The Famous Pez List!

UP YOUR GPA!
Next time you're forced to take a test, offer your teacher some pez and smile brightly and innocently. Not to be confused with kissing up or bribery. The two are widely different.
IMPROVE YOUR STUDY HABITS!
Learn how to study the right way, with pez! Every time you memorize a new vocabulary word or solve a problem, eat a pez. It1s called "The Reward System!" Plus, all that sugar rushing through your veins will keep you alert.
EXPAND YOUR WARDROBE!
When was the last time you looked in your closet and wailed, "I have nothing to wear?" Well, problem solved. Pez can easily be used like sequins on a cotton material. Make nifty zigzag patterns, or maybe a sexy cherry pez number for that special someone! Guys can wear a unique tie to match. Warning: be careful not to spill champagne on your new outfit, as it tends to dissolve pez.
INVENT A PERCUSSION INSTRUMENT!
Find a pez dispenser with a loose head. Then, simply shake the dispenser and form a band! Smashing Pumpkins will be calling you up in no time, wanting you on their next album.
PRESERVE YOUR CHERISHED MEMORIES!
Save the last pez candy from every pack you share with people you care about. Or, save the wrapper from special events! They're easy to glue to a Scrapbook. Label them, such as, "This pez I shared with Brian, my true love!" "The night I met the members of Foo Fighters," or "The day I got my 100th pez dispenser."
MAKE FRIENDS!
It1s SOOO easy! Afraid to talk to someone? Afraid to look at someone? Simply offer that certain someone a candy-- unless they're some kind of freak, they'll say "Sure, pez me!" You're on the road to a beautiful relationship.
MAKE THE PERFECT JEWELRY!
Looking for that fantastic accent to any outfit? Pez to the rescue! Easy to weave with hemp or simply put on a string. Even french hooks for earring-lovers! Probably would dissolve too quickly to make a very good ornament for a pierced tongue, though.
BECOME A SUPERHERO!
Admit it. You've always wanted to be a hero-- a thing of comic books, to be adored by millions. Unfortunately, too many heroes out there fight for justice, and they1ve stolen all the good names! Until now. Become a Pezinator, and fight for the sanctity of pez-loving citizens everywhere. Use poison pez, pez dispensers equipped with lasers, and fatal pez-breath to fight such villains as Mentos Man and Certs Girl!
SCARE STRANGERS IN PUBLIC PLACES!
Put a pez candy in each nostril. Then, when meeting someone you don1t know, comment, "I don1t know how they got up there, but I think they1re growing."
BECOME AN ARTIST!
Always wanted to be in a museum of modern art? Now your dream can come true with pez! Simply glue the candy to a large, multi-colored board of some sort. Title it something like "Freedom of the Succulent Sweets." For a follow-up project, rip apart pez wrappers and maim a dispenser before gluing to a large, darkly colored board of some sort. Title it: "Innocence Lost" or "As Naivete is Angrily Broken"
BUILD REPLICAS, AMAZE YOUR FRIENDS!
Now, we all know that you have too much time on your hands if you1re even reading this. How about filling up that time with building models? Using pez, make a mini-Stonehenge! A Sphinx! A Great Wall of China! Maybe even . . . the statue of Liberty!!
IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH!
Pay those high doctor1s fees no more! Never worry about another flu, earache, or rare tropical disease spread by insects! With pez, you1ll be healthy as a horse, and then some! And, if you do happen to get sick, no one will shoot you. You know what they say, "A pez a day keeps the doctor away."
RID YOURSELF OF SUPERSTITIONS!
Except for one . . . when one is eating a pez candy, bad things can never happen. And this holds true! Did you fail to cover your mouth when you yawned, therefore letting the devil possess your soul? No problem, if you1re eating a pez! Did you forgot to say "Bread and butter" when you and your walking partner were separated by an object, thus eventually causing one or both of you great illness? Eat a pez! Worry no longer!!
AVOID NEEDLESS GIFT SHOPPING!
Nothing says "I care for you" like a homemade gift! Make your beloved aunt a picture frame-- out of pez and cardboard! How about a tasteful Beanie Baby for your niece, Suzie? Filled not with beans, but with pez, of course. Even better, little cousin Davy can have a colorful woven Easter basket, decorated in edible fun! But remember, nothing says "I1m broke and/or cheap" like a homemade gift, either.
BEAUTIFY YOUR HOME!
I'll bet you just throw away all your pez candy wrappers, right? Well, next time do the smart and environmental thing! Everyone will be sure to comment on your new pez wallpaper. Simply glue alternating wrappers of grape, lemon, strawberry, and orange. Perhaps add a few peppermint pez wrappers around doors and windows!