**Kayci**
A.J., Jessica, Brian, Nick and I had decided to head up to the beach today. It was kind of an awkward ride, at least for me. I had to sit in the middle of Nick and Brian, and well...oh my God, is all that comes to mind right now. Jess and A.J. had been singing in the front seat and then Brian had joined in. Nick had been looking out the window the entire time and I had been looking at him...occasionally. Well fine! Okay, I had been intently staring at him the whole time! Jeez. Anyway, we had all eaten breakfast at my house this morning. Well, all except Nick. He had told us that he had eaten breakfast before he had come over. That's a logical explaination...except for one thing. He quickly kissed me this morning when he walked in and his breath smelled like mint. He always brushes his teeth before he eats. Not after.
I shook my head. It was nothing. I am just so friggen paranoid it pisses me off! There's nothing wrong with Nick. I laughed to myself and turned to Nick. Oh my God! Alarms are going off it my head! Whistles...Bells! Nick looked like hell and back. His skin was pale, the circles under his eyes were getting more extreme and his beautiful hair that I love so much, wasn't as silky as it should be. Something is definitely wrong with him. He almost told me yesterday, but...maybe he'll tell me today. Ah ha! I've got the perfect plan. I'm so sorry, baby, but I have to trick you.
**Nick**
We arrived at the beach and started carrying our stuff down. A.J. and Jess ran way ahead to get a good spot. I'm sure that they wanted to get some make out time in before the rest of us got there. Brian and Kayci were walking a coupled yards in front of me. They were talking about something. It must be funny because they keep laughing. I got stuck with the job of carrying the cooler. Fucking what did they put in here? I have to put this damn thing down.
I dropped it down onto the pavement and pulled my shades down to watch Brian and Kayci walk into the distance and around a hill. I sighed and kneeled down in front of the cooler. I was aware of my hand trembling as I reached for the cooler. I opened the lid and stared in at all of the food that they had packed. No wonder why it was so heavy. I searched one of the bags, my mouth watering with anticipation and then...
"Nick?"
I snapped my hand back, slammed the lid and very nonchalantly sat down on the cooler. "Yes?" I said looking up. I looked straight up into Kayci's face.
She laughed at me. "Nick, what are you doing Sweetie?"
I forced out a laugh. "Oh nothing. I was trying to see why this thing was so heavy."
"Getting a jump start on lunch are we?"
"Ha, yeah I guess so."
"Come on, get up. I'll help you carry it."
I smiled at her as I took one side of the cooler and she took the other and we walked down to where the other three were. I saw A.J. and Jessie heavily locked in a kiss and Brian was sneaking up on them with a pail of water.
**Kayci**
I saw Brian dump as huge bucket of sea water on A.J. and Jessica. It was hilarious to watch A.J. and Jessica chase Brian around but I couldn't stop looking at Nick. A smiled barely touched the corners of his lips. It was so weird, I mean what I had just witnessed with Nick and the cooler. If Nick were hungry, he would have stopped everyone and announced it. At least, the old Nick would. But it was like he was afraid of something in there. But-
"It's about time the cooler got here!" A.J. exclaimed and leapt at the cooler. I gave A.J. a weird look. Brian set up one of the chairs underneath the umbrella, A.J. and Jessica took off into the ocean and I laid my towel on one side and in front of the umbrella. I sat down and noticed Nick laying down his towel on the other side of the umbrella.
"Nick?" I questioned.
He looked up. "Yeah?"
How was I going to tell him that I wanted to run into the ocean with him and kiss him?...just like A.J. and Jessica. I guess I should just start off simple. "Um, aren't you going to set up camp next to me?"
He laughed. "I, uh, didn't know you wanted me to."
"Well, I-"
"Nick, how stupid are you?" Nick and I looked up at Brian who sat underneath the umbrella in his blue chair. His pulled his glasses down on his nose. "Nick, you have a beautiful woman in a very thin bikini willing to take advantage of you at the drop of a hat and you're going to lay all the way over there?"
I was a little taken back by Brian's words but I couldn't help but know that he was absolutely right! I wanted Nick so badly! All right, Kayci, calm down. Deep breath. Deep breath. I looked over at Nick and he was blushing and it made me blush. "Well Nick, I-"
"Nicky, get your ass, and your towel, over there!"
I laughed at Brian and when Nick was picking up his towel and not looking, I mouthed a thank you to him and he only smiled. Nick laid his towel down on the far end of our group's place, next to me. My stomach is tying in knots and it hurts, it seriously hurts! I don't know why, I mean, it's just Nick. Just Nick. Yeah. The only man that I love so deeply and will probably love for the rest of time.
Just Nick.
**Brian**
Nick is just stupid but I'll give him some slack because Kayci obviously thinks something's wrong with him and if she does then it must be big. But I saw the way he looked at her when I said that stuff. I was like he didn't even know she was wearing a skimpy bikini until I brought it to his attention, and he looked her up and down, let me tell you. God, he fucking loves her so much but he either doesn't want to admit it to himself or he just doesn't think the she still loves him after all this time. But she does, and I can see it. This may be the only time, if any, to tell her that I love her.
**Nick**
Kayci and I had been baking in the sun for about an hour now. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was rounding noon. Lunch time. A.J. and Jessica started searching the cooler.
"Kayci," A.J. whined. "Can we eat lunch now?"
"What am I your mother?" she replied. "No, I'm not. I wouldn't produce something so weird. Okay, you can eat, but only if you quit whining!"
I had to get out of here. Things were funny and all but I just...had to. I had to. I stood up. "I'm gonna go jump in the water."
"Nick, now?" Kayci asked me.
God, I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you, baby. I love you so much. "Yeah. Real quick. I'll be right back!" I ran down to the water, not caring how cold it was. It wasn't very cold, though. I jumped it, drowning my thoughts and feelings. Although I told them I would be back quick, I had every intention of staying as long as I could, without them thinking I had drown.
About half an hour later, I ran back up to everyone and grabbed my towel. Everyone looked at me funny, especially Kayci.
"Nick," she said, "I saved you some stuff. We have-"
"No," I stopped her. Oh great, now what was I going to say? I was going to have to lie to her again. "I-I just...it's just I swallowed so much of that icky saltwater that it's really upsetting my stomach. I really can't eat." I sat down next to Kayci and gave her one of my fake smiles.
"At least you have a good excuse this time." She said it so quietly that no on else heard her, I barely heard her myself, but I heard her. I felt like clutching my heart it hurt so badly. I knew I was going to have to tell her soon, not only for her sake, but mainly for mine.
**Kayci**
Well my trick didn't work; it only makes me more suspicious as to what is wrong with my boyfriend. Boyfriend? Well we never officially broke up so I guess he still is my responsibility.
The hours had passed and it was creeping upon sunset. Nick had definitely not been himself today, and everyone else knew it too. It wasn't just the way he had been acting around us these past couple days, it was just that he had acted that way on the beach today. The beach! The ocean! The one place where Nick feels the safest and the most in control. What is wrong with you Nickolas?
"Hey guys," A.J. said, interrupting my thoughts, "we're going to take a walk down the beach." I only nodded my head. When they were out of sight, Nick reached over and touched my hand. I snapped around to face him. He moved his mouth right up to my ear and whispered something.
"Can we please take a walk?"
I looked at him and then at Brian. "We can't just leave Brian here."
"No, go ahead," Brian said. "I'll start bringing the stuff back to the car. Besides, it's a beautiful sunset and you two need to talk."
"Yes, we do," Nick whispered behind me.
"Well, okay," I said. Nick helped me up and we started down the beach in the opposite direction of A.J. and Jessica. I had a feeling he finally wanted to tell me something. Please God, make him tell me something.
"Kayci-" He paused. "I'm ready to talk."
**Nick**
I'm ready to talk? Damn it. It had just slipped out! Maybe my subconscience was trying to tell me that it was time to get help. But I already knew that I needed to get help. I couldn't continue on like this and the fact that I knew that already, told me something. I felt Kayci's grip on my hand tighten.
"Oh Nick, I'm so glad. Finally. Tell me what's wrong."
Okay, Nick. No more lying. Truth time. She can help you. You know that. "Okay, Kayci, let's sit down." We both sat down in the sand and she put her hand on my shoulder. It comforted me a little. "Okay, well this all started about a couple weeks ago. We were at rehearsal and I had started getting out of breath. That night I looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. I thought about all of the, well...bad...things that you had said before, like a long time ago, about my looks and my voice..." I swallowed. God, we had agreed never to bring that up again but I had to. Okay Nick, keep going. "Anyway, then I started thinking about a lot of other things. Like how the guys always think of me as the one that eats the most and they're surprised when I don't eat. Then I thought about being a Backstreet Boy. The day that I got pulled out of school, if I had known it would be like this, I wouldn't have done it."
"No, Nick, you don't mean that."
"Yes I do! I just...the pressure is so much. And then one day I went on the internet, something I hadn't done in so long. I wish now that I had never gone on that fucking computer. I saw a bunch of sites about me."
"Do you know how many sites there are about you?"
"Yes but these sites were about...about my..."
"Nick, it's okay."
"...they were all about my weight and how I was fat and everything." I heard her gasp and I felt my eyes burning with tears that wanted to fall. But hadn't I done enough? I had to cry on top of it too?
"Keep going, Sweetie."
God, how did she know there was more? She always knows! "So that was just the straw that broke everything. Actually, it was more like a fucking anvil. I became really depressed and Kayci, I'm not going to lie to you when I say that it's getting worse, but I can't stop. Being in the fucking public eye, it's fucking torture and I've always tried to shelter you from that. From being categorized as Nick's girlfriend, the bitch who stole our man."
"I'd think that's kinda flattering!"
"But I don't! I don't want you to be like that."
"So what is the complete bottom line here? Generalize it please."
I turned and looked at her and as soon as I looked into her eyes, the tears fell. I had to put my head down on her shoulder. As soon as she wrapped her arms tightly around me, I felt a little better...a little stronger. I started gasping for air. I already felt better just telling her some of what was going on. "Kayci...I'm depressed and...it's...not getting...better and...I can't...bring myself...to eat...anymore."
**Brian**
I had gotten all of the stuff to the car and I was now waiting for the two lovely couples to return. All that had been going through my mind this passed time, was about Nick and...Kayci. I wondered if he had told her anything yet. I really hoped that Nicky was all right. I hated seeing him like this but I couldn't hide myself from my feelings for Kayci. I had liked her for a long time now, but it was love now. True love. I just wanted to tell her. She had told me once that she loved me. It actually wasn't too long ago...
Kayci and Nick were together, as usual, but their relationship had been having problem after problem lately and she and I were growing closer. She and Nick had gotten into a fight the day before so I went over to her house. I sat on her bed and I told her that I loved her. She told me that she was falling for me. And then I kissed her. It lasted for about five seconds before she freaked out and asked me very quietly to leave. The whole thing ate her up inside. She had been debating whether or not to tell Nick. She didn't want to ruin Nick and I's relationship but at the same time, she thought he should know because she couldn't keep it inside any longer.
She finally decided to tell him. She was scared to death. So scared she was shaking. She decided to have Jessica tell Nick while they were on the phone. She told Jessica to say, "Nick, I have something to tell you." She studdered for a while and finally said, "Brian kissed me." But Nick didn't react the way she thought he would. He only said, "Oh that's all? I thought you were going to say you cheated on me or you're going to leave me or something." And he laughed. I apologized to Nick and he was totally cool about the whole thing. Thank God. Since then, I had never tried to make a move on Kayci, but now I can't hold it in any longer. I gotta tell her. It's killing me! I'm gonna wait for a little while, though, so things can calm down with Nick.