Stop The Violence
Find out why. Find out how.©
This site was written and designed by Rachel Miller unless otherwise noted. These were her words, her experiences, and her vision. This site is now maintained a friend, since Rachel was murdered in April 2000.
Stop The Violence
Note: Abuse does not discriminate. The messages presented
are for everyone who needs them, men and women, adult and child. Having
only personal knowledge of abuse against women and its corresponding
research material available to me, this is the sole reason the bulk of
this site mentions abuse against women more. For links to battered men sites, click here. As more links and information become available to me, they will be listed here also.
There is a secret war in America and around the world, and in it
millions of our citizens are held hostage, beaten, threatened and
Statistics show that a woman is battered every 15 seconds in
the United States alone by an intimate- someone who promised to love and cherish
her. That's two
million women, each year, who are battered or abused by their partners. Even more frightening is that every day, four women lose their
lives to violence perpetrated by a husband or boyfriend, an estimated 1/3 of the women who are abused.
murdered are not the only ones who die. One in four women who commit
suicide are the victims of Domestic Violence.
Are you as outraged as I am about these documented, undisputed facts as
I am yet?
How about this? Are you aware that there exists 3 times more animal
shelters (approximately 4300) than battered women shelters
(approximately 1500)? Still wondering why women and children are turned
away at shelters due to overcrowding? That's why. There aren't enough
shelters for them to seek help from.
Consider this fact by the American Medical Association: One in four
women will fall victim to Domestic Violence in their lifetime. That's
staggering. Think about it in real-life terms. Imagine that one of four
of your women friends, relatives, and neighbors is a potential victim.
That's pretty upsetting, isn't it?
What is battering? Battering is the establishment of
and fear in a relationship through violence and other forms of abuse,
and a series of behaviors including intimidation, threats,
abuse, isolation, and to coerce and control another person.
is the single most common cause of injury to women, more than muggings,
auto accidents, and sexual assaults combined. Battering is also a
criminal act of physical assault, battery, sexual assault, or other act
that injures or kills another person in a relationship with the offender.
Beyond immediate injury, Domestic Violence often leads to long term health problems: chronic pain, difficult pregnancies, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), physical disability, drug and alcohol abuse and depression.
Abuse is about power and control. More often than not, the abuse
escalates in a relationship. There are many facets of this abuse,
ranging from psychological abuse, to emotional abuse, to economic
to sexual abuse, to physical abuse, to legal abuse, to death.
The big question is always: Then why do they stay? Let's break this down for a minute. First of all, this is a
question based on a myth that women do stay. Not all do. Up to 75%
of those who report abuse have left.. permanently.
But that isn't the
end of their problems: Many are stalked, harassed and assaulted by
There are other women who have left only
to return. The average victim returns to the relationship 5-7 times before finally leaving for good.
The ones who do stay often do so because of a number of factors happening at once. They have been "conditioned" to feel helpless and hopeless- they have come to believe through various avenues such as battering or intimidation, to name a few, that they somehow deserved being abused and that they have to keep silent about what is happening to them. Some stay because they still love their partner on some level. And they stay also because they fear retaliation and death....and with good reason. More injuries and deaths occur while leaving and the following two months after leaving. One study says that one half of
the homicides of female spouses and partners were committed by men
after separation from their batterers.
Domestic Violence does not only occur in marriages. An average 28% of high school and college students have experienced dating violence.
What about children? Children are traumatized by witnessing
family violence and, as a result, are very likely to repeat the pattern
either by becoming a victim or an abuser. 75% of violent children have
witnessed violence between partners. Do you want this happening to your
child or children? I know I certainly don't. And think about this: 63%
of the young men between the ages of 11 and 20 who are serving jail
sentences are there for homicide--for killing their mother's abuser.
That's disturbing at the very least. Children are also 1500 times more likely to be abused. Reports show that 40- 60% of men who abuse women, also abuse children. Further, 70% of children are physically abused, 20% are sexually abused; 90% of children killed during domestic disputes are under the age of 10, half of those are under age 2.
Let's go beyond the effects of Domestic Violence on the family for a few seconds. Domestic Violence costs are astronomical in the United States alone. By astronomical I mean $5- 10 billion a year in medical expenses, police costs, court costs, shelters, and foster care. It costs the American workplace, on average, $3.5 billion in medical expenses, absenteeism, down time caused by absenteeism, and sick leave.
Do you see the ripple effect here and how widespread this is if we let it?
With the absence of hope, the victim has nothing and this is where, in
understanding abuse, common sense breaks down. Most people who have
never been abused can't understand why the victim doesn't see what is
happening to her and doesn't leave. Lack of knowledge on this point is
massive and this has to change. Our society needs to throw all gut
reactions, common sense, and misconceptions out the window and leave it
there. Society needs to think the matter through or nothing will get
done and someone you know and love will get hurt or die. Most people's
concept of "normal" is vastly different from the Domestic Violence
victim's concept of "normal". Never, ever, force your concept of
"normal" upon a victim or you will push her farther into her ordeal and
you become part of the problem and not part of the solution. Abuse is
not, I repeat, not their fault and to think otherwise or
tell a victim otherwise is a collossal injustice in trying to help or
part of the solution.
Every battered woman stands alone, isolated and without a support
in place. We must become a world of people who understand this kind of
violence or nothing will get done. It's not somebody else's problem or
someone else's responsibility. It's mine, it's yours, it's your
lawmaker's, it's your community's.
Everyone wants to know: Why do men do it?. The answer is, I
know, but what I do know is that when you start trying to figure out
what makes these men tick, you enter a realm so foreign to normal
experience that you are taken aback. You find handsome men, intelligent
men, successful men and everything in between. But you discover that
these batterers have another personality, so to speak. Abusive men are
masters at projecting a public face so far from what they exhibit to
their loved ones. Their public face is characterized by charm,
tenderness and warmth but behind this public mask hides an extreme
danger to his loved ones. We have a difficult time understanding men
beat and sometimes kill their wives or girlfriends--or their
children--because they violate our sense of normal decency.
This is the exact reason why what happens behind closed doors is not
none of our business, for behind those closed doors could be your
mother, your sister, your daughter, your friend...even you.
Okay, so let's talk about solutions now. The solution is that we
learn about Domestic Violence, recognize it when it happens, and help
the victim find a safe way out with a Safety Plan. Reading sites such
this and getting angry is a start but it isn't enough. This site is
simply a guideline to saving lives. Read this site and share it. Check
out the links on here, read them and share them also. Research this
topic more and understand and share your knowledge with others; you
begin to help those in need simply by knowing how to help them.
Education is key. Education leads to knowledge and knowledge is power
and it saves lives.
If you want to do more, here are some suggestions:
1. Contact a shelter. They are in dire need of help. Volunteer your
time, as much or as little as you can manage. Donate to food drives and
clothing drives. Donate money if you can spare it to enhance programs
shelters designed to help battered women get back on their feet. There
is also the Nicole Brown Simpson Charitable Foundation who distributes
monies donated to shelters nationwide.
2. Get your community involved. This is a community problem and a
problem. This isn't a problem that exists in a fishbowl, folks. To learn how to stop Domestic Violence in your community, call 1-800-END-ABUSE and ask for information on what you can do locally.
3. Contact your Senator, President and other elected officials, via phone, fax or e-mail. When
some politicians get letters they think money and votes; many genuinely
care about causes such as this. And keep in mind that this November is
election time. Ask your Senator, State Representatives, and your President--officials whose job
it is to serve the public-- what can be done to save lives and what they
will do to change the way the laws are written. Did you know that in
most states that the police have to be called and make a report four
times before Domestic Violence is considered a felony? That's just
ludicrous and that has to be changed right now and these are the very
people who can accomplish that. Some states and police departments have a zero tolerance policy and Domestic Violence is considered a felony charge the first time. If your state is not among them, isn't it about time it follows the example of the states and police departments who do?
List Of All United States Senators
Contact your State's
Member of Congress
The President of the United States
4. Go to your local police department, your family courts, law
schools, and hospitals and ask for their brochures on Domestic
If they don't have any, ask why not and what they plan to do to get the
information out there. In these settings, it is their job and their duty
to their community to educate and do their part to help. Remember
education is key and it saves lives.
5. If you get a dead end, contact your local paper or news affiliate. The media is a
I would really hate to believe that we as a society are not more angry
that men, women, and children are being beaten, humiliated,
maimed, abused, living in fear, and killed every day, of every week, of
every year; that one more person has to get hurt or die because we
take a few minutes or a few hours of our time to save a life from being
destroyed as a result of abuse, or to save a family from anguish and a
lifetime of pain because they were informed their loved one was beaten
How ever way you found this page, I'm glad you are here, to educate and
to be educated. You and I are a powerful agent for change to keep more
men and women from being beaten senseless, and living in fear, and to
keep more children safe and free from witnessing this horror. Educate,
be educated, and make a difference. This is the very least we can do.
And this much is alot because it is the foundation of changing how we
think about Domestic Violence. The "Domestic" part of the term
Violence" makes it seem almost harmless but ask any survivor, any
victim, or any family member who has lost a loved one to this how
harmless this is. You won't get that answer from them. I make few
guarantees as a general rule. But this I will guarantee. From now on, instead of keying a term that makes this issue seem harmless by calling it "Domestic" Violence, let's just call it what it is: spousal and relationship beating.
This page is my way of opening the door to what is happening in America
and abroad and telling my story of survival. What is written here could
quite possibly save a life if we do our part individually and
In the time it took you to read just the text on this page, 38 women
were battered. How many more people have to be before we light the way
for those who may never know what freedom and happiness is? We must do
our part now.
This page is dedicated to those who won the battle--the survivors and
Angels on Earth-- who light the way for others; to those who cannot yet
make their voices heard--the victims; to those who can never again make
their voices heard--the Angels in Heaven above.
Domestic Violence Memorial Page
Memorial Site to Rachel and Tyler Miller
Rachel Miller's Killer Speaks
The words you read until now were Rachel Miller's before she was
She was attacked on April 13, 2000 and she died on April 26, 2000 from Domestic Violence at the hands of her
ex- husband, Bruce David Daniels. The family of Rachel Miller has
allowed the transcripts of his police interview and his plea hearing to appear here. The
below will take you to the transcripts, provided by and used with permission from
Rachel's family. It is difficult to
read due to its graphic nature and may be triggering for some people. It describes, in his own words, his actions that led to Rachel's death. Read at your own risk.
of Bruce Daniels Police Interview
of Bruce Daniels Changing His Plea To Guilty
Have You Seen This Child?
Domestic Violence Resources and Information
Do you need help?
Stop Domestic Violence Site
How An Abuser Can
Discover Your Internet Activities
State By State
Listing Of Pro Bono Programs
Violence Against Women Office
Free Legal Advice for Domestic Violence Victims
Domestic Violence Notepad
The Wall- Name your abuser
Safety For Women
Please click on a banner to visit these other important sites:
*This is an excellent resource site*
Tony Ciraolo's tribute to Rachel and Tyler Miller
Sign Rachel's guestbook: Make your voices heard
View Rachel's Guestbook
this site to a friend
To view all of the web rings this site belongs to:
Web RingsStop The Violence- Find out why. Find out how.