This is a collection of poems and what-not that my friends and I have written. Your feedback would be appreciated.

I've learned that...
-It is possible to act drunk when you're not.
-Wal-Mart is a pretty kickin' place.
-Wal-Mart is a pretty kickin' place
-the ATM is both your best friend and worst enemy
-that "awesome" Geneseo guy you were with all last fall cannot even begin to compare to the captain of the hockey team that you've been hittin' it with during this time of great rebounding...and the fall gig was an actual relationship, whereas the hockey thang is as no-strings-attached as they come
-and on that note, strings are bad at this point in our lives. we're too young to be completely tied down, no matter how enthralled we may be by mr/miss wunnerful
-peeps act as a meal when eaten in large enough quantities
-you can get pink eye from the goggles they leave out for you at the tanning place
-no matter how cool she may be, when you walk in on your roommate fucking perhaps the dirtiest guy on campus (fresh out of the shower, mind you - did she think I wasn't going to fucking return, for chrissakes? it's been *weeks* since I last fell down the drain, damnitall), you're going to flip your shit and become hella-pissed. and shit just goes downhill from there. but everything blows over (no pun intended) within two days.
-Mondays half priced pitchers of Bud will fuck you up
-Tuesdays pint night will fuck you up
-mug night on Wednesdays...will fuck you up
-thursday night's pull tabs will fuck you up
-Square Pegs live at the Shed friday nights will provide some awesome live 80s shit...while you get fucked up
-you play darts better when you're drunk and/or throwing your darts into someone else's game
-you could be 19, F, 5'7", brown/brown and caucasian, and yet get into any bar in Oswego with a 30 year old, 5'2" hispanic woman's id
-throw on some hootchie pants and a pushup bra and her husband's will work for you, too
-class, shmass - when you're in a long distance relationship, you just can't concentrate or you're always there or they're always here, so classes are simply lost in the shuffle...and when you're rebounding, you've been out late the night before or you're too busy chillin' with the crew (since you kinda blew them off last sem, of course) or you see that hockey hottie in the Union and are distracted as you buy the newspaper adn you never *do* make it to class...
-related to the previous statement...your love life directly affects your academic life...both affect your drinking "life"...and drinking also affects the academics if you let it...and there's a point in there somewhere, but I forgot it, so make what you will of that statement and the potential it still holds
-Tom Green is a cool jackass of a guy
-laundry is only done if there is, like, vomit on your clothing. otherwise, you wear your shit many a time, and once that is no longer feasible, be it due to over-worn and therefore way loose jeans or wrinkly shirts, then you forage in your roommate's closet. saves money and time
-plants are key - a plant in the room is wholly pleasant and jsut makes you feel important, b/c you have something to care about. one could say the same for sea monkeys, but after they've been tipped over by every asshole who picks the "aquarium" up, they never do wind up thriving as they should. and if they do (as your neighbor's will), they'll get big and freakish soon enough, swimming frenetically and intertwined and dying and floating and caracasses and...ugh. plants rock and that's that.
-the less you're destined to use/need a (text)book, the more it's gonna cost
-the books you (will) keep forever are the ones that were 5 bones
-stealing toilet paper from the bathroom is an accepted practice. and the lady even leaves rolls out for you to take, fuhgod'ssake
-your track shoes from senior year (when you had mono and rarely used them) rock the house and will probably be worn on your wedding day
-waterguns in the dorm are a necessity
-huge (6'x3', baby) cardboard Killian's promos stolen from the bar are choice decorations
-and on that note, schweet glass pitchers and assorted pint and rocks glasses filched from the most kickin' bar in town should fill anyone's cupboards

-the U Pigs will pull you over for *any*thing
-late night inevitably leads to a larger ass
-spring ball takes care of that ass
-OSU hockey is some good shit. and that's even taking the rather hott and just plain cool guys on the team out of consideration
-some people will never stop acting like they're still in high school
-these people will either find others like them and form an intensely annoying clique or get beaten often
-your best friend can fuck your best friend/the guy you're in love with, and yet...you and she are still buds and he's a fuckhorse of an alcoholic neither of you even give the time of day to any longer
-granted, she "found mr. right" at the beginning of this past fall and although you're still friends, she's gone all wifey on you and you rarely see her
-Febreze is essential for those who frequent bars and is a pleasantry for, why, anyone
-Tums will get you through anything
-hangovers won't last forever
-having bartenders for friends makes life a helluva lot easier...not to mention...cheaper..eh
-movie quotes apply to every situation..."There's no *crying* in baseball!"..."TAke it back! Take back what you said about Thor!"..."Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full..."..."Bumblebee tuna...bumblebee tuna...psst...your balls are showing...bumblebee tuna..." --(as an aside) holy shit, I think I just came up with the thesis for my term paper
-players are fucking nasty
-sluts/skags are fucking annoying
-funny foam lives up to it's name, esp since people *always* think it's shaving cream and flip their shit when you put it on them/their stuff
-going to bed at 3:30 is frighteningly early...you must be sick...have a test...been slipped some ruffies...
-looks like I'm all of the above...later killers a lot of Japanese, although I haven't taken a single course
- Biometry majors no baka. (baka = idiot, 'no' is a filler word like "of")

- Dee no baka for wanting to be one for about... 3 weeks or so.
- Cornell Engineers will forever be jealous of ABEN majors because we're saving money
- Cornell Hotelies, Arts and Crafts, Engineers and Architects will forever be jealous of us Aggies, ILRies, and HumEc students (See Tom's comment for proof)
- Cs are pretty decent
- Bear Access was actually shortened from "Barely Accessible"
- CIT sucks.
- Girls will be jealous because multitudes of guys flock to me....
- Because they wanna trade mp3s.
- I will get action when hell freezes over.
- Curves suck (see above line about biometry and statistics)
- Someone will always get a perfect score on an exam.
- When the leaves are on the trees, Cornell can be a beautiful place and I will go procrastinate to enjoy it in its natural splendor.
- Unfortunately, said leaves come out during finals week.
- People will always look at me funny when I'm singing J-pop and anime songs at the top of my lungs at 12:30 on a Saturday Night.
- These people will think I'm drunk, when in fact, I'm coming from anime club.
- Despite my housemate's advice, joining the e-board of said anime club is not a good way to pick up guys.
- I should have followed in her footsteps and joined the gamers' club.

- I will always get annoyed when someone from on-campus calls me. (Why can't you email me?)
- I've become everything I promised myself I wouldn't be. Quoting Tom Castelli:
-That it is possible to attend an Ivy League institution and be completely unintelligent and petty. (To be read: I love Cornell, but I hate the people here.)
- Once upon a time, I used to correct people and tell them I'm from Rockland County, and not "the City." Now that I'm in Bumblefuck, I'm proud to say that I'm a New Yawker.
-Being in Ithaca gave me a Brooklyn accent...
- TCAT sucks ass.
- If you get a $75 Omniride pass, you will never ride the bus. If you do not, you will spend $200 for bus fare during the semester.
- ...But it's still cool to hop on the bus and flash your ID like you're a big-shot FBI agent.
- Wegman's is the supermarket of the gods.
- I will obsess about a new guy every 12 days or so.
- Sometimes there is a cycle to them.
- I will always end up with at least one professor or TA who doesn't know English

- Most likely, he/she will pop up in an English course.
- Contrary to popular belief, Cornellians aren't snooty to people outside of Cornell. They're jealous.
- Anything is possible with enough gigs of HD space and an ethernet connection
- Construction will always take at least twice as long as promised.
- Administration will go out of their way to inconvienence the students.
- University President Hunter Rawlings III is evil
- There's always time for procrastination
- If I wanted to meet more guys, I should have been a CS major.
- Contrary to Tom's opinion, I think Uris Library is a HORRIBLE place to study. However, it is a terrific place to sleep...
- Anything's more comfy than dorm beds
- Next year, I'll be the only junior living on campus.
- The 90 Flex meal plan wasn't all that flexible.... until after I got off of it.
- Mass emails usually piss me off, but for some reason, this one seems like fun
- I love to bitch about my courseload, and do so often and with pride
- I then get shot down by a cheme or ee who has twice the work
- That "how big is your courseload?" is probably a clasic Cornellian pick-up line.
- The US could be at war and I'd have no clue, since the only TV I watch is cheezily dubbed anime.

- I can get up at 6:30 for Sailor Moon, yet I'm comatose during my 11:15 classes.
- That someone would find that above phrase extremely unfunny, and yes, I do know that we're fighting in Serbia. I just don't know anything else about it.
- Tom is right, Dickson does have many distinctive odors. Just wait in the kitchen until Sundays during the summer (the garbage doesn't get taken out on weekends).
- anime plays way too big of a role in my life
- Shounen no baka hentai! (boys are perverted idiots)
- I've started to speak like anime characters
- It's pointless to sit at your computer from 11:45pm on a Friday night trying to be the first person to course-enroll
- It's easier to wait until 3 am, when the 11:45 people are still trying to log on.
- kerberos sucks.
- if someone calls in a bomb threat, it'll take the bomb squad 3 hours to get to the building.
- The relaxed pace of Ithaca disturbs me at times.
- The Food science people put lithium in the Cornell brand milk and juice (how else could Cornell employees, who get paid next to nothing, still be so nice to everyone?)
- 40 = % of Ithaca's residents are below the poverty line

- it also = % of Ithaca's residents who work for Cornell.
- Let me repeat: statisticians and their stats suck.
- I can't knock anything until I've tried it.
-That the fire department would have a fit if someone called them up and just said "Olin's on fire!" (ditto Uris, Baker, Comstock, Noyes, but mostly Olin).
- The Ithaca Fire Department is a bunch of idiots. Their webpage says so! http://www.ifd.baka.com (let me point out once again that baka is the Japanese word for idiot.)
- Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor dead of night can stop Cornell University from closing. (okay, maybe once)
- Ithaca is the *real* place where the sun don't shine.
- Everyone thinks it's cool to put their academic schedules on their CUPeople webpages. I guess it makes stalking them that much easier!
- I've developed way too much of a sense of security since I got here.
- I should stop procrastinating now.
- Really I should.
- I'll think of a hundred wittier things to say as soon as I press the send button.
* That only freshmen go to frat parties... The point of frat parties being to get the freshman girls really trashed and in bed.
* That, in general, engineers spend at least twice as many waking hours in class as college of arts and crafts students.
* That 'an engineer who gets to sleep in' is a total oxymoron.
* That 3/4 of people are scared shitless of computers.
* That physics 150 and 151 will totally fuck up your schedule and should be taken over the summer if possible.

* That after endless problem set assignments, you actually begin to miss reading and writing assignments.
* That I'm not going to get very many A's, and B's are actually awesome.
* That long-distance relationships can work, but they require a LOT of communication.
* That I thrive on living in a big city.
* That it is actually important to attend class.
* That bombing a test can destroy your grade.
* That vegetarians will not get the value out of their meal plans.
* That it is much cheaper to make/purchase most of your own food, and you actually get much better meals that way.
* That no matter how boring Days of Our Lives is, I will pick watching that over doing work.
* That no time bomb will explode if I don't graduate on time.
* That while most Penn students are rich snobs, not all of them are.
* That people respect honesty.
* That you should only reveal your past to those you trust.
* That the statistic '1 in 4 college women have eating disorders' is actually true.
* That most people at Penn will screw someone else over in order to further themselves.
* That if I don't stand up for myself, no one else will.
* That most people won't return favors.
* That I do not ever want to change my major.
* That I like Diet Pepsi more than Diet Coke, even though I hate regular Pepsi.
* That most college students lead very sheltered lives.
* That people who you once thought were good friends will not be there for you when you need them the most.
* That I am a much more relaxed person when I don't procrastinate.
* That honesty is really the best policy.
* That I really need 8 or 9 hours of sleep.
* That I have needs, and that's okay.
* That it's okay to say no.
* That addiction runs in my family, and I am not immune.
* That most people take a lot for granted.

* That I'd much rather have a car at school, even if there IS mass transportation.
* That one must strategically plan their trips to Wawa, so as to avoid waiting in line for 20 minutes (or more).
* That bottled water and water filters are essential in Philadelphia.
* That if someone at Penn is from this country, there is at least a 90% chance they are from Jewish and/or from Jersey or Long Island.
* That Penn's basketball team has a #23, Michael Jordan.
* That it's possible to sleep through tons of traffic, horns, sirens, yelling, and blaring music.
* That it's also possible to sleep through my alarm clock.. on the day of a midterm.
* That walking 5 blocks in the wrong direction in this neighborhood is very bad.
* That running only on concrete causes a lot of injuries.
* That Division 1 Varsity athletes are insane.
* That engineers just don't do track. You either change your major or quit.
* That most people at this school aren't really geniuses, they just work extremely hard.
* That those who work extremely hard want to strangle the geniuses that go out partying and still destroy the curves.
* That you have to be dressed up to go in the Wharton building.
* That most of the time I'd prefer actually not to be around other people.
* That sorority girls mass-order the same exact clothes and shoes, and own the largest percentage of the nation's tight black pants.
* That girls just suck and I don't want them as friends.
* That our huge two-story Barnes and Noble never has the books I'm looking for.
* That goldfish crackers are just the bomb.
* That people don't feel bad about waking me up at 3AM when they have computer problems.
* That nobody 'just borrows' anything.
* That I only forget my Penn Card when it's pouring outside and have to walk an extra block to get in.
* That most people here actually WISH it would snow.

* That no TA's in the Math or CSE departments are from this country.
* That I'm not a fan of mainstream music.
* That teddy bears really do make you feel better.
1) I am a sucker for any kind of chain e-mail thing that allows me to procrastinate and force information about myself upon people who probably don't give a shit.
2) Graduating early is not a noble ambition. It is for fools.
3) Despite the fact that I am for more realistic about my college situation than I was at the time I was rejected by Swarthmore, I am still easily awed by colleges with better reputations than mine (i.e. 90% of colleges.)
4) The only time I come close to being cute is when I am drunk.
5) English departments are filled with annoying posers.
6) Nonetheless, I was born for the English major.
7) Its easy to bond with the first people you encounter in college. What's harder is building lasting relationships.
8) Only 15 credits/semester + no job + free Internet connection = bad.
9) Women's studies might sound good in theory, but it is evil.
10) I harbor an irrational and yet amazingly persistent prejudice against education majors.
11) No matter what, the library will not have the book I need.
12) It might be physically possible to survive a ten a.m. on-air shift after getting trashed the night before, but it is by no means a desirable situation.
13) Clarkson (75% male) and Potsdam (65% female) have a rather disturbing mutually-parasitic relationship.
14) If you are a female liberal-arts major, dating a horny engineering student is NOT the answer to life's problems.
15) Nothing is more frightening than waking up after a night of excess and not being able to remember anything

16) Most high school friendships were friendships of convenience.
17) As immature as it might be, a scene in a public place can be a satisfying way to end a bad friendship.
18) Be careful what you say online; there's a tendency to say too much and you never know when things will come back to haunt you through a series of strange coincidences.
19) 2 gigs of disk space is simply not enough.
20) No matter how many mp3s you acquire, you will never have enough.
21) Pomegranites are fun. Eating them is a project.
22) The concept of "Celtic culture" is bullshit. It's part of a ploy to convince tourists that Ireland has something to offer in the way of heritage :)
23) Traveling alone is an acquired skill.
24) I need a lot of time alone.
25) No one wants to hear a feminst critique of their relationship, no matter how valid that critique might be.
26) A SUNY education is just swell, provided you can overlook the alarming number of professors who do not comprehend basic principles of English grammar.
27) The bad lines you get while being shot down by potential romantic partners are the same bad lines that you will later use to shoot down someone else.
28) It is possible to want someone you don't even like as a person.
29) I fall for embarassingly bad lines while drunk.
30) I make damn good popcorn. Not microwave; on a stovetop, with hot oil. This is a skill I retain even when so drunk I can barely stand.
31) Some people mean more to me than I'm willing to admit. In fact, I usually don't admit it to myself until it's too late.
32) Self respect is "such a burden."
33) South Park really isn't as funny as everyone seems to think it is.
34) Your high school class rank really doesn't mean shit in college.
35) I hit my intellectual peak at the age of 12.
36) The guys I get along with best inevitably belong to my female friends.
37) Music majors walk around singing way too much for their own damn good.
38) I like guys who treat me like shit.
40) Bottled water is essential.
41) It is not possible to get your money's worth out of a guaranteed meal plan.
-That "D" stands for "Diploma"
-That despite the scores of brilliant faculty members on this campus, you'll invariably end up with an independent-work advisor from Rutgers

-That running naked in the snow is fun, and now we can't even do *that* anymore
-That a capella chicks who sing anywhere but the music department or the damn arches (where they perform) should be beaten with a large blunt object.
-Walls here are far too thin for people to be leaving their computer speakers on all the way up. It's more than distracting when you hear other people's ICQ noises...and they live down the fucking hall.
-One can survive on cinnamon bears and Arctic Wolf spring water.
-Tangleword and Snood shoud become majors.
-Lacrosse Players Are Gods, Ye Shall Worship Or Be Forced To Live Next Door To One (and subsequently be forced to smell their practice clothes)
-Grad students cannot possibly be human.
-The 'Wa is more than just a convenience store. It's a way of life.
-The school motto here is "Oh, we have someone to do that for us." Or at least it should be.
-A woman is not allowed to go out to the "Street" unless she is wearing black pants. More appropriately called (by me) black fuck-me pants. But the same thing, more or less.
-Old Navy is *not* "just as good as the Gap".
-You will be fined $50 by the fire code inspectors for having a sign on your bathroom door that reads "Beware of Broken Glass" (my roommate dropped a mug) -- ignoring the fact that the bathroom is *not* a means of egress, and if it were, the best you could do would be to aim the shower head at the flames and pray to god that the 4 drops that come out are real big.
-It's not really worthwhile to find out what's making those funny noises one floor directly above your room.
-That the lowest of the lowest varsity athletes are divinity and club sports athletes, despite being league or national champions, can go fuck themselves.

-Study breaks = free food = mob scene
-Harvard sucks.
-Yale swallows.
-It never stops raining in central Jersey.
-When it comes to basketball, Penn is the epitome of Pure Evil. Winning at the Palestra is good, and despite "only" being in the NIT, we still had a longer season than the Quakers.
-The Quaker is a Dork
-That the Registrar's server, ntigger2.princeton.edu, will never appear to me as a "triple pun" (they explain it as a play on words, as it's a windows NT system, the second version, and should read "and tigger too!") but rather as damn annoying since its always offline.
-That I procrastinate waaaaay too much.
-That I'm from Long Island, as is my boyfriend, and neither of us care only about getting drunk, thank you very much.
-The less work I do, the higher my grades seem to be. Last semester I did NO WORK and got a 2.65 (ask Laura; she can attest to this). This semester, I do work, and I fail something at least once every 2 weeks or so.
-Don't ever take 9 classes in 1 semester, because it can really suck (if you count track and my Bio lab, I have 9).
-The classes within your major seem to be the worst ones grade-wise. I have about a 3.95 in my minor (Music), but only about a 2.6 or so in my major (Accounting). Go figure.
-If you never had the Internet at home (like me), you tend to become addicted to it real quick-like in college. Especially things like e-mail and Instant Messenger.
-If you have a choice, don't room with somebody your direct opposite (ex. my roommate is an alcoholic, or at least close enough). Not that mine has, but they can be very influential.
-When making your schedule out for registration, always make at least 6 backup plans. Make sure to pull an all-nighter the night before you register to simply update your schedule. Even so, chances of being closed out of the classes you absolutely HAVE to have are real high.

-If these were the pre-Knightweb days, camp out in Schrader the night before you register, especially if you go at 8:00 am, or even 11:00 am. Make sure to set up camp and never leave at 10:00 pm the previous night.
-Make sure to find out about the professors that SUCK before registering for their classes. It will save the trouble of drop-adds later.
-Suck up to prospective professors so they will let you overload their class that filled up a week ago, but you desperately need to continue your major.
-If you go to college with the intention of becoming a Bio major, start looking for alternatives now, because you'll almost-guaranteed change your major before the end of your freshman year.
-Chances are, you'll get a crappy advisor. Mine's OK, but I'll get a new one after this semester anyway. That's how the Business school works.
-Get your own, working computer (no offense, Laura :)). If you don't have one, you'll be spending hours in the public lab because the computers in your dorm lab will always be broken, occupied, or both. Especially when you have actually work to do, not just IM somebody.
-Lopsides schedules can actually be a good thing. While on MWF, I have classes at 9:30, 10:30, 11:30, and 1:30 (also practice at 3:30 and a 6:30 on Mondays), I only have 12:00, 3:30, and 7:30 on Tuesdays, and only a 3:30 on Thursdays. Ahh, sleep (doesn't happen, but it's a nice thought).
-E-mail. What more can I say? (E-mail Queen of the cross country team at your service).
-Web space. I never thought creating your own web page could be so fun
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