being 
there would help some. 

"Are you feeling better," Andrew whispered.

When he got no reply, he looked down only to discover that 
his love had fallen asleep.  He tried several times to get up, 
but each time she stirred and he decided that she needed every 
second of sleep that she could possibly get.  So he sat there, 
just holding her and eventually managed to drift off.

Miraculously, Colleen slept through the rest of the night.  
She woke up very comfortable in Andrew's arms.  
She had dreamt of this many times, and now it had finally come true.  
She shifted her position, waking Andrew up in the process.

Suddenly the events of the previous day came rushing back to 
her and her eyes began to water.  Andrew saw this and gave her a hug.

"Shhh. . .it will be all right. . ." he began.

"It was all my fault.  I should have waited for you.  
I killed Mr. Malone," Colleen said between sniffles.

"Colleen," Andrew began, "you did the right thing.  
Mr. Malone would have died without the operation.  You did nothing 
wrong during the procedure.  We simply didn't get to him in time.  
It is not your fault that he died."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better.  I killed him.  
I have no right trying to become a doctor.  I can't do that.  
I can't hurt anyone else.  I'm quitting school."

"Colleen, you can't do that.  I did not lie to you.  
I would never do that.  You did not kill Mr. Malone.  
If I had been there instead of you, he still would have died.  
His appendix had been swollen for quite some time.  It was just 
a matter of time before it burst, and unfortunately, it burst 
during the procedure.  And another thing. . ."

"But Andrew," Colleen began.

"No, please let me finish," Andrew interrupted.  
"You cannot quit school.  You are going to be a wonderful doctor.  
You just witnessed the more unfortunate side to our career.  
Yes, people die.  But you can't let that stop you from reaching 
for the stars.  You have to go for you dreams.  You cannot let 
anything stand in your way.  You've never done that before, 
and I'm not going to let you quit now.  I've always admired you 
for your determination.  It is just one of the many things I love 
about you."

"Andrew, I don't know what to say.  I know that you are right, 
but I am still afraid.  I don't want to hurt anyone else.  
I'm afraid that when I become a doctor, I will."

"Colleen, that is just a normal feeling.  Every person in medical 
school feels it.  But I know that you will be a wonderful doctor, 
just like your ma.  Plus, you won't be doing anything alone.  
We are going to be working side-by-side, as partners, remember?"

"Yes, that is right.  And you are right.  Thank you so much.  
I don't know what I would have done without you!  I love you so much, 
Andrew."

"I love you too.  Now, do you feel up to that picnic that I 
promised you yesterday?"

"That sounds great.  How about you give me some time to get 
ready and I'll meet you downstairs in 30 minutes?"

"That would be wonderful."

About 40 minutes later, the young couple set off on their picnic.  
Andrew had yet again planned for a beautiful afternoon.  
It was, after all, his last day off.  He brought some of 
their favorites, just like last time, along with the book of sonnets.

Andrew began to read the same poem that he read during their 
first picnic together.  She remembered every word, as well as 
how shy he had been the first time he read it to her.  
But this time was different.  They were courting now, 
and he had no reason to be nervous.  After he finished, 
Colleen looked right into his eyes and lost herself.  
She saw nothing but love looking back at her.  The two leaned together 
and shared a sweet kiss.  Neither had realized how much they had 
missed one another until this very moment.  
  
Colleen and Andrew both found themselves wishing that the 
day could last forever.  They had shared many things during 
the picnic--fears, hopes, dreams, nearly everything.  
It was a gorgeous day and neither wanted to return to the 
stressful lives that each had waiting for them.  

The two reluctantly started back to town in mid-afternoon.  
They held hands, neither having to say anything.  They were 
just happy to be together.

Andrew and Colleen were walking hand in hand when the two ran 
into Dr. Mike and Sully.  Everyone immediately got off their horses 
and exchanged handshakes and hugs.  Dr. Mike was very surprised to 
see Colleen home.  

"So, did we miss anything exciting," Michaela inquired.

"Quite a bit, actually, but Andrew and I will fill you in later.  
Perhaps during supper.  Is that alright?"

"That would be lovely," Dr. Mike said.

The End!!

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Thanx!  Hope you enjoyed!

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