Top 30
Things I've Learned From Watching Porn
1. Women wear high heels to
bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman
10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted
masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but
rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when
men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with
ugly, middle-aged, pot bellyed men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when
giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A
blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.
10. All women
are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was
a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men
always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they
"high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double
penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18.
If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,the
boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in
his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a
woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap
on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always
pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman
is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt
is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look
pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock
there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a
blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling
woman's head and the other proudly on his hips. |