**Kayci**
Well we were now in the car again. That was all that Nick had really told me: That he was totally depressed...and that he couldn't eat. He couldn't eat? I mean, it just couldn't sink into my head. I guess because of what society thinks...that men don't get eating disorders, only women do...I think that's why it won't sink into my mind. But it's completely logical! I had almost figured it out...if I had only put the pieces together a long time ago, this may have been prevented. If I hadn't been so cold to Nick a long time ago. I can't believe he brought that up. But I'm actually glad that he brought it up...it made me really realize now how much I had hurt him back then, but that was just me. I had tried to change myself so many times, but I keep reverting back to the heartless bitch that I am. I think that I am so intune with Nick but I couldn't even realize that what I was doing was hurting him so much.
About seven months ago, it all started. I would compare Nick to the rest of the Backstreet Boys. I would tease him. I would say to Jessica, and sometimes to Nick himself, that he doesn't have a body like the other four guys, or that he really can't sing and that he whines when he sings...stuff like that. But it was very frequent. And even Jess and I talked about how Nick's face was getting bigger and so was his butt. It didn't really even occur to us that...I don't know. We were just stupid...no I was stupid. But now, my entire focus is on Nick...getting him through this...getting him better.
I was stuck in the backseat again between Nick and Brian. I looked over at Brian in the dark and he only smiled. A.J. was driving again, I don't know why-he drives like a maniac!-and Jessica was asleep up front. I looked over at Nick and saw that he was fast asleep. I smiled to myself. Even asleep, he looked like an angel. A starved angel, but an angel nonetheless. I reached over and gently brushed a piece of hair off his face. I turned back to Brian but all of a sudden, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around me. I turned around and found myself looking into a pair of sleepy, blue eyes. I smiled at Nick. I gently brought his head down to my shoulder. His arms wrapped tighter around me, I kissed the top of his head and said good night. Okay, now I could turn back to Brian. Brian made sure that Nick was asleep again. I knew he wanted to say something.
"Kayci, did he tell you anything?" he asked me.
I could pick up a little concern in his voice. I turned back to Nick and kissed his head again. I knew what he'd want me to say. "Brian...no. He didn't. He almost did...but he's just not ready to talk yet."
"Oh. He'll tell someone soon enough."
"Yeah. I hope so."
**Nick**
That night as I laid in bed with Kayci, all I could do was stare up at the ceiling. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was one o'clock in the morning. I turned back to looking at the ceiling. You know if you look hard enough you can start to see patterns in the ceiling? Well, that's how tired I am. Kayci had insisted that I stay with her in her room that night. God, it seems like it's been forever since I've been in her arms. I've been without her for so long...and her bed is just so damn comfortable. Anyway, I couldn't sleep...obviously. I had heard what Brian had asked her and just like my faithful Kayci, she replied with what I wanted her to. I know she won't betray my trust. She's not like the guys. Well, for obvious reasons she's not like the guys but it's because of her trust that she's different and she doesn't hassle me either. As soon as I told her, she didn't want to run off and tell the guys. She only listened. If I had told Brian, the first thing out of his mouth would be, "We have to tell the other guys!" And I didn't want that. Not now, not ever.
As soon as we had gotten home, well Kayci's house, we had gotten a message from Kevin. He said that he had broken his leg worse than he thought before and that they had cancelled the rest of the tour! I was definately one of the happiest men alive at that moment in time. But I didn't let it show. Of course I was a little dissapointed, but the rest of me was so happy. The next tour would start in about four to five months. Possibly three. And we still had rehearsals, of course, but they were only about ten minutes from Kayci's house. More time with her. I plan on spending every damn second that I can with that woman. I want to make love to her like we used to. Everything used to be so passionate...it was awesome. I just miss her so much.
I looked over to the clock. One thirty. I turned over and strained my eyes to look at Kayci in the dark. She had her head on my shoulder and her arms around my stomach. I just slightly sat up, put my arm around her and moved her more onto me. This is better, but I still don't know how to get to sleep! I attempted to roll over but I felt something in my pocket. My wallet maybe? No, it's on the nightstand. Oh, I know what it is. I reached down into my pocket and emerged with a ring box. I wanted to give it to Kayci. Well, I am awake, but she looks so peaceful asleep. I smiled to myself and put it over on the nightstand. I made a mental note that I was going to give it to her, rather ask her to wear it, tomorrow.
**Kayci**
I sat up and tried to block my eyes against the sun coming through my window. I looked down at Nick. I'm glad that he finally got to sleep. He had been awake all night long. He thought that I was asleep, but I wasn't. I gently got out of his arms and kissed his forehead. I stretched and looked over at the nightstand. There was a gray ring box on the nightstand. Did I leave it there? I can't remember. I walked over to the nightstand and touched the box. I picked it up but saw Nick begin to stir out of the corner of my eye. I shrugged...I must have left it here...sometime. I put it in the drawer and sat down on the bed. "Hey baby."
He looked up at me. "Hi," he barely mumbled.
I just had to laugh at him. I didn't mean to! He just looked so...funny! "Get any sleep, Nick?"
"Yeah. I got plenty of sleep."
"Lier! You tossed and stared at the ceiling all night long!"
He gave me an incredulous look. "Wait...but how...but-"
"I was awake." I burst out laughing.
He sat up and touched my face. "God, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't sleep. I...I just had a lot on my mind. I thought you were asleep...I didn't mean to wake you up."
"No you didn't wake me up. You just kept me up!" I laughed.
"I'm sorry." He paused and then laughed. "Our first night together in a long time and I kept you up all night."
"And we weren't even doing anything!" His mouth dropped open. I laughed again and quickly kissed his forehead. "I'm gonna go make some breakfast. I'm hungry! And I'm sure that Brian, and A.J. and Jessie are too."
"They're here?"
"Don't you remember? A.J. was too lazy to keep driving so they all crashed here."
"Oh."
I walked over to the door and turned around. "What do you suggest I make for breakfast?" I looked at him and then I could feel my mouth drop open. "Oh Nick...God, I'm sorry. It's just that-"
"No, it's okay. It's still really early in the morning and you know that I never eat this early anyway."
I nodded. "Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go check on the troops." I gave him one last look and then walked out of my room, closing the door quietly behind me.
**Brian**
I saw Kayci come into the kitchen. Hallelujah! I was so sick of A.J. whining that he was hungry. But Kayci looked awful. She looked dead tired. I wondered what she and Nick were doing all last night..."Good morning, Kayci. Sleep well?"
"Good morning guys," Kayci replied. "Actually no. Nick couldn't sleep at all last night. He had...a lot on his mind."
"Oh-"
"Kayci, I'm hungry!" A.J. whined.
She laughed at him and lightly smacked him in the head. "Why don't you make breakfast then?"
"Because I don't know where anything is?"
"A.J., you're such a bad lier."
"Okay, well...I'm just too lazy!"
"Ah the truth comes out!" I added.
Kayci sighed and rolled her eyes. "What would you guys like me to make for you?"
"I want waffles!" A.J. said.
"Eew," I replied. "I want pancakes." I could already tell that A.J. wanted to fight about it, but good old Kayci, stopped the fight before it started.
"How about I make waffles and pancakes? I know that me and Jess like both of them."
"And we all know that Nicky will eat anything," I said and laughed. A.J. and Jessica laughed too, but I watched Kayci's expression. She didn't laugh, nor did she even smile. Maybe she was just still tired. She's always a basketcase in the morning.
"Where is Nicky anyway?" A.J. asked.
Kayci poured the pancake batter into the pan. "Well A.J. using my powers of deduction, I would say that he is still in my bedroom." Everyone laughed at A.J. "And you better not let him hear you calling him Nicky, either."
"You call him Nicky sometimes," A.J. protested.
"Yes but I'm special."
"That's because Nicky's getting laid." A.J. laughed. He was just joking...kidding around.
I saw the spatula in Kayci's hand drop and she spun around. "Laid? Excuse me A.J.? Is that what I heard you say?"
"I was just joking around Kayci!" A.J. said sincerely.
Kayci turned to me and pointed at the stove. "Brian, will you watch that please? I have the sudden urge to go get laid." Kayci turned and headed out of the kitchen, but as she was, Nick came flying around the corner and ran right into her. "Nick? Hi," she said, rubbing her forehead.
"Hi," he said quickly. "Kayci, where's my ring...pen? My ring-pen! I left it on your nightstand last night. Now it's gone!"
"Nick, jeez, calm down. I don't remember seeing any pen. But if I moved it, it would be in the nightstand drawer."
"Thank you!" With that he ran out of the kitchen.
"Yikes," I commented.