‘I don’t know why I let her talk me into this,’ Phoenix cursed herself, cruising along Sunrise Highway in her new used car, a 2000 purple Volkswagon Jetta, on her way to Waldorf Lanes, checking her rearview mirror for traffic and for flyaways in her perfectly pressed black hair. ‘I’m not ready. Not ready for any of this.’ Phoenix has tried to be driving as minimal as possible, but a car is a necessity for a busy girl like herself, to get to college, work at a local night club, and of course, the gym. She fears at every red light, every stop sign, danger awaits her like a poisoned snake.
Phoenix tapped her newly blood red manicured fingernails against her fuzzy blue steering wheel cover along to “Alive” by P.O.D. She felt just the opposite, but manicures did bring her spirits up a little. A honk blared behind her and she almost jumped out of her skin in response, her hands trembling nervously. ‘Nerves,’ she thought, cautiously pulling into Waldorf Lanes, a familiar song seeping through her car as she pulled into a vacant spot. “How do I get through a night without you?” LeAnn Rimes crooned through the speakers, “If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?” She violently switched the radio off, slapping her hands against her face in frustration. ‘Breathe, Nix, Breathe,’ her mind told her, lowering her hands to the collar of her maroon button-down shirt with black vertical pinstripes, her fingers dancing over her black diamond dog collar. She needed a fun night out, a night to just cut loose. She popped open the door and stepped out, slamming it forcefully as she walked a few steps up to the brown doors…
~*~
“Are you sure I should be here?” Benji asked nervously, taking a sip from his beer mug, the bowling alley permeated with the smell of booze, smoke, and competition.
“You’re the one who insisted to come,” Billy reminded him, tying up his red and blue bowling shoes that contrasted nice against the light blue marble floor.
“Can’t I hang out with my friends or am I out of the band now?” Benji responded, half jokingly, running his tattooed fingers across the gray tabletop.
“We’re just out to have fun, Benj,” Joel differed, standing next to Madison as she worked the electronic scoreboard.
Paul glanced behind his shoulder, saw the brown door swing open and Phoenix step in, looking fresh compared to her appearance at the wake, her dark blue jeans clinging to her legs tightly in just the right spots. He jumped up and informed Madison, Madison hurrying up the ramp and over to Phoenix to greet her.
“Hey Nix,” Madison greeted her with a bright smile, “How was work?”
“Work,” Phoenix responded absentmindedly, her eyes peering over Madison at whom she thought was Benji, Benji standing up in search of a ball along the many black racks. She bored down at Madison vehemently, feeling betrayed. “Goodbye.”
“Nix, wait!” Madison cried out, grabbing hold of her strong arm.
“How could you do this to me?” Phoenix asked hushed, leaning down while scanning the area to not attract unwanted attention. “My best friend?! What makes you think…”
“He’s in councling, Phoenix,” Madison confided in her, “He’s taking Zytec. He barely sleeps. He is in a depression because of all that’s happened. Can’t you just give him a chance? Start over?”
“You make it sound like a game, that I can just push the ‘reset’ button…” Phoenix was cut-off by someone hovering over Madison, his eyes large and reddened under his MADE bandana.
“Can we talk?” Benji asked softly, motioning toward out the brown door with his head, afraid of a verbal assault.
“Fine,” Phoenix huffed, pushing past him icily, Benji following her like a puppy dog outside. They were caped with a bright light from above the door, both Phoenix and Benji’s discomfort easily being displayed. “What?”
“You said at the wake…” Benji began, shoving his hands in his black cut-off shorts pocket, trying to avoid her Medusa-like eyes, “That you forgive me, but you don’t forget.”
“Your point, please?” Phoenix demanded feverishly, crossing her arms across her chest, wind beginning to tassel through her hair.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” Benji sighed, shaking his head, “You don’t sound very forgiving.”
“I’m sorry if I don’t want to be all buddy-buddy with you after you killed my boyfriend,” Phoenix replied bluntly, her eyes gouging into his, “I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean that I am still not furious and devastated.”
“You think I’m not?!” Benji demanded a little more forcefully, taking a step towards her, “I am going crazy because of this. I’m liable to be in the psychiatric ward by next week!”
“Poor you,” Phoenix retaliated sarcastically, “This must be so tramatic for you. You pay me chump change and you’re free to do whatever.”
“It is!” Benji differed heatedly, throwing his hands in the air. “This would be a lot less painful for both of us if we were at least on speaking terms. I mean, what’s being mad going to get you? Nowhere, just deeper in depression, then how can you dig yourself out? Do you think Ethan would want you angry at me, would want you living your life in a dark haze, not being able to forgive and move on? Do you think Ethan would want you miserable, even when he’s with you in your dreams?”
Benji’s last sentence hit her like a mack truck, her eyes diverting to the ground like she was punched in the stomach, her left hand gracing the charm bracelet on her right wrist. She glanced back up at him, tears bubbiling into her eyes. Benji eyes began to soften, a sorry expression crawling across his face. “You’re right, Benji,” Phoenix agreed, turning away, trying to gain some composure as she stared up into the twinkling night, brushing her grief away. She rotated back around, a shy smile slipping across her face. “Let’s just take it slow?”
“Alright,” Benji responded with a nod of his head and a triumphant smile, offering his arm to her. She accepted hesitantly, the two of them strolling back into the alley.
“Finally!” Madison cheered, placing her sparkly silver bowling ball in her lap, “I thought there might have been bloodshed out there.”
Phoenix and Benji both laughed simultaneouslty, walking down the little ramp to join their friends…
~*~
The hours went by like minutes as the crew bowled the night away, fries being consumed by the dozens, friendly chatter being executed. Paul was such a riot, chucking the ball down the lane with his eyes closed or doing “granny bowls”. He would do anything to get a laugh from people. And he was good at it…most of the time.
Joel and Madison seemed to be getting along nicely, quiet whispers and beaming smiles being shared while the others bowled. It was almost magical watching them. Madison figured that they had a lot in common, especially about their family life. Madison’s dad ran off on her, her mom, and her younger sister when she was 12. Her mom and dad were constantly fighting over money and where the other was that night. Madison’s mom said ‘If you’re going to leave, then leave.’ And he did.
Billy was pretty shy, but always looked concerned. He seemed to care about his friends a lot, from what Benji was telling her. And he was the best bowler, rolling in 200’s after 200’s without breaking a sweat.
Benji was very fun to talk to. He was like an open book, surprisingly to Phoenix. He was a lot different from Phoenix’s first impression when she first began to like Good Charlotte. She categorize him as they typical rock star, snub and arrogant and able to do anything. She was wrong…
~*~
“I forgot how much fun bowling was,” Phoenix confided in Madison as they headed up to their 5th floor apartment in a rickety elevator, the night passing in a flash.
“Someone as talented as me always enjoys bowling,” Madison informed Phoenix, holding her head high with a smart-ass smile, looking to see what floor was approaching. They arrived at the 5th floor and with a ‘ding’, exited.
“Oh, shut up,” Phoenix told her as they traveled into the hallway, the shag brown carpet tugging at their shoes. “Billy kicked your ass and you know it.”
“He had control over his legs, may I remind you,” Madison differed as Phoenix searched through her pink Dickies bag for the key and unlocking the door, “I was only a few points behind him.”
“A few dozen?” Phoenix corrected her, receiving a playful punch in the shoulder as Madison rolled in, flicking on the kitchen light.
“Want to indulge in Ben and Jerry’s with me?” Phoenix asked, racing to the fridge and pulling out a chilly pint of Phish Food.
“I would be delighted,” Madison told her, rolling through the livingroom to the bathroom next to Madison’s room, a yawn escaping her thin lips, “But I gotta get to bed. It’s 2AM and Mom wants me to come over for lunch. It’s an hour drive over there.”
“Like you’re not a morning person,” Phoenix complained, reaching for a spoon from one of the pullout drawers. “But Nite!”
Phoenix grabbed a zebra-print pillow from the couch, kicked off her black boots, and jumped on. With Ben and Jerry in hand, she eventually drifted off to sleep with a re-run of ‘The Real World’ on the TV screen…
~*~
Phoenix gasped, rising suddenly from a nightmare, toppling the half-empty, half-melted carton onto the rug. “Fuck,” she whispered, wiping her hand over her sweaty forehead. She suddenly felt very cold, like ice was running through her veins.
Phoenix ran into her room and threw on a black ‘Maryland College’ sweatshirt before heading blindly towards the bathroom for a washcloth. Still under the sedation of sleep and with the lack of bright lights, she crashed into the pile of Ethan’s belongings, both of them toppling to the floor. Phoenix rolled her eyes to herself, biting her lip and gazing across the room to see if she disturbed Madison. She dragged her hand through her hair as she quickly gathered the spilled contents in her arms. A small jewelry box was the last thing she picked up, its velvet texture slowing down her pace.
She tossed the other items back in a box and squatted down Indian-style, her fingers gingerly running over the box. Curiously, she opened it, and her eyes dialated, her mouth dropped. Her stomach began to perform suicide drops as she dropped the box like it was poisoned and sprinted to the bathroom. Inside was a silver heart-shaped charm, and imprinted inside the heart were the words “Marry Me.”