"Joel." I breathed. "Joel?"
"Fiona?" I guess it took him longer to recognize me. I gulped and nodded. "Fi!" He dropped all the bags on the ground carefully and then picked me up. He spun me around, and I felt the smile creep across my face. A part of me welcomed the smile while the other part wanted to wipe it right off. He soon placed me back on the ground, looked me over, and sighed happily. "How have you been?" I opened my mouth to speak, but I was interrupted. An interruption that was being welcomed with open arms.
"Beep beep," Scott said, making his way past us, seeming to barely notice we were there. He made his way into the kitchen, dropping all the bags in his arms onto the floor. He seemed to count the number of bags on the kitchen floor in his head and notice some were missing. He walked back over to us and found the bags. "Hey!" he yelled, but still paying no attention to anyone or anything but the bags. He picked those up, bringing them into the kitchen as well. I let out a small laugh, trying to loosen up, but there was just so much tension hanging over our heads. Even though I hadn't looked, I knew Reese was hanging over the loft, watching us intently, thinking this conversation was nothing.
I didn't really want to answer his question, but I figured I had to be polite. "I've been alright," I told him. If I had told him I was good, it wouldn't exactly be the truth. "You?" I slipped my hands into my pockets, slightly rocking back and forth on my heels. I felt my legs began to shake, and I pray he didn't notice.
"Good, good. Yanno, same old, same old." He smiled at me. I had the sudden urge to just smack that smile of his face, but I could never. A silence poured over us, but I didn't mind.
"Hey, so, how are you here anyway?" I asked. I didn't want to talk to him, but the question just flew out of my mouth. How it hurt to watch his eyes watch mine.
"Me? Oh, I'm staying in the cottage next to yours with Mike and Jared." He pointed over his shoulder towards the door. I recognized his friends' names. They were good guys.
"Cool." I weakly smiled before we were interrupted again.
"Yo, Joel!" Scott came walking into the living room, his hand up for a high five. Joel smacked his hand, and the two laughed like old buddies. In a sense, they were, but not that close. "Come help me put some of this grub away!" Joel looked back at me, asking with his eyes if it was okay.
"I'm gonna see what's on TV, anyway," I told him. He would've gone with Scott even if I told him not to. Stupid asshole. This was totally ruining my first day up here. I threw myself on the couch, grabbed the remote, and turned on the TV, though I had no intention of actually watching it. I heard Reese creeping down the loft stairs and come and sit next to me. She was smiling, but when she noticed I wasn't, she stopped.
"Uh, am I missing something? Shouldn't you be happy to see Joel?" she asked. I turned and stared at her, giving her a 'yeah right' kind of look. "I take that as no. Well, I mean, who else gets to say that the hottest member of Good Charlotte is staying nextdoor to them while they're on vacation? He's in our house right now!"
"So? I always thought Billy was the hottest," I shot back, half jokingly. It didn't even get to me that Reese was talking about the band's looks over their music, something that would usually bug me. And I don't even care if he's from Good Charlotte or not. He's Joel Madden to me. Joel stupid asshole Madden. Oh, how I wanted to scream and yell and run off to the bathroom to lock myself in there. No one could bother me there. But I couldn't. That'd be the immature thing to do. And I was an adult. Or so I thought.
This was so uncomfortable. I had to get out of here, go somewhere. But where? There was nowhere else. I could hear Joel and Scott chatting and laughing, making me more uncomfortable. Everyone else could just deal with this so easily. I sighed heavily and made my way to the staircase that led downstairs. Reese, thank God, didn't bother to follow. No one noticed I left, or at least no one acknowledged it.
I walked quickly, almost running, into 'my' bedroom. I flopped down on the bed and buried my face in the pillow. I didn't cry, though. Pfft, I was better than this. Something as silly.. as STUPID as this could never make me cry. Never in a million years. But why'd it have to happen? This better be his last time in this house. I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I heard someone coming down the stairs. My first thought was that it was Scott, but I had second thoughts. He was being too buddy-buddy with Joel right now to realize the hurt this was causing me. So, I figured it was Reese.
I heard her creep over to the bed and sit down. I kept my eyes shut. I expected to hear, "Why are you so pissy?" or something like that, but there was only silence. I decided to break it.
"I'm tired, that's all," I said, still keeping my eyes shut. She didn't answer, but instead placed a hand on my back. But I could feel in her touch, that it wasn't her at all. I shot up, looking Joel in the eye. "Don't touch me," I snapped.
"Fi.." he sighed. "Don't be mad at me. Please." He was just BEGGING with his eyes and his words for me to forgive him. But I would never. Nothing could ever make up for what he did to me. EVER. Nothing. I would always feel the hurt and ache deep down inside, no matter how much I lied to myself. I sighed, as well.
"Fine," I said. Nothing could cover up that I was still and forever would be in love with Joel Madden.