I groaned and opened my eyes slowly. They were immediately flooded by the red glow of my alarm clock. I quickly blinked so that the numbers would become visible. 10:30. I let out another groan and slowly sat up. I hated sleeping in on Saturdays—not that I hated sleeping in—it was just that there was always so much to do. I glanced over at the cot that Leigha had slept on that night. It was perfectly made. Leigha was so predictable. Every Saturday, without fail, Leigha got up extra early to go to the gym and then go grocery shopping.
I groggily made my way to the kitchen and hit the button on the answering machine.
“Four new calls.” the answering machine bellowed; as I poured myself a glass of orange juice.
“Message One: Hey Em, it’s Pam. I know I’m supposed to be coming home Sunday, but I decided to stay here in Florida for at least another week. I mean, I do have the vacation days…so why not? I miss you! I hope everything is well at home! I’ll call later.”
I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes as the next message began. I would give my right arm to be in Florida.
“Message Two: “Emilie? Hiya! It’s Liz. Where are you? I hope you get this message soon…it’s 9:00. I thought we could go shopping today. Call my cell! Bye.”
Scratch that. I’d give both arms and my left leg to be in Florida right now.
“Message Three: “You’re still fucking sleeping? It’s like 10:00, Em! I’ve already been to the gym. You’re such a lazy piece of shit…hah. Anyway, I’m really just calling to bother you. I’m probably going to hang out with Michele for a little bit later this afternoon. Call my phone if you get up soon. Michele hasn’t seen you in awhile and says she wants to hang out with you. I don’t know why because you’re so boring. Haha. Yeah, so I’ll talk to you later.”
I shook my head as I poured myself another glass of orange juice. Leigha thought she was so freaking hilarious. I really wanted to hang out with Michele, but I had a feeling I was going to be stuck with Liz all day. She wasn’t going to stop bothering me until I agreed to go shopping with her. Oh goody.
“Message Four: Em, hey, it’s Joel. It’s about 10:20. I don’t know where you are, but uh, when you get this just give me a call. I want to talk to you…so yeah...I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”
I nearly choked on my orange juice at the sound of his voice. My mind was racing. What could he want to talk about? Maybe he was coming over to tell me that he and Liz were a mistake and this all was a big joke. Yeah, right. That’s wishful thinking, I thought to myself. He probably wants to ask my opinion about something wedding related.
I sighed and picked up the phone, quickly dialing Joel’s number. I didn’t even have to think of the numbers. I had dialed that number so many times in my life. I swear, it was permanently ingrained into my brain.
“Hello?” Joel’s voice asked on the other end.
“Hey, it’s Emilie. I’m just returning your call. What’s up?”
“Oh, hey Em.. Thanks for calling me back,” He responded in a slightly nervous tone.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, now a little worried.
“Yeah…yeah….,” He said and then paused for a second. “Do you think I could come over in like, an hour?”
I paused before answering. He sounded uneasy and now it was making me nervous. I hated this. I hated how things were between us.
“Em?...you still there?” He questioned.
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” I said in an embarrassed tone. “Sure, you can stop by in an hour.”
“Ok. Good. I’ll see you then. Bye.”
“Ok…bye,” I replied.
I heard the click of the phone as he hung up and then I slowly placed my own phone on the receiver. Now I was really confused and nervous. I was so annoyed. There used to be a time when I could almost tell exactly what he was thinking, but not now. Now we acted as if our relationship never even existed.
“Ugh!” I yelled out loud to obviously no one. I glanced at the clock and realized that I better get moving. I had to take a shower and clean up the disarray that the apartment was in.
About an hour later I was nervously sitting on the couch with the TV on. I attempted to find a program that would hold my interest until Joel arrived, but it was impossible. My thoughts kept drifting to Joel, Liz, and to how things used to be.
Suddenly a thought popped into my head. I wondered when and how Liz and Joel actually got together. I wondered if they had a secret fling going on while Joel and I were still seeing each other. I swallowed hard and tried to stop thinking such stupid thoughts, but I couldn’t shake them from my head.
I was almost relieved to hear the knock at the door, but the relief quickly changed over to nervousness as I realized it was Joel. I took a deep breath right before I opened the door. I knew I had to do my best to look happy and look as if everything was normal.
“Hey, come on in,” I said with a smile as I held the door open for Joel.
Joel walked into the apartment and just kind of stood there fidgeting in the living room.
“Joel, what’s wrong?” I asked, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.
He ran his hand through his uncharacteristically messy hair and closed his eyes for a second.
“I was talking to Paul before…and I feel like I needed to see you and say that I’m sorry for all of this…for everything. This has to be hard for you.”
“Oh,” I responded trying to collect my thoughts. “And it isn’t hard for you?” I was fighting to keep the hurt out of my voice.
My mind immediately drifted back to the thought that Liz and Joel could have been seeing each other secretly while Joel and I were still dating. The thought made me sick to my stomach and I knew I had to ask him.
“I need to know something,” I asked abruptly. “Did you and Liz start seeing each other while you and I were still together?”
Joel looked surprised and maybe even slightly hurt by my comment.
“No… no, of course not. I was only with you. Liz and I really met while we were on tour.” He responded not sure whether he should say something else.
“Oh,” was all I could manage.
I didn’t know if I should be relieved. Some part of me wished he would have said yes just so it would give me a good reason to yell at him.
We both just stood there in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. To put it simply, the whole situation sucked.
“Seeing you again has brought back all these memories,” He said with a small smile as he glanced down. “You were my first everything.”
I couldn’t help but to give him a small smile in return, “You were my first everything too.”
I instinctively took a few steps closer to him, “What happened to us?” I asked quietly my eyes staring directly into his. My heard was suddenly racing.
“I don’t know,” He replied. His voice was barely audible.
Before I knew what was happening, Joel was kissing me. I knew that I should have pulled away, but I didn’t. I was kissing him back.