Title: Things That Go Bump........
Author: Recceanna Valourawynne
Email Address: reccea@innnocent.com
Distribution Statement: I'd love it but please ask permission first.
Spoiler Warning: Umm I don't think it needs it but be sure to visit the
Wallflowers page for #willow barnyard
Rating: PG
Content Warning: nothing explicit
Summary: Things get out of control in Willow's bedroom.
Disclaimer: Willow, and other BTVS characters and any ideas from BTVS belong
to Joss Whedon. The animals belong to their respective person and the cat
belongs to me. This was all for fun!
There was silence. Anticipation creeped through the room like a panther. No
one moved, no one said a word. Hope gleamed from their eyes. And suddenly
she was at the door with a wicked grin. The cat. "Okay Ladies and Gents. Our
mistress went bronzing. It's play time!"
The stuffed cow Sat up on Willow's pillow and sighed. "I thought she was
going to spend all weekend cooped up!"
"You think you're cooped up?!?!" The monster crawled out from under the
bed. "I never get sunlight! Sheesh. Some cows." The monster made a
snort-like sound as it made it's way to the light streaming in from the
window. Lounging on her stomach the monster smiled. "Now this , my dear
stuffed friends is the life."
"Sunbathing?" The cat groaned. "That's all you're going to do? Come on! Why
not hack your way into the school's computer and make Buffy pass all her
classes like we did last time?"
"Or hey," the triceratops chimed in. "We could erase all their tardies.
That would mess with Snyder's mind, don't you think? I mean Willow always
says he keeps track of them."
"You are so uncreative." A french voice called out. The animal cracker box
tipped over and out poured every cracker. Each cracker took it's turn
leaping into the closet searching for old Barbie clothes while the monkey
stood straightening it's pants. "Why don't we hack in the State's silly
little FBI files and zen we could see how many vampires are on zee most
wanted leest. Sounds good, no?"
"Silly little cracker." The goose honked. "We might get our Willow in
trouble. Why don't we play...Scrabble!" the goose's eyes lit up.
"I do not play zis silly little game called Scra-bell. It eees nonsense."
The monkey replied in a haughty voice.
"You're only saying that because you can't spell in English." The raccoon
who was digging around in willow's trash-can replied.
"English eees a stupid language." The monkey defended. "Zee only reason I
speak it eees so you understand me."
"I'd understand you just fine." The cow replied. "You think you're so cool
because you can speak 2 languages. Hah! Watashi ga shichi-dai no gengo o
hanashimasu."
The whole crowd of animals stared at the Cow. "Sis," The cat said slowly.
"We didn't comprehend any of that.
"Oh who cares." The worm crawled out from it's book. "Why don't we finish
Willow's homework for her? That'd be nice of us. And that way," the ever
brilliant bookworm (for it's a known fact that bookworms are brilliant) told
them in stuffy nosed voice. "She'll go out even more."
"Yeah but she'll be going out with that guy, Oz." The dog growled.
"He smells like a brother." The grey wolf replied from his window sill.
"Leave 'em alone."
"I agree with Wormy." The duck quacked out. "Now who knows Shakespeare?"
The cat meowed in return. "That'd be me cats and jammers." The cat cracked
a grin. "I am the actress after all."
"Oh some big actress." The cow scoffed. "We're the ones who pretend to be
inanimate."
"Be grateful." The cat sneered. "At least you have a lookout. Without me
you'd have nothing."
"And zey say I am zee arrogant one?" The monkey rolled his eyes as he
surveyed the rest of the crackers who were adorned in Barbie clothes. "I
like zis." the monkey pointed out the pink dress on the elephant cracker.
The elephant frowned. "Don't mock me with your monkey pants." It told him
warningly.
"Pink elephants on parade." The horse neighed with a smile. "I for one am
channel surfing." The horse flipped the T.V. on. "Babylon 5. Finally."
"Delenn Deserves Better." the crackers immediately replied in fear.
"Boy," the horse smiled. "Telling them you eat bread products really makes
them slaves. Hee hee. I'm so evil."
"Well I can do the English." The wombat whuffled happily. "I like to
spell." The wombat grinned at the monkey cracker.
The monkey cracker crunched unhappily.The rabbit scrunched it's nose up."So
what else have we got?"
"Calculus." The tiger shivered in fear. The lion stared blankly at tiger
in fear. The tiger shrugged.
The cow waved "I taught myself every math theorem in Willow's math books."
The animals looked at each other . The tiger handed the calculus book and
the notebook to the cow. "However ," The cow sighed. "I have hooves."
The cat looked at the cow. "Umm who has fingers?" She looked at her paws
helplessly.
"I have fingers." The koala said in a soft voice. She pulled more leaves
from her pouch. "Why?" She asked her mouth full of leaves.
"Can you do calculus?" The cow asked hopefully.
The leaves fell from the koala's mouth in horror. "What?????"
"Guess not."The cow frowned. "Can you write stuff for me?"
The koala sighed and sat down with the cow to do calculus. "Okay animals
and crackers." The cat continued. "Who knows Chemistry?"
The panda took the monster approach and dove under Willow's bed. "No I
wrote out the elemental charges last time!!!"
"Okay scratch the panda." The worm checked off the panda on his list. "How
about the triceratops?"
The triceratops stared at the worm. "I came before math."
"I would..." the serpent hissed. "But I don't even have arms so I'm out."
"Well I could do it." Tigger announced. The animals slowly turned their
heads to stare at the orange and black striped thing.
"I'll do it." The dog announced readily. The worm smiled appreciatively.
"OH bother." Pooh Bear sighed. "More comercials."
A taco commercial flashed upon the screen. "Yo quiero taco bell." The
Chihuahua announced. The llamas looked down at the dog and frowned. The
Chihuahua immediately silenced itself, though the urge to murmur "A taco
revolution, I'm there." was strong.
The mouse gave a squeaky laugh. Then it leaped upon Willow's desk and
turned on the computer. It sat on the plate munching on the last cookie.
"If you give a mouse a cookie." The dragonwolf shook it's mighty head. "I'm
with monster. It's the sunbath for me. "
The zebra neighed at the dragonwolf. "Oh no you don't. You're helping me
with Willow's U.S. History."
"And what do I know about US History?" The dragonwolf exclaimed. "I"m a
fantasy creature not a cowboy."
"But," The zebra replied with a snuff. "being a mythical creature you have
hands and therefore can write and I can't." The zebra dropped the book in
front of the dragon.
The panda came out from under the bed and sighed with the piggiein unison.
"I think ," the piggie oinked. "We have the extracurricular activities section."
"Ring around the rosies , pockets full of posies, ashes ashes, the vamps
fall down." The panda chimed as she took willow's seat.
The worm crawled down the bookshelf and squirmed it's way towards the
window sill hoping to sit on the tree for it's bit of rest. The wallaby
spotted it. Now mind you the wallaby hasn't eaten anything since the last
time Willow went out for a whole night. And at the moment the worm
looked...yummy. The wallaby leaped at the worm. The cat saw what was about
to transpire and signaled to the flying squirrel. The squirrel leapt from
the top of the bookshelf and swooped down to capture the bookworm between
it's tiny hands. The worm was too slippery and as the squirrel reached the
ceiling, the draft from the open window was carrying her upwards, the worm
slipped from her fingers into the ceiling lamp. "Oh shoot!" the cat
exclaimed as the worm called out frantically for help. The cat glared at the
wallaby. "I can't believe you did that!"
"It was him or the crackers." The wallaby said in a deadpan voice.
"Well," The llama sighed. "We have to rescue poor Wormy."
"I have an idea." the cat replied. And thus they arranged themselves. The
lama brought the chair into the middle of the room and stood on top of it
followed by the cow who stood on top of the lama. The rabbit jumped up ontop
of the cow and the cat leapt ontop of the rabbit. Amid exclaims of "watch
your claws" the cat finally latched onto the edge of the glass cover for
Willow's new ceiling lamp, effectively hanging in the air a few feet above
the rabbit. The animal crackers were cheering them on and the other animals
were taking a lively interest in the heroic rescue of the poor book worm,
when the door swung open.
Willow walked in , having realized she'd forgotten her purse. She stared at
her stuffed animals , many of whom were sitting in front of her school
books or her computer. The cat latched onto the book worm and Willow ran to
the livingroom to get Buffy who was waiting for her. Quickly the animal
crackers tore off their Barbie clothes and leapt into their box, while the
animals arranged themselves. All poohbear could say was "oh bother" as the
horse turned off the T.V. and Tigger bounced around putting the books back
in their pace. The mouse hit the off button on the computer and the cat put
the squirrel and the worm back into their places, all the while glaring at
the wallaby.
Willow rushed in, Buffy on her heels and they both stared at the cat who
sat in a pile of Barbie clothes with her paw on the box of animal crackers
(well someone had to shut it!). "Wow Will." Buffy smiled squeezing her
friends shoulder. "You have a Rupaul kitty." Buffy gestured to the Barbie
clothes.
"Actually the cat is a girl. But I swear Buffy they were moving!"
"This may be the hellmouth Will," Buffy smiled at her friend, "but I think
that you'd have noticed before if your stuffed animals were alive. C'mon
let's go, before the vamps come out and play."
The walked out the door and Willow turned off the light and shut the door
behind her. "Now that," the rabbit quivered it's nose. "was too close."
*****************
Well that was it! What did you think? Does anyone want a sequel? I'd love feedback seeing as how I'm very unsure about it. So Please let me know. But no flaming.Thankyou!!!
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