**Kayci**
Later on that afternoon, Nick and I were laying in my room. I don't know if it was something I ate or if it were that time of the month, but I felt miserable. I really felt sick and I wasn't in a good mood. "Nick? Are you hungry at all? You haven't eaten in so long."
"No, Kayci," he growled.
"Jeez, I was just being concerned about you. You don't look too great. You look pale and you've lost too much weight."
He stood up. "God damn it, Kayci. Why don't you just come out and say it."
"Say what?"
"That I'm not good enough for you! Say it! I'm not good enough!"
"Nick, that's not true!"
"Yes it is! Fuck, why don't I just kill myself right now! Huh?" I could feel my blood boiling over. He was so stupid.
"Fine. Go ahead. I suggest going for the spot behind the ear. Or maybe...the wrist...but you'll have to cut deep enough to do some damage." Nick glared at me for a second then walked out of my room and slammed the door. I needed to talk to someone. A.J. had just bought the town house next to me and Jess had gone over there last night, so I dialled the number that he gave me. "Jess, it's me."
"Oh hey. What's up?"
"Nick's being a jerk."
"Again? Okay, let me sit down. What happened this time?" Before I could reply, Nick walked into my room. "Kayci, hold on a sec. I gotta beep." Oh that fucking beep. She always has to answer it. Doesn't she know how incredibly rude that is? I don't care who you're talking to! I turned back to Nick.
"Nick. Oh my God!" Was I seeing things? He had a knife held up to his wrist.
"I decided to go with this one."
"Nick, what are you doing?" I tried to stand up but he pressed the knife into his wrist.
"Don't come near me!"
I held up my hands. "Okay, okay. I'm staying right here on the bed. Okay?"
"Kayci, I'm not good enough for you and I can't handle that. I hate myself! And so does the public!"
"Nick, Honey, that's not true. I love you so much. Please, we will get through this together." I am so, so scared. I had no idea what to do. All of a sudden, the door opened and almost hit Nick. I held my breath as Brian walked into my room. "Brian, get the fuck over here, now!" Thank God Brian did as I told him to. He sat down next to me and looked from me to Nick.
"Nick? What the hell is going on here?"
I stared at each movement of Nick's, each blink of his eyes. He moved the knife as if he were going to cut himself. "No!" I screamed as loud as I could.
"Kayci? Kayci?" I heard Jess over the phone. "What's wrong?"
"Hold on," I whispered. I handed the phone to Brian and slowly stood up. I took two steps towards Nick and I saw him tense up. I took another step towards him. My whole body was shaking and my heart was pounding unbearably hard. I held my arm out. "Nick, give me the knife," I said as calmly as I could say. He shook his head. I'm going to have to take a huge risk. I took one step and stood right up close to him. I slowly reached for the knife and got my hand tightly around the handle. I slowly pulled the knife out of his hands, never taking my eyes away from him. I threw it across the room. I grabbed him in my arms and pulled his head down to my shoulder as he started to cry. "Baby, it's okay. I love you."
"I love you, too," he whimpered. God, what just happened? He's getting worse...he's slipping into depression...something. I can see it in his eyes. I don't know what's going on in his mind. I just needed a minute.
"Brian, can you please take Nick over to Jessie's?"
"Yeah, sure," he replied. I gave Nick one last concerned look and then Brian escorted him out of the room. I sat down on my bed. I picked up the phone and let out a sigh.
"Kayci, what happened? I heard something about a knife and...why did Brian just drop Nick off here?"
"Jess, Nick just tried to kill himself."
"Oh my God! You aren't serious...are you?"
"He came in here with a knife on his wrist." I told her the whole story and just as I was finished, Brian walked back into my room. "Thanks Brian."
"No problem. Are you okay?" He sat down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Jess, I don't want to cry."
"You have to," she said. "Go ahead. I'll talk to Nick, smack him around a little bit." We laughed. She wasn't kidding. I knew she would. "You have Brian there."
"I know."
"I will give you some time and I will call you back."
"Okay, thanks." I turned the phone off and dropped it on the bed. I turned to Brian. I took a deep breath and let it out. God, it hurt so much inside of me.
"You can cry. Go ahead. I know that things haven't been easy with Nick." He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled my head down onto his shoulder. "You handled that situation very well."
The tears stung my eyes and my throat choked up painfully. I couldn't control me crying. My sobs rang loudly though my ears. "Brian...I could have lost him. I-I was so scared. Oh my God, Brian...I could have...lost him!" It was true. This was arguably my fault. I told him to go ahead and kill himself. Oh my God. Oh my God.
**Jessica**
I sat Nick down. He looked like nothing had just happened...like everything was fine.
"I should go back," Nick said to me.
"You're not going anywhere, mister," I growled at him.
"I'm kinda tired."
"Your fianceé isn't doing too well!"
"She's fine."
"You're so stupid! I bet that she's in tears right now."
"Call her."
"I was just going to." I picked up the phone and dialed my sister's number. Why was Nick being such an idiot? I mean, he was just naturally stupid, but this was just over done.
"Hello?" I heard Brian's voice say.
"Hey, Brian. How is she?"
"She's been crying ever since you guys hung up." I turned to Nick and told him that. He gave me a sad look.
"Brian, Nick wants to talk to Kayci." I heard Brian tell Kayci and I heard her sniffle a couple times.
"Hello?" she said.
"It's me," I said. "Nick wants to talk to you."
"Oh God. No Jess. I don't want to talk to him."
"You have to." There was a long pause.
"Oh, okay." I handed the phone to Nick.
**Kayci**
I didn't really want to talk to him, but I guess I had to. I was still shaking, I was still so scared. Just the thought that I could have lost him right in front of my eyes, scared me more than anything.
"Hi Honey!" He sounded so calm. Like nothing had happened.
"Um...hi. So...how are you?"
"I'm good. You?"
Me? Oh, I'm terrible. I tipped my head back to stop my tears from falling. "I'm not okay Nick. You scared the shit out of me. Why did you do that?"
There was a long pause. Longer than I wanted. "I'm coming over."
"No!" I said, all too abruptly.
"I'll be right over." The line went dead.
Why does he always have to do this? God! What was I going to say when he came over? I felt a hand on my shoulder and it startled me.
"What's up?" Brian said. Oh it's just him.
"I thought you were Nick."
"Nope, sorry." He laughed and I laughed at the face he gave me. "It's good to see you smile again, and it's good to hear you laugh." I stopped laughing and his hand came to rest on my face. He leaned in closer to me and his face lingered near mine. How could he love me? Why did he love me? My best friend. He couldn't kiss me...I know he wants to...but-
"Kayci?"
I turned to see Nick standing in my doorway. Oh my God. My mind started racing. Did he think we were doing something? That we did something?
"We need to talk," he said. I nodded. "Brian, could you excuse us for a minute? Please?"
"Sure." I didn't want him to leave but I couldn't find the voice to tell him to stay. I watched him walk out of my room and I was left alone with Nick in an uncomfortable silence. He walked over and sat down next to me.
He took my hands in his and broke the silence. "I am so sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. I went down into the kitchen and grabbed the knife, but I really didn't want to do...anything. So I came into your room. I knew that you wouldn't let anything happen to me and that I could never do anything like that in front of you."
"Well, I'm glad that you thought of me," I said sarcastically and stood up. I walked out of my room and into the living room. Of course, he followed me. He grabbed my arm. "What?"
**Nick**
I didn't know what to say to her after I grabbed her arm. I guess I could try and say what I usually say that gets me out of trouble. It's worth a shot. "Kayci, I was stupid again."
"Yes, I know that." She turned away from me. Great, my best and only line, didn't work this time. "Don't you understand?" She turned around quickly. "You almost killed yourself...in front of me. Don't you get it? Don't you know how much you hurt me? Well, you hurt me terribly!"
I could tell she wanted to cry. I could see it in her. God, it was now hitting me what I've done. I know I hurt her. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes and I could see them in hers. "I-I...oh my God. I can't believe it...this is all just hitting me now." I sat down on the couch. "I don't know what I was thinking." I put my head in my hands. I couldn't believe it. I really was stupid. I shook my head and mumbled into my hands. "I never meant to hurt you...I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry that I did." A few tears drained from my eyes and into my hands. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my back. I looked up to see Kayci. A couple tears lingered on her face and I gently brushed them away. Her mouth began to quiver and I could feel mine doing the same. I jumped into her arms and held her tightly for strength. I really needed some right now. We buried our faces in each other's shoulders...and cried.