Max Graves is Alive and Well!

Despite recent reports printed on the Dorkshire web page and on the guest book of this site, the resistance fighter Max Graves and his commander Mr M are both alive and well.

Certain aspects of the report, however, believed to have come from the pens of the Dorkshire Dictators themselves, are infact true. Max Graves had heard reports that Alex had been spotted snuffling around in the undergrowth of a Derbyshire wood. The official reports state that the insane dictator was hunting for a long lost survey marker, so he could lay foundations for a secret base. Mr M has it on good authority however, that he was infact rooting for truffles - apparantley considered a delicacy by Europeans, pigs, and this bearded fool...



Upon hearing this news, Mr M decided to send Max Graves to the wood, knowing that Alex's greed for his fungal treat would leave him open to attack. On arriving, Graves had no problem locating the dictator in the dense undergrowth - he simply had to stop every now and again and listen for the girlish screams of delight as Alex located his underground delicacy, then follow the grunts, squeals and growls of pleasure as each new truffle was devoured.

Soon, Graves located Alex crouched in a deep trench in the midst of a woodland clearence... something was wrong however. This macho dictator was down on his knees, weeping like a lost child. From what Graves could make out from the scene, it appeared that a large pig like creature - most probably a pig - had rushed from the woodland and stolen a fat and particularly juicy truffle from under the very nose of the dictator, causing him to break down and cry. Without warning however, Alex suddenly leapt to his feet and rushed at Graves, wielding the sharpened trowel he had been using to dig. Startled by the suddeness of the attack, Graves was forced backward, and tripped over a tree stump. Alex then began to lay about him with the trowel, causing serious injuries to his hair and clothes. Leaving him for dead, Alex shambled off into the woodland, muttering something about never digging in Quadrant Two again, whatever that meant.

After lying startled in the leaf mould for several minutes, Max Graves realised he would have to make his way back to civilisation if he was to continue the fight for freedom. Given the horrific nature of his injuries however, this was no easy task, and he was forced to survive on a diet of worms, beetles, nettles and pizza as he crawled inch by inch through the mud. After nearly three weeks in the derbyshire woodland, Graves found his way to a farm where he was able to hitch a lift back to his headquarters, where he spent several months recovering from the ordeal, and is now ready to continue the fight against the Dorkshire Dictators.